Why am I this way?

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "Why am I this way?" My journey has taken me from denial, through fear, into resolve and let me blossom into who I am at the end. Yet I can't help wondering what life would be like if I were "normal", whatever that means.

There are so many things that I wish were different, and some nights I lie awake pining for what so many other women take for granted - to experience the miracle of childbirth, to nurture a family and to live without my past.

It's easier to see the tainted flowers of self rejection when we're afraid to take the first step. Many years ago I shared a post by one of our readers and challenged you to accept yourself as you are. I urge you to take a moment to read her words. Even all these years later I'm still moved when she says:

Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.

I live every day as the person I am inside - she is my life and there is no other. I have accepted that I am different, but I have not yet accepted that even in overcoming my differences I will never be the same. At times I envy the women who are women and the men who are men - those who move through their day without giving gender a second thought, without having made immense sacrifices to align their gender and without struggling through the consequences of those sacrifices.

Do you accept yourself?

Where are you on the journey to self acceptance? Do you deny the woman inside, and try to suffocate her when she bravely dares to enter your world? Do you indulge her for a time, and then just as quickly purge any feminine belongings you once treasured? Or do you believe you have accepted yourself, and then discover that yet more roads branch out in front of you on the path to acceptance?

Take a moment to share a struggle you've had recently in accepting yourself, or perhaps a triumph that you recently had in loving who you are!

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Before signing off today I'd like to take a moment to thank Gorgeous Hair Wigs for their perennial sponsorship of Crossdresser Heaven. Though they are ending their sponsorship this month they have played an important role in keeping us up and running these last few years. (They also offer a fabulous selection of high quality wigs that I encourage you to browse). This does mean we now have an opening for a sponsor. If you would like to sponsor and be featured on Crossdresser Heaven please reach out to me at vanessalaw1@gmail.com for more details.