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More about the open door later!
Last summer, I finally acquired enough courage and came out to my wife who I suspected had her suspicions over the years in regards to my secret of cross dressing. A couple of years ago, she found a receipt for the first dress I had ever bought! However, she never said anything about it! Before telling her, I was so wound up and apprehensive. In fact, I can admit I was scared stiff!
We have been together for over 35 years and I was so worried this revelation could very well end it all! So, while shaking like a leaf, I found an opportunity to come out of my closet and out I came! After a couple of hours of talking, intersected with a lot of long pauses, she confirmed she had had her suspicions of my cross dressing for quite a long time. She also told me she had done a lot of research and reassured me that she now understood a lot about the subject of cross dressing and wasn’t about to leave me because of it.
Since the day of me coming out, rather than talk more openly about my crossdressing, it never got mentioned again which was probably due to my reluctance to bring the subject up. That is, until a couple of weeks ago. We were chatting about our New Year’s resolutions and she asked what mine were and after listing the normal ones like sort out the garage, paint the house, do more exercise etc. I just dropped in (from nowhere) that I wanted to find the courage to be more open about “the other me”.
I could hardly believe my wife’s reaction which was incredible! She said “well, let’s talk now” so we did! It turned out she’d been waiting all this time for me to say something as she didn’t want to put me under any pressure by starting the conversation. We talked about many things and about what would be acceptable to both of us.
She said that although she accepted Stephanie was an important part of me, she felt at this time she didn’t want to meet her personally. However, she would make sure I had more time alone to be Stephanie. I also mentioned that I hated hiding my “stuff” away in the garage as it made it feel like a dirty secret! To my surprise, she suggested that I move it into my own wardrobe. I can’t express how this made me feel! In addition to me blushing, I was also speechless!
So back to the title of this article - metaphorically speaking the door is my closet door which I have been hiding behind for around 45 years. Now, I’m standing here with it wide open and I’m looking out with mixed feelings. When I say mixed, what I really mean is that I feel Stephanie has been let off an invisible leash! Now she’s finally free to go out into this brave new world. I’m also feeling like a child in a sweet (candy) shop who’s been told they can have anything they want!
It is now time for Stephanie to step through that door to meet whatever life has in store for her! This has been such an incredible start to 2020! I would love to give thanks to you all you wonderful ladies at CDH. Without your kind friendship and support over the last year, I would never have had the courage to open my door!
With Sincere Love, Stephanie xoxo
Thank all of you CDH readers who took time out of your day or night to read my article! And now, if you would have a few extra minutes, please feel free to respond to any of the questions I’ve listed below:
- Have you girls come out of the closet to your wife or SO? If so, how did “The Talk” go?
- Was your wife or SO accepting of your thrill of cross dressing or not accepting at all?
- If your wife or SO was accepting, what are the limits she has placed on your cross dressing, if any at all?
Stephanie, thank you for sharing that with the rest of us. Wow, what a lot of progress you've made, and it must be nice not to have to hide like before!
What a great start to the New Year as well, and I hope you make great strides forward this year.
To try to answer the questions.
My wife always knew I dressed up a bit, sometimes using her clothes as I didn't have much of my own till more recently. However it was only occasionally, like a few times a year, and she was fine with that. This must of gone on for perhaps 25 years or more, and from time to time I'd wondered how it would feel to get totally femmed up, with proper clothes, underwear, wig, and makeup.
It was in 2018 when I decided I needed to dress up more completely, and then wanted to go out en femme that she became a bit unsettled. However I let her have some time to think, and of course we talked about it quite a lot, and she became fine with the "new me". I also explained that I hadn't decided to be gay, and that I still very much wanted her, which helped her feel more secure. Unfortunately there is a perception that men that crossdress are all gay, which is of course not true.
As a community, I wish that perception about us could be changed.
We don't really have any hard rules about my dressing, except I know she likes to have "her man", so I don't dress too much with her around, but she has no problem seeing me totally done up. She even helps me dress sometimes.
She doesn't have a problem with me sitting for an evening watching television with me in femme mode. The one thing we do agree on, is that I'm not telling our adult children, or other close friends and family about Amy. There may come a time to open up about Amy to my kids, but I'm not yet ready to do that. My children I'm pretty sure would be good with that, but there are some other family members that will be less understanding, and accepting, based on comments they've made in the past. However, one never really knows the reaction until you actually do it.
My wife has also been out with "Amy" a few times. The first was last year when we were invited to party hosted by one of my new CD friends, and her/his GG partner. This was a garden parry at their large and private place in the country. Though nervous, my wife quickly met everyone, and then became comfortable. Some of these folks have become good friends! Now she comes out with me from time to time when the group (CD's and TG's) meet for dinner in a public restaurant.
The one thing she hasn't done yet, is go out shopping with me, girlfriend and girlfriend.
Though we do shop together for clothes, only I'm in drab. I have said to her I'm sure some of the staff have figured us out, as I actively look and shop, unlike most husbands you see in stores with their wives, who simply are standing and waiting for her to finish.
Thanks for reading!
Amy
Hi Amy
Sorry it’s taken so long to reply, work and life has been mad this week!
Just wanted to say a huge thank you for reading and commenting on my article, it’s been a strange last couple of months but I’m not rushing anything and will let things unfold naturally.
Thank you again and take care
Love Stephanie xx
Dear Stephanie,
I have identified as at least partly a girl since I was about six years old and started crossdressing at age twelve, secretly wearing my mother's skirts and dresses. Growing up was a bit awkward. In school l was mostly hanging with a group of girls and considered me one of them. Simultaneously I had a deep and long crush on a girl in my class all from kindergarten into high school, where we finally went our separate ways.
26 years old l met an almost nine years younger girl on the brink to womanhood, that was in time going to be my wife, in the youth choir in church. Three years later my flat mate moved out and my girlfriend moved in with me after New Year. We were engaged later in spring and married nextcoming summer. We were the same height and similarily built and almost from the beginning I was into her clothes. Even our shoe size was the same, both of us being about US 8 women's. After about two years of marriage l decided to tell her about my love of dressing as a woman.
One day as we were preparing to go out, I hastily dressed in a bra and panty set of hers, stuffing the bra with some socks. I then put on a knee length black pencil skirt and a white blouse with pearl buttons together with her only pair of heels, walked up behind her at the door and asked 'shall we go then?' Imagine her surprise!
Though she never embraced my dressing and wants nothing to do with "that other person" as she refers to Marianne, we have had an understanding that I could dress up in my own set of clothes and do what I liked during my frequent trips and hotel stays for work, as long as I was being discrete and faithful to her. And I never thought of betraying her love for me with someone else.
For about 15 years I stayed in the closet, but in the fall of 2012 l started going out as a woman, first in safe distance from my hometown, but with increasing skills and confidence l soon started going out also around my home and work place, including commuting en femme in the early mornings and changing back at work. Since 2016 I have slowly come out as a transgender woman to family and colleagues. Most support me and l do now wear almost solely female apparel at work, though still presenting male. My lifelong wish to live as a girl/woman seems to lie within reach, but sadly my wife has declared that she cannot see herself married to another woman and though wanting to be supportive could not stay with me through a transition. Yet she asked me to find a therapist to talk to and decide how I am to live my life, and I am presently on the waiting list for a gender identity evaluation at the Anova clinic in Stockholm.
Ellen Marianne Tornander
Hi Marianne
Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my article and sorry it’s taken a while to reply.
Everything here is still quite raw in a way but I know it will settle in good time. My wife is very understanding but I know she is hurting on the inside.
Thank you for sharing your story and I dearly wish you all the best as you find your way with Marianne, you are so brave.
Take care love Stephanie xx
Hi Stephanie thanks for sharing your story with us x I'm so happy for you that you're wife has accepted you and given her blessings and you don't have to hide your fem side in the closet anymore, I'm still in the closet to my wife and family as I'm not as brave as you, I've been hiding my fem side for so long from my wife that I think she would feel like I've betrayed her with not telling her the truth about me, i think i should have told her before we got married then she could have decided if she would marry me knowing about Rozalyne, it's a question I've been asking myself for years but to scared to ask her xxxxx
Hi Rozalyne
Thank you for reading my article and posting your comments, though my wife accepts Stephanie she has no wish to meet her in person I guess this may change in the future but I’m not going to push this I’ll let it take a natural course.
Thanks again for your comments and do take care
Love Stephanie xx
Congrats Stephanie! Both on gathering the courage to open up and i your good fortune in having an accepting/tolerant spouse. My ex was NOT accepting or at all tolerant and eventually we divorced not solely because of Cyn but that AS a large part of it. Be patient in going through the open door. Give yuor wife time to adjust and accept each step you take. Wishing you every happiness as you step out in 2020.
Cyn
Hi Cyn
Sorry it’s taken a while to reply back to you on my article work/life just got in the way this last week.
I know I’m very lucky that my wife is understanding to her limits and I’m not going to push things!
One thing I marvel at with many of the articles I read her on CDH is that even though they may appear to be similar ever one is a very personal story in its own right and the writers are so passionate and open about their own situation, this is all down to CDH and and knowing they are safe to come out and not be judged or ridiculed.
Lots of love
Stephanie xx
Hello Stephanie! Congratulations on your "coming out" and the support you have from your wife! You must feel very relieved. When I shared my cross dressing and other me with my wife; she became my ex-wife! This, however, was a blessing for me to be on my own and present the "real me" to the friends around me who are very supportive! I can't wait to hear when you and your wife go out together for a "girls night out" or lunch etc. I am happy for you and wish you well on your journey!
Hugs,
Michelle
Hi Michelle
Thank you for reading and posting your comments
It is such a fantastic feeling to be free at last. At the moment my wife has no desire to met Stephanie in person but this may change in time, I won’t risk pushing this on her but let it unroll naturally.
Loads of love
Stephanie xx
Fantastic result Stephanie , my wife is totally accepting of my gender fluidity & gives me plenty of freedom to express the feminine me , she believes I'm a female 75% of the time now.
The full crossdressing makeover isn't quite as comfortable for her , she doesn't want to see me so nor put pictures on the internet. Although she also doesn't want to know my female name , she does call me Princess or wife - publically & privately plus does treat me as a female more often than not.
I go 4 times a year to a professional makeover service , every visit is always as enjoyable as the first time.
We're open & out about me/ us , people must accept me as I am plus my wife's decision to incorporate it into our lives , otherwise they are not welcome in our lives
Hi Tiff
Thanks for your comments and sorry it’s taken a while to reply.
It sounds like you both have reached a mutual understanding about Tiff, it’s all very new here but I’m sure things will naturally sort them selves out in good time.
Do take care
Love Stephanie xx
Thanks Stephanie , we have found the balance , like you mentioned it came naturally amongst the communication of what we both required ....like anything in a relationship - compromise
Thank you for sharing, Stephanie! I’m so happy for you and your wife! I have also come out to my wife, and yes we have established boundaries like yours. She doesn’t mind seeing my femme mode from time to time, but generally she appreciates it if i don’t do it while she’s home. We do talk about it pretty casually and without nervousness. We just have a funny little secret that we share together now. 🙂
Hi Kathryn
I’m glad you both have found a good place to be, it’s still early days for us but I’m feeling good about the future.
Thanks again for commenting
Loads of love Stephanie xx
Hi Stephanie, so glad to hear yet another success story about having the “talk” with the wife. My wife knew for years but we just really didn’t talk about it. Then, about 15 years ago, I finally came right out and told her I was a cross dresser. That is about the same time I truly became comfortable with myself. I am still a very private person and have not been out as a true woman. However, there are those androgynous outings and a lot more freedom around the house to be the full me.thank you for sharing your story.
In my case my now wife knew of my crossdressing before we ever met and dated. She had worked at a store I once shopped at. What I do with my wife is to never let my dressing be everything all of the time. I am very mindful of my wife’s wants, and desires and make I treat her right. There have been times where we might go shopping, with her the real focus as to why we are out, and she might say to me “I think Brenda would good in this” holding something up. I quickly tell her we are shopping for her, and not Brenda. I try to make her time just that. I suggest taking it easy with your wife, let her absorb things at her own pace. For you it’s a great step that all of your clothes are now in your closet and dresser, and she’s ok with that. It’s likely she may one day ask to meet “Stephenie”. It’s a typical married crossdresser’s dream to hear those words come from their wives mouth but it is a huge step on your part to take that step out in front of her. Once again don’t be pushy and she likely will be the one to ask to see your other self. Best of luck.
Thank you Stephanie for sharing your story. Im a 71 year old TG/CD. Im married 48 years with 5 grown children and 6 grandchildren. When I was married 10 years my wife found a woman's phone number in my wallet. It was another CDs number. That night I told her. We had 2 or 3 children at the time. My wife is a very strong catholic. I talked to the pastor at my wife's request. He gave my wife peace. I have struggled over the years with my femme side. To this day my wife hasn't seen me dressed. She will never accept my femme side but she knows that Terri will never go away. My keyword is balance in my keyword in my life.
Stephanie, I am sooooi happy for you sweetie. You and I are so much alike and hope I can draw from your story and your strength. I am coming closer and closer to telling my wife. We too have been married for close to 40 years. I have been dressing all of that time but more in the last year and a half. It’s a part of me that I no longer wish to hide. I too feel as if it’s a “dirty little secret” when I have to put Annie back in her metaphorical closet and hide all of her wonderful clothing, makeup, shoes and jewelry in the trunks of my car, particularly when we have three empty bedrooms that I could store Annie in.
We haven’t talked for so long but as I have said before I feel as if you are my sister from a different mister and feel close to you even though we are a world away.
I will be curious to see how much of a metamorphosis you and your wonderful wife undergo. Again, so happy for you.
Hugggs
Annie
Hi Annie (Siss)
I’m sorry it’s been so long, the later part of 2019 was not great for me, I was still morning the loss of my sister and the work situation was not good which me effectively being made surplus’s to requirements but at the same time being told my work was essential!! Anyway enough of that,
Thanks for reading my article, as you now know things have changed somewhat at home, I would be stretching things if I said it was all sweetness and light but things are better now Stephanie is more out in the open, although my wife doesn’t want to meet Stephanie she is making more opportunities for me to be the real me!
It’s great chatting again, it’s late here so I’ll say good night but will msg you in the next day or so.
Love Stephanie xx
Hey Sis....so glad to hear from you. I can’t image the loss of a sibling. Prayers to you. Wish there was some way to help. Huggs sweetie. Btw. I loved your article. So well written. Would love to talk to you more. Till later. Hugggs sweetie.
Love. Annie
So happy for you, you are very pretty, just about a month ago I was able to go out in public as Amanda and it felt wonderful, still need to work on my looks and fashion, but my wife who is amazing has been supportive throughout this process, I will have to say I am one lucky girl. Enjoy and stay beautiful!
Stephanie, you are very lucky. Married crossdressers I know who have come out often find an accommodation. It's not surprising that a wife has no interest in seeing a husband en femme. But with luck a realistic wife may be thinking to herself, "At least he doesn't play golf all weekend or spend days at a time fishing with his buddies."
Such a fabulous, life-affirming story! I am SO HAPPY for you. To respond to your questions, not so good here. My wife and I have had a few mini-“talks” over the years. She has accepted and allows me to wear panties daily, but does not accept anything beyond that. So, my things remain hidden wherever I can find space.
