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Girl friends and wives want to know.
Why do men cross dress?
Why does my husband cross dress?
How can I make him stop cross dressing?
The unfortunate truth, is that there is no simple, one line answer to these questions. If there were, you probably wouldn't be reading this article, and the debates on this topic would be silent.
In my personal experience, the fascination with woman's clothes started when I was very young. I must have been about four years old, and I remember going to great lengths to procure and then wear my mom's nightie. My most vivid memory is as a teenager, nervously buying a pair of pantyhose from a local supermarket and then wearing them home under my pants.
I felt (and still feel) a need to wear woman's clothes, and I can't quite explain where it comes from. The media like to think of cross dressing as a sexual perversion, and so naturally they see the desire to cross dress and purely for sexual gratification. The problem with this theory is that when I (and many others) first felt the desire to cross dress I didn't know what sex was.
Many cross dressers I've asked describe the need as 'feeling more comfortable wearing woman's clothes'. This is sometimes (but not always) coupled with the desire to be seen as a woman. To not just dress like a woman, but behave like one as well, to wear make-up and otherwise pass as a woman. There are others who cross dress for sexual excitement. The need to cross dress is indeed a spectrum.
That still doesn't answer the question why do men cross dress?
Marcy proposes a few interesting answers to this questions.
One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society's preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn't mind the male state, but also like to put on women's clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women's clothes gives them.
Yet the true reason why men cross dress remains somewhat of a mystery. It is intensely personal, often confusing and sometimes guilt ridden. I'm hopeful that as society grows more tolerant of diverse gender expression we will see more cross dressers and transgendered stepping forward to share their stories. Without the need to justify their behavior, and no longer shamed by society perhaps we will be better able to answer this baffling question.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
As a man who crossdress or I should say underdress, Why? Short answer: It's comfortable to wear. Why? Complicated answer: For Japanese sports PE bloomers. It's comfortable, it retains heat in winter 🥶, to me it looks like a cross between men's brief underwear and women's "granny" brief panties, and lastly I can feel open and relaxed while wearing Japanese sports PE bloomers. Why? Complicated answer 2: For women's panties . It's comfortable, I can get in touch with my feminine side, I can wear something different, I can feel sexy, and it's soft to wear. Lastly I want to say say as a man, to a point I don't see gender when it comes to clothes but when I wear Japanese bloomers or women's panties I don't feel like a woman but a straight heterosexual male who wears panties or Japanese style bloomers.
Comment and let me know, I would love to hear- why do you cross dress?
Short answer? I don't know for sure.
A few years ago, I saw some nice looking women's clothes and said to myself that they looked nice. I'd like to wear that. Slowly, I started buying pieces, here and there, eventually having enough to make outfits. I liked it (my wife wasn't so pleased).
I had no plans at all to transform or anything like that. I frequently went against the grain of society and see crossdressing as being no different. There is no dysphoria or enough guilt to want to stop and purge, so long as it doesn't cause a big split with my wife.
In nature, males are the peacocks. I like that scenario. In nature, human males are not the peacocks, they are now the drab ones. I am willing to challenge and try to reverse that. The only fashion that can currently make that possible are women's clothes.
Why? Short answer: It's what feels natural.
The longer answer is harder. To get a hint, it may be an idea to ask non-crossdressers why they don't crossdress. In answering this, they have a problem: They can't just say it's because they're men, because so are crossdressers. So, why don't they, then? I haven't heard a good answer to that...
Alternatively, we could accept the plain answer, that it's because they're men. But, that would mean that we're not men, but some other gender - a mix between men and women, in varying degree. But if that's the case, and we're just dressing like the gender we are - are we crossdressers then? 😉
(The short answer may be the best one...)
I don't have to do it all the time, but if I go a long time without dressing up, I get very cranky. I really can't think why this is.
All I can say is that dressing up makes me feel 'connected'. I feel as if some internal balance has been restored somehow. It does - as Monica points out - feel natural.
The thought of dressing up and going out is, yes, exciting - but sexually exciting? Not really!
I love to crossdress but having difficulty communicating my desires to others. advice?
I may have stumbled on something about male crossdressering. I have been a crossdresser since I was at least 4. I am sure my dad was also. But he clincher for me was when my son revealed to me that he was also. To put this in perspective,because of divorce,my son DID not growup with me. His mother is/was mentally unstable and since she made sure my crossdressing was brought to the fore, neither of us were deemed suitable to raise him. At 2 yrs old, he went to adoptive home. Not wanting to disrupt his life,I made no effort to see him. At 22,we were reunited and he showed me pics of himself in fem attire. Although there have to my knowedge been no studies, perhaps crossdressing has some basis in genetics. I do find it odd that genetic women crossdress often with no ramifacations, yet because I assume because of our idea that women are of a lower social order, It is accepted because it is constrused as emulating a man or the higher of the social order (complete nonsence of course)
Wow, I must be in a writing mood this weekend. First of all, thank a veteran this weekend, no matter what your thoughts and opinions are. Do a small volunteer project in their honor....Now, I know it is a big "shopping weekend", so I'm off to Victoria's Secret - I saw a panty and garter set with matching bra that I must have, so girls, I'm on my way....actually, I also want to get a gift card for a gg friend....she helped me tremendously the other night with my makeup and assisted me with the right outfit. I had a "date", yes a date, and he knew all about me. He was very, very respectful. The kiss at end of the night was so thrilling. I was treated and accepted as "Patrice"....so that's why I need the gift card for my friend. She was so happy for me. She set me up on the date....write to me sisters (rjb7839@aol.com) if you care to. Thanks.
Patrice
Hey Patrice, great to hear from you. Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself. I think some of your experiences would make for a great Crossdressing Success Story. Take a look here: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/do-you-have-a-crossdressing-succes-story/ and let me know, I'd love to hear from you.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I have been practising crossdressing more than 40years in secret. Please link me with a friend who can help me secure a breast and something to make my shape look like a woman. I live in Nigeria where there are no facilities for crossdressing.
Hi Rose,
I recommend trying to find a local support group. You can find a listing of support groups here: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/about/crossdresser-support-groups/
Blessing and good luck,
Vanessa
Interesting - I hadn't considered the cross dressing may be hereditary.
Come on Vanessa, Really? He will never stop hon and if you try to make him quit, it won't work. The best thing to do is dress with him hon. Trust me I know.
Hugs Cheryl Ann
When I was a baby my Mother used to dress me in girls baby clothes and I had long curly blond hair, finger curls. She has told me that people used to say " Oh what a beautiful little girl". I've seen pictures she took when I was about 2 years old in a crocheted dress.Very cute.
The first time I recall wearing womens clothes was at about 8. I playing dress up with my little sister and the girl that lived next door.I was wearing my Mother's dress,heels and a Marge Simpson necklace. Of course my Mother has pictures of me from that day.
My real interest started at about 12. My best friend was a girl. Nothing sexual,just best friends. I comforted when she cried because her budding breasts hurt. Once when we were camping I took a pair of her panties and slept in them. Yes that was sexual,but after a while it just felt natural wearing panties. The rest is history.
(Unapologetically stolen from a chain email I recieved)
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your site, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend crossdressing, for example, I simply remind them that Deuteronomy 22:5 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
- Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
- I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
- My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
this is a wife of a crossdresser,finding out my husband crosssdress i could not understand after 18yr in the army a partrooper and s/f way in the world would he want to be one,i see geting dress in the morning i love him but doing the job chambermaid,i try talking to him is it the unform he like,he told me its the only job he could get as a woman, he looks like a 50yr old woman,i cant belive it looking at him pulling upmy girdile hooking hie hose to it,then my bra 38DDD full slip & white unform black apron,and white low heels his make up pass, when i drop him off after i cry looking at him as he walks into the hotel, can you send me some information thank you Irine
I feel your pain. I found out accidently that my husband was a cross dresser. I cant even begin to tell you how I would like to just end my life. I dont understand this at all. I am so hurt. I feel so betrayed. I tried to listen to him talk but nothing he says makes sense to me. Why did he have to wait till we were married for 4 years to accidently let me find out. Whats wrong with me as a woman? I do anything sexual he wants. I feel horrible, like I obviously am not enough woman for him. How was any of this fair to me? Its been a HUGE lie and I never deserved to be lied to like this. Why couldnt he tell me before we got married? If people want to cross dress, be gay or whatever....thats fine, but to lie and drag others down with you is NOT fair. What about those of us that are innocent in all this and have no desire to be a part of this lifestyle. I no longer feel like a sexy woman, I feel like that has been taken away from me. My sexuality has been taken from me, the man that I though was my husband and my lover has been taken from me. Who am I in this house now, other then everybody's maid. Well I'm sorry I dont understand and I never thought I could feel any worse then I do now.
Truely hurt it really sounds like his crossdressing is about you. That is a very common mistake. It is about him. Don't ask why because even the best pschycologist don't have that answer. Crossdressing can be a very shameful thing. That is why he didn't tell you. The man is no less a man and your place in the house has not changed at all. That is all in your own mind. And as far as being innocent? That implies that someone is guilty. The only guilt is that guilt inside your husband that kept him from telling you. Believe me there is nothing wrong with you as a woman, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Now if you quit acting like a drama queen and actually talk to more importantly listen to him with more than your ears you might actually realize that he is the same maqn he was before you knew.
You are a typical woman. Everybody has to be exactly as society says they should be. There is no room for being different. You don't even know what the life style is because the media coverage on the subject covers transvestite hookers and generally people with absolutely no class.
If I have been hard on you it is not because I am a nasty person. It is because I have seen this so many times. Some how there is woman that thinks she is a victim when it has nothing to do with her womanhood or who she is. Most likely he is very masculine man that works and loves hard and you are most likely the most important person in his life. I guarantee he doesn't love you any less. Can you step up to the plate and be kind of loving woman he needs.
A little hint. Look at the type of clothes he has. Buy some like them and wear them for him. Men that crossdress 99% of the time wear the clothes they like seeing women wear. Don't forget the lingerie hon and heels hon.
Hugs Cheryl Ann
most r scared to tell wife or spouse or mate cause they dont accept and they will still get there feelings only get deprived i have to try to hide it even thought hey all know
i wonder were do they put them
I found out about my boy(girl)friends cding on accident. Its so funny how when you find womens under garments you automaticly think their messing around but once you find the size 12 heel your pretty sure theres alot more going on! I was shocked and felt very betrayed. But after alot of talking and alil crying I understood that it wasn't my fault(we can b so selfish sometimes)I said I loved him no matter what. Since then I have been involded with everything and our sex life has never been better! I think if we could stop being so closed minded the world would b a better place. Just wanted to drop a few lines from an understanding and very happy girlfriend of a cd!
Lani, thank you so much for your note. It always warms my heart when I hear about girl friends and wives who display such love and courage. I know it is not easy to accept in your man - it truly does take a special person to be willing to listen, and cry, and love.
I am a crossdresser and have been for a very long time. Is there some advice you could give me for my new wife to explain to her that she does not need to worry about me turning gay or feeling wierd towards me. I need help bad. I want to help her to understand. But as a crossdresser myself and as many crossdresser's i can not explain to her why i do it. If you could be of some help i would greatly appriciate it.
Than you.
I just discovered my boyfriends basket of goodies and at first I freaked out because I knew for some time he was hiding something from me. I told him that I want to join in on whatever it is. Now I know and I can accept this but I want to understand the need to dress up and fantasize, would you men be willing to talk and share these fantasies with your wife if she was open and non judgemental about it?
How do I approach this with him without him freaking out?
I personally would love to converse with an understanding woman on this subject. I have told my wife and she is aware of my panty fetsih, but is NOT willing to open her mind or even try to understand any of it. She has actually gone so far as to forbid me to do it. Yes, I would love to be able to be open and honest with my wife, unfortunately this is not the case. I truly believe our relationship would be strenghtened by having her approval and support.
Maybe you could slowly incorporate it into your lovemaking by asking him to wear your dirty panties while you have sex. Maybe even suggest a girls night in where you offer to paint his nails and give him bubble bath.
If you would like to converse directly, my email is cntlvr4u@hotmail.com
Hi Vanessa, I am not a cross-dresser but I am attracted to someone who is. He is just as cute dressed as a man or woman. So what I would like to know if you can give advice on how I could stand apart from the other ladies. Is there something I could say that would get him to turn his head and take notice of me? Or something that would let him know I am comfortable with him just the way he is? Or any other advice? Thanks for your help.
lisa try asking him out taking the lead my personal experince most of us are submisive not allways bondage kinda femine like we like to be treated like a lady submisive and take women side of house
i have been with my boyfriend (who i call my husband) for 17 yrs.I did not know of his crossdressing right off,but his ex-g.f decided to tell me in the hopes i would get freaked out and not want to be with him. (Guess she was not happy they split up). anyway,,,, little did she know i hhad already had 2 lesbian relationships prior. So i guess im bi, i have had 2 relationships with a woman(committed) and alot of promiscuity with men. although a few long term ones.
My husband i would say would not be passable at all,but then again he is really into the panties,panty hose,lingerie, and high heels.
Personally being attracted to women to, i would not mind in the least if my husband was a passable gal. i really would have the best of both worlds, boobs and c***k !
I am very understanding but we have had some very rough times too. We have been through the hot sex all the time, do anything he wanted,gadgets and gizmos,etc. and we or I have been through the total turn off,your a freak,it disgusts me, you can only have sex with me when you are dressed up, you really want a man,not me times....
He says he has never beenwith a man, but even after 17 yrs. im not sure i completely beleve that.
but the fact is,he is with me ,i do get turned on by his crossdressing, he has the best looking legs in heels and hose ive seen.
I think it is hard for a person to have all these different and unsure feelings when you are involved in this situation.
I have been guilty of shaming and putting my husband down for what he enjoys,yes to hurt his feelings,only to find that at the timenot only were we having problems but that my words scarred him, and made him more stand offish to me,and to the degree that we were pretty much "room mates" in our home.
Things are much better,we are working on our trust and respect issues, which we both damaged.
I do admit i do fantasize about us having another c/d join us, but even though the thought is there, i know i would never be able to go through with it, im stuck on monogomy,and still cant deal with the 'its only sex, idea.
So enough of my rambling,And im sorry that your wife has such a wall about it.
Yes,from experience approval and support is like the utmost for a good relationship.
i noticed your post is from 2011,so i hope things are working out, and that you are still together.
I would love to converse and share thoughts with you.
i will send an e mail too!!
to beckyg65
like what you put on your mesg above this one, but wondered what make you worried that your man would want be or do another man. Is it just the fact that he's a cross-dresser & there for your worried he might gay, or is there other reasons that none of my business. i only ask this cus i hate the people who think that we transvestites only do this to pull men cus according to stats & most other tranny's i know most are straight, & this mith that we cross-dressers are gay, needs dispelling. Like in all other walks of life though! you get a variety of different people in this community & some may be gay or Bi-sexual, but its not the rule or majority, some of us just like womens clothes & admire the female form so much so, that we want to emulate it, which is the case with me, & generally prob what been a cross-dresser is about.
Ok ..I am a straight female...45 years old. My boyfriend told me he is a crossdresser. He is not gay and I am the only one he has ever told.
At first I thought I was openminded enough to handle it. Then he decided to dress daily...wherther it be in a night gown. Womans shourts with bra and tank top...One day I cam home and found him in the driveway cleaning his car in womas jeans white flip flopps and full makeup...only thing missing was the wig. He came tward me for a kis....and I felt uncomfortable...didnt like it. I went againt my own feekings as not to hurt his...but as the day and evening went on I got even more turned off.
He told me he does not want to "change" but that he just likes to dress this way. Ok fine,,I love him and want him to be comforable in his own home and skin but explained for me...sexually I an not have sex with him unless he is him....(make sence?)
One day Im doing laundery...putting clo0thes away,,,he is out so I know his makeup burshes are in his underwear drawer. Upon putting clothes away I discover "estroven"...this upset me because he said he didnt want to "change"...isnt the point of taking hormones...even over the counter hormones..a sign someone wants to "change"?
Moving on I learned his alter name...his full name and found a facebookpage dedicated to "her" with links to transgender/transsexual sites and support groups...ok fine. hat got me was something he/she posted....it said "sorry i didnt make it to church...i was home practicing whichcraft and being a lesbien."
Again...I am a straight 45yr old female who has never been attracted to female...I am actually a submissive female who enjoys dominiate men in bed. (which he protrayed himself as when we started dating)
I ffel bad because we have broken up...maybe thats why im here to get answers. He is a good person and wants more from "her" in his life. It just isnt for me...As Iv read through this site isee alot of you have wives...also wives who are accepting. However I am no closer to undersrtanding or haveing the capability of being with a man who thinks himself a feamale'lesbien. I just wish things were differant. We were so good together as a team out of bed. :::sigh::
I realize I cant force him to change,,that will only lead to more deception. I also know I can not live part time as the other half of a lesbien relationship... Now I know I have to let him go so he can be free to be himself/herself.
MY DEAR. TRACY
I AM SAD FOR YOU. ABOUT BEING STRESSED. WITH GOOD TIME AND UNDERSTANDING.IT WILL ALL PAST"
Hi Tracy,
I hope all is going well with you. I too am heterosexual female, 46. I have a CD boyfriend and knew it when we got back together. I have openly participated and loved being with him CD. I dont feel lesbian when we do it... but... just recently he told me he wants to take hormones... and has started... I like you am not lesbian and dont want a feminized BF who is "changing" his physical self. I need the man parts all functioning well etc... He has become more obessive with his appearance, acting very much like an anorexic person or someone addicted to plastic surgery (all conditions which I have extensive experience dealing with in my profession)... dismorphic, narcissitic and very self absorbed.
I honestly don't think this is about being a CD. In his case, I suspect it is about an obsessive compulsive disorder that is not necessarily related to CD.
I love my man and his feminine side too... but I am not interested in the feminine side "chemically killing" and high jacking his male side (which will affect his ability in bed and will take away the physical aspects of our attraction). He is a very manly man which is something that I need and love. I too may have to let him go and move on to something that suits him (am me) better if he wishes to fully feminize with hormones etc. 🙁
Just like he needs to be who he is, I am not and never will become a lesbian.
So to all of you sweet loves that CD, please please please don't lie about your full intentions if you plan to be sexually and physically altered using chemicals and hormones and have desires to become a woman through surgery or hormones etc! Because heterosexual partners like me are born this way. We are what we are and we are not going to change our sexual orientation.
JPL...
Thank you for your responce. actually he and I met out yesterday. He told me that part of his life is over. He told I am more important than his self destructive behavior. I explained that I think he is a good person, and while I believe his intentions are good, I do not think it is that easy.
We are no longer together, I did tell him we can be friends, but in the future there will not be a relationship. I too, told him I wish him the best in finding a partner who can understand and even be involved...but I am not her.
Thanks again for this site. I learned alot about him as well as myself in teading the posts here.
Happy new year everyone.
Hey JPL
The disorder you are thinking about is GID or Gender Identity Disorder. I know this because like alot of people here i am a cross dresser but I'm also more. I feel better dressing looking acting going out at a female. It's hard to deal with yes and alot of people don't understand what or how to do with it. I myself am not gay not would I date another guy. I feel in a way I wanna look female and have the chest but not take hormones because I want my man parts to. It's even tough for me to deal with and there are days were I feel like nobody wants me. But I work through it.
I'm a straight guy who crossdresses in private. The reason I do it it's a turn on. It's a role play thing. The problem with sharing it is that he might be afraid you'll tell people. I would wait until you guys are having sex and I'd put your panties on him. Turn it intoa kinky thing. Rub him through the panties. Maybe put a double ended dildo in youand wear his underwear. Make him rub your dildo through the underwear. This is how it hapenned for me. It's a way to get involved and have fun too.
Bring up the subject of crossdressing during conversation and see how he reacts. Act like you have an open curiosity and he will eventually open up, because it is what I would want if I were him.
You could start by asking him if he wants to wear a nightie to bed (you might have to buy him one) or lay his stuff out on the bed one evening and just ask him if he would wear it in front of you
Oh, if I had just had the opportunity to tell my wife about my enjoyment of wearing women's garments, I think our marriage would still be working.!
We have acknowledged that we do love each other, after being separated for many years.
However, with our 'catholic' upbringing, I thopught myself sort of weird how I felt, and whenever the subject came up it was treated with derision.
Only talking to people like all you lovelies have I found out that my feelings are so normal.- and shared.
Maybe we were all born a generation early. !
Luv to all
I have crossdressed since 11-12 am now 51. There have been periods where I haven't or purged all my girl things.I now have more bras then my wife, and a good array of panties, tights, make-up and even a couple of dresses.I dress because I have always felt I should be a female. I love being feminine. I am married and not out to my wife.In fact no one knows.
Callie, I am intrigued by your post on here and I would love to talk to you. Can we get in touch outsdide of this site? adam
thing is even tho you say you will be non judgemental there will still be aspects of you that will be... i know this because my G/F said the same to me and she didnt openly judge me at first but little things she said over the first year or so let me know what she was thinking and it took some time for her to accept me for me... i told her that i am me with or without the clothing its not my clothing that makes me who i am on the inside and if you cant love me for me then theres no reason for us both to be unhappy and well 18 yrs later we are still together.. but i still dont share all my fantasies with her some are just to be kept to ones self i guess
but i am happy to hear there are women like you who want to help and take part in it all because there are guys like me who with a lil help make 1 hell of a good looking lady and some guys like me have a woman who enjoys the touch of a woman
Boy, are you in for some good fun! If you like the idea of sharing CD with your husband, take the bull by the horns, and "dress him up".
Just invite him to the bedroom, "order" him to strip naked, and then tell him that that you have a fantasy about dressing a man up in woman's things. I am almost certain your husband will go along with what ever you want to do....
mcC, I am a heterosexual crossdresser. My wife knows and is supportive now. It hasn't always been that way though. The simle fact that you want to talk to him is huge.
Whiole I am heterosexual, I do have a fantasy about my wife and I having sex with another tgirl. The key part of the fantasy is her. What we have done to satisfy it is to talk about it when we have sex. It is very erotic for me. Actually having sex wwith my wife while dressed I do believe is my real fantasy. She responds to that and accepts that and it has added variey to our sex life.
I dress fully, dresses and skirts, stockings and pantyhose, heels wigs makeup and I am passable about 70% of the time. I don't have sluty inhibitions and as a matter of fact I conduct my with class at all times.
Try this. You bring the subject in general conversation. Tell him you seen a couple tgirls and it really kind of intrigued you. Then lean the conversation towards him dressing. Once you get him dressed he will be much more willing to talk.
Now for the tough part. Think about one thing in your life that you just really love. You just can't live without it if at all possible. Do you really know why? It is something that you enjoy and it makes you feel good. You don't really know why, you are just really into it. That is what crossdressing is for crossdressers. Keep in mind that a very high percentage of crossdressers are not gay or bisexual. They like the girly girls. And what I mean by that is they like the girls that dress very nice. Also keep in mind that depending on where he is with his personal journey, crossdressing for him may be a very embarrassing, guiltful and confusing thing.
If you say you can accept it then you really have to accept it. Once you really accept it be prepared for him to dress a fair amount because he has not ever been able to dress and actually hang with someone he cares for. It is so theraputic.
I do not want to be a woman, I absolutely love to crossdress, fish, play guitar, hunt and take sly looks at the hotties waking through the world.
I don't know if this helps you but I know it will help him.
Why do you like ice cream? Because t taste good.
Why does he dress? Because it feels good.
Why ask why?
Cheryl Ann Teaks
i feel that he would be happy if u found out i would be happy to share with anyone my wife and kids know but dont accept i think it drives them away i dress up cause its more i would love to talk with wife ir other women who accept it more even get pointers from them
yes i would be she is on the other side she is like guys r not supposed to dress she tried a few times with me i i would take him out shopping i our cross dresser dream if u acceping he will be there to make a girls night out or halloween must of u fantazie being accepted with our girlfriend
a simple yes we want her to share our fantasies and both do the fanties and shoping toghter
Don't tell him you know. Let him know you approve of CD by dropping hints about it in a generic sense. Steer the conversation in a CD direction when the opportunity presents itself (maybe when gay marriage comes up?), and then, "Gee, I don't know what the big deal is to everyone. People just have needs. Some people just need to dress up as the opposite sex now and then to be fulfilled, and that's perfectly healthy." If he knows you're going to accept him, then he'll probably come out to you.
We all want to be accepted by our loved ones for the completeness of who we are. If he sees this opportunity to deepen the relationship between you, then he'll jump at it.
Good luck!
slowly bring up the topic see what he says maybe try to play around with him and see what he does.
First of all, you need to tell him that you are open minded and won't judge him or tell anyone his desires or fantasies. Cross-dressers are scared and can be very embarrassing to tell their wife's or girlfriends. Trust me... it was for me. You have to get him to trust you. Tell him you want to participate with him and want to join (meet) that other side of him that he hides from you. He'll be worried that will think of him less of a man and will leave him. If you truly love him, say you won't leave him because he likes dressing up in girls clothes. Tell him you would like to help out if he'll allow you.
He will still feel extremely embarrassed even after you tell him that he has nothing to fear. Us guys who dress are very cautious about our secrets. You have to be supportive and patient with him. Whatever you do, don't push him or force him to open up to you. This is something that's been hiding longer then he's known you. As long as your honest and telling him you accept him for who he is, I'm sure he'll become a little more comfortable. He could start telling you some. There'll be tame fantasies he might tell you, to see how you react to it. Don't put a surprised look on your face, don't make any comments about it yet. Remember, your open minded and nonjudgmental to him. If all goes well, he might dig deeper into his secrets and tell you. I'm still trying to help my wife understand my desires. It's hard for us to do this.
He might not be able to tell you why he likes doing it. Cross-dressers sometimes don't know themselves why they do it. Of course they might say, they like how it feels, there's more color choices, more comfortable than men's. It relaxes them after a hard day at work. He might not always want to do this very second. It's like music. When your in the mood, you'll turn it on to listen. Same thing when it comes to cross-dressing, when the mood strikes them. Unless he thinks he's in the wrong kind of body. He thinks he was supposed to be a girl. You need to ask when he dresses, does he have feels for guys? Most of the time, cross-dressers are straight males who just like dressing and have no feels towards guys. They want to feel the softness and let go of there manhood for just a little while. Even act girly sometimes. To escape reality and experience the other side of the gender.
For myself, I'm still trying to figure it out who I am. It's been about 30 years and I still don't have all the answers. It can take a lifetime to figure it out. I do know when your younger, it's much harder when there's no one you can talk to that you can trust and not judge you like society does.
Cross-dressing for me is just wearing bras and panties for sexual gratification. When I was younger, I was very shy and never could ask a girl out. Then when I entered into being a teenager, I needed and wanted to experience sex. Just masturbation with my hand wasn't going to work. I needed something closer to a girls... well you know. Not dirty ones, by the way. I'm not a panty sniffer. That would be gross.
I hope this helps you out. I know you asked this question long ago. I hope you check this site out looking for answers that people aren't giving you. Good luck.
HI
I am in the same boat you are in. I tried to explain to her, and she wont budge. The problem is there is no point in arguing whose mind is closed or not in a rational state. It is quite difficult to argue with them, I guess next to impossible.
Simply put hon, you have to make her feel special all the time. You have to show her how important she is to you all the time. That doesn't mean you have to kiss her ass. It means that their really isn't anything short of action that will convince her otherwise. Good Luck.
Cheryl
Every woman wants to feel special, but a relationship is a two way thing, meaning a man wether transvestite or not,should not be taken for granted. Think the main thing to when coming out of the tranny closet, to your partner is to re-assure her that your not gay, as even some of the most open minded people when faced with this scenario can become closed minded when comes to the subject of transvestism/cross-dressing as is the western worlds last taboo, as the gays, lesbians, & goths have become part of society & accepted. I am a part time transvestite, & I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I'm still only attracted to women)cus if you only like women you only like women! They may be some that use the cover of transvestism as an excuse to come out of the gay closet, but the majority of transvestites are straight men that just love womens clothes & the female form to the point they want to emulate the women they admire so much.
To Vicky mynx.
Hi Vicky, Please can you tell me, when you cross-dress do you feel that you would like your partner see you as an attractive women and make love to you or you are just excited by your own self looking in the mirror. Because my boyfriend told me that he is a straight CDr and he is fine with being a man, its just his sexual fantasy .But i cant understand what exactly is his sexual fantasy. I asked him to put on a wig i put a make up on his face and then we took pictures and i asked him if he goes somewhere would he masturbate on his pics he didn’t say No, which got me really thinking that he is not ""a I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I’m still only attracted to women)"".He cant answer if he is attracted to himself ,all he says that he used to masturbate before while CD and its his habit and now as he told me and i am the only person he ever opened, he doesnt know what are his feelings while CDsing.I am super confused. He tells me he loves me and wants me and he is not gay.But he masturbated on his own pictures. Or lets say used too,what does it mean?
To Vicky mynx.
Hi Vicky, Please can you tell me, when you cross-dress do you feel that you would like your partner see you as an attractive women and make love to you or you are just excited by your own self looking in the mirror. Because my boyfriend told me that he is a straight CDr and he is fine with being a man, its just his sexual fantasy .But i cant understand what exactly is his sexual fantasy. I asked him to put on a wig i put a make up on his face and then we took pictures and i asked him if he goes somewhere would he masturbate on his pics he didn’t say No, which got me really thinking that he is not ""a I regard myself as lesbian when dressed, as my sexuality does not change(I’m still only attracted to women)"".He cant answer if he is attracted to himself ,all he says that he used to masturbate before while CD and its his habit and now as he told me and i am the only person he ever opened, he doesnt know what are his feelings while CDsing.I am super confused. He tells me he loves me and wants me and he is not gay.But he masturbated on his own pictures. Or lets say used too,what does it mean?
It means you are an amazing person and he is lucky to have you. CD behavior is very difficult to explain, but I really enjoy it.
hey girlfreind he probly does it for you we want to be accepted it doesn't make you a lesbian onless he fully changes
Hi Chastity, this article might help hon: https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/how-to-tell-your-wife-you-crossdress/
I am a cross-dresser. Just like an alcoholic, we will ALWAYS be a CD. We need this "expression" of ourselves, just like an artist needs to express their creativity. With in us is the want need and/or desire to submit to a female. The wife, Girl-friend or signifigant other will be the total recipiant of the admiration that a queen would deserve. She would be worshipped. Then he changes back to his male self....
I have been married for over 40 years to my lovely wife. Before we got married I got her a book on transvestism, and had her read it. I also got her a few books on forced feminization so she would learn about the possible positive effects of having her "personal Maid" and closest "girlfriend" all wrapped up in her subbie-hubbie.
Good-Luck!
Whats the name of the book about forced feminism? My gurlfriend loves to dress and we have fun with it but i know
He would really enjoy being my sub so id like to learn more about it
to stephine
he would really love that especially if you want it bring other men and force him to you fantasies make him do do all the work and punish him if he dont meat your standards even take things away if he aint good its as goes as far as you take it
Hi there
tell her the reason you do it is because you just like womens clothes & like to emulate the female form as that is what cross-dressing boils down to.
In a way providing you are not gay or bi-sexual all ready, i think it actually makes you straighter than the macho macho men who feel the need to prove their manliness, as win my case as well as liking womens clothes and admire the female form that much that i want to emulate the female form. Please note that i am not trying to put words into ya mouth, as evry one has to find themselves, their selves. Pep talk to yourself in your head & answer your own question b4 answering hers.
I would be happy to help if she wants to communicate with me. I am a heterosexual female. My boyfriend is a heterosexual male that likes to cross dress. Not into men and is not "gay".
My guy just told me last week that he likes to do it... He has even admitted that he has out on my clothes before. I am trying to accept it. He isn't into men and isn't gay. I'm working on trying to accept it. How did you when you first found out?
How wonderful. He feels strongly enough about your relationship to be open and honest with you. That should make you feel even closer to him.
I would think about this a little bit differently. Do you have a favorite food, place, or activity that excites you? Maybe an ice cream place that you love or a great vacation place you want to see again? If you were told that you were going there in a few days, you would get excited and would not think of much else. Well that is probably what he is feeling about you and your clothing gives him a way to be close to you. Remember you can wear his stuff and it's no big deal so it should not be a problem the other way. Just love each other and have a wonderful life together!
The best thing to do is be as supportive as you can, let him know that you are okay with his dressing, even if your not. If he knows you are trying to accept his new hobby, he will be more open with it to you and wont keep secrets about what he wants to do.
Most guys are more relaxed and have less stress when they have supporting wife's or girlfriends. He needs someone to talk to and someone to help him with clothing etc.
The best way is to support what he does. Cross dressers have enough stress from dressing in secret and need anyone to support their fetishes. Help him find clothes to fit him, help with makeup and his looks so he dont look like a guy in a dress.
Have a girls night in together and chat about clothing and makeup, that's what guys that cross dress dream of doing while they are dressed.
If you dont support him, he will continue to sneak around and venture out and find someone else to support him.
Iv just started doing cross dressing the first time I did it was for a costume party so that way my excuse all my friends were cool with it but then they started saying how girly I looked and it suited me but they didn't know that I finally felt like me for the first time I have know idea how you should tell your wife I don't think anyone can everyone takes things different wish I could help
I been a life long cross dresser since i was about 5 to 10 years of age , and i am now 55.I still do not understand my need to dress as a girl.I feel strongly i was born in the wrong sex.I feel more at ease while dress as a girl.I do most of the time have my own fantasys of having sex as a girl with a man ( either my husband or boyfriend and at times have rape sexual attacks fantasys as well ).I think i dress as a girl because it helps me feel at ease and gives me the chance to think about in my dream world or fantasy of having sex as a girl/woman.
Hi . I know how you feel. I also feel I was born the. Wrong sex. I love everything about girls. I started dressing around 10. I have many fantasies of being a girl and having sex with a guy. I would like to chat more with you about this.
i feel the same way sometimes then again i have also thought that if i were to change sex i would be a lesbian but idk because sometimes i dress up and think of a man being in me it does get hard and is very confusing. please lets chat about this more often.
yeh jen im in the same boat exactly 10 til now (55) ive been playing woith toys in the pass really have thoughts of getting in to strapon women sounds yummy
I so understand you, I would rather wear a dress and heels, than wear a suit and tie anyday. And I get very similar fantasies, they are always heterosexual, but its me not having homosexual sex with a man, but how it would feel to have sex as a woman. So you are not the only one my friend. Unfortunately, its very confusing isnt it?
For me it has to do with self-expression. Society defines certain expected social roles (also called gender roles) based specifically on whether someone has XX or XY. Some aspects of myself fit within the XY category that society claims is required of me, and some aspects of myself lie in the category marked only for those with XX. For so long of my life, I was refused to express those parts of me that are reserved for those with XX, so now it is so awesome to get a chance to dress in way that is complementary with my inner identity, as well as have a partner who accepts and embraces these disparate aspects of myself. To not dress would put me back in the horrible cycles of life where I could not be who I was, and just sought to drown the world out through mindlessness.
hi i came home as a new born in a dress .my oldest sister dressed me like this every day (mom and dad worked alot)at the age of three my ears hed ear rings in them as i got older this was just a normal thing then came the panthose and heels and makeup this was about 1968 yes i have a wife and 2 kids and 7 grandkids witch i love them all very much. but most people dont under stand this at all but as you can see i was raised this way and i like how i am . but i just cant go out dressup my wife would not have it . i am number 6 of 11 kids i have 10 sister and i am 56 now love them all would not have it any other way
Hey Phil, thanks for sharing your experience. That must've made for quite a childhood. Do you remember whether you enjoyed it early on, or whether you were forced to dress as a girl?
I guess as young as three it may be difficult to remember, but perhaps emotionally impactful events are easier to recall.
Jon, thanks for bringing up self-expression. For a while my vision for myself was to "Live as who I am every day of my life". Looking back, the year I took that fully to heart has been one of the better years of my life. Freeing yourself to really live the life that is bursting from inside you. Wow!
I have dressed since I was 11 (17 years now). My wife and I were discussing this last night, and I have really no idea as to why the desire to dress as a woman is a part of who I am.
Someone mentioned genetics, and I believe from my own research into alcoholism and depression that cross dressing might be linked to both of these. In some ways for me dressing is like an addiction. This is sensible as I have multiple family members who are/have been alcoholic. Just a thought.
Erica
I cross dress since the 10 years of age, I have dressed my sisters' pantyhose, my mother's OBG with nylons of all colors, but my favorite was gray, skin, black and coffee. Then one summer holidays I was at a house of our family friends on the coast when a lady wanted to undress and I have had to put a blanket over my head, but of course I snicked "out" for a second and what I have seen - I have NEVER and will never forget: a beautiful strong woman dressed in black bra size E, black open bottom girdle with the stockings of skin color on mighty and long legs...ever since whenever I have a 0,000001% of possibility to put such a beautiful things on - I do it!! Although this lady is old today (it happened almost 30 yrs ago) I still have the same beautiful picture of her before my eyes!
i like crossdressing me and my best friend both do crossdressing and love it he borrows his mums clothes and i borrow both of my mums clothes and they are proud of me crossdressing and really wanted me to be gay but i like women iand i always feel like i am one so me, my best friend, and my mums all go on a girls night out (they do our make up and buy our clothes though) the last noght i did was going to a crossdressers club in maidstone in kent its was really fun and thats where i met my girlfriend i was 16 im now 18
