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The site was down.
Several times over the past few months, I have tried to sign on to the site, but was greeted with a 521 error that it was down. I know this happens from time to time with any website but it really hit me one day. I started thinking about why it upsets me so much when I can’t get onto CDH. I know some people may see this anxiety as a sign of weakness-an inability to deal with real life. They point out that we don’t even know whether those online are really who they say they are.
And I must acknowledge that this is a true statement… but I also know that for every person who is NOT being genuine (and I know we have seen some of those on our site as will any online community) there is another person who like me has found a home here that accepts me for all of who I am. I have spent the first five decades of my life hiding who I really am, and it is in this community that I have been able to let the girl within me express herself for the first time. Years of repressing her have left scars that are only slowly beginning to heal-some of those scars have come from the words of others but many of them were self-inflicted. Hating myself for being different and having these feelings but then hating myself even more for not accepting that those same feelings are what has made me the person I am today and that the person I am IS worthy of being loved.
The ladies on this site have been my guardian angels. Their words of support and love-of which I feel so unworthy-have made the difference between survival and a life of loneliness and despair. They have provided me with a reason for going on in life. The joy I get in sharing in their successes and the heartbreak I feel in sharing in their setbacks are equally important in giving me a sense of purpose. By being there for them, I feel like I make at least a little difference in the world-and isn’t that all I can really ask for in life? The knowledge that someone else is happy and successful (or at the least a little less sad) because of something I did? I realize it may only be in my imagination, but it does help me to get through each day.
Well the site is currently running like a well-oiled machine, and so I’ll close this out for now, but thanks to the down time. I was reminded of how precious the gift of the site has been and will continue to be. I will not take for granted the friends and confidants I have found here and I will thank God every day for leading me here. I love each and every one of you that has let me be even a small part of your life and know that you are each a huge part of mine. I can't wait to see what the future holds! And I know I will have I will face it with a huge smile because I have all of you to share it with!
Luv,
Cyn
Cynthia - I felt like I was reading my latest journal entries in your post. You have put into words exactly how I feel about my own journey, how I have felt about myself, CDH, and all the wonderful people here that provide so much support.
Wonderful post!
April
Thanks April! Your words mean so much to me! I hope you are having as much fun exploring things as I am and that we both reach our desired goals-even though I 'm not yet sure what mine are! LOL
We are who we are. It's nice that we can finally express that without fear of ridicule or recrimination.
You put a smile on my face every day Cyn, or should that be a simel? 😉
Awww thanks Jane! A slemi,er smeil;,er smiel,er.... happy face is all what I hope to give to as many folks as possible!
I love the knowledge that there are other sisters as thankful that there is an accepting community as this one.
I think you are just awesome and I want you to know your a true inspiration to me and give my security in my feelings about wearing my panties and bra
I told my best friend and it was like atone off whight off me .
Thank you for being you. Truly a very special individual.
Love and hugs,
Lanna
I am doing what I want. I don't have to broadcast. I enjoy my time and getting more confidant.
Shopping is hard. Is the world looking and commenting
Oh it's hard being a newb
Oh my, If only I could figure out this "Chat" business! How does it work, what do I click on, and so forth. I am such a confused girl!
I came from Richmond, VA once. I went to High School and Junior High School there. I also spent a year at Richmond Proffesional Institute (remember VCU's predescessor?). Oh my, that was a long time ago, when men where men, and women were, well, who knows, anyway! Times for gurls like us were so much harder then! But I am now Roxanne Lanyon, and so happy about it!
Now, back to "Chat".
Roxanne Lanyon "A Girl for All"
Me too been hiding who I really am haven't been happy for so long and all I want is to be happy
