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What's next is Here

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Posts: 46
(@Kim Dahlenbergen)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago

The passing of a loved one is always difficult, of course, but there is a legitimate and understandable sense of relief found in the end of their decline and the burdens of being a caregiver. As the grieving process runs its course, you can begin to address all of those practical matters and ease yourself into a new and freer reality.

Of course, you still feel the need to balance your preferred life with the obligations to family and I suppose to profession, although the latter is of secondary concern. You may find that the balance point shifts over time, allowing more of life to be expressed as Brian, and reserving some necessary days to the other self.

Best wishes to you as you embark on the next phase of your life.

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Well put! Thanks for the comments. 🙂

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Posts: 14
Lady
(@ayre)
Active Member     Encinitas, California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Sabrina, my thoughts go out to you, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. Ayre

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thanks!

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Posts: 1701
(@dlgeb275)
Noble Member     niagara falls, ny., New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

so sorry to hear that i lost my mom then my dad 69 days apart from each other.in 2013. it was hard to deal with. now that its 2023 i have my parents land 7 acres and a new home just put on last week. soon to move to war saw N.Y and out of the city. i still dress up when i can and be free of depression and stress, even tho wife does not realize that it does help. well hope you can get over it slowly and move around the house when you can up stairs and down stairs with out being afraid too.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

You know most of the feelings that I have, the only difference is the wife (for better and worse). Who knows, maybe I'll start to feel comfortable looking to another relationship (one where they accept the incomplete and everchanging me.) Thanks for commenting 🙂

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Posts: 83
Lady
(@hobby)
Estimable Member     Northwest wi, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

This read was epic. I had something similar happen when my wife passed away in 94. It turned out to be brief but extremely releasing. Thank you for sharing this. Mikki

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

The alternating between sadness and unexpected moments of (hope, calm, silliness, and excitement) as a few of the feelings that have passed my way. Thanks for commenting!

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Posts: 36
Duchess
(@zeezee)
Eminent Member     Columbus, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I am sorry for the loss of your father, but now you have the chance to be the person you have always wanted to be. Tale full advantage. Hugs, zeezee

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thanks! That is the current plan and hope. 🙂

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Posts: 15
(@geena75)
Eminent Member     Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I lost my father two years ago and now my childhood home stands empty, pending a final resolution of the estate. I am responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of it, so I have full access. I have used that as a "base" for Geena. In pretty much every outing I have done, I change there, go out and enjoy myself, and change back there before I return home. Over the winter I pretty much moved Geena into my old bedroom and had my dresses hanging in my old closet. Come spring and house cleaning I had to relocate my things back home, but will most likely repeat the process come late fall and full Geena season. I know the situation will not last, but will enjoy it while I can.

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

As I move through the ghostly rooms, I've slowly begun to turn my room into Brina's and remove the maleness to the bedroom upstairs. Only the bedspread whispers of being male, and will probably stay as such until a more gender-neutral one is bought. With my dog, each one lasts about 1-2 years before needing to be replaced. I still have kids and grandkids who visit, and until I disclose otherwise, it will be hidden in plain sight... Thanks for the comments and my condolences as well.

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Posts: 364
Duchess
(@shadowqueen)
Reputable Member     Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Oh Brina!I can understand your pain, I lost my dad thirteen years ago and my mom is in bad health. All i can say is this is Brina’s time to shine so spread your wings and fly girl.

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thanks, AnnaBeth! Appreciate the comments and support 🙂

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Posts: 48
(@catharineec)
Trusted Member     Alberta, Canada
Joined: 3 years ago

Condolences Brina and good luck with everything coming in the future. Losing parents is hard, no matter their age or health. Take care and thank you for sharing this.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thanks for the well-wishes and comments! 🙂

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Posts: 3
(@wearsredlipstick)
New Member     Milford, Connecticut, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Brina, I read your story very carefully and was so interested in where you go from here. I am so very sorry to learn about your parents passing. I also read about you possibly getting that studio makeover, it's something I've always wanted to do, but I know I never will get the chance. I can only hope that you might post a photo or send me one so I can see how those makeovers actually turn out. I have seen a few and the person comes out beautiful. Now about being jealous. Of course I'd be jealous that you can get it done and I cant. But when You talked about what others can buy and wear, you are not alone, I am a size 14 in a womens shoe, so it's tough to find something A, that fits, and B, something sexy looking. Also, I am 46 chest, how can I possibly find a bra 46 A for myself. I did find a B, but it's too big. I can stuff it yes, but I want something with ME underneath. I'm terrible at makeup, I have big fingers and the list goes on. I know what you said about be grateful for what we have, right now I seem to be very healthy, and I really cant trade that for anything in the world. Lastly, I envy you, I want to be you, I want to be a real woman, but like I said, I am healthy, known on wood.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thanks for the condolences. I believe that we are no different than any other human. It's politicians and bigots who perceive us as labels. I imagine that there are several women's basketball players who wear the same size of shoes and say the same thing, as there are with larger women and bras. We are who we are and need to learn to accentuate the positives and downplay those things we can't fix. (Shrinking our feet to fit into all those glorious styles of shoes). Try Onlymaker brand shoes. Another secret is to buy a size smaller when they are more sandal type and opened-toed. I've found many shoes on Amazon, although I've had to search hundreds of pages.

Healthy (and alive) are biggies....

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Posts: 177
 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Brina, I knew when my Dad passed it was going to be OK. It was his time. He was tired. I can honestly say I had no regrets, save one. He was one of my best friends. So I miss his friendship (he passed in 2012). And then this year my best friend passed. He was young, very young in my book, 44. He died from colon cancer. He didn't know about Dani but he was one person I could talk to about almost anything. And him with me.

Moving on I would like to find a friend, that could understand all of me, if that is possible. I have been on-line to may places but I don't think it will happen on-line. It would sure be nice to talk some things out. Thank God I have a therapist. I have too many issues to be without someone to talk to.

Enough about me (that's the problem with your articles - LOL - they make you think). My thought and prayers are with you Brina. I'm glad you still have your friend.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

Thank you for the kind words and sharing your story. I've been through one of those dreaded 3s, for the second time in 5 years. When you lose 3 family members or friends in a short time. The problem with getting older, the 3s increase. Writing and sharing hope and inspiration with others is part of my own therapy, as is posting follow-up comments. Thanks for the prayers... can you throw one in there for better hearing... thanks 😉

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Posts: 139
(@mjagirl)
Estimable Member     Phoenix Area, Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Brina, so sorry for your loss and pain. I understand your new feelings of freedom to cross-dress at will. I had stopped for a few decades for marital reasons. I still had the urgings and anxiety but was able to suppress them. But then 9 years ago, I lost my wife and after a few months I decided to commit to cross-dressing as often as possible, usually everyday although not always 24/7. The master bedroom closet, cabinets and draws were mainly my wife's articles; now they have been replaced by Marian's. Although mostly closeted as you are now, I am making plans to go out in public with the help of CDH friends. So, get ready to enjoy the future world of "Sabrina"!

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1093

I know those thoughts! Thanks for sharing and my best to you and your endeavors 🙂

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