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If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
We are all at various stages on this journey. Some of us have recently discovered our feminine traits and are deeply troubled by them. Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
Others have had more experience and perhaps with the help of a mentor or two have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme. Still others are now living their lives as women 24/7.
It doesn’t matter where you are, most if not all started out being very scared of whatever it is inside which draws us towards femininity, because as boys we were conditioned that we don’t do things like that, and were often punished if caught in the process of cross dressing as a result.
Due to the stigma usually associated with crossdressing, and this seems to be specifically men dressing as women, the other way around doesn’t ever seem to cause nearly as much fuss!
Eventually we manage to break through the conditioning and start to express our femme self. Though as we all know, there is usually still a lot of breaking through to do with wives, girlfriends, parents and other family members, not to mention friends, employers, etc., can take a very dim view of a man trying to pass as a woman. As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies. We also have never learned all those tricks of femininity that girls start to learn from a young age. So we put ourselves on something like a crash course, but it isn’t easy! Fortunately, the resources here at CDH will help one to show the world the woman you can be on the outside, not just on the inside.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best. In fact, it was that discovery I made just a few years ago, while looking for something else which set the stage for me to become much more serious about expressing my feminine side.
It might sound naive, but I had no idea there was such a large number of products and retailers dedicated to crossdressing and transgender folks.
I am one of those who have bought breast forms, waist cinchers, pads for hips and bums, plus makeup so I can look like a nice middle aged woman - not too old, but not too young either. Well it would be nice to look young, but at nearly 67, that’s not going to happen!
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
To be sure, there are many who enjoy a fetish aspect to this and there certainly is nothing wrong with that either. If that’s what you want go ahead and enjoy, however, it isn’t anything we should share publicly.
However this is not what I’m talking about, as that is naturally in the realm of individual privacy amongst consenting adults.
Then the only thing the general public usually knows about crossdressing is through how the media portrays us. It is usually for comedy, perhaps the highly stylized world of drag, as outright gay, or worse than anything, as some kind of perverted person.
Fortunately gender identity issues are more out in the open than ever before and there is a slow awakening going on in many areas.
Popular shows like “Drag Race” does bring the subject more into the open and creates discussion which isn’t a bad thing, though it does give the impression of a rather different world than the reality of what most of us do. Drag might be fun, but it’s entertainment and really isn’t in the crossdresser world so many of us long to join.
This is where I return to the idea that the more people know what we are and the fact we aren’t a threat to them or their children, the better it will be for all of us. This kind of public education takes time and there is always the reality of an adverse reaction, though adverse reactions seem to be much less frequent than they once were.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
We each have different means, as it can be a bit costly to get all the right clothes, foundation garments, and makeup, and learn how to use everything to the best advantage. This all can be a bit of a waste of money as you learn what works and what doesn’t. Not everyone can afford this outlay either.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
Remember, GG’s come in all shapes and sizes too and many don’t fit into anything close to an ideal size or shape, but they can all be lovely.
That is just as it is with us. We have to learn and accept our diversity and show it to others. Perhaps in time, this can become as acceptable as anything else in society.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
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- Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
- If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
- Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
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Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
Sincerely, Amy Myers
If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
Yes, I am here for the clothes. The rest is sort of incidental, plus I have great legs that feel the need to be seen.
We are all at various stages on this journey. ... Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
I would like to do more, but how much more depends on a few things that I just haven't dealt with yet.
Others have had more experience ... have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme.
I explore the world while crossdressed, just not while presenting as a female. My wardrobe is broad enough now that I can wear only women's clothing every day all year. To me, that is a success and according to plan.
As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Just my wife, some sales clerks, and everyone on CDH.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies.
Pads work well, for me and how I dress. A more shapely body just looks better. Would I wear a dress in private without padding to fill in, say, a dress? No, because it wouldn't hang right.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best.
My wardrobe has very little specialized crossdressing items. Pads are one, corsets are another. Clothes? Unnecessary for how I dress. I just carefully buy in familiar stores and I know how to tuck.
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
Ah, this is my ballywik. Camouflage and illusion. Yes, I wear body shaping forms. Yes, I wear good looking clothing that could be considered as androgynous or confusing. I have no need, so far, to be a woman, so I don't go down that road.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
It is kind of hard to mistake a moustache. Until I do something about that, I won't get too concerned.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
I am not the model of perfection. Do I need to present as a female? Not so far, but I mix things up a bit, too. I like the nicer clothes, but if I make someone wonder, "What did I just see?", then I did a good job of things and am happy.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
I just need to be cautious near home and with family. Otherwise, I have a degree of boldness.
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Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
I was en femme at last year's Pride Parade. My wife doubled up in laughter when she first saw me, but she eventually settled down. I was just part of a mixed crowd otherwise.
If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
That is difficult for me to assess, based on how I present myself in public. No make-up, some facial hair, short hair with MPB but no wig. It's not as if my face says I am female.
We have met twice. What would you say?
Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
Overrated for who? It would likely be highly rated for those that need to be en femme in public. It is unnecessary for those who only underdress.
Thanks for that fabulous reply Harriette! Since I wrote this article I have evolved quite a bit, and though I try to always look good which in my case usually means dressing better than the average woman, however I don't mind not passing at all! Till last year I never wanted to wear anything sleeveless out in public but now I just do if I want too.
Though my shoulders and biceps are not like some men are by any means they also aren't too feminine looking. I have noticed a few double takes when someone notices them and realizes I'm on the trans side of things.
Amy
@amylove2dress I would love to be able to pass but its not to be. Distance and low light are my friends so I try to limit my outings low light conditions where i can maintain some distance.
C💋
@amylove2dress I do go out in public and enjoy being my authentic self. When I do this I am sure to dress to blend into the situations I encounter. In the vast majority of instances, there is minimal human contact resulting in no reaction from others. When there is contact, the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Still there are cases where negativity is projected toward me but when this happens, I am able to just move on. Dressing to blend helps significantly with passing. I'm somewhat tall but not overly so although I believe this does tend to affect my passing. If I were to assign a number to it, I would say about 65%. I am always working on my feminine appearance and trying to improve my appearance.
Hi there. Fatima here. I concur with you about going out in public. I dress not so much to blend in but to look good in my eyes. I do get the looks and that is nice. Most people don't notice anything. But this is a big city, out in the rural areas prob be different. I think it is wise for a girl to carry protection along with her tampon. Still most people in public are courteous and kind.
@amylove2dress Amy I have always strived to pass as a girl since I started. I worked for a long time to refine my walk , talk, appearance and mannerisms to be seen as a girl. Since I began living full time as Dani, it is rare when someone thinks I am not. It seems teen girls have radar for girls like us as the few clashes I’ve had has been with one of these tarts. I guess I’ve always wanted to be a pretty girl.
@sweetdani4luv That's great Danielle, part of it is our physical appearance and of course practice, which you seem to have perfected!
Amy
@amylove2dress oh Amy Meyers I have ventured out and I have found that others are ok with what I am. One time on the way to my mani pedi I had to park down the street because there was a flood in the street and I had to walk in the grass and sidewalks past the utility workers. Nothing was said but all their eyes were on me. I did lock eyes with one guy and we shared a wink and a smile. Another time as I left PF Changs a couple was going in and as excited and turned to go down the side sidewalk they stepped backwards and stared me down as I walked away with my hips swinging side to side in my heels. Other than that most of my interactions were just fine. The more I relaxed the more others acted normal. I have even had retailers help me find my size and offer to take my picture in front of the mirrors. The most wonderful time was when I was asked about womanly advice by a bartender with his girlfriend troubles. It is so nice when others see me as a woman and call me miss or mam. I’ve learned to just be yourself and enjoy your day out and about. I’ll be honest the tricky stuff for me is speaking up and using my feminine voice. I can always play shy but I try more and more to relax and joke around. Once I was in DSW and these two woman stumbled upon me trying on high heels and I blurted out “aren’t these the most hideous heels you have ever seen”! And we all started laughing and they agreed. They in turn responded with try the ones at the end of the isle as they were nicer. To me the moral was to relax and have fun. Thanks Amy for such a thought provoking article.
love, hugs & kisses…
Kip
I'm so glad to hear about those successes! I agree with you that the more comfortable you get the better it seems. Some of this is internal as you aren't so worried about all the little things, but an uptight person give off those vibes which others can pick up on too.
Amy
@amylove2dress Hi Amy. I know this is an old article that has recently been brought to life, but since it has, I wanted to give my input.
I go out fairly often, usually just doing normal things, and usually don't get any negative reaction.
The problem with assigning a passibility score is that most people don't really understand the mathematics. I would think most people would be thrilled to have a 95% score. But they don't realize that a 95% success rate means they would be recognized by 1 person out 20. Think about how quickly you pass 20 people. If you thought that one in 20 realized you weren't a genetic woman, it wouldn't make you feel very good.
Is passing ovrerated? It depends on what you mean by passing. Let me share a story when I was out about a year. I was in a show with other crossdressers and transwomen. After our rehearsal, we all went to dinner before the show. The tables were down a ramp from the main entrance. As I was leaving, I overheard an elder lady talking to her friend. She said, "You see that table over there? I don't think they're women, I think they're men." There was no negativity in her tone; it was more of "Now that's curious!" I didn't stay around to hear her friend's reaction, or to see if anyone else nearby might have overheard her and went to check them out. But I also didn't hear of any commotion from the others when they got back to get ready for the show. The woman's curiosity was picqued, and she asked for confirmation from her friend, but that was all. If I knew that they were read, but they didn't know, did they pass? If the only reaction (if there even is a reaction) is out of your eyesight or earshot, did you pass? I learned a lot that day.
Thanks for the reply Alison! I quite agree with your observation in that perhaps one does pass quite as often as one thinks!
Which is just fine with me, as then we gain visibility and can be seen as a normal part of the social network.
Amy
@amylove2dress Amy, I used to go out en femme, but that was after many years of being in the closet, but desperately wanting to be out in public as Genivieve. Once I overcame my fears, and started going out, I found that day or night, as long as I acted like I belonged where I happened to be, no one gave me a sideways look. I went out evenings to clubs and restaurants, visited nail and cosmetic studios during daytime hours, shopped for everything from lingerie to shoes, and even dated. Not once did I ever have a negative experience while presenting as Genivieve. So to answer the question of passing, did I pass? Only those who saw me could answer that question. Personally I loved every second being out and about as a girl! 😉
Do you mean you don't go out en femme still?
My experience going out for about 6 years mirror yours, some funny looks at times but nothing bad has ever happened, and in fact those who did spot me usually asked polite questions and compliments too.
Thanks for your reply.
@amylove2dress I don't yet go out en femme but I can see it happening in the next 12 months. Learning takes time - to learn all the things any woman must learn in order to present in an attractive manner.
After researching images of middle-age women, I will be getting my first wig this month. I plan to wear it around the house 100% of the time. I want to become completely accustomed to it. Next will come makeup. Just as any woman would do. I want to be able to get all ready, with no wig, and due to all the neighbors, would somehow slip out the back door out to the garage, maybe with bluejeans over my skirt or dress, then head out. before I arrive at my destination would finish the preparations. I think this winter is going to be a very good winter
Dani
Dani, well I hope you do come out and enjoy the wide world fully femme!
Thanks for the reply!
Amy
Dani, If I may offer you a bit of advice. Girl, if you want to go out. Go Out! Please don’t let your fears keep you from doing something you really want to do. I wanted to experience being out and about en femme for most of my life! However, life circumstances prevented me from dressing often…but fears kept me in my hotel room alone! My fears weren’t real and not a single one of them ever came to pass! Once I stepped past the hotel room door, (thanks to another tgirl friend) I came to realize how foolish it had been for me to wait for so many years. As a side issue, the photos you can see of me in my profile are 60 plus years old, I think we all would be a prettier version of ourselves at 30-40 than we could ever be at 60 plus. So if you want to go please do find some friends to go with and the group will divide the fears making them less for you. Good luck! 💋
Hi Amy, enjoyed your article. I know I would like to pass from a distance and close up to be close enough that unless you look closely your not sure.
In fact I did go out a month ago to have my hair colored ( see in the forums 'happy birthday to me'). I told them at Ulta that I was a CD and used my male name. Sherie was so nice and helpful, it was a great experience. I went shopping afterward. It is possible I could have run into someone I know (I have a brother , A daughter, and a niece who live and work in that city.
I enjoyed this so much that I went to the local mall in the college town where I work. I am a letter carrier and my route is only 5 blocks from the mall. As I was leaving the mall a co-worker drove up to the same door I walked out of. With the covid thing and the masks it is much easier to pass.
I LOVE CDH Sandy
I really enjoyed your article, Amy. I know that I cant pass very well (I played football for a long time and built a rather masculine, large frame) but it has never bothered me because I love the way I feel when I put on the clothes and start to get into my feminine headspace. I am still closeted about my crossdressing, but that doesnt stop me from being who i am by myself. With time, I hope to be as open about it as you appear to be.
Thank you for the nice comments, Steph. That is the wonderful thing about simply dressing up, you start to become that lovely woman you feel is inside of you.
Thank you for the nice comments, Steph. That is the wonderful thing about simply dressing up, you start to become that lovely woman you feel is inside of you.
I really enjoyed your article, Amy. I know that I cant pass very well (I played football for a long time and built a rather masculine, large frame) but it has never bothered me because I love the way I feel when I put on the clothes and start to get into my feminine headspace. I am still closeted about my crossdressing, but that doesnt stop me from being who i am by myself. With time, I hope to be as open about it as you appear to be.
Amy, thanks for writing another good, thought-provoking article. Personally, I’ve only been out dressed at night and almost exclusively to trans-friendly places, so I can’t speak to daytime outings in broad public spaces. Though, going out during the day is definitely on my agenda for the future and it’s had me thinking about what that experience might be like. Honestly, I think there are a small handful of CD’s that can truly pass, but most of us just don’t have the body and face to completely fool the general public up close. I think that if you dress to blend in and walk with confidence, then most people will probably not pay enough attention to you to notice. I’ve seen my fair share of CDs and TGs in public and I don’t think they pass for GGs, but I also don’t notice anyone that seems to care. Experiences may vary in a small town or a more conservative part of the country, but from the stories I’ve read on this site, there are a lot of girls getting out in public in all sorts of places without any issues. I find that to be wonderful and maybe it speaks to the progress we’ve made as a society.
Marie, your observations seem to be parallel with my own. Certainly most places have made great strides in acceptance of those who lead a different lifestyle. Also, your comments are what I had in mind when I started writing this article.
In a way it is like some single women I knew (not in the biblical sense) who had an ideal man in their head, which no real man could ever match. It is rather the same with trying to pass. You don't want to look ridiculous, but so many of us will never reach that feminine ideal either. So don't let that stop you from going out, if that's what you want!
Thank you very much for your comments.
Amy
Marie, your observations seem to be parallel with my own. Certainly most places have made great strides in acceptance of those who lead a different lifestyle. Also, your comments are what I had in mind when I started writing this article.
In a way it is like some single women I knew (not in the biblical sense) who had an ideal man in their head, which no real man could ever match. It is rather the same with trying to pass. You don't want to look ridiculous, but so many of us will never reach that feminine ideal either. So don't let that stop you from going out, if that's what you want!
Thank you very much for your comments.
Amy
Amy, thanks for writing another good, thought-provoking article. Personally, I’ve only been out dressed at night and almost exclusively to trans-friendly places, so I can’t speak to daytime outings in broad public spaces. Though, going out during the day is definitely on my agenda for the future and it’s had me thinking about what that experience might be like. Honestly, I think there are a small handful of CD’s that can truly pass, but most of us just don’t have the body and face to completely fool the general public up close. I think that if you dress to blend in and walk with confidence, then most people will probably not pay enough attention to you to notice. I’ve seen my fair share of CDs and TGs in public and I don’t think they pass for GGs, but I also don’t notice anyone that seems to care. Experiences may vary in a small town or a more conservative part of the country, but from the stories I’ve read on this site, there are a lot of girls getting out in public in all sorts of places without any issues. I find that to be wonderful and maybe it speaks to the progress we’ve made as a society.
Hi Amy
Love the article.
Hi Amy
Love the article.
Wonderful article. Thank you so much
Wonderful article. Thank you so much
this post is well said. could not add nothing to this post. thank you for posting this for others to read and realize the facts and what will happen or not happen. what to do to do pass and look like a female. yes us guys do not have the way to walk and talk, but some has the figure of a female some don't. yes there is a lot of cross dressers still in the closets and some that came out of the closet. i am so glade this post was written and posted for every one to read. yes there is a lot of cross dressers out there that do not realize there is a web site to join and be more open. you do not know who is a cross dresser, it could be your Dr, Dentist, co worker, neighbor, friend, brother, cousin, mail man, fore men. thank you for posting this again very well put
Thanks Lucinda, you have put the thoughts I've had about this which inspired my to write this so well.
I too, often wonder if some those "regular" guys I see all the time might be crossdressers as well! Though I'm not as secretive as I used to be, I also don't live 24/7 en femme.
Amy
Thanks Lucinda, you have put the thoughts I've had about this which inspired my to write this so well.
I too, often wonder if some those "regular" guys I see all the time might be crossdressers as well! Though I'm not as secretive as I used to be, I also don't live 24/7 en femme.
Amy
this post is well said. could not add nothing to this post. thank you for posting this for others to read and realize the facts and what will happen or not happen. what to do to do pass and look like a female. yes us guys do not have the way to walk and talk, but some has the figure of a female some don't. yes there is a lot of cross dressers still in the closets and some that came out of the closet. i am so glade this post was written and posted for every one to read. yes there is a lot of cross dressers out there that do not realize there is a web site to join and be more open. you do not know who is a cross dresser, it could be your Dr, Dentist, co worker, neighbor, friend, brother, cousin, mail man, fore men. thank you for posting this again very well put
i would like to add this i would love to go out dressed up as a female and go shopping for dresses and make up, get my nails done, and have no rebound on me dressed as a female. i do have a female figure, just need some make up and cover up and foundation. i am a thin person, i know how to walk in heels. its just that society is not ready for cross dressing world just yet
I sometimes think we, as crossdressers might be where the gay and lesbian population was 40 or 50 years ago, when that was considered pretty radical. Fortunately there seems to be greater acceptance of this they ever before, but it is still often considered more as a fetish or a comedy routine.
Amy
I sometimes think we, as crossdressers might be where the gay and lesbian population was 40 or 50 years ago, when that was considered pretty radical. Fortunately there seems to be greater acceptance of this they ever before, but it is still often considered more as a fetish or a comedy routine.
Amy
i would like to add this i would love to go out dressed up as a female and go shopping for dresses and make up, get my nails done, and have no rebound on me dressed as a female. i do have a female figure, just need some make up and cover up and foundation. i am a thin person, i know how to walk in heels. its just that society is not ready for cross dressing world just yet
I CAN pass, until I open my mouth, that is, but don't usually bother. I find putting on makeup and fixing my hair too much hassle. So I usually just pull it back in a ponytail (it is about 18 " long), and let it go at that. I have not "come out" to family, but have to a few select friends. I nearly always "underdress, and if people look carefully, they will see that my shirt buttons the "wrong way", my jeans are Lee women's, and my shoes have just a touch more heel than "mens" shoes. (Thank you, Payless, for Comfortview slipon flats)
I have recently come out to a very dear friend, and as soon as this virus mess is over, we plan to get together. She has asked me to please go "all out" with full dsytime makeup, and wear a dress, instead of my usual jeans and shirt.
It sounds like you are doing great there! My voice as well gives me away from time to time. I try to pitch it slightly higher, and not speak loudly, but it is tough to control it all the time. So I don't try to hard, if someone makes me from my voice, then so be it!
Thank you very much for your comments.
Amy
It sounds like you are doing great there! My voice as well gives me away from time to time. I try to pitch it slightly higher, and not speak loudly, but it is tough to control it all the time. So I don't try to hard, if someone makes me from my voice, then so be it!
Thank you very much for your comments.
Amy
