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Since my first article, not much has changed between my wife and me. She is still accepting but not overly supportive. I am allowed to get dressed up each evening for a couple of hours after the kids go to bed. As I work from home on Fridays, I get to have 6 hours dressed while the kids are at School. However, I desire to have more time dressed as Sarah. Like most of us here, I really want to take Sarah out in the public domain.
However, as much as I want to do more I am willing to bide my time for a couple of reasons.
- I need my wife’s acceptance in allowing me to go further with my crossdressing. I need her to understand the reasons as to why I feel this way. She needs to come to terms in her own time. One thing I have learned about my wife, over the last 11 years, is that she can be quick to say “No” to something at first, but later on she’ll come back with a compromise or better.
- Because I need my wife to be accepting I know I have time to work on my look. I recently purchased two new wigs. My wife gave me an unimpressed look when I told her about my purchase. I wear them each night now. I’ve also not dabbled in makeup yet; this is something I really want to try before I step out as Sarah.
She also knows something is up. I brought two handbags, which she saw, and then asked me, “ Where do you want to go?”
“ Nowhere!!” was my reply. It’s a half-truth as I wanted them as an accessory for photos. It was also in the back of my mind, because when I did go out as Sarah the last time it was difficult holding my phone and car keys. It made me realise that a handbag is an important accessory.
I’d ventured out in public wearing a facemask. Although I could do this again, it is now not the norm in New Zealand as we have been Covid Free for quite a long time now.
So, I am playing the long game with the goal of eventually heading out into the public arena as Sarah. I use CDH as a learning tool, reading as many articles about as many topics as possible. I find that learning about everyone else’s experiences is helping to tame my frustration at not being able to do more now. Reading all the articles helped my confidence, even before Sarah had a chance to become he true self.
Thank you to all of you that write about your experiences and offer your opinions. Even when I don’t agree with something, reading it allows me to absorb different points of view and adapt my own thinking. Eventually, it will help me blend in better when I do get the chance to venture out.
Keep them coming ladies. I know by the comments posted on each article that we are all in this together. Anything we can do to help each other is so important, no matter how early or far along we are with our crossdressing.
Hi Sarah Thank you for your Article and I do understand that you are looking for advice. I can only share what happened to me and how my wife handled it. She found my clothes while i was on a business trip.It was a shock for her to say the least. The last thing on her mind was those clothes were for me I see were you are going with long game.but make no mistake she notices everything. My suggestion is to read and understand more what cross dressing means to you and how it impacts your daily life Understand why you want to show the world that part of you that has been hidden for so long. Why did you keep it hidden. Why you could not tell your wife before marriage. When you have those answers then you are prepared to explain them to your wife. It must be torture for your wife watching this activity and not understanding what you are doing. There must be a club or a organized group in New Zealand that you can join so that you can enjoy going out with others like us. It would be lovely if our chosen partner would at the very least accept this part of us was not requested by anyone including you. Being supportive is just something she will have to determine I hope that helps a little
. Luv Stephanie
Hey Stephanie, Thanks for your reply. Everything you wrote makes sense. It is easy to get caught up in what I am doing and forget that there is a partner in my life that might be struggling with some aspects of my crossdressing. I know communication is the key, the more I explain and open up to her about the more she will understand. Even it opening up does not give me the results I am looking for. Sarah
Hey Stephanie, Thanks for your reply. Everything you wrote makes sense. It is easy to get caught up in what I am doing and forget that there is a partner in my life that might be struggling with some aspects of my crossdressing. I know communication is the key, the more I explain and open up to her about the more she will understand. Even it opening up does not give me the results I am looking for. Sarah
Hi Sarah Thank you for your Article and I do understand that you are looking for advice. I can only share what happened to me and how my wife handled it. She found my clothes while i was on a business trip.It was a shock for her to say the least. The last thing on her mind was those clothes were for me I see were you are going with long game.but make no mistake she notices everything. My suggestion is to read and understand more what cross dressing means to you and how it impacts your daily life Understand why you want to show the world that part of you that has been hidden for so long. Why did you keep it hidden. Why you could not tell your wife before marriage. When you have those answers then you are prepared to explain them to your wife. It must be torture for your wife watching this activity and not understanding what you are doing. There must be a club or a organized group in New Zealand that you can join so that you can enjoy going out with others like us. It would be lovely if our chosen partner would at the very least accept this part of us was not requested by anyone including you. Being supportive is just something she will have to determine I hope that helps a little
. Luv Stephanie
Some advice... cautiously push the boundaries, but try to discuss them first. As many have written, wives' moods and acceptance can change quickly. Try no to mistake silence for acceptance.
Remember, my Kiwi, this is a game of Test Cricket played over life.
Thanks Lea, I agree. More communication is needed from me so that she does not feel isolated from this part of my life.
Thanks Lea, I agree. More communication is needed from me so that she does not feel isolated from this part of my life.
Some advice... cautiously push the boundaries, but try to discuss them first. As many have written, wives' moods and acceptance can change quickly. Try no to mistake silence for acceptance.
Remember, my Kiwi, this is a game of Test Cricket played over life.
I get what your saying and I have been like this, my GF accepted the dressing though she found it weird, and then a year later I was dressing more in ways that surprised me and then she came to terms with that, fast forward 2 years and I am now thinking about being a full time woman (though this has a lot of hurdles I personally need to overcome to achieve) and again this is something she needs to get her head around as she fancies me as a man not so much as a woman so its a big ask, but I have come to realise in myself that most of my mental health issues are around me suppressing my true wants and needs, so in a sense I have come to realise that in pushing forward for me, though it seems selfish is actually the right thing to do, don't get me wrong there Is a million other things going on and the road is not easy or clear, but you need to consider yourself more sometimes as from my personal experience you can come to create other problems in yourself by pushing it down and hiding it away x
Hey Stewie. Thanks for your reply. Taking other peoples feelings into consideration is very important. I agree with you that if you don't let your feelings and thoughts out it can boil over to something worse than just fronting up and dealing with the way you feel. Keep in touch as your progress through your process. Sarah
Hey Stewie. Thanks for your reply. Taking other peoples feelings into consideration is very important. I agree with you that if you don't let your feelings and thoughts out it can boil over to something worse than just fronting up and dealing with the way you feel. Keep in touch as your progress through your process. Sarah
I get what your saying and I have been like this, my GF accepted the dressing though she found it weird, and then a year later I was dressing more in ways that surprised me and then she came to terms with that, fast forward 2 years and I am now thinking about being a full time woman (though this has a lot of hurdles I personally need to overcome to achieve) and again this is something she needs to get her head around as she fancies me as a man not so much as a woman so its a big ask, but I have come to realise in myself that most of my mental health issues are around me suppressing my true wants and needs, so in a sense I have come to realise that in pushing forward for me, though it seems selfish is actually the right thing to do, don't get me wrong there Is a million other things going on and the road is not easy or clear, but you need to consider yourself more sometimes as from my personal experience you can come to create other problems in yourself by pushing it down and hiding it away x
Thanks for writing this article sarah. I think many of us are in similar places, straddling that line with our wives. The line I’m referring to is in between acceptance and encouragement. Obviously we all would love or s.o. to embrace this side of ourselves but sometimes acceptance and comprise are the best we can get. Hopefully, along with support from fellow Cdh members that can be enough. Best of luck moving forward and once again thanks for putting down in words what many of us are feeling.
Thanks Melanie. This site is fantastic for supporting each other but sometimes I can feel myself getting caught up in all the positive comments and feedback and then I read about how others here have supporting Wife's and girlfriends and this starts to feel like it is something that should be easy to achieve. I often need to put myself back in my wife's shoes and slow down a little and communicate with here more often around my Crossdressing so we are on the same page.
Thanks Melanie. This site is fantastic for supporting each other but sometimes I can feel myself getting caught up in all the positive comments and feedback and then I read about how others here have supporting Wife's and girlfriends and this starts to feel like it is something that should be easy to achieve. I often need to put myself back in my wife's shoes and slow down a little and communicate with here more often around my Crossdressing so we are on the same page.
Thanks for writing this article sarah. I think many of us are in similar places, straddling that line with our wives. The line I’m referring to is in between acceptance and encouragement. Obviously we all would love or s.o. to embrace this side of ourselves but sometimes acceptance and comprise are the best we can get. Hopefully, along with support from fellow Cdh members that can be enough. Best of luck moving forward and once again thanks for putting down in words what many of us are feeling.
Great article Sarah. It's got me thinking again.
I don't know how unique my situation is. I will never get my wife's approval or support for wanting to crossdress. And in reality, I don't want it. This means all of my family will disown me. But being in the December (maybe November!) of my life, I feel like it's time to take care of me.
For the many that don't know, I'm in the final stages - I hope - of getting over a serious covid19 infection. One of the side benefits has been a lot of weigh loss. This coupled with a stronger effeminate feeling on this side of it has me close to bursting out of this closet and living as Gwyneth for the remainder of my time.
If I could only muster the courage.
Gwyn
Hey Gwyneth, Sorry to hear about your Covid infection. Glad to hear you are on the mend. It sounds like you are still in the closet which can be a tough place to be when you just want to dress up and feel good about what you are wearing. Coming out is never easy. Sarah
Hey Gwyneth, Sorry to hear about your Covid infection. Glad to hear you are on the mend. It sounds like you are still in the closet which can be a tough place to be when you just want to dress up and feel good about what you are wearing. Coming out is never easy. Sarah
I don't get to crossdress in this closet. It is some of my own doing. some of covid shutdown's doing. I'm not looking for my wife's approval or support, I just don't want to devastate my family. Again, thank you for your article. I would love to keep up with your progress.
Gwyn
I don't get to crossdress in this closet. It is some of my own doing. some of covid shutdown's doing. I'm not looking for my wife's approval or support, I just don't want to devastate my family. Again, thank you for your article. I would love to keep up with your progress.
Gwyn
Great article Sarah. It's got me thinking again.
I don't know how unique my situation is. I will never get my wife's approval or support for wanting to crossdress. And in reality, I don't want it. This means all of my family will disown me. But being in the December (maybe November!) of my life, I feel like it's time to take care of me.
For the many that don't know, I'm in the final stages - I hope - of getting over a serious covid19 infection. One of the side benefits has been a lot of weigh loss. This coupled with a stronger effeminate feeling on this side of it has me close to bursting out of this closet and living as Gwyneth for the remainder of my time.
If I could only muster the courage.
Gwyn
Hi Sarah
Love what you have said. It is really hard to figure out at times what your SO is thinking. My wife was a bit concerned that I had joined this group, as she wasn't sure what my intentions were. We had a good talk about it this morning and she now sees why I want to interact with other like minded ladies.
Would love to have a chat sometime as we are in the same time zone. PM me anytime.
Marie Jane
Hey Marie
I am finding out more and more that being upfront and communicating with my wife about my Crossdressing is actually more beneficial than trying to get away with something that I want to add or do to my look. It might take a bit longer than I want for her to get on board but I think in the long run it is better that upsetting her.
The same time zone should not be an issue as we are both in NZ, Just on different islands!!
Looking forward to chatting more.
Sarah
Hey Marie
I am finding out more and more that being upfront and communicating with my wife about my Crossdressing is actually more beneficial than trying to get away with something that I want to add or do to my look. It might take a bit longer than I want for her to get on board but I think in the long run it is better that upsetting her.
The same time zone should not be an issue as we are both in NZ, Just on different islands!!
Looking forward to chatting more.
Sarah
Hi Sarah
Love what you have said. It is really hard to figure out at times what your SO is thinking. My wife was a bit concerned that I had joined this group, as she wasn't sure what my intentions were. We had a good talk about it this morning and she now sees why I want to interact with other like minded ladies.
Would love to have a chat sometime as we are in the same time zone. PM me anytime.
Marie Jane
Sarah,
I love your articles, they are so inspiring. I am really curious about how your children stay in bed so well and don't come out for something and accidentally catch you?
Have thought about telling them some day?
Thanks,
EricaAnn
Hey EricaAnn. Good question. For some reason my kids just yell out if they need us rather then getting up and walking down the hallway. However it is still a risk. I normally wait for about half an hour before changing after they go to bed.
I have some excuses ready in case I do get busted one day and my wife has suggested I buy a large dressing gown I can throw on if needed.
I think one day they will work it out themselves and when that time comes we will have a discussion around it.
Thanks for reading my article.
Sarah
Hey EricaAnn. Good question. For some reason my kids just yell out if they need us rather then getting up and walking down the hallway. However it is still a risk. I normally wait for about half an hour before changing after they go to bed.
I have some excuses ready in case I do get busted one day and my wife has suggested I buy a large dressing gown I can throw on if needed.
I think one day they will work it out themselves and when that time comes we will have a discussion around it.
Thanks for reading my article.
Sarah
Sarah,
I love your articles, they are so inspiring. I am really curious about how your children stay in bed so well and don't come out for something and accidentally catch you?
Have thought about telling them some day?
Thanks,
EricaAnn
