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How far apart are your worlds?
Every workday when I get up, I get dressed into my company supplied clothes and the last thing I put on, before I walk out the front door, are my steel cap boots. And off to work I go, in my company 4x4 Ute (very manly these days). Sometimes I am wearing panties underneath, and occasionally matched with a camisole and if really cold like it is now I will wear pantyhose as well. Of course this is all well-hidden underneath the corporate drab. So I feel partly femme, but mainly a bloke, as this is the world I live in. This is where the confliction begins.
I am a manager in the auto industry which is totally male dominated and the only women you interact with are generally the office girls in the accounts department, whom I get on really well with. Most of the men that I work with are stereotypical males who are homophobic, sexist and bigoted, but pretend to be tolerant of everyone. But that is the industry, all macho and testosterone. I try not to fall into the same trap, but to be honest, I am probably as bad as they are, as I condone what they do by saying nothing. I have to conform to their version of society while I am at work, but outside of work I can be who I really am, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy my time as Marie so much.
Don't get me wrong as I do get on well with the team that work for me and we have a lot of laughs during the day, but quite often it is at the expense of someone else. The more that I am Marie, the less comfortable I am at work because we have different views on things and my Marie views are getting stronger. I don't know how much longer it will be before she starts getting me into trouble. With all the pressures that come with businesses these days and the corporate BS that I have to endure, I dare say that it will be sooner rather than later!
When I am Marie I am pretty much the opposite of my work self. My femme side allows me to be gentle, kind, nurturing, caring and it makes me feel good. Like really good. To the core of my body good. When I do a reasonable job of my makeup and hair I feel pretty and sexy, which is great for your self-esteem. Having your wife say that you look very sexy is also pretty good for your confidence. So overall, I am a better person when I am Marie and I like that person!
I just completed the gender quiz which was posted here a while ago and it said that I was 75% feminine. It is a personality quiz so I am happy with that. But just because I think like a woman, dress like one and try to act like one as much as possible, it doesn't help me in the real world where acceptance by your peers is never going to happen. So the reality is that I have to suppress my real self and conform to a world, which let's face it, is pretty messed up at the moment.
There doesn't seem to be a lot of conversation around work/life balance or the strain it can put on you emotionally. We all discuss what is going on with our SO's, family and friends, and the trauma that could arise should they find out about our crossdressing, which is very real to all of us, but for me the biggest issue is having to be someone I am not anymore. So hopefully if you are reading this you can relate to my predicament. As each day goes by I am disliking that side of my life more and more and I can't wait until the time when I get to walk away from it.
My wife is really supportive even though I know she doesn't fully understand why I want to be Marie, but she certainly understands the work side of my life so perhaps she is being more tolerant with me because of it. She was reading this over my shoulder last night, having a giggle as I typed with long nails on, hitting multiple keys at a time, and she asked did I really feel like that. “Yes” was the answer, so we had a talk about it and she can now understand why I feel that way. It certainly makes it easier to get though life having her support and love.
As she walked away she quipped, I go to bed with another woman in the house and I wake up with a man in my bed. I guess that sums it up!
So girls, to answer my question, how far apart are my worlds? I would say a million miles! How far apart are yours?
Thanks for reading my story and feel free to answer my question above if you work in a macho job with a bunch of macho men who you can’t ever expect them to understand your thrill of cross dressing.
Sincerely, Marie
Great write-up! Thanks for sharing!
Thank Krystal. I was interested in other girls work/life experiences to see if they were similar.
And I feel you were right on in so many areas. For me, it started as a fetish for heels and seeing them on the female form as such an attractive accessory. I just had to try them and loved how they made me feel and be able to associate with a woman by literally stepping into their shoes! It just grew from there with makeup, clothing and further emulation. For so many, it just seems like such a great attraction and appreciation of the female form, you want to experience it directly in so many ways. Would not want to go through pregnancy or anything like that however, kudos to all the genetic women who can carry a child to birth after 9 months and then become that mom, just amazing what strength and courage that takes alone! Anyway, love to express the feminine side and present what I can as an artistic crossdresser. Love thinking of new themes for pictures and trying new wigs, clothing, make-up etc. Just a fantastic thing to let that side out! Thank you again for the wonderful article and forgive me for this long reply! Take care! KC
Krystal, if you look back through time men used to dress in all sorts of ‘pretty’ clothes. It certainly wasn’t exclusive to women. So why not now?
Please don’t apologise for writing what you feel, no matter how long you think it is. I love a good read!
Marie xx
Thanks for sharing this Marie! Sometimes I wonder how many other “macho” men I interact with daily are also hiding a secret…
Hi Elizabeth. I watched a YouTube video once which said that 1 in 5 men have tried crossdressing. That maybe a bit high, but who really knows...
I fully understand. Kathryn brings out the qualities in me that make me a better person...not that my male side is not a decent fellow. Just embrace Marie and enjoy your life! Hugs, Kathryn
I totally agree Kathryn. I always treat people with respect as well, but sometimes you just have to join in the banter.
I used to work in the car industry and understand every word you have written, thankfully I've moved into classic car parts and mainly work from home. Giving me the possiblity of being much more like Syb everyday (dressed or not).
I went for a drink with some of the people I used to work with and they all noticed I was 'different', I just said all my customers are really chilled and it's rubbed off on me - a few 'funny' comments and we moved on.
Getting out of industry and the macho culture was possibly a reason in Syb finally making her break for freedom - if you can find a way you'll feel so much better.
It certainly is a tough industry. Glad you found a better way to still be part of it. I am going to ride it out for a couple of years and then retire.
Marie
That is a wonderful piece.
I work at a military firing range with 5 former Marines and a former Army officer and I'm a former Submariner that's the team then there are all the military users so I thoroughly understand the Macho surroundings, I wear panties at work but as i need to change tops occasionally so that's as far as I go.
The wife is currently unaware of my new fashion interest so I am not at finger nail and wig stage yet.
Thanks again for the write up/review
Take care.
Thank you Wilma. The military is probably the most macho of any career. Good on you for getting as far as you have and I hope you can take the steps that you want to.
Marie,
what a wonderful, thought provoking article.
although I am retired and presently not goin through the stress of balancing your feminine side with your “macho” experience at work.
my world is 500,000 miles apart as I balance Leonara with my male alter ego.. although my wife knows but is processing my revelation.
but has adopted “don’t ask don’t tell” . Since she prefers that she doesn’t want to see me dressed, twice a week plays cards with friends to affords me the opportunity to be me
I am miles apart from Family and Friends meeting Leonara…
Marie, thank you for sharing you experience with your situation at work
Regards, Leonara
Thanks Leonara. I am lucky to have a supportive wife who helps with the balance between work and life. She is the only person that knows of Marie and we have discussed telling our boys, but I am not sure I am ready for that.
Hey Marie, Great article. Being on the road each week I rack up the KM's so have to take the car in for a service every 2-3 months so get to see the male dominated Car Industry. I also often wonder as I have read that 1 in 10 males have or will crossdress in their life. Based on that there has to be a few in your industry that are keeping the same secret you are.
I visit many different customers each week and get to interact with so many different people. Although I do not know any Transgender people there are a few gay males that I interact with. They are no different to anyone else that I talk to in my working day. Like you, my view on life has changed over the last couple of years, I have gone from no really caring what someone did with their life ( as long as they are not hurting anyone or trying to force anyone to their way of thinking ) to now at times I will defend when someone laughs or makes fun of something they do not understand. You don't have to like something but if it is not going to be a factor in your life then really why should you care or have a focused opinion that you need to share with the world.
Absolutely agree Sarah. I have read some pretty horrible comments regarding the TG weight lifter that is competing at the Olympics currently. Some of these were from people that I know, and thought better of. Little knowledge is a dangerous thing! I don’t understand why people can be so intolerant and ignorant. Since when did the terms compassion and understanding disappear from society?
It is not even just about Understanding and Compassion. For most of us it has no impact on our daily life, people just like to share their opinion because it is so easy now. Personally, I don't really care, Someone else has made that decision to allow her to compete and for me to comment would be ignorant as I have no idea about criteria, process and standards required to be apart of this sport. My Grandmother used to say " if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all" and I think that speaks more volume than someone ranting on Social Media. Guess I am just old School
Thanks Marie! In much the similar situation with my work - complete opposite worlds. So good to know I am not the only one with this “balancing act” to manage.
Best,
Natalie
Definitely not alone on this, and you are right, it really is a balancing act at times. At least we have our friends here to talk to, to help with that balance.
Hi Marie, I can relate to this completely. I worked in a steel factory and my day started as you described to a tee and the guys at work same thing, the place oozed testosterone. The part that used to get me was when they would stand and berate gays and trans people and I could say nothing. Many times I wanted to tear a strip off a couple of them but I knew for my own personal safety and sanity to shut up. Your very lucky to have such a great wife. You should go wrap your arms around her and give her a great big kiss right now and when she asks what that's for tell her just for being you.
I work at a mine They put testosterone in our coffee here. Feminine dress or actions would be dangerous.
I dress at home only
Hi Caroline. It makes you feel really uncomfortable doesn’t it. I don’t like having to hide but I it is the safest choice.
It’s the only choice. I do however have my toes painted just so a little bit of Caroline is with me at work.
C
So I'm a union consruction worker In one of the largest city's in the world and when you say macho men the guys around me is that I work with a man whom showed up to work after getting shot earlier. If someone complements you there are considered gay sissy or weak! We are a ruff bunch of dirty assholes, but out of work I bath in all women's lavender soaps and facial creams and lotions, I wear soft lularoe women's clouthing and soft fuzzy women's pajamas I own ugg boats and love your Melon hats I got to the point that over half my clouths are female. I sleep in a complty pink canopy bed like a princess Ii don't use a comb I have a wet disney detangler, not a single person at works now this about me I change my clouths in my car before and after work because I drove about 2hrs each way. I hate wear steal toes, denims, highvise, and hard hats so the second I can take them off the second I do! 😉 !
Thanks for replying. It just goes to show that we come from all walks of life and most of us girls have a lot in common.
Take care.
Your article very much hit home with me. I have thought about this subject often when I covered in dirt, grease, and sweat. Such polar opposite worlds that we occupy simultaneously.
Have always worked in very male dominated work place's doing fairly manual work. I enjoy that type of work but wouldn't dream of revealing my feminine side at any of the place's I have previously worked. Do feel at odds with my two lives at times and would be impossible I feel to combine the two openly. Do wonder sometimes how many guys hide behind the macho image in public. Afraid to show any sign of being less manly.
I think that there is a lot more of us girls out there than we think. Hopefully they all find their way to CDH.
Same as you completely agree with your comments
