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Okay, here’s the question I pose to all the girls here and everywhere: why do we do this? “This” being dressed as a woman and being in public. I know there are as many answers as there are CDers and TG girls.
What precipitated this was a conversation I had with my wife last night. We had just spent 6 hours in a big mall in Boca Raton, FL with me en femme and were driving home. The backstory is I came out to her on Halloween night (see my story “The Night I Lost My Monster”) and since then we’ve gone out a number of times as girlfriends. She is so very supportive and mentors me (“don’t walk like a football player, you’re a lady” “ladies don’t order that,” “remember in the ladies’ room, toes forward!”). But she caught me by total surprise on the road with the question, “Why do you feel the need to be dressed as Kathryn and be in public? What drives you to do this?”
Whoa! What a question to be asked…especially on a crowded highway in a rainstorm! I couldn’t provide a coherent answer! I really don’t know why! I love dressing up and being as female as I can be, but I do not want to transition, I like being a man, I don’t want to be a woman 24/7. So, why do I feel compelled to dress and go out as Kathryn? I’ve been grappling with this for 60+ years. I’ve read scientific literature studies, lay articles, been part of CD groups, been in chat rooms…I don’t think anyone really knows where this “thing” comes from.
So, I tried to provide some context to my compulsion and failed miserably. I told her that no CDer I’ve communicated with could answer that question. I explained to her that for me, it is a need…a need that I can’t rationalize or understand. I simply need to do it. I am not looking for attention (or at least not that I’m aware of), I try to blend in as best I can. I think I’ve been okay with this; everywhere we’ve gone, I’ve been addressed as “ma’am or lady or girl.”
I guess I’ve become comfortable with being out as Kathryn and it just feels natural. I know it’s still me behind the makeup and clothing. But there is a difference in attitudes or interactions when you are en femme versus being a guy. People are a bit more pleasant, or so it seems.
In closing, all I can say to provide my own answer is that having suppressed my urges for decades, the freedom that came Halloween Night is amazing! I love being Kathryn, and Kathryn loves being out and about as an older woman without hang-ups. I guess the need to be me in all my aspects of life is strong now that I am older. For me, life is good!
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For all of you girls out there in Crossdresser Heaven land, I have a few simple questions I would like to ask each one of you directly, so here they are:
- Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?
- What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time?
- If you have been out in public as a girl, what was your experience like on your very first time out in total femme mode? And was it a positive or negative experience for you?
- Would you like to tell me what outfit you chose to wear from top to bottom on your first public appearance out as a girl? And did you feel awkward or comfortable in the outfit you chose to wear on that very first night out?
Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for possibly having an answer to one or more of the questions posed above!
Sincerely, Kathryn
Hi, first time really out on my own was after what I considered a very good makeover (had two previously which did not give me the conficence), it was in Amsterdam and when the "girl" had done the makeover, she told me "sister" and ordered a taxi to take me back to the hotel... I was a little worried and even more when another lady entered the lift.. I tried to look the other way hoping she would not notice. The safely back in my room having time to study the transformation doen to me, decided to catch a taxi and go to a pizza restaurant. Still very shy and a little worried, I asked for a discrete tablez
oops I am not a computer expert - part of the text seems to have wanished...?!!
I start over again
First of all, thank you for an interesting subject and article.
Why do we do this? a difficult question to reply to in my case as up to now have no answer inspite having now dressed for more than 30 years, wife caught me suggesting councilling (which I did not - why?; knowing I enjoyed it - how could counsillor understand?). Inspite this, continued dressing hoping not to be caught or subject brought up again.... just making my dressing more intensive and aspiering to be as perfect as possible, today with a female wardrobe almost bigger than my male; love the choice of female clothes and underwear and the pleasure to wear it - why I do not know - it just give such a pleasure... and when dressing the inner pleasure to see the slow change from a "pensioner" to an attriactive mature woman(?) - yet with a few makeovers still in the closet until my trip to Amsterdam which was really the first on my own in public as "Helene" after I considered it a very good makeover (had gone to two previously which did not give me the confidence), when the girl had done the makeover, she called me "sister" and ordered a taxi to take me back to the hotel... I was a little worried and even more when another lady entered the lift in the hotel.. I tried to look the other way hoping she would not notice. Then safely back in the room having time to study the transformation done to me, decided to catch a taxi and go to a pizza restaurant recommended by my makeover lady. Still very shy and a little worried, I asked for a discrete table which I got as the first was straight in the entrance, thought all were looking at me until I realized they were all eating and chating. It relaxed me and decided to go to a night club, when ringing the door bell I was told no women which gave me the complete confidence which has not left me since. Now when out in public, I am a woman and enjoy shopping, restaurants, theaters, travelling, etc.
