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As some of you may know from my past posts, I have been slowly introducing myself en femme at work since the beginning of the year. About 2 months ago, I started dressing full female (make-up, clothes, nails, wigs, etc.) every day. It felt liberating, exciting, and it simply felt right! Although I still had feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment (as we all do from time to time). A big stumbling block for me was not being honest with my wife and family. I was still keeping this a secret and hidden although it was becoming more and more difficult as I was driven to further explore living as female.
Well, I took the plunge so to speak and finally decided to let my wife know about everything. Many here told me that it was something I needed to do before she ''discovered'' things by herself. My therapist helped me prepare for this ''announcement''. I wrote a letter first to myself about what I wanted to say then I decided that I would read it to her to help me keep myself ''on track'' and not let my emotions take over. I never did finish reading the letter however. About two thirds of the way through, my wife couldn't take it anymore and walked out! The next two days were without exaggeration worse than the worst case scenario I had envisioned. The results of the next two days led to the fact we were getting a divorce, selling our home, and having to announce this to all my family members including my kids. Letting all of those family members knowing the reason for the sudden separation! To be honest, once I told my wife, telling my kids and family was actually a lot easier. It even resulted in much of a relief to me!
After 2 days, something amazing happened! My wife and I talked! It's as simple as that. My therapist had prepared me for this even though I was skeptical. She told me ''Your wife's reaction to the news may not be her final opinion on this news''. In other words, I had to give my wife time and space to ''react'' to the news so that we can figure out if she would accept it. We were both exhausted by all this emotion and simply started talking one night while in bed and she simply asked ''Why?''. Of all the questions she could ask, I had no answer to that one. I explained I didn't know why I felt the way I did and couldn’t express the reason why in words! I couldn't explain why dressing as a women gave me joy. I couldn't explain why I fantasized being a girl/women since my childhood days. All I could say is over the last few months, being dressed en femme at work had made me happier for a very long time. The next question was a lot easier to answer. ''Why didn't I tell her before?''. Fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and simply not knowing what to say since I couldn't understand myself why I was feeling the way that I did. We then began to discuss how we communicated as a couple. How we often stopped ourselves from sharing because of fear. She conveyed some of her fears (which I didn't know about) and how deep down, this news that I told her was contributing to her fear of loss. She felt she had lost me. She didn't...and she was slowly starting to understand who I really was. We continued talking throughout the night and haven't stopped since!
The next few weeks were better than I could have ever imagined! My wife recognized the pain I was in and the struggle I went through all these years by not being honest with myself keeping this secret of my thrill of cross dressing from her. She started understanding why I needed to explore this side of me to better understand who I was in order to finally be happy. She then chose happiness herself. Letting go of her fears and letting her love guide her and helping me better understand who I am. She started booking sessions for me for laser hair removal (something I always wanted to do, but was afraid the ''loss of hair'' would be noticed!). She went with me herself as well and we did this together as a couple! She booked me a stylist to help me choose clothes that better fit my build. She also contacted her work and asked to be an ally to the LBGTQ2+ committee. We have never been in love as much as we are now! We decided to fully go public with our journey and posted about it on each of our Facebook profiles. This came with some consequences as we did lose a few friends in the process. However, the vast majority of our friends completely supported us. I have never felt so supported and loved in my life!
Now don't think that this is all perfect! It's not easy. My wife still has fears and I do as well! And the fear is still real and still present for the both of us. She is still not ready to see me fully dressed or even see pictures of me while dressed as Stef. We decided my exploration would go at her pace. She wants to apply my makeup so she can feel part of the process and help me achieve my goal of looking as feminine as I possibly can. We compromise and respect each other's limits. However, most importantly, we are now totally open and honest with each other. For my fear, I now feel uneasy with all this support as I almost feel like I now need to reach a certain goal or I might disappoint people! I resist my fears as well and simply accept that I do not have a destination in mind nor do I have an itinerary in mind or timeframe. I simply know I'm on a journey and for the first time in my life I am not alone! There are millions of cross dressers across this globe and well over 30,000 members of this Crossdresser Heaven site!
When I first joined this forum about 3 years ago and read some ''good news stories'' about acceptance, I simply dismissed them and told myself “That will never happen to me!” My situation is different. My circumstances are complicated and yet here I am telling you Crossdresser Heaven members my good news story! This will not be your story. You will write your own. However, feel confident that at the end of your journey your happiness is waiting! It's just up to you to go get it!
P.S. As a ''gift'', my wife decided to play around with the FaceApp I was using to visualize how feminine I could be. She used one of our best pictures as a couple and modified my appearance to be more female while still keeping all my facial features. She is blurred in the picture to protect her privacy. She handed it to me and said ''We make a lovely couple don't we?'' I almost cried seeing us together with me as female. She is amazing and I've never been as happy as I am now!
Thank you all for taking the time to read my article and I hope this inspires many of you to open up and be honest with your wife or significant other in regards to your thrill of cross dressing!
Love you all!
Stef
Oh, How I envy you-- My late wife was very supportive(she was even hav ing fun with it) & we were going down that road of opening up completely--My job was the Only hurtle left--well-since she died & I have one income I'm more afraid than ever-
Hi Jane,
Terribly sorry to hear about your wife. Having that loving support certainly helps build confidence and reassurance. I'm not sure what type of work you do, and not all work environments are open and respectful...but I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your happiness. Good luck my friend!
wow what a mazing feeling. i know what you go through with wife knowing you dress up; my wife knows but will not see me or help with make up when i can dress up. wife have seen me getting dressed up and seen ne but will not let me sit in same room as her when dressed up. i feel happy and relaxed, less depression and less panic attack and the feel of female cloths are priceless feeling. they fit better then male cloths. just wish woman would under stand the cross dressing world we live in and it might be a better thing for them to know it
I totally agree Lucinda! My wife told me that she is now happy to have someone to talk about fashion with and make-up etc. and I can finally be confident in being honest and let myself be interested in women's clothes...even if it is commenting about how it fits on someone else! But she is still hesitant in seeing me dressed up so I know that she also has her own barriers that have been ingrained in her as much as the masculinity was ingrained in me as a child. I just need to provide her more time to accept that gender does not define character and that I am still the same person as before...just happier! Best of luck!
Stef, I can say with joy just how happy I am to hear a story like yours. What a wonderful thing to happen in your life, to have the acceptance as well as the support. Many of us here can only dream of having both, I for one. Like many here, my S.O. accepts my dressing but will not have anything to do with it, how I would love to have her take me shopping, or suggest something to wear help with my hair. She knows it brings me joy when I dress and deals with me when I walk through the house in my bra and panties but how I long for the time if ever that she would say to me,"lets go shopping and find you a new outfit ". So until that time comes along I'll just have to shop for myself, I think that I might just do that after I finish this letter. Enjoy your life ahead Stef !
Sherri
Hi Sherri!
Retail therapy is always the best solution! LOL...but seriously...I do wish you the best of luck and hope that your SO will eventually feel comfortable enough to be involved in your passion. Fear has a way to obstruct love...but if you both can find a way to overcome that fear...love will find its way! Best of luck!
My journey is starting now Stef. Personally I thank you for your candour and honesty. All my fingers and toes remain crossed, that this journey I am about to embark upon is not as perilous a path as I have envisaged, internally worried about for many, many a year. Many inspirational trailblazers like your good Stef, have shown there is a way forward and we can be ourselves. A lot of women like you have inspired me massively to begin my CV own journey.
I hope you and your good wife remain together and wish you all the best for the future.
Wish me luck as I start out, one high-heeled step at a time I may add, along this rocky road to personal freedom.
From the bottom of my heart, your bravery and the courage you displayed have found true acceptance. This alone is simply awe-inspiring, amazing in-fact to both myself and I dare say, many others like me.
Right then here goes, along that trail to happiness, acceptance and simply being…
️⚧️
Thank you Mandy! I do wish you the best of luck moving forward (in those spectacular heels of course!). My recommendation...remember that this is a journey...one to appreciate and learn from, and not simply a way to get from point A to B. I was too focused at first at the destination thinking I knew who I wanted to be. Turns out, my journey told me otherwise and I learned about myself, my loved ones and friends. What I thought at first were setbacks...I realized later...were opportunities to reflect and guide this journey. I have no clue what my destination will be in the end, but the journey has provided me more insight and clarity (even when I, sometimes, preferred to be left in the dark). Sending love and best wishes! xoxo
Stephanie, that's a huge step forward, I'm so happy for both of you! You're very fortunate that you obviously have a wonderful wife who is willing to stand by you and learn with you as you walk through this journey. I wish you every success!
Hugs,
Holly
What a wonderful, well written article Stephanie, it brought tears to my eyes. I came out to my wife before we were married, I just couldn't take that big step still hiding my secret and I wanted to give her the chance to leave if that was what she wanted.
She still wanted to get married to me.
Fast forward 47 years...she is and always was a very black and white person, no gray areas and that has never changed. She tolerates me dressing but wants nothing to do with Trish. Although, it seems over the past few years, she seems to be mellowing a bit. She's not so down on me as she was and is finally believing it is not a competition between her and Trish. She even came home early last week and caught Trish sun tanning in her bikini. I thought she would go ballistic but she didn't. She was nice to me and even offered me chocolates that night. I don't think she will ever totally be accepting or supportive but that sure seems like a good sign.
I am so happy for you and your wife she sounds like a very special women and I wish you both the best as your journey continues.
Love,
Trish
Thank you Trish! So great to hear your story! You were very brave to come out when you did and provide your wife the space required for her to decide and time for her to accept. Your long lasting relationship is inspiring! All the best! xoxo
awesome happy ending. Glad to her your wife was open and willing to help you explore your dressing toegther. Wish more wives/SO's would take this approach.
Thank you for such a wonderful tale. How would your wife have not found out if you were already going to work dressed! It wasn't as if you were still in the closet as such!
I don't know your age but you look quite young. I think that just maybe your generation will find it easier as there is so much more out there about gender recognition and diversity. It's becoming more normal and accepted more in society as social attitudes change.
It was so different back in the day for Trans and crossdressers, to announce that you had a liking to wear womens clothes! Unthinkable. Although I say that the younger generation are more accepting imagine my relief when I began to come out and the acceptance I had from my generation and even my parents generation! It shows that attitudes can change.
I hope that you and your wife have a long and happy future together.
This is a good story with the positive outcome we can all dream of, I am very happy for you. I’m an SO weighing in for some perspective:
The key to this story for me was the confidence in which the author presented themself, the courage it took to be themself. It is the truthfulness, the honesty, the commitment to their real self that sets this CD apart. The author then takes ownership of having kept it a secret, honestly asking for forgiveness but still staying the course.
My advice to the Ladies on this forum, as SO of a CD who is refusing to fully own his CD needs, if you aren’t completely who you need to be, if you yourself don’t fully embrace and accept your duality, your friends, family, loved ones will never be able to adjust to you and learn and grow with you.
To use a football analogy assuming that your SO is scoring points in acceptance of your wishes and the equivalent to living authentically, you can’t expect your SO to make a field goal if you keep moving the goal posts.
Sincerely, Birdie
So happy for the both of you Stef. Hope your SO continues to be understanding, going with you to the therapist to help talk about these things may help. Don't be suprised if her attitude goes back and forth though. It was so good for you that the talk with the rest of the family went well. I can imagine that if that went the same as with your wife you would spiral down into a DEEP depression (it would for me).
Best to the both of you.
Cassie
Such a great story Stephanie! Keep the lines of communication open and take it slow and easy. And give your wonderful wife an extra hug & kiss - she deserves it.
Love it! So happy for you and your wife. The biggest take away for me would be the open and honest communication. Regardless of the topic of CDing, being able to talk freely and constructively with the one you love is soooo liberating.
Your are so right Jamie! Our relationship is so much better now...not because of me coming out...but rather that we are both making efforts in communicating...even if it is uncomfortable. We are better for it!
What a touching story. A road most of us are on and someday hope to get to that place your in. I am soooooo happy for you and your wife. Congrats so far.
Nice story Stef I told my wife after being married for thirty years we are coming up on forty years this July15. She was mad I had kept it from her. Our first year married she found a wig and was pissed I let her think I wanted kinky sex and that was the end of that. I wish 'I could have told her when I was in my twenty's I was pretty Hot in my twenty's, and I passed. Today I live my life as a woman most of the time I am happier, and she knows it and who is it hurting. We go places and make fun plans like crossdresser/transgender events, and we go dancing. Be proud and moat of all stay proud we only have one life, and you are living it right
Thank you Bobbi! I am so happy you found happiness...even if it wasn't in your twenties! You inspire me and will certainly look for opportunities to improve the relationship I am now in (I say now...because even though we have been together 9 years...it does feel like we are starting a new relationship...and it feels great!
