Ten years

How many times have we all heard it? "Where on Earth does the time go?"

I have no idea. My first thought; on Earth is probably the wrong place to search.

In Summer 2013, I stepped in front of an audience as Triesste for the first time. If memory serves, I brought a guitar and played two songs. That was ten years ago. Recently, I was chatting with another CDH member about how things have changed since then. I know there are CDH members who also have performing experience. In a way, it's a safe zone. Crossdressing has a long history in entertainment.

For those who have never done it, I don't know what impression it makes. Glamorous? Brave? Risky and irresponsible? Like most of us, I have-and need-a day job. Sometimes I read posts by other CDH members and can't help feeling a bit of "the grass is greener over the fence." Enjoying the planning, the details. Enjoying the privacy. Enjoying the moment.

The photo accompanying this article is from episode 3 of my variety event, "Triesste & Friends," on March 4th of this year. It's one of several spinoff events from our main show. One of my friends, who was in the audience, said that I seem to be "in my element" when performing. I have seen the videos, and compared to my daily life, I certainly smile a lot more, without even knowing it.

That said, it has also been ten years of tight dresses and equally tight schedules, cramped dressing areas, and lost items. Expenses after the show; I got another dose of "gender-based sticker shock" at the cleaners. At this point, dresses totally dominate my clothing and skirts-the math is not pretty. Then there's technical problems, personality clashes-and don't get me started on politics. I made the mistake of commenting on an issue on social media last year. The repercussions have still not subsided.

The irony in all this is that Triesste, as a performer, was supposed to be a side project. I was supposed to be promoting my original music. That started long before my debut as Triesste. Those songs had mostly been written for a guy. Obviously, a problem! instead, to prepare for a show, I browse the pop charts, looking for songs that appeal to an audience, that I can do a reasonable performance of, and that are available as backing tracks. Of course, that music is copyrighted. I can't use it to promote what I do.

Recently, I found myself saying that, after the next show, I'm going to take some time off. I need to take stock of where I am and think about whether it's really where I want to be. I checked the calendar-yup. I'm definitely not getting any younger. How do I make the most of whatever time I have. Decisions count.

We set our official tenth anniversary show for July. It will be a chance to thank our audiences. They have been incredibly supportive and encouraging. I'm going to extend thanks to this community as well. At those times when I wonder if I made a horrible mistake, people have reached out and said, "Hey-you're okay." That ultimately, is why it's so hard to give the heels a holiday.

To everyone who has read this to the end-congratulations! you have a very important quality for any performer-tenacity! now put the other parts together. Maybe I'll see you onstage one of these days.

Wishing love to everyone, be well and happy and maintain the mystique!