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Transgender Women - Stand Up For Yourself[/caption]
I learnt a valuable lesson this week - a lesson I’m sure I’ll need to relearn often as I come out to more people and spend more of my life as a woman. As I write this I feel stronger, more secure, more capable and more loved than I have for a long time. It all started in despair…
Two weeks ago I shared my transgender journey with a friend. I had nervously edged towards this point, since once said such a thing cannot be unsaid. Staying within my comfort zone, until then I had only shared with family and friends I knew would be accepting. This was the first time I was sharing with a friend where I had doubts, leaving myself to the mercy of chance and good fortune.
It started well enough - I told him over lunch and he seemed very supportive. While he couldn’t understand why I could possibly want to go through with this, he was empathetic and sensitive. The next day was another story. I guess time allowed the thought to ravage his good sense and erode the sensitivity from the day earlier.
He did something that left me shocked and dazed. I won’t disclose any details, since it’s quite personal and something I’m sure he would not wish shared with the lovely readers of Crossdresser Heaevn. Suffice to say I was reeling. Trying to reconcile his previous acceptance with his actions just a day later was difficult enough. Worse yet was that at the time I accepted his actions.
For weeks I wallowed in depression and self doubt. I questioned my purpose for being, my other friendships and my ability to live a life of worth. Even the smallest slight or difficulty would seem to crush me under it’s weight, as if all my past failures were heaped on top of it.
Until I shared the story with a friend, who’s first reaction was, “A friend wouldn’t do that! He’s a jerk for acting like that.” And so it finally dawned on me - he had treated me with disrespect and in my yearning for acceptance I had let him. I had sabotaged my self esteem and it had been gnawing on my subconscious ever since.
I decided to stand up for myself. To let him know how I felt when he treated me that way, and with a firm but still open to continue our friendship tone I shared with him. Right away I felt better - I respected myself and refused to be treated poorly, and I could feel the psychological benefits soothing my mind.
He used that moment to end our friendship, and I’m at peace with that. I realized that I would rather have the world reject me than compromise my own identity. After all - what’s the point of transitioning if you’re still going to pretend you’re someone else?
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P.S. I apologize for the odd post that came through yesterday. I'm trying out some new tools for writing blog posts, and in their wisdom they decided to post nonsense to my blog.
I read your recent post about coming out to a friend... I have a simalar story except my friend was the woman I lived with and hoped to spend my life with. She knew me very well except for my secret ... I tried my best to explain and all she thought about was herself and how much she trusted me... with everything. She felt betrayed and it took me 3 years to really get where she came from. I was crushed because she dropped me like a rock off a cliff. My self esteem was really damaged and like you - I stood up for myself.
These losses are something all trans people will likely encounter and its really hard. But - You have to be strong / Stand up for yourself ! You are worth it...
This is a beautiful post, sad and sweet but beautiful!
I have been at odds with a couple of friends over my exploration of my feminine side. One of them already stopped talking to me because of it, and last night my other friend and I got into it and now she is not talking to me either. They are both conservative evangelical Christians and are morally opposed to my bisexuality/transgenderism. I love them dearly, but I had to stand up for myself against their prejudice. I do feel better about myself for having done so; however, it has been difficult to do.
Bravo hon! It takes courage to stand up for yourself, especially when you risk losing a friend.
It's good you stood on your own, maybe he was a jerk, or possibly there are those secret places in his soul and psyche that your admission caused to hurt. I think it's proper that you didn't continue to let him dictate the course of your future, none of us really should, but we should always be cognizant of causing pain to others, and be open in the future to his reconciliation of his own feelings if it come to that. I know you already know that Vanessa. In a sense, no matter what happens to your future friendship, and he may never know, but you do owe him a debt of gratitude for a further step ahead in your journey.
Love
Vicki
Thanks Vicki Ann. You're right that each step forward is a step forward, even if it's painful and unintentional.
Dear Vanessa...you are a strong woman for dealing with a friend like that, for standing up for yourself with him, and for sharing with us so that we could learn, be aware, and maybe strong enough in a situation we might find ourselves in.
Friendships are...complicated. I thought I knew how to to handle friendships at my age, and then I find myself in a peculiar (non-CD) friendship situation. Change of any kind is a test on friendships. I like what your other friend advised you...."a friend wouldn't do that".
Stat strong and don't let all the negative things get to you. I myself have been wondering why I'm still here from all the bad comments I've gotten and I've lost all my family and friends i've been honest with. I only have 2 friends left and I'm terrified to tell them anything cause I don't know if I can take any more rejection. Luckily as i considered going down the wrong path I found this site and it is refreshing to read all the inspiring stories. I hope to learn and grow with all the good information this site has to offer.
