Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Here goes… one of my ramblings… where will it end up this time?
We all (CDs) approach this ailment, blessing, curse, need, desire, endeavor, and wonderment with similar and entirely different reasons. At times, all of the above have been felt by most of us. Relationships, responsibilities, and too much of it… timing has been directly impactful on who, what, and where we are on the sparkly, yellow-brick road.
The older I get, the more I look back at some of my regrets. Do you know what hits the top of my list in multiple numbers? Yep, my crossdressing and what I gave up, didn’t do, and can’t make up for (pun intended…) I can pull off the sophisticated and alluring mature woman now, but what I would have been willing to give up to be the “Party Queen” or the sexy collage girl of my adolescent dreams. I put those outfits on today and I look like a sad grandma on Halloween. Even I shake my head at my reflection. And yet… it has some merit; let me explain…
I was at bowling recently, and a discussion happened on of all things; our perception of ourselves. Many of you are assuming this conversation happened with a bunch of macho guys; sorry, one of the teams I bowl with has three older (than me) women on it. None of us see ourselves as the reflection in the mirror or the “old” person in the photo. We laughed as we exchanged our stories on seeing others (our age, even slightly younger) looking old… something we don’t believe we are… until we look in the mirror or see the photo.
I am, and always will be, this I can most assuredly promise, be 35 in my mind. It used to be 29, but you know, like dog years, it ages one year for each decade we live. That means in my 90s, I’ll still only be 39. It’s the camera and mirrors that lie. I had aches and pains when I was 35, they are just more frequent now, and my hearing and eyesight is worse, but I feel great, especially when I compare myself to so many others that I see. I’ll let you in on a secret, too. After selling my practice three years ago, I still wanted to work at something with a purpose behind it. I chose to work at a thrift store that empowers those with disabilities. I’m also big into my service club and the mission of benefiting children.
You are saying to yourself… Oh, man (woman), how I envy you and all those clothes. I can tell you… it’s pure torture… To touch, hang, and see all those potential dreams and to act neutral. They don’t know about my little hobby, and I don’t drop off my discards to them for fear of puzzled looks, (especially those telling items… nice wigs, padded shapewear; you get the picture.) They have nearly 80 drop-offs per day. We fill 2-3 huge bins with donated clothing; everything from designer to rags. About 1/3 of it will make it into our store. 1/3 goes straight into the garbage and the other gets combined with another establishment to head to third-world countries. Shoes are even less likely to make it to our shelves, and some of those magnificent, marvelous, stunning, and desirable shoes get tossed or recycled to other establishments. Yes, it’s glorious to be around all that beautiful and desirable clothing… a curse as well as I have to watch others buy it or remiss as it gets tossed in the garbage. How I’d love to yell out, “Wait! I’ll take it!”
Yes, before you even ask, I’ve clocked a few potential CDs buying and shopping and checked out (register) those who don’t try to hide it, even in my little area of Iowa. I might have told a few that the colors or style of their newly prized possession were a great choice or looked the confident ones in the eye with a sincere smile. So far, not one pair of heels in my size has ever made it to the racks, and I frown at the lousy wigs that adorn a few stands. If we didn’t have cameras spying on us, I’d change out a few of mine to upgrade the look… I can say that (we are extremely busy all day long) most cashiers don’t care about what you are buying; we are so busy that we just ring it up, bag it up, and thank you for shopping.
So.. tis the season for reflection, Fa la la la la, la la la la… I both love and hate the wintertime. It’s when I can become fully immersed (shaving everywhere) but then have to brave the cold to wear summer dresses for photo opportunities, the reverse of summertime when I’m wearing long sleeves and hiding hair and golfer’s tan. Such a cruel world… I want to be a summer girl in the summertime. Why don’t you? You’re single, and older (lol), what’s stopping you? The usual; nobody knows, and I’m not ready to out myself. I am ready to head out more into the public and have begun making some plans to do so this coming year. I also have a major event happening. My hearing (very bad) has now qualified me for a cochlear implant to improve my conversational hearing. If a woman told me I wasn’t listening to her and didn’t hear what she was saying… she’d be right. My worst is the tone where women speak. I manage at the store (nodding my head as customers make comments…)
From a writing standpoint. I love to write, but hate to promote. Last spring, I released my crossdressing novel, the first in a (hopeful) series and now turn to working on the next novel(s) that wait patiently for me to conclude them on the male side. Three started, then a pause and a new concept devours my thoughts, so another one begins… and thus it repeats. Writing is my therapy, and I’ve been neglecting it as I slowly unwound into this new future I’ve been living. Within the past 2 1/2 years, I lost my mother, father, and sister (last April). Unfortunately, I don’t think my dog is going to make it another year either. She has been the best pet ever, and one reason that I don’t venture out for extended periods… too many questions that would be asked.
This season means something different to all of us, but let me end my wandering with this. Kindness is a must if you are to survive, giving will enrich your spirit, and forgiveness will set you free. I practice kindness as much as I can… (except when driving…) and I’ve found little ways to begin forgiving others and myself for past transgressions. By giving my time, and my assurances to others, monetarily, with out-of-the-blue helpful gestures, and in many other ways, I’ve benefited myself and others. It makes it easier to do the biggest forgiveness of all… to me, for all that I blamed myself for in this world that I live in.
Find all the small moments that you can in happiness… share them…
Until next time…
@bmactavish Brina thank you for writing the best article I have yet read on CDH. We’re all trying to do the best we can under our own circumstances. We can never really know the challenges others are facing and this article was a heart-warming reminder. You made some excellent points that I will try to keep in mind throughout the holiday season and well beyond.
GP
@bmactavish It amazes me just how mean-spirited some people can be, especially if they have an abundance of wealth or power.
Selfish, self-absorbed, uncaring, entitled, just plain mean. How rotten they must be inside.
Has crossdressing made me a better person? I haven't convinced my wife of that yet, probably never could.
Has crossdressing made me a better person? My answer is this in regard to myself: Fighting being a crossdresser or trans made me an irritable and bitter person. Hating myself showed in the interactions I had with my ex, my kids, my coworkers, and people in general. I didn't understand that for the longest time. Accepting that I'm not 100% male and that I'm not some isolated freak with a fetish for women's clothing allowed me to find a balance in my life (which has changed as it has gone on.) You don't have to be out in public, dressed to the nines and shouting to the world that you are a CD to be emotionally balanced. Ditching the shame of having a closet (or hidden stash) of items and embracing the effect of what they bring to me to in both mental and physical worth is unmeasurable. Thank you for the comments! Have a wonderful Holiday Season.
Although I don't think I suffered from shame and guilt and never purged my stash it did feel like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders when I confirmed what my wife suspected that I was a crossdresser. Life did become easier. I say I never felt shame or guilty being a dresser but I definitely did hide it so I suppose I wasn't far away from the shame. It can be pretty sad what we all go through.
@bmactavish Sabrina, a wonderfully written article. Thank you. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. We've had a couple recently. It's tough but natural. I'll pick two words out of your list that cover it for me. Curse, and need. Curse because life would have been so much easier without being drawn inexorably to a desire to wear feminine clothes, and need because, well I just need to feel feminine at times. And I currently can't have that. So I'm not seeing much wonderment at the moment.
I'm with you on regrets. I so wish I'd been able to embrace my girly self while I was much younger and wrinkle free. Not sure it would ever have been compatible with my marriage though. But I'm only 23 myself so there's still plenty of time 😂.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
LOL... It's funny, both your pun and how we see this world. Today, for me, it's a blessing and not a curse. Some will never come to that point and others may feel it from the onset. For most of us, it is an inkling that we know we should accept, but... it only happens when we finally get that "Ah Ha" moment. The best analogy I can offer is taking your child on college tours and they turn to you (sometimes to our befuddlement) and say, "This is it; this is where I want to go." Somewhere along the line being a CD changes from need and shame to want and peace. Thanks for the comments! Have a happy holiday season.
@bmactavish Brina, I have always accepted who I am, and I'm totally comfortable with it. My problem is I have no opportunity to embrace my girly side 😢 xx.
@bmactavish Hi Sabrina.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. I too wish I could have enjoyed glamorous and sparkly outfits when younger and gone out into the world dressed as I so wanted (still want) to be dressed.
Last night I again brought up my desire to crossdress with my wife for the first time in many years. As previously, she did not respond to this how I would want her to, basically telling me that she still just doesn’t understand this need of mine so to prevent her becoming more upset I just dropped the subject.
I don’t want to lose her, but just wish she could try to understand this part of me…maybe I haven’t explained properly how much joy I get from just the feel of wearing nylon stockings, silky underwear, high heels, blonde wigs and bright red lipstick?
Anyway, I hope you (and all of us on here) have a lovely Christmas. Take care and love and hugs,
Wendy xxx
Thanks for commenting. We all have that "Life" we have to live. It requires sacrifice to keep it in balance. Like most, we hid our secrets until either caught or it required us to tell. Once exposed, the covenant changes as we are trying to modify it. New negotiations must happen, and redrawn boundaries ensue. In some instances, the relationship with grow as (we the CD) both parties adapt. From our perspective and maybe most spouses that give us the opportunity, they'll see a happier and more content, more tolerant, and more helpful spouse. Others will see the diminished man they fell in love with. I love women with longer hair who like to dress well and look their best. How would I adapt to my spouse going with a cropped haircut, no makeup and only wearing jeans, tee shirts, and boxers? What if she quit shaving her legs? Would I still be as invested? Again, if that was her upfront and I fell in love, I'd say yes, but 5-10-20 years into our marriage? She is the same inside, maybe even happier, sweeter, and more gracious than she was. True love of another's spirit is paramount in either situation. It is much more than responsibility to another. I use the word balance often. It applies to us, to our relationships, and to our lives. When we are balanced, we are better for it. Happy Holidays!
I don’t want to lose her, but just wish she could try to understand this part of me…maybe I haven’t explained properly how much joy I get from just the feel of wearing nylon stockings, silky underwear, high heels, blonde wigs and bright red lipstick?
Rejection of crossdressing could be based on something deeply ingrained when young.
For example, in a recent discussion with my wife she mentioned something that her mother told her. Basically, it was don't do something that will bring shame on the family. How does a CD counter something that an SO's mother told her when very young? My wife was a virgin until she was 29, until something nasty happened.
Thank you for sharing this , it's a beautiful article and I won't lie it made me shed a small tear. For some reason so much of this resonated with me.
firstly , the pain of CDs who want to wear sparkly Xmas things - let's face it it's the sparkle season and all those lost years you won't get back like the clubbing days and teenage days where you may have worn other clothing .
it made me think and be a little sad that one year when me and hubby got together he spent a fortune on buying me some very glamorous dresses and shoes which weren't to my taste and I remember his little face when I opened them and if I'm honest was slightly confused with the choices and in the end I did have to send most back and brought some much less glam items instead .
i now see that they were what he would have liked to wear , that much is now obvious from seeing Victorias clothing tastes and how I wish I'd have saved those clothes so she could enjoy them , but of course how was I to know when he was firmly in the closet then.
I've resolved after reading this to make this all up to her this year and buy her some sparkles so she gets the Xmas she deserves and should have had for many years.
the other thing that stood out to me here was your working in what I call over here a charity shop . I used to work in charity shops so completely understand how it works with only a small amount of items making it onto the shop floor - and I was lucky to be able to say I'll have that , but can only imagine your pain when you see items that you would love being thrown away etc ... on a positive note , I adore how you can look those people in the eye who do come into the shop and say hey those colours or choices are great. It's reminded me of when I worked in one many years ago, we had one CD who would regularly come in and I got to know her and I even a few times saved some larger sized shoes for her , she was so thankful and I know it meant the entire world to her , as I imagine your kindness means to those who visit your store - that is the true meaning of Xmas spirit and kindness and so this post although has teared me up it's also made me smile and be thankful that there are such wonderful humans in this world , thank you for being one of them.
I wish you a wonderful, pretty and mostly healthy and happy 2025 🌲❤️💋😍🥰😘
Thanks for the wonderful comments and sentiments. Yes, part of us is enthralled by the sparkle and glamour, regardless of how we look in it. I can relate to your story... did the same thing for my wife only to see them unworn in a garage sale within 2 years. Obviously, we are drawn to the glamour, the sensational, the sexy, the alluring and live totally without a clue as to those experiences for women and girls. It's why we can spend all day in heels and shapewear, smiling the entire time. As for the shop... every little kindness may be a major reward (as you stated) in someone else's life. Happy Holidays 🙂
Sabrina,
For all the time I've lost by being lost, now I atone to myself by being true to who I am as much as possible. Both in time dressed and how fully dressed. I'm glad for the winter, and being able to wear a bra WITH forms when I go out, and not needing to first swap into drab clothes.
Dani
Yes, winter has some advantages, I'll give you that. I may not be all out there, but I don't think (other than with what I'm wearing) my demeanor is much different. I'm not hip-swaying or sashaying down the aisles, but I do share my true thoughts more readily and try my best to be me. Thanks for the comments! Happy Holidays.
Yet another thought provoking and sincere ramble Brina. It is always a regret that we couldn't dress in teenage outfits and dance the night away. At that certain age granny in sparkles doing hip hop would lead to a hip op. At least we can dream then reality sets in.
It is the season for reflections on the what if's and can make us rueful but it is what it is and we can't go back. All we know is that we can dress and that we aren't getting any younger so maybe those like you may decide to 'hang it all' and get out there and make up for lost time. Yes it has it's risks but you only live once and to live as you want to be will bring that inner comfort and happiness.
It is the season to be jolly so what ever you do and whatever your circumstances enjoy your self, be generous to others and dress to impress, even if it for yourself.
I'm not one to make up for lost time, my rational side doesn't count on it. I am what I am; I realize it, but it doesn't stop my mind from believing I can still keep up with the younger crowd. I can't fix all (I can some of the past regrets) of the things I didn't do when I was younger, some aren't even what I would wish for today, but there are those things that I can participate in that would be great. Taking a girl's trip, getting a makeover, being a part of a club/group that I can physically participate in, and many other options. Thanks again for the comments! Happy Holidays!
Brina, once again you knocked out of the park! I regret that I wasted so many years hiding in the dark recesses of the closet! Yes, this time of year is about reflection... but I have to say the past 5 years have sort of made up for my miss-spent (see what I did there 😂). I wish you a happier new year!
Hugs, Kathryn
I'm looking forward to evolving even more and settling (finally) on the best version of myself... or maybe that is myselves? Time will tell. Thanks for the comments and have a happy holiday season. 🙂
Great reflection on the season Brina.
One thing our way of life has in common is the loneliness that one feels. This Christmas or any holiday is meant to be shared. When we dress and can share it. Be it with others like ourselves, GG, SO. It is so validating.
Heck isn't why we congregate here at CDH? We all want to be wanted and needed.
Being our best girl self's no matter at what age. Makes us feel and act younger.
So Fa,La,La and a totally glam 2025 to all!
Fran 🥰
Very good points, Fran! Thank you for the kind words and comments! Have a happy holiday season!
@gafran Fran, I certainly come here to be wanted and needed. I'm usually not disappointed xx.
I can't live my life on what might have been. Growing up in a huge apartment building (500 families in 3 wings with others in the neighborhood), there being no home computers, internet, or anything else to connect us except a few on TV, we were alone, not even having a place to keep anything (I shared a room with 2 brothers), there was never even a thought of going out in public where I definitely would have been ridiculed.
Sorry for your losses, coming so rapidly had to take a toll on you.
Being one who doesn't celebrate Christmas, the question always comes to me. Why can't we be kind to each other all year long? Why do we only do it in December? I can see from your work that you are kind all year long, and that's a beautiful way to be.
I do what I can to feel younger (I have been coloring out my grey for many years), but last year, as a result of illness, I lost a lot of weight, and the skin on my face and neck lost a lot of elasticity, making me look older in the mirror. Often I don't feel old, despite being ready to retire real soon. I can't say I feel I'm in my 30's, but I don't feel my numeric age either.
I've stopped worrying about hiding in season. 10 years ago I started waxing, and my body is smooth all year round, whether in the gym in the winter or at the beach in a one piece in the summer. The first time I had to appear with smooth arms or legs I thought people would say something, but no one has. Now I'm always smooth so there's no sharp contrast. What I have to watch out for is the tell-tale tan from the women's bathing suit in the early fall, especially changing at the gym at work. But no one has said anything, so either they don't care or just haven't noticed.
Great perspective. May you continue to find happiness.
Thanks for the comments and perspectives. I can see that not many people notice what I'm most fearful they will. There would be some exceptions: wearing perfume that is definitely a feminine scent, the tan lines you mention, painted toenails. The rest is more in our heads. Many younger men go hairless, not quite so for older men. (Around here in a smaller more rural community.) It comes down to our individual comfort (and our "I don't care what others think,") attitude. I keep moving slowly towards where you are with my shaving and tanning 🙂 Have a great year!
Loved reading your latest article. I am jealous of your thift-store gig as I am an obsessive shopper only limited by closet space and supervision of a wife though very accepting, demands that there be limits to one’s wardrobe, even if purchased for a song.
Something you said in regards to giving back, struck a chord with me, and I have often thought it unfair for me to take advantage of my privilege, being able to buy very nice clothes inexpensively, sometimes at the expense of less fortunate women.
So, to compensate, and as a way to give back, I have found it rewarding to use my shopping obsession to provide good quality, style appropriate clothing for women in shelters and Transwomen. From a selfish perspective, I get to be seen enfemme and those receiving could care less about my presentation than what I am giving, and it’s just fun.
Sorry guys, shopping for you just isn’t as much fun, and besides the selection isn’t nearly as good, but hopefully you’ll enjoy the socks.
Carla
Cool! Love that you have found your way to help out. Every winter, I go through my entire collection, much of it new and purchased just for this reason, and put together collections that I sell on eBay. I list them as Crossdressing kits or collections, along with some helpful comments. I usually end up on the losing side monetarily, but enriched by hopefully helping others build their wardrobes and accessories without breaking the bank and making so many of the mistakes I did getting to this moment. I'll have to give some thought to the shelter idea... We have one, but I'm well known already with them in a variety of ways. I don't think showing up fully dressed is an option... Thanks for the comments; Happy Holidays!
It might be interesting to hear what "mistakes" you made on the way to sophisticated lady! We all make them - me, I'm famous making makeup mistakes.
I've mentioned several in past articles, especially those talking about "my buying habits." What we perceive as looking good (which it does on ultra-thin and well-proportioned women, rarely looks just okay on us or women in general. We all have our vision versus our reality. What makes us different than genetic women or even trans/CDs who've been out since a really early age is the lack of experience. They went through trial and error and found their identity. This is something that I'm still not settled in. I want it all, every pretty dress, every enticing high heel, every color and style of wig. I still buy those "supposed bargains" because I can, but like an addition, I'm hooked on the want. Am I making up for that lack of experience I never had? Yes, mostly. The bigger mistakes were not playing to my strengths (legs) and trying to wear items that didn't work because of my over-enthusiastic want of it... Sophistication, sex appeal, blending in, or whatever you are after comes with knowing what you can wear and what looks good. I learned by spending a small fortune to find out what my size was, what colors (makeup, hair, etc) and styles I could pull off. If I'd had this site way back, or a sister, friend, or other CD that I could have relied on, I wouldn't have wasted as much money. I still would have bought the dream items, because, you know... you have to 😉
Another fantastic thought provoking rambling from my favorite CDH author..I was fine with the article until you mentioned “Within the past 2 1/2 years, I lost my mother, father, and sister (last April). Unfortunately, I don’t think my dog is going to make it another year either”. So sorry for loss.. I can’t imagine what a difficult time for you.. I can commiserate with you with my loss of a close friend and my 101 yo father in law who passed in this year..
I wish you a Merry and Happy Holiday and looking forward to working with you in 2025.
warmest regards,
Leonara 🌹
Thanks, Leonara for the condolences. I was lucky that I was living with and helping to take care of my parents. I have few regrets for them as I was there to the end. My sister lived 1500 miles away, and we weren't close (8 years older than me). I did help her in her time of need, but I wasn't able to see her before she passed... went quickly. The dog... another story. We saved each other... losing her will be tough. Have a great Holiday season!
Hi Sabrina,
I enjoyed your article and your writing style very much, and maybe one day, I'll get to read your novel. The message in your article rings close to home since I also see myself in the mirror, half my actual age. Maybe I'm one of those exceptions, but I also like to dress in clothes meant for someone much younger.
As many have said, people are usually kinder to one another at Christmas. However, I have also found that most cross-dressers don't wait until the last month of the year to spread good cheer. People like us are usually the most likable people with the biggest hearts.
Hoping you find that fabulous pair of shoes under your tree this holiday.
Lisa Ann
LOL... the only way a pair of exquisite shoes will appear under my tree is if Santa puts them there. I asked... we'll see. I agree that many of us have become more tolerant towards others because of who we are. I think it must first begin with acceptance of who we are. As mentioned to another reply, denying this side of me made me less tolerant and unforgiving. To use a Christmas analogy. Acceptance of who I am and what it has meant to me is the equivalent of Scrooge changing his ways. I am a better person and one who now does their best to help others. Have a Happy Holiday season and thanks for the comments!
Brina -
Thank you for such a thoughtful article and reflection on the holiday season.
I am sorry for your losses, it is never easy especially at holiday time. I find that remembering the good times helps, reminiscing as an ornament with meaning is put on the tree. I hope you have a blessed holiday.
Like most I spent most of my life hidden deeply from myself when it came to dressing. There were rare occasions that I snuck out but not very often or for long. As a result I was an introvert afraid of being discovered and shamed. About 7 years ago a situation developed where I came out to my wife. It has not been an easy road but during that time she has come to accept Suzanne and a beautiful (in my mind) butterfly has emerged. I only dress at home and that is not very often (actually I dress every day for a couple hours but without make up or wig). We do girly things together like shopping (I'm in drab) and getting mani-pedi's. Do I wish I could have been more accepting of my dressing earlier in life - without a doubt yes. One thing I'm learning is that things happen when and how they are supposed to for a reason. I think that that reason is that before then we weren't ready to fully understand the significance.
Thank you for your work in the Thrift Shop I'm sure it is appreciated by those that shop there. How nice that you are able to interact with others of our community by complimenting their choices.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thought provoking article. This is a time of year when people are a little kinder to each other. It is a shame it can't continue throughout the year, how wonderful it would be if it could.
Enough of my rambling.
Have a wonderful holiday season and may the New Year bring you continued joy and happiness.
XOXO
Suzanne
So many wonderful thoughts in there! I'm guessing that once your wife accepted that part of you, she also began to like the changes she saw on the other side. Those happy memories are a wonderful comfort. Thanks for the comments and may you have a happy holiday season, too!
Hi Sabrina, lovely name, same as my VP in our CD Club. I have recently sent in a short article on CDs and age appropriate dressing. Not approved yet but I wanted to make the point that you are as young as you feel (within reason, of course). I am mature myself but I don't wear granny dresses (although I will sometime to shock our club members). My preference is nice miniskirts and boots. I let the mirror tell me what it thinks. I'm certainly not opposed to more conservative dress but I just happen to prefer a younger, sexy "college girl" look. And I always look to the mirror for its approval. Cheers.
Fatima
I'm all for it if you can wear it. This goes for anyone. Life is short, and only your confidence level dictates what is right for you. My observation is more directly related to blending in if that is your intent—finding ways not to be clocked by others, harassed, or put in harm's way. Also stating the opposite, we don't have to be bland or frumpy either. Thanks for the comments! Happy Holidays 🙂
@bmactavish Do you have any examples of being harassed yourself or is this just a typical fear in the background?
I lived in an apartment complex after my divorce, lost weight, was in the best shape of my life, and thought I looked great. I felt as if I'd dressed appropriately--my idea of the 40ish stylish woman. I walked (what I thought) well in my 4-inch pumps and tight dress. It was summer and I'd tanned by the pool. I had the makeup full (and that was what probably gave me away) and it was hot. I'm sure I didn't look as good as I did when I left. Who knows what gave me away, but all the stares noted my failings. Went to a group meeting and was surrounded by other tenants on my return back to my apartment. I had to walk through them to get to my apartment. They called me out, nothing physical, but they knew as did a few of their girlfriends. Instead of going in, I headed back to my car and drove away. I didn't want them to know which apartment if they hadn't figured it out. I moved a month later. (To be fair, I was already planning on moving, this just pushed me as I wanted fewer people around me.) Only one figured out who I really was and made a comment the following day. Not bad or good. "Might have some trouble with others in the other building if they see you. Me, I don't care." Didn't talk to me after that, went the other way once when I headed toward the coffee bar. That was in 2005.
Is it a rational fear or more pronounced in our minds? I've also had the honor of editing the stories of many others, who have given their examples of both being harassed and being welcomed or simply ignored. Without a poll or factual statistics to substantiate, my comment should be taken as an opinion.
@bmactavish Thanks, Sabrina.
It's just that I don't see a lot of bad interactions posted on CDH. There could be a number of valid reasons for that, but then that creates a comfort bubble for us, too.
Security is something that should concern us all. There is still some resentment/dislike of crossdressers but I haven't seen any obvious distress where I live. Recently, I was walking to my car from the gay/crossdresser friendly club we frequent and was a block away about 10.30 at night. I saw 5 youngish men walking the opposite way and quickly approaching me. I briefly thought to change to the other side of the street but didn't. They just parted and went around me then hooted. I was wearing a bright miniskirt and long blond hair which would draw attention. They could have assaulted me and probably gotten away with it but didn't. Usually people just don't notice or ignore me in public when I'm dressed but some do notice for sure. We try to be careful in public and it pays to travel together.
Brina, another great article. I so hope you can find the time and place to go out and be out as Brina. I am basically full time now. I would love to meet you face to face for a cup of coffee and conversation. Love to meet in the Des Moines, Ames area.
Cassie
Down the road, we could certainly do that. We'll need to see how the spring goes. Thanks for the comments. Happy Holidays!
Thank you, Sabrina, for another lovely article that is a wonderful reflection on life as we (CD) know it. There are so many times I would love to be in Janet mode that I can't and don't want to for the impact it would have on others and my relationships. Not commenting on how lovely something would look on female friends or acquaintances is a small part of what I wish was completely acceptable. I am going to start this year yet to address some of the challenges you outlined head on by opening up to more. It all probably stems back from the outing I had that I shared. I would like more Janet time. I would like different tan lines. I would like to do my makeup more often and feel pretty more often. I would love to talk to girlfriends openly about lipstick, makeup, jewelry, purses, heels, etc... I still need to be discreet but feel this has grown in its percentage of who I am. Thanks for being you and sharing!💋💋💋
Thanks for the comments! I agree that we hold back in fear, but I've also seen the benefits of being able to say "What a lovely shade of blue; it suits you!" to some of the customers I've encountered. I also make it a point to compliment those who have a great perfume on. I tell male shoppers or those I meet the same thing. Giving a compliment is never bad... well... as far as I can tell... I don't always have to wear the dress and heels, sometimes... like at this moment, my women's pink sweat pants, slippers, and big sweater makes me comfortable. I know... I'm alone and can do that, but my point is the balancing of what I like instead of what I feel I must wear. I have many pink, rose, and mauve colored golf shirts and not one person has looked at me sideways. More often it's a compliment. I think I've turned the corner, as have many younger men, on wearing what we like and in the colors we like. Lip balm is similar to lip gloss, moisturizing and taking extra care of my skin. Those don't have to be only feminine, just as they don't like to be told that only men can get oily fixing the carborator on a car. Enough rambling. Thanks for the comments and have a wonderful holiday season.
I have many pink, rose, and mauve colored golf shirts and not one person has looked at me sideways. More often it's a compliment.
Um, because they are golf shirts? 😇
Yes, that is true, but I reference the days when I was much younger, and any (Man) seen wearing (feminine) colors was perceived to be gay or odd, and most certainly to receive derogatory comments.
Love the pushing of boundaries on colors. I have some orange pants, a pair of Lululemon shorts in mauve, and other clothes that make drab, well, less drab! Happy Holidays, Sabrina!💋
Thanks for that update, your work in the store sounds absorbing. I know how tempting they are, having grabbed a pair of chunky heels in a similar place yesterday as a guy, embarrassed but knowing they were perfect.
I can also say, in my little rural corner of Midwest people, that we don't even talk about any customers in that regard. I can't speak to other places, but there is so much more to do than talk about who might be what. Any conversation on customers is generally on how much they bought or whether they were polite/rude or trying to swipe an item by hiding it inside a purse they are buying or a holiday box. I'm still not planning on showing up to work in my skirt anytime soon though... Thanks for the comments. Happy Holidays!
