The Privilege of Friendship

It had long been planned. Well, actually, planned isn’t quite the right word; maybe proposed, envisaged, contemplated, imagined might be better words, because I was far from certain this could be made to happen. Perhaps I had better start at the beginning, take you through the story and finish at the end.

June 2024: A PM from @ellyd22 about the forthcoming visit to the UK by @LizK, hoping there would be an opportunity for them to meet me at some stage during Liz’s visit. YES!!! YES YES!!! I absolutely wanted it, but I had concerns about how this might work out because I could not leave my wife (who has developing dementia) by herself, and her reaction to joining such a gathering might be unpredictable.

July & August 2024: Weeks spent thinking about how this could be achieved. We usually go to Oxford on a Sunday morning so might that be the best place to meet? Or perhaps we could drive over to Cambridge (nearer to Ellie) and meet there? I think Milton Keynes was also considered at some stage.

Early September 2024: Itinerary update from Ellie; Oxford on Sunday 29th September is still in their potential plans. Thoughts now focussed on how to best organise this.

September 21 – 26: PM exchanges with Ellie, Liz and @finallyfiona. Decided I had to commit to it and make the arrangements. My wife and I would meet Ellie, Liz and Fiona on Sunday, tour some of the sights of Oxford followed by a late lunch together. I committed us to it by booking the restaurant 🙂

September 29, early: The day has arrived!  I have a feeling of uncertainty about what the day will bring, but it is too late to back out at this stage; right now I have to decide what to wear. The weather looks cool and grey with the promise of rain later.  I eventually opted for an above-the-knee green & navy wool kilt skirt, but cannot remember what top I chose. I did decide to take my beloved leather bomber jacket to keep the chill out.

11:00 hrs: Arrive at centre of Oxford. Get out of car and disaster strikes – wearing thigh-high hold-ups that have lost the will to stay up!  Struggle into John Lewis store trying to hold hold-ups up through my skirt. Buy new hold-ups. Nip into ladies toilets to do quick change. Sit down in the store restaurant with my wife for a coffee and to regain my composure.

11:40 hrs: Now 20 minutes before we are due to meet Ellie, Liz and Fiona. I have never met fellow crossdressers before; nervousness is beginning to mount.  As we wander (perhaps aimlessly) through the shopping mall to the meeting point, my wife again asks: Who did you say we are due to meet? Who are they? Why are we meeting them? … Then I start to receive a succession of texts from Ellie, Liz and Fiona on their travel progress. Texts include sublime pictures of them at Pink Punters the evening before!  The final stage of their journey is by bus from the Park & Ride.

12:00 hrs: Walking up to the meeting point, we suddenly find a beaming Fiona in front of us! I am flustered and straight away do the wrong thing – manly handshake with Fiona instead of girly hug. Immediately realising my faux pas, I make sure to hug smiling Ellie and Liz, then go back and give Fiona a big hug, while introducing my wife to all three. Why have I spent 3 months being nervous about this? We are all immediately at ease and plan the walk around Oxford with a coffee stop part way through. Over the next hour we:

• Walk past Christ Church College
• Pass through Christ Church Meadow
• See the Cherwell in full flood almost coming over its banks (and just to think, I had suggested punting on the Cherwell … impossible in these conditions)
• Pass the Botanic Gardens and the T.S. Eliot Theatre at Merton College (§ see T.S. Eliot quote below)
• Pause at Magdalen College where the College choir welcomes spring from the top of the Great Tower at sunrise on 1st May

13:00 hrs: We need coffee!! So, back down the High Street in search of coffee houses. Enquired at “The Grand Cafe” (claiming to be the very first coffee house in England in 1650 - §§ see History note below) but they were only serving lunches. Over the road “Queen’s Lane Coffee House” (claiming to have “sold coffee since 1654” - the baristas must be getting quite tired by now!) welcomed us and we enjoyed a restful half hour of chat and refreshment.

13:30 hrs: We continue our walk past several further colleges, The Bodleian Library, The Bridge of Sighs (pictured above), Weston Library, The Broad and back through the main shopping areas.

14:15 hrs: We arrive at Victors restaurant on the rooftop of the shopping mall.  I had made the reservation in my male name so, despite being fully cross-dressed, I gave my male name to the receptionist.  There was not the slightest reaction from her regarding my presentation.  Our table was not many feet away from the live singer; the restaurant was full; diners were clearly having a good time; the food was good and it was our opportunity to settle down and have a good chat over a light but leisurely lunch. The conversation ranged through various topics, not really focussed on crossdressing, but all sharing aspects and stories of our backgrounds which helped to build the friendships.

16:00 hrs (or thereabouts … I think I was losing track of time at this stage): Fiona and especially Ellie and Liz have long journeys ahead, on top of a very late night (or was it a very early morning!) at Pink Punters, so it is time to think of departing. Before leaving I needed a visit to the ladies cloakroom, but I was not careful about reading the (not very distinctive) symbols on the doors. There was nobody else in the cloakroom and I didn’t look around carefully before popping into a stall. It was only as I was leaving the cloakroom and passed a young man coming in, who gave me a perplexed look, that I realised this was faux pas number two 🙁

16:30 hrs: We wave goodbye to the live singer and leave the restaurant. My car is very close by, so I offer to take Fiona, Ellie and Liz back to the Park & Ride.  They manage to ]squeeze[ into the back seat and our route takes us past more Oxford sights:

• The Ashmolean Museum
• The memorial to the three Protestant Martyrs of Oxford (Cranmer, Ridley, and Latimer) who were famously burnt at the stake
• The Natural History Museum
• Sundry University research labs and faculties
• The Headington Shark (look it up!)

17:00 hrs:  We arrive at the Park & Ride - time to sadly say goodbye at the end of a lovely afternoon.  It might have been a cloudy, chill day, but the rain has held off.  All has gone well and my wife has enjoyed it thoroughly, thanks in great measure to Fiona, Ellie & Liz helping to keep her involved in the afternoon’s events.  Hugs all round and we go our separate ways.  If I have one regret about the day, it is simply that it was not nearly long enough.

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True friendship is given generously, received gratefully, and often discovered on CDH. It was my privilege to have the friendship and company of 4 wonderful ladies that afternoon.

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§ T S Eliot: “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go”. That struck me as being rather apposite for crossdressers summoning the courage to take the next step of their journey.

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§§ History note. 1650: Just a year after the English chopped the head off King Charles I, and only 30 years after the Pilgrim Fathers landed at Cape Cod, within the New England territory as recommended by the English merchant adventurer, Thomas Weston.