Trying something new and wonderful

I have learned so much from the forums and articles here at Crossdresser Heaven.  Perhaps it is time to give back a little and share something that happened recently.  It may not seem like much, but it was a huge step for me, and perhaps I can help someone else take that step too.

I have been dressing for years now, always in secret.  Being raised in a strict Christian household taught me that this side of me was something to be discouraged, denied, and hated.  Still, I could not deny who and what I am, and have continued to crossdress.

Recently, I had the time to indulge in a full dressing session including doing my makeup.  It felt great, to say the least, as I'm sure so many of you can attest.  In the past, I have always kept the blinds down and the curtains drawn, holding in my heart the fear that someone would see, would judge, would act to belittle me for what I am.  I do not know what happened that day.  Maybe I was just tired of being scared or maybe I tapped into the vein of rebelliousness that I have deep inside -- I do not know.  All I do know is that on this day I decided that I was not going to hide.  The windows were wide open, and I moved about the house, doing my daily chores as Rachel.  For the first time in my life, I no longer cared if I was seen.  It did not seem to matter so much anymore.  I knew I was not ready to announce myself to the world, or go to work as Rachel.  But as if the clouds were suddenly scattered by a strong wind so the sun could beam through, I suddenly felt this part of me was  okay.  I no longer felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I had this dark, awful, shameful secret to keep hidden.

I was suddenly hit with a powerful urge to do something big.  Without stopping to question it, I slipped into my closed-toe, low slung black pumps.  Turning to the dog, I said, "Wanna go out?".  She knew what that meant and leaped excitedly for the door.  I grabbed her leash, opened the door and out we went.  I stood by the side of the house letting my dog sniff around.  Every nerve in me was humming like a high-tension electric wire.  It was like I was aware of everything around me. The breeze ruffled my skirt, and I felt the wind on my legs.  The sun warmed my face, and I reveled in the exhilaration of being outside.  It was like I was free!

We were only outside for a few minutes, but it felt like I was being born.  I stood differently, I walked differently, and I held my arms differently.  It was like I was really expressing Rachel for the first time.  Going back inside, I was thrilled beyond expression.

I am not saying you need to do what I did.  I am just saying that any step you take, no matter how small, is progress.

Check out the Beauty of a Simple Act as Rachel continues to share her personal and spiritual journey.