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Stepping Out - Beating the Fear: Part Two

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Lady
Topic starter
(@krisburton)
Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago
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Stepping  Out  -  Beating the Fear

By Kris Burton

Part II – From Theory to Practice/What I’ve Learned

Like so many of our persuasion, I have come to find that stepping out into the community en femme is a high point in my overall CD experience. In Part I of this totally unscientific study I applied the techniques usually associated with combating the performance anxiety that often plagues performers and public speakers to the challenge of a shy CD – myself -  going out publicly. After my brief and rather impulsive first try several weeks previously, I was anxious to see how it would go with my new attitude and approach.

As it turns out this second outing - my first real one as I now see it - was far more productive, instructive, and one that could be built upon. It was the middle of the day. I drove to the local mall and was very nervous parking the car. There were people all around! I sat in the car gathering emotional strength and then forced my skinny jeaned, suede booted, pink sweatered, long brunette wigged,  in light makeup to step into the light and walk to the entrance.  My self-consciousness was heightened. I was aware of every step. Still, it felt as if I was in a very familiar psychological territory. I was experiencing the natural “jitters” of live performance – good old-fashioned “stage fright”. I knew I could beat it. I forged ahead and eliminated all thoughts of turning back, turning those nerves into excitement of the moment at hand. As I approached the door to the mall, I glimpsed myself in the window. It was an image of a woman, and that woman was me. I was able to say to myself “You’ve got this!”

The rest was as exhilarating as any performance would be. I was able to walk through the mall freely, as I do when presenting as my male self. More experienced CD  friends had stated that the other folks at the mall would be paying little or no attention, and I found that to be the case. Still, I prepared to interact, at least on a limited basis, to do so.  I went about a woman’s business; I used the ladies' restroom and dressing rooms without question. In using just a lighter version of my natural voice, I was able to order my lunch without attracting undue notice, even being treated to a couple of “ma’ams” by the waitress. I had the door held open for me by another male customer. It was four hours, and I must say, I never had so much fun doing such everyday activities.

What have I learned? The experience was indeed similar to preparing for a performance, at least from my point of view.  My excitement was heightened as I chose to focus on what could go right as opposed to what could go wrong, which went far into reinforcing my confidence in a way my haphazard first experience did not. The comfort in my presentation and surroundings eased my self-consciousness, and it felt more like I “fit in” as the day progressed, just as you feel more comfortable on stage once you begin. This small, first step became a building block to taking on more challenging venues and wearing the dressier attire I favored. A fine restaurant, concert, or venue, would require more elaborate interaction, all of which have been done since.

I also learned that although stepping out publicly can FEEL like overcoming stage fright, it differs in a significant way – one that is actually helpful when you realize it. Unlike a stage presentation, you are not the focus of attention. Even though it may feel like every eye is upon you, in truth, those around you are more focused on their own dealings than yours. Unless you do, or wear, something that deliberately attracts attention, you should be able to walk easily through the crowd as you might any other time, just prettier.   Finally, realizing you can drop the hyper self-consciousness and the negativity it breeds can prove to be a confidence builder in itself.

Can your initial experience be made easier still? I think so. As any performer will tell you, it is much easier to take the stage as part of a group than a solo act. I found this is the case if you go out and about with another or several of your friends as well– and perhaps even more fun. Although it is more likely that you will be noticed, it is even less likely that you will be approached. Any self-consciousness you experience will be distributed among you. If you’ve ever played in a band or sung in a choir you know what I’m talking about.  Sheer numbers can breed security and confidence, and become a wonderful, shared experience for all to remember.

However, a warning: I have found that stepping out publicly is highly addictive! If you are like me you will find that after such success,  you’ll want to do it even more, just as performing onstage ignites a fire. You may find yourself inventing the need to go to the supermarket or take some nature pictures at the park en femme. I do that sort of thing regularly now and hope to find more opportunities to connect with others who feel the same way.

I hope you find my essay helpful in breaking through the barrier that may be holding you back. If you do, so many adventures lie ahead. They are yours to enjoy!

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Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@krisburton As I'm reading through this story, I can relate on so many points. The driving to the mall, the parking, the so many people around, getting the nerve to get out of the car and put yourself in view of all those people and the excitement and thrill of seeing your femme reflection.

I was so scared an nervous walking through the entrance, it's like I was in a trance of sorts. I didn't feel like running. I didn't feel like staying. I just walked through the entrance. Once inside I began looking around. So many people. Were any looking at me? if so, what were they seeing? A sexy young girl dressed like Daisy Duke or a guy dressed like Daisy Duke? I began realizing I was getting looks. No one seemed repulsed. Somewhere along the way my nervousness and fear turned into excitement and thrills. I couldn't believe I was finally doing this.

I walked around a lot, did some shopping, bought some things and just had an incredible femme experience. But I didn't want that to be a single time experience. I wanted to do it all the time. I did it as often as I could and when my nerve would allow. I got more daring and bolder. As I did, my excitement and thrill levels went up.

I found myself thinking of where I could go and what I could do. Sometimes it involved just driving around. Other times it was stopping to do brief errands. Get some food at a drive through. Get some gas, whether pumping it your self or interacting with an attendant. Dropping mail off at the Post Office, or just pull into a parking lot and return a cart to the store.

Just crazy ideas and reasons to be out femme. And those little things are nice between the greater and bolder adventures.

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Exactly Patty, and so glad you could relate! Once you break through the fear are out and about you will invent reasons to do it again. All of the usual activities you mention are great ways to keep in form between the bigger, more challenging outings - and you will want that challenge! Such is the nature of this wonderful addiction!

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Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@krisburton You're so right Kris. I think felt how you felt, doing and going through similar things you did. I preferred calling this addiction a hobby. But it may be more of an addiction.

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@krisburton 

"Focusing on what could go right" and "overcoming stage fright" are indeed good building blocks to developing confidence when you're out.

My experience has been that 'performance' gives way to 'life'. Going out becomes second nature. You do your business as you always have. The clothes become an expression of who you are. There's no act or performance to mentally prepare for. You're just being you. At the pinnacle of confidence. Most people pick up on that and react positively. People naturally gravitate to people that exude confidence. Passing doesn't matter. The world becomes your oyster.

Great article Kris! Thanks for posting!

/EA

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Emily - so glad you liked my article. I think you are quite right, the development of confidence in all aspects of life is key to success. Comfort in how you present yourself - in your own skin really - extends to confidence in other areas. THAT is where the real excitement begins!

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@krisburton 

Lovely article, Kris, and very relatable, particularly the "warning" paragraph at the end!

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

I'm so glad you enjoyed the article Jacqueline. The good news about this "addiction" is that it is harmless to you or anyone else, and could actually prove beneficial in many ways. It certainly has for me!

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Duchess
(@3s3eve)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Chicago, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 149

@krisburton thanks for sharing this. I have not pushed the envelope of being fully femme when out in public, but have only taken baby steps. Even those tiny steps have felt exhilarating and freeing . And each time, as you have shared,  seems to be a bit less anxiety-producing. I feel like I am building up to take the plunge (once I am more practiced at make-up and wigs......)

Your story is encouraging

Hugs

Evie

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

I'm glad you enjoyed the article Evie. It sounds like you are right on the cusp of taking the plunge.What thrills await you when you are ready!

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Lady
(@jwhite)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Fort Collins, Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 159

@krisburton Hi Kris,

You have surpassed article 1! I’ve taught seminars, both in person and virtually with over 1,000 participants, for over 30 years and recognized in your articles my experiences preparing and presenting the seminars. Now I need to apply my feelings from the seminars to my first outing. As my wife is getting more comfortable with my CDing and giving me advice I’m looking forward to my first outing. 

Many many thanks for sharing your terrific articles.

xxx Heart  

Jamie

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Glad you liked my article Jamie. Sounds to me like you are ready to go, and i hope my words help in giving you the confidence to begin your adventure outward - enjoy!

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@krisburton nice essay. I love wandering down memory lane. Hugs, Jillleanne

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Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1005

@krisburton 

Hi Kris,

Well I was waiting for part II and it didn’t disappoint.

There’s a lot in there that I, and a lot of others I suspect, can relate to.

I haven’t had the chance to meet up with others yet, but it’s certainly something I’m hoping to do in the future.

And yes, the addictive warning is very appropriate 

Lucy x

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

Posted by: @krisburton

Stepping  Out  -  Beating the Fear

By Kris Burton

Part II – From Theory to Practice/What I’ve Learned

The rest was as exhilarating as any performance would be. I was able to walk through the mall freely, as I do when presenting as my male self. More experienced CD  friends had stated that the other folks at the mall would be paying little or no attention, and I found that to be the case.

That is my experience, too. They can't see the forest for the trees. Most people in a crowd are busy with their daily life, family or friends, daydreaming, or their phones, so malls are pretty safe for CDs.

People with the biggest eyes are matrons who are people watching while resting on benches, and young children. The difference is that children are curious (what did I just see?) while matrons know exactly what is going on.

Presenting the way that you are in the top photo, Kris, you should be able to blend in very well.

 

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Lady
(@megankelly)
Joined: 4 years ago

Estimable Member     Vancouver , British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 73

@krisburton 

Hi Kris,

Having just gone out for the very first time this past weekend, I can relate 100% with what you experienced. People are very much uninterested in what others are doing and even if you are clocked they continue to carry on with their business. Thanks for the detailed account.

Megan❤️

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

@megankelly - Thank you Megan - I'm glad you could relate! I think that's one of the qualities that took me most by surprise when going out for the first time - how other folks were so in their own little world. We feel like all eyes are upon us, but they are not. That alone should put one at ease, and then when you get a door held for you or someone addresses you as ma'am - the confidence soars!

Kris

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5221

@krisburton 

What a wonderful article - thank you so much for writing it 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@melanieelizabeth)
Joined: 4 years ago

Honorable Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 502

@krisburton Ty for writing this article Kris, i identify with so much of what you have said. It does feel a bit like a performance at times Kris but after a while it does begin to feel more normal as my nerves settle. I hope to go to the mall sometime soon as Melanie, your article gives me a lot to think about before o go.  A really well done peice Kris

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Glad you like the article Melanie! A mall can be daunting but it's important to remember that people are not looking at you near as much as it seems. With June coming, some malls openly welcome the LGBT+ community for pride month. Might be worth checking out, and a good opportunity!

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Lady
(@candycross)
Joined: 9 months ago

Honorable Member     Queensland, Australia
Posts: 314

@krisburton thankyou for that read Kris, very inspiring article.  I enjoyed reading it .  Jane xx

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Posts: 431
Duchess
(@aliceblack)
Honorable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Kris, Enjoyed the second article as well especially your emotional takes as you were going out on this initial adventure.

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2 Replies
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Alice! So glad you enjoyed my article and I hope you could relate as well.

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Duchess
(@aliceblack)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 431

@krisburton I did, Kris. I did

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Posts: 1341
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I too have been 'out' and will do so again. I chickened out of using the ladies toilet because of a fear that if some woman was in there with her child, it is possible that there might be a hysterical reaction that would draw unnecessary attention to the situation. I use the disabled loos, at least for my first few outings. As I go out more and more, I expect I will become more used to being Rebecca and not think about the possible unpleasantness that probably won't occur. For now, I still think of myself as a bit of an impostor and the syndrome that goes with that, but I am hopeful that with time and experience, this will dissipate; stories like yours help greatly in this respect.

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Rebecca- I can certainly relate to your experiences as well. Once I got accustomed with being out I think using the public lavatory felt the most foreign. To this date I have not had a problem, but I guess if one is feeling uneasy about this a single use facility like you suggest is a good idea. I still would suggest using the facility for the gender one is presenting is the better bet.

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Posts: 1078
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Posted by: @krisburton

...I chose to focus on what could go right as opposed to what could go wrong...

↑ This a thousand times over. Well done and well written, Kris!

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Melodee! I'm glad this had resonance for you.For me this notion is probably the most direct connection between stepping out en femme and overcoming stage fright. Works in daily life too!

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Posts: 370
Lady
(@sf)
Prominent Member     SoCal, California, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Kris, Great article, good read. I have found my experiences getting out to be quite similar. Have fun... Staci...

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Staci - I hope many can see the similarities in their own experiences, or use these to propel themselves into creating new ones for themselves. No need to live vicariously - If we wish we can all do it if we adopt the right attitude.

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Posts: 1103
 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Noble Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Congrats on the going out milestone! I too have experienced much of what you wrote.

My ventures have been dressed from the neck down, looking male neck up and only changing my voice a little. I used to hide behind a Covid mask, but no more.

It is exhilarating, and addicting, yet scary and reflecting.

I enjoy getting small compliments, little smiles, little nods, hellos, and just feeling accepted in these ways. I've even had short conversations where a GG was curious about my attire or amazed I could balance in heels, or curious about what my SO thought. Always positive.

I enjoy just moving about without much notice, like it's okay to be me, like my difference in dress is not all that different.

I have felt fear though when a strange guy seems to be staring, or a group of teen girls are playing with their phones and I'm scared they're recording me. Usually, it was just me.

There was one time I did suspect someone was following me around a store trying to record me. I kept doubling back and walking fast towards them, blurring any attempt to record me. I kept sneaking up on them, trying to catch a glimpse if their phone screen in a game of cat and mouse. It was a stalemate, I proved nothing, they eventually left, peace restored.

It's an amazing experience going out. Good luck on your future ventures.... I'm absolutely sure you'll have more.

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2 Replies
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Lea - I'm glad you can relate to my article.

"It is exhilarating, and addicting, yet scary and reflecting" - so very well described!

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

Posted by: @lea-jhene

My ventures have been dressed from the neck down, looking male neck up and only changing my voice a little. I used to hide behind a Covid mask, but no more.

This is as far as I have gone out in public, too, mask included because of my risk. I would like to do more, but I haven't worked on that neck up thing yet.

 

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

There is so much there to relate to Kris and some very pertinent points to consider.

It's that rehearsing at home, getting the costume as good as you can, perhaps a few short runs then overcome the nerves.

 

Once the first act is completed you realise this will run and run....

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2 Replies
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

@ab123 Thank you Angela - and how very true! Once you have had a successful experience the nervousness dissipates and changes into excitement of the moment...and your wonderful addiction has begun!

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3446

@krisburton And of course it can get even better when it becomes second nature. It just goes from strength to strength...

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Posts: 139
Duchess Annual
(@tonya)
Estimable Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Kris what a great read and congratulations on getting out and about. Your article reminded me of my first "real" outing in public. And yes, it is very addictive. In no time you will feel just as natural en femme as in male mode.

❤️ Tonya

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

So glad you enjoyed the article Tonya! I think as stepping out becomes second nature you develop the ability to change the nerves you may feel into the excitement of the moment. That's where the real fun begins - keeping you coming back again and again.

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Posts: 70
Hostess
(@ellie52)
Estimable Member     Perth, Western Australia, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Kris. Ive been dying to read this as the continuation (part 2) to the very interesting part 1.
I wasnt disappointed, you have a great skill of writing engaging dialogue and I felt I was there with you - also it helps to be able to relate to my own experiences alongside what you discuss. I have a great fear of playing music in front of other people but I have done it in a duo situation a couple of times. I didnt really enjoy the experience as my nerves made my playing pretty bad, but dressing as Ellie and going out into the real world solo and with my wife was a similar experience with the nerves but I found that - as you mention, no one really cares or even notices as long as you dress appropriately for the situation. 5 inch heels in a supermarket will attract attention whoever is wearing them...Lol. In my case the nerves disappeared within 5 minutes (unlike the stage nerves which I couldnt combat). So thank you so much for a fantastic read, (actually I read it a couple of times so I didnt miss anything) and I hope, dear friend, that you continue to take these outings and update us on your findings - you are a true inspiration to lots of us and I am so proud to call you my friend. Ellie xxxxx

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

I'm so glad you enjoyed and can relate to the article Ellie! As an artist yourself you know how difficult it can be to break through stage fight - and you know going out en femme is easier for the reasons you cite. When those nerves disappear and are replaced with excitement - ah, that's the experience we all desire.For you, it may work in reverse - if you can apply what you have learned from your very successful CD experience to performing live, maybe you can enjoy that more too. Let's talk more about this my friend!
Kris

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Posts: 1118
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

It is an inspiring and encouraging article. I have experienced anxiety, fear, rejection. So I appreciate both of your articles, Kris.

Gisela

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Gisela - so glad you could relate to my article!

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Posts: 1230
Duchess
(@reallylauren)
Noble Member     Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Ladies, I can echo everything Emily Alt has said, she and I are both trans women, and stepping out has become a daily routine for us!  I will tell you that you will develop more and more confidence as you progress, to the point where that confidence is apparent to those around you and you won''t attract that much attention as long as you are dressed appropriately for the occasion.

Be brave, be bold, enjoy the journey and remember, girls have a lot more fun!

hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank you Lauren. I think the development of confidence and security in who you are is key to success in all aspects of life - and as I have found out, girls DO have more fun!

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Posts: 1062
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thank you Kris for putting to words, what I too have experienced going out. The overwhelming satisfaction that comes from going out and about, as a woman is incredible. It’s so gratifying to go out and do the normal things people do but doing them as a woman.
I can tell you that it gets easier every time.

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5 Replies
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

@robertaf Thank you Roberta - I'm so glad you can relate to my article. I think you are quite right, stepping out does get easier each time as it becomes part of your overall CD experience and as such second nature. When it does it allows you to focus on the excitement and joy of the moment , experiencing the world from a woman's point of view. It never gets old!

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Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 1062

@krisburton. In fact it can be addictive.

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Perhaps so Roberta, but it is one that is completely harmless - and for some like me, beneficial on so many levels!

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Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 1062

@krisburton Kris, just look over some of reply’s you have gotten on this. You may have helped hundreds of girls with your story. 
Thank you for for writing it so well.

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Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

Thank YOU Roberta! I do hope my story is something other folks can relate to, and I hope find helpful.

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Posts: 2111
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Kris -

Thank you for your article. It is informative and an inspiration to those of us that have not ventured out yet. I hope to do so some day and will use the information in your article to help put me at ease. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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1 Reply
Lady
(@krisburton)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 471

@cdsue Thank you Suzanne - I'm glad you enjoyed my article and hope it provides some direction as you prepare to take that step into the real world. There's nothing like it!

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Posts: 245
Guest
(@Anonymous 95235)
Estimable Member
Joined: 12 months ago

Fabulous article and inspiring to those of us "still in the wings " waiting to go on stage ..well done Kris x

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Posts: 471
Lady
Topic starter
(@krisburton)
Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Thank you Samantha - I hope my article provides some clues on how to proceed onto the stage. We both  know how strongly it beckons!

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