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It occurred to me as I viewed the contest photos for this year’s contest that we all tend to be drawn to… something. Whether it is what we view and decide is appealing to what we desire in our mannerisms and dressing. Some of us have had the same sports team our entire life while others swap their current favorite for another when certain situations arise. As a kid, I played little league baseball for the Pirates; the team I rooted for until the Cubs snuck in around my edges and converted me. Pro football used to be the Dolphins, and I stayed true to them throughout Dan Marino’s career… now I root for the team that isn’t the (#$%!) and generally, they need to have an Iowa Hawkeye football player on their team.
I think we do the same rituals when it comes to (Who) we dress for instead of the nagging question of (Why) we dress. I once commented in a past article that I believe we dress to become the ideal version of the woman that we desire. If I could transform myself into that version, she would be the one that I’d want to be with. She is the one that would catch my eye and raise my blood pressure. It is also who I similarly look towards when scouting out the photos of other CDs, women, and transgendered. That classy, sassy, provocative mature lady. She shows just enough but is more likely the tease than treat. When a woman walks by me in a skirt, blouse, heels, hair, and nails done nicely, her makeup and accessories perfect and not garish, the scent of her perfume lassos me in as easily as the sway of her hips, I’m not only hooked; I’m also envious…
I want her as much as I want to be her. That is the duplicity of this life. I think we all would have searched for that mock-up (had we known way back when) of that vision to call our partner. If we had found them, would we have still navigated to this point on our crossdressing path? Would we have been more satisfied and content? Or… would it have driven us even more crazy? The more I dress, the more I refine some of those expectations. I am also in a constant study of all females (some feminine men) in the manner of how they present themselves, how they wear their clothes, hide their imperfections, walk in their heels, apply their makeup, use their hands to talk, and all manners of body language. I take it all in, process it, and then try to become it. This was so true throughout most of my journey. I realize that I am more than just a CD; I am a person moving along the transgender scale but stuck between the complexities and rewards of both genders. I can only pretend to be that version of desire. I could attempt to become closer to it by undergoing all the surgeries and such, but I still will never be able to be the “Ideal” rendering of that desire.
As a younger man, I could have lived a happy life as a stripper. Those shoes… the sexuality and promiscuity, the “look all you want but don’t touch” persona they had. Then it was the Hot Mama, the yoga guru, tennis star, toned, tan, and on a pedestal too high for me to climb. I’m still (even as I near my mid-sixties) enthralled by the mature executive or society lass who is in complete control of the room when she walks in. She shows her legs and cleavage, smiling when she sees you noticing. Wears clothes to accentuate what is best and hides the rest. Spends as much time perfecting the details as she does maintaining her body. She eats right, exercises, and knows that her makeup and accessories need to match her mood and her agenda. She is clever, sophisticated, put-together, and formidable. She is in control of herself and the subjects she rules. She comes from all walks of life. She might be our neighbor, a doctor, a church secretary, or even the single mother who still dresses for the occasion (and she does it extremely well) that is to be her stage. It matters not if it’s at the grocery store, shopping, eating out, mingling with friends, or sunning poolside.
But; back to the original insights. Who do you dress for? This is the complexity that I’m endeavoring to present. I admit that it hinges on the Why as well, but from a different angle. Are we prone to dress for what we miss or desire? Is it our way to symbolize and show appreciation for a particular person? I’m not delving into the fantasy or fetish arena; just the rationale for why we pick the certain style of clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, and mannerisms. An easy answer is to say it satisfies the male wanting within us. Who doesn’t love the hot chick country, gothic, punk, anime, etc. look? Am I dressing as the mature executive because I want to be her or is it deeper than that? Some of us dress to what we miss or felt was the best part of our lives; it could be our mothers, sisters, best friends, neighbors, classmates, celebrities, etc. Something draws us to that vision. It isn’t because it necessarily looks good on us, but it does assuage us, it is part of the pink fog that helps to remove the stress of being who we wish we were instead of who we are. Maybe, it’s much deeper than that!
When I’m in full glamour and I look good, I can’t help but wonder if an alternate version of me, fully woman, isn’t who I should be, who I want to find to be with, or someone I’m trying to impress with my dressing. Why else would I wear the shapewear, spend exorbitant amounts of money on my presentation (clothing, accessories, wigs, makeup, etc.), take endless pictures, endure sore feet, fear getting caught, and all the other incidentals rather than throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, comfy fluffy slippers, a dab of lip-gloss, and call it all good? That’s what the typical woman would do on a Friday night after an exhausting week at work. Not us, and no way. We dress to impress… whether it is for ourselves or someone else.
More than enough for us to ponder this time… Have a great dressing experience, smile at yourself in the mirror, take the pictures, and enjoy the moment!
Until next time…
that's a lot to take in. i dress to be like the woman i wanted in my life. sexy, positive, nice legs, painted nails , tall and able to turn heads when she walked by. i got the positive down. i can go anywhere and do anything without a bother in the world. the legs are good, i get lots of complements on them. walking in heels is a breeze. i can turn heads, especially when wearing heels. but who can resist the sound of the clicking of heels walking on tile. i'm friendlier than my male self and can meet new people easier. if i only had my teenage butt and lips back that would be nice. add real breast and hair and i could be my dream girl. well, I'm at it lets change the color of my eye. close to perfect.
I’m also envious… Such a true statement. Once again a wonderful article Brina, I dress for myself and how I'm feeling at the time. There are times though, that when I'll know in advance that I'll have ample time to dress, it's to be that woman that controls the room when she enters, and maybe someday I could pull it off. Until then I'm dressing for myself and smiling at myself when I look in the mirror.
Sherri
I dr3ss for myself, and am not out to emulate anybody or fulfill some hidden agenda. I do take cues from other woman about things I like, especially my wife, but that is about it. If I go out, I dress to blend in and just be a "typical" woman walking down th3 street.
I dress to be as beautiful as I possibly can be. Classy and elegant women are what I view as the most beautiful so that is how I try to dress.
'throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt', yes I can do that, I can also do full glam, I can be inspired by women, tv's and ts, but who do I do it for?, Me I love it, I sometimes think how life would be if I was not a tranny, BORING!!!
My dressing has definitely evolved over the years. I've had the blessing of a fully supportive and participating wife who has a wonderful eye for how to style a complete look. I keep some old photos from times when I tried style myself and they are both hideous and hilarious. Luckily I didn't go out in public looking as such. When we started going out I asked her to help me look my best with what I have to work with. My preferred theme is casual and classy and my goal is simply to blend in like any other woman. I don't really want to be noticed but I love the feeling of confidence that comes from being put together. To answer the question of who I dress for, it's certainly me. But, if I had to do this all on my own I'm sure I would be a mess.
Life is full of influences and in the formulative years it was just being in a dress that mattered so the immediate influence is around what is to hand, sisters or mothers clothes without thinking of why or who. At a young age it is dreaming of being girl but then wanting to dress as a nurse, fairy princess and so on. The mind is full of influence and who we would like to be.
As I grew I noted themes in what girls wore, I was observing fashion and was able to follow that as my sisters grew until those strikingly female shapes under the clothes appeared along with the ake up. I could then start to develop my shape and the style. I began to see certain clothes, usually dresses suited me better and felt comfortable in that style which seemed to suit me as an individual. I had arrived at the point where it was me and my style.
Alas the dark ages ensued and things were different where all I could do was the occasional dress up and had limited access to clothes. I still watched what girls wore, followed fashion and when I finally picked up the pieces and started again I was back at square one. I knew what I liked but things had moved forward so it was trial and error where what I thought was right clearly wasn't and something had to be done about my shape as well.
It took a while but it started to come together, I was getting the sizes right, the shape right, hairstyle and then the look, my look. I could wear the dresses I liked which were suited to all situations for day to day but had nicer ones for occasions. I had skirts, tops and plenty of things to accessorize any occasion could be accommodated.
I was now dressing for me in my style, a culmination of all those images and influences coming together. As a consequence there were compliments which meant I pleased others, a nice benefit. So there was an element in the way I dressed that had to please others so a by product of the main reason. As I was out and about dressing for work, a walk out in a garden, interviews everything catered for and done for me to blend in and be accepted in the community but in my style.
Oh for fun at parties or an event, showgirl, superwoman, a fairy, Mrs Claus, secretary, mini mouse and so on where being among others who have dressed for fun as is what it is,fun and is mainly dressing for others to compete and win a prize or be admired for looking good and in the spirit of the event.
That is why I dress as I do and the reason.
Thank you Sabrina for another well written thought provoking article…ever since my first makeover, I dress to show off my feminine persona for myself.. whether wearing my favorite LBD or a floral print … I think for 2025 its about time that Leonara goes out ‘n about for “all” to see.
I wonder about that perfect person, I am not sure sure we would get along with another version of yourself, I have thought about that thing from my counterparts side ,use 2 more of me, but I am not the easiest person to live with and the other me would be the same we may end up fighting more that not, but you also have the Twin theory, they can be inseparable. almost to the point of knowing each others thoughts and especially emotions now that would be a roller coaster ride for sure. Any analysts out there care to chime in?
idk I dress for me, I like the way some of the outfits hug my body or the way i can express my mood there are a lot of sensual fabrics the coolness of leather, the smooth light brush of silk and satin, the tightness and controlled feeling of latex, the fuzzy tickling of furs, even the roughness of things like, polyester and cotton and the shine of PVC and vinyl, some have scents that bring back memory's, the smell of a new car, or new leather jacket and pants, vivid colors of any of the rubber based fabrics. each one has a sensual quality of its own. Or am I just weird?
Hi Brina, I'm out and open and just dress for myself. Daily it's usually just a flannel or T-shirt and jeans. If I'm going out, a lot of my wardrobe takes it's history from women I have admired. Just a few of them are Jackie Kennedy, Cher, Sophia Loren, my aunt Helen, Joan Jett, Princess Di, Bette Midler, Dolly Parton, Diana Rigg and Joan Collins. Thanks for the nice article, Marg
Fascinating article Brina! If you had just asked me out of the clear blue who I am dressing for, I would have said myself. I know I strive to embody as best as I can those physical traits I admire while imaging the personality traits in producing my feminine persona. As I think about it tho it is more than that. Virtually all of the styles I have chosen for Kris would have been worn by my wife, and some actually have been. Even the wigs I have chosen emulate styles she has worn at different points of our life together. Most of all, when she compliments my presentation I find it most gratifying of all. If I show her a photo of a style I am interested in and she does not care for it, I usually pass. It seems that altho I do dress for myself I also subliminally seek her approval, so in that way I'm kind of dressing for her too. She no doubt is at the very least my main role model. I think it helps when you are creating a fantasy woman that the basis of the fantasy is your wife or SO - far less to have to explain! 😄
I really had to think about this. As many of you know, I am an intersex trans woman and live 24/7 as a woman. I grew up often wearing some of my mother's apparel and feeling that was completely natural. Growing up I would have to say that her style was a definite influence. She was a school teacher and would wear a dress, a top and skirt and even nice fitting women's slacks and a sweater. Where I work, as the supervisor for security at a government office, I have to wear pants. So every day I go to work wearing a pair of yoga pants with a very nice top or a blouse with a cardigan sweater. I love feminine tops and have almost 40 of them. I dress according to my own feminine style and to please myself and have been told by numerous women that I have classy style. I dress to blend in and not stick out in a crowd.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I generally dress for myself each day; however there is always in the back of my mind how would I look or impress others. I imagine how both prospective partners or other ladies would respond to how I appear. Since I rarely venture out, the other validation I seek is from the ladies here when I post photos. I really do greatly appreciate when I get positive comments from the girls here.
Jenna