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Merriam Webster's definition: to be excited or emotionally stirred up with anger. Yep… that explains it.
I never know when a thought will hit me that is worth pursuing for an article. I love the challenge of finding parallels in thoughts and assumptions. “Seeing Red” has a duplicitous meaning for me. Not as much as it used to be, but still relevant, even today, and one I think you’ll find amusing.
I’m heading home, and although the traffic in my area is minimal compared to a large city, it can still cause me to string together a sentence of negativity towards my fellow drivers. Why is it that one carefree individual can cause so much duress to those who feel hurried to get to their destination? If you want me to see red, then by all means drive ten miles per hour under the speed limit with no means for those anguishing to pass having a way to do so. Nothing, and I mean this sincerely, causes me to lose my cool any quicker and with powerful emotion than in dealing with all the other less than perfect drivers. I am aware that I make my own share of mistakes and cause the same outrage with me to happen in others. This is the nature of driving. It is also the nature of being a crossdresser.
Besides driving (for me) this life of a crossdresser has been one of the quick emotional outbursts and bipolar impulses in the severity of the high and low. A casual drive that is relaxing can turn into resentment the moment someone impedes our progress. Sound familiar? I also doubt that there are two other activities that cause one to spend an exorbitant amount of time talking to oneself…
What I long to be is the driver who sashays down the road without a care in the world, unmoved by the opinion of others and content within their place in the world. Much like an aged crossdresser trying to explain to a younger one struggling to understand and accept this life and their place in it. Peace is magical, it is salvation, and it is generally just out of one’s grasp. When we think we have it secured, it shatters easily and becomes placed further out of our reach.
In either case, I find it hard not to see red. I’m better at both today than I was in the past. Accepting my crossdressing self is much easier than forgiving the two semis on the interstate, going five miles per hour under the posted speed, as one tries to pass the other for… 10 miles… I no longer see red and toss all of my clothing and accessories away, once punishing that part of me that is more important than I ever realized.
I’ve settled in one part of my life, becoming the acceptor of my lot in life, and finding value and rewards in doing so. Seeing red now is equated with my desire to present as a Scottish lass in long, flowing red locks and killer heels… The smile on my face is genuine. I enjoy being me, being free. If I could only get rid of all the other drivers and have the road to myself, life would be nearly perfect…
Is there some tidbit of grand wisdom in my thoughts? Simply this. Letting others evade our peace because of our self-defined perceptions is a bad recipe. I found a way to curb my anger when driving and I learned to calm the demons that tore at my soul and accept that getting there 5 minutes earlier isn’t worth dying over nor is figuratively cutting off my nose to spite my face… When I eventually die, the list of positives of being a crossdresser, transgendered, two-spirit, gender-neutral, or any other term will vastly outweigh the negatives. Someone might compliment me as handsome in my suit and tie, but it will never make me feel as good as when I know I’ve put together the perfect outfit, heels, makeup, accessories, and then complete it with the exquisite shade of red hair…
Until next time…
Be content, be inquisitive, and above all, be at peace.
Or the pick up truck that comes up to a foot of your back bumper even though your behind someone and can’t go any faster, but yes I agree completely as I have been derailed in my search for CD type of peace and equilibrium so many times.
I can relate Brina. I have turned into the little old lady that drives down the road with her blinker on, oblivious and without a care in the world. It's a state of mind and (at ease) mantra this protagonist worked into her life that allows me to enjoy her old age. You'll get there sis just you wait. Thankz for sharing Hun. Huggz Tia
oh, my gosh, girl!
I love this!
good job, love!
Best to just relax and go with the flow you are going to get to your destination a few minutes later.
I drove a big truck for over 40 years and dealt with that stuff on a daily basis.
Those kind of drivers are not worth getting mad at because you aren't going to change them. They will always be idiots.
And... I have been that idiot a few times. Kind of my point in retrospect. We can't change our surroundings or the actions of others only how we react! Thanks for the comments 🙂
Wow Brina. I love this article and agree with you 100%. As CDs, we need to enjoy life and have fun. You can't let others ruin your joy.
❤️ Tonya
I’m back I couldn’t sleep (and when having time will go and have some “happy dressing lol fun) or check on my sisters stories and comments I now retired truck driver and all these lasted years traffic gotten more worsening what it’s used to be 1/2 drive time was triple and driving all those years truckers learn to drive “minute at a time” I say this as one minute it’s almost a mile and when traffic slows/jams professional drivers are there to ease other drivers frustrations either a stalled vehicle fender/bender hazards on the road or helping remove objects and besides trying to get out of sudden traffic stopped by a hazard ahead even helping as well young new drivers to older people and yes all those years I had all kinds of situations drove local out of state and back to locally only (every city was same as here) and with every year new drivers as new sisters join our home site we have to teach them from A to Z I just which found I ways to interact with sisters while driving on highways by a sign a two letters in small caustically place on the bumper xd XF or XD sign to some how interact in traffic and calming those urges of getting home safe and sound for me when I started going out for a night drive I made sure all my lights were in good working order specially brakes lights night light and blinkers adjust my seat mirrors for lady mode and as I was in a regular male driver more cautious in a feminine manner drive I have so many stories I recall but this one it’s one it’s the one I always used to do I’m happy for all sisters getting accomplished their dreams and with all the tips and stories gets us help to relieve our daily tensions out there driving to and from work let’s remember for it is better in traffic to act as another sister is in a hurry to get home and get dressed in the meantime happy dressing Auroras Livingrem ps back to sleep time now
Auroras,
Thank you for all the comments and for the things you do to make life a little easier for others! 🙂
Well said Brina!!! Until I read this I didn't realize that I have been punishing that part of myself when I consider purging.
Thank you! The longer you have a chance to look back, the more you see about yourself and how being confused and unwilling to accept the female side made for bad decisions and made us miserable. A lot of it had to do with the fight against the female side and denying it. And as we know...females always come out on top...
Loved your article Brina. It is a very unique and interesting and unique way of describing our favourite hobby, especially as we age. Thanks so much.
Love,
Trish
Wonderfully done- Bravo !!...Luv, TERI
Hi Sabrina, your comments on seeing red with car drivers, and crossdressing, rings true for most of us. It is no different in Tasmania where road hogs just drive at 10 miles prh hour slower, or overtake in dangerous areas.
Some people we tell about our inner self accept it and remain friends.
Some react as if they are scared they might catch it. I have found peace as Jane, my beautiful wife as well is relaxed. A good moment to Cherish.
Love your articles.
Best Wishes
Jane
Y
Thank you, Jane. Good to know that driving frustrations abound worldwide. Also nice to hear that things are going well with your wife 🙂
Thank You for a great post. I'm a doctor and ha a patient who told me that he had done some traffic error and had to retake his drivers license and when he was doing the driving test he flunked because he was afraid to go to fast and then the policeman told him that he would have to take the test again because he was driving to slow and thus causing danger, I seldom laugh of my patient but this time I couldn't resist.
Great story. There are so many idiosyncrasies in driving. Drive in a parkway and park in a driveway. Are you speeding if you are on an entrance ramp to the interstate going the interstate speed versus exiting the interstate onto a ramp and slowing down? The one thing that is missing today with drivers is all the subtle ways we use to communicate. Flash headlights on and off to let someone know their light was burnt out,
Thanks for the comments!
one of my friend commented that he wish gasoline would end up around 15 dollar per gallon as this would keep a lot of cars away from the road, I almost agree with him.
