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TransFor the first time in years I had a plan for my life. Years and years of introspection and contemplation led me to take a number of significant steps over the last 12 months. I began growing my hair out (again), steeled myself against any inquisitive glances and went out as Vanessa as often as my free time would allow and started paying attention to my gestures and movements. I began making more friends in the transgender community, attended Esprit (and made more wonderful friends), lived as Vanessa a week out of every two and began seeing a therapist. I had countless conversations with my wife, fights and tears and love and support and a deep and open sharing.
I even put together a rough transition plan for myself, which went something like:
- Start new job
- Begin hormone therapy in September/October
- Do awesome work on new job and make my employer happy
- Slowly start coming out to more friends and family
- Begin discussions with my manager and HR about living as Vanessa full time late 2011 or early 2012 (unless the hormones cause developments which need to speed said conversations)
- Take a few weeks off to have facial feminization surgery and return to work as Vanessa
- Cue Real Life Experience...
- 12 months later, 'It's a girl!'
All neat and clean. As safe and comfortable as one could imagine such a dramatic upheaval ever being. But the plot has thickened, and I must roll the dice again on my tidy plan.
For reasons that are fairly complicated I find myself in a position where I need to tell my employer after only a week and a half on the job. I won't go into all the details, but there wasn't a slip up on my part, or anything overly prying on the part of my employer. It's just an unfortunate side effect of the intersection between company policy, Crossdresser Heaven and my desire to be open and honest.
I have a meeting scheduled with HR this week to try and work through it all. Honestly part of me is terrified. I haven't had nearly enough preparation for this. I know that I'm relying in far too great a measure on my employer's lgbt friendliness. Yet I sincerely don't see this impacting my work or team for at least a year or more, and I'm hopeful that any serious drama can be postponed for at least as long.
Though I'll also admit that part of me is excitedly anxious for this to be done. Perhaps it's with resigned acceptance that my transgender journey will never be safe or predictable or fully in my control.
I had discussed with my therapist whether I should start as Vanessa, but we both agreed this would be far too much to handle for all concerned. After this week I count my blessings that I didn't laden myself with this psychological burden as well - there are so many new things to learn as it is. I don't think I could learn to work in a new gender role at the same time.
Come to think of it, I'm mostly at peace with it all. I expect a fairly positive reaction from HR, and if I can postpone sharing with my manager until it would impact my team I think it will make it easier when I do decide to share. While I can imagine many variations of a worst case scenario, what will be will be.
I'm going to fetch some water now...
As the inestimable Mr Burns said:
But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!
Hopefully there won't be so much grief and pain as promis'd joy. 🙂
Good luck! 🙂
Hi Vanessa: I wouldnt rush right out there and try to run full throttle. You got a lot of time to learn, and settle in. I dunno. I think a guy or gal in a hireing position would respect it more if you told them your make up..... UP FRONT when applying for the job. It will likely make NO difference, and they will admire you for your frankness with them. Dont confront them wearing a dress. If someone came in my shop like that Id fire them.. for mis representation. If you hire a guy, you hired a guy. If you hired a gal, then you got a gal employee. However I would welcome them if they had been honest, up front about it in the first place. Go and see them as you appeared to them when you were hired. Coming clean is good for the soul. They will think more of you for being frank with them. Youll do just fine. Dont build up a wall to climb. Your hurting only yourself. This isnt a hard deal to do. Everything will be okay. Carol
Thanks ladies - I'm hoping likewise 🙂
Not much I can say really except good luck!
Stace
Now girls dont get rattled. Having re read my comment above where I said Id fire someone who misrepresented himself or herself when applying for a job was meant to concur with this scenario; I was in the explosives business and that job was rough dirty, with strenous work. If someone came in as a laboror thats what would be demanded. I couldnt pull that guy off the job, after he told me he wanted to transition to become a woman.... and set him behind a typewriter to keep him/her employed. We already had a gal for that job. It would be as counter productive to take our secretary and reposition her as a laborer after she said she was transitioning to be a man. Its perplexing. A puzzle where likely no answer is correct. Sometimes Im not so clear. Frankly I waited until I retired to transition. I dont have to answer to nobody now. Kick me. Carol
I don't think that Vanessa's job is one that is male exclusive...she wouldn't have taken it,given her plan. I work for myself and hire others at times,so I will add..At the time of most job interviews with a new company,the applicant is untested in that job[at the time]How you will fit in,catch on,etc is an unknown to the interviewer.Bringing transition and gender issues up at that time will more than likely result in"them not wanting to take a chance on you". Once they can see your value to them,a discussion about your personal plan is in order..which Vanessa is doing. Good luck Vanessa!
Turns out HR was quite sensitive to my potential plight, I didn't need to tell them I'm transgender (yet) - they're going to see if there's a way for HR to work magic without me having to disclose personal issue to them or my manager (yah!).
And you're right, my job can be done equally well by both genders, but unfortunately skews 70% male.
I thought so!! I am sure that it will all work out for you as you are worth it! Hugs,Rogina
Best wishes for the interview with HR and hope for a good outcome.
I think if they have a transition policy, than they will probably honor it.
Although no-one likes surprises. Perhaps you can negotiate how
you do it and even how far you want to go.
I would suppose surprise and shock to your employees would be
something to consider, let alone to your boss. Perhaps you could
present some of your best photos as Vanessa as a start. Perhaps
at some point, if you proceed, you could come in as Vanessa on,
say, some fridays so both you and your fellow workers could
experience Vanessa at work. If they have found you as a valuable
and desired employee first, this will help your plans.
I am sure there are many possibilities for you. Don;t rush yourself
or them. Stay light!
Again, best wishes.
