Should we tell?

Linda, I fought with that question for so many years. I still do and now it's become more pressing. When I came out to my wife in 2004 it was a disaster, she burnt my clothes in the kitchen sink. As time went by I could dress a little but had to wash my clothes separately. Then things got better to the point we would shop together. She would continue to be very accepting but then we always worried as to how the kids would act (daughter & son now in 40's) if I told them. Her doctors knew and would always say they'd support us if I did. That was encouraging for sure. It's been always me wanting to share it.

Like what you mentioned the question becomes - telling one can mean that person may have some issues with it and now having to share it with say their spouse. It can become really involved. My wife was always concerned that if I should die our kids might think she might be the cause or encourage it. A good concern but I'm sure it would never happen, and to put her at ease I actually wrote a letter stating how I've always felt and if anything she was so supportive. I also told her that if there was ever a need for her to share with someone else, I'd never have a problem with that and I encouraged her to. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and we've always been well respected.

Years go by till beginning of last year and we find out she has cancer. I immediately stopped all dressing and purged my wardrobe and grew a beard which she always loved. About June and things were going somewhat well I began to dress again and she said that I always changed for the better when I did. November we got the news that the cancer spread and there wasn't much time. Stopped dressing again and she passed last month. The was a blessing to me in so many ways after 54 years, 50 being married.

Now, the meat of my writing. I've started dressing again, bought a new wig, got some enhancers and shaved my body today. I'd always shaved every year, for a decade, from Nov to March and it would grow it back in time for swimming and the summer so the family wouldn't know. I'm now torn about telling my kids with the explanation that mom would've accepted it and she always helped make me feel so great over the years, and now dressing seems to be a good way to get through my grieving process, knowing she'd understand.

I know this is happening fast and I'm trying to do my best reasoning. I met with one of her doctors last week and posed the question to him. An answer was posed as a question "Does anyone really need to know everything?" My answer was "well, all I was thinking was I just wanted the kids to know how much I missed her and just one of the big reasons why". For me it is a deep reason and who I really am. I have another appt. end of February!

Geeez Louise ... I can't believe I've written this but I seem to feel real comfortable here and can share?? I'm all eyes, ears and whatever comes this way. Whew.

Linda, I fought with that question for so many years. I still do and now it's become more pressing. When I came out to my wife in 2004 it was a disaster, she burnt my clothes in the kitchen sink. As time went by I could dress a little but had to wash my clothes separately. Then things got better to the point we would shop together. She would continue to be very accepting but then we always worried as to how the kids would act (daughter & son now in 40's) if I told them. Her doctors knew and would always say they'd support us if I did. That was encouraging for sure. It's been always me wanting to share it.

Like what you mentioned the question becomes - telling one can mean that person may have some issues with it and now having to share it with say their spouse. It can become really involved. My wife was always concerned that if I should die our kids might think she might be the cause or encourage it. A good concern but I'm sure it would never happen, and to put her at ease I actually wrote a letter stating how I've always felt and if anything she was so supportive. I also told her that if there was ever a need for her to share with someone else, I'd never have a problem with that and I encouraged her to. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and we've always been well respected.

Years go by till beginning of last year and we find out she has cancer. I immediately stopped all dressing and purged my wardrobe and grew a beard which she always loved. About June and things were going somewhat well I began to dress again and she said that I always changed for the better when I did. November we got the news that the cancer spread and there wasn't much time. Stopped dressing again and she passed last month. The was a blessing to me in so many ways after 54 years, 50 being married.

Now, the meat of my writing. I've started dressing again, bought a new wig, got some enhancers and shaved my body today. I'd always shaved every year, for a decade, from Nov to March and it would grow it back in time for swimming and the summer so the family wouldn't know. I'm now torn about telling my kids with the explanation that mom would've accepted it and she always helped make me feel so great over the years, and now dressing seems to be a good way to get through my grieving process, knowing she'd understand.

I know this is happening fast and I'm trying to do my best reasoning. I met with one of her doctors last week and posed the question to him. An answer was posed as a question "Does anyone really need to know everything?" My answer was "well, all I was thinking was I just wanted the kids to know how much I missed her and just one of the big reasons why". For me it is a deep reason and who I really am. I have another appt. end of February!

Geeez Louise ... I can't believe I've written this but I seem to feel real comfortable here and can share?? I'm all eyes, ears and whatever comes this way. Whew.

Thanks for sharing.
I am firmly in the don't tell category. Like you, I have been dressing for a very long time and find keeping it a secret the lesser of evils. These days I am struggling with this secret. I am sure their is an ebb & flow to the emotions...

Peace
Emily

Thanks for sharing.
I am firmly in the don't tell category. Like you, I have been dressing for a very long time and find keeping it a secret the lesser of evils. These days I am struggling with this secret. I am sure their is an ebb & flow to the emotions...

Peace
Emily

Thank you Linda for sharing. I don't want to burden any family members with my secret, cd'ing is for my benefit only! Yes, not having to worry of being discovered would be the only positive with me telling the wife or immediate family. To shift the burden onto them, IMO, is somewhat selfish. However, I appreciate the support and understanding from the like minded ladies in the CDH community-thank you ladies.

Thank you Linda for sharing. I don't want to burden any family members with my secret, cd'ing is for my benefit only! Yes, not having to worry of being discovered would be the only positive with me telling the wife or immediate family. To shift the burden onto them, IMO, is somewhat selfish. However, I appreciate the support and understanding from the like minded ladies in the CDH community-thank you ladies.

Well after reading other comments on Linda's dilemma, seems like it is a very common problem that we, including myself, wrestle with most of the time! However with myself, which has been going on for near 50 yrs-cant believe it??? I feel good and so complete when i assume the person on the inside on the outside also!! Had a like minded friend three years ago and we were so supportive with each other, we went out enfem many times, but then she had to move to La, and that was a breakup that sent me back into the closet! Still looking for that new fem-mate to again enjoy the real me! --Allanna

Well after reading other comments on Linda's dilemma, seems like it is a very common problem that we, including myself, wrestle with most of the time! However with myself, which has been going on for near 50 yrs-cant believe it??? I feel good and so complete when i assume the person on the inside on the outside also!! Had a like minded friend three years ago and we were so supportive with each other, we went out enfem many times, but then she had to move to La, and that was a breakup that sent me back into the closet! Still looking for that new fem-mate to again enjoy the real me! --Allanna