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Why do we cross dress? Why does it give us such a rush? An inexplicable sense of fulfillment when we dress and act in ways a woman does? I think the answer lies in understanding the masculine and feminine qualities.
Every individual, whether male or female, possesses both feminine and masculine qualities in a psychological sense. The feminine qualities are the emotions that nurture and bond human beings (without expecting any materialistic returns). These emotions include love, care, empathy, desire to see happiness in others etc. etc. The masculine qualities are oriented towards materialistic achievements. They are focus, passion, persistence etc. Even though both qualities are important, the world gives high value to masculine qualities and undermines the feminine qualities. But, A true human being (Whether male or female) is the one who masters and balances both the feminine and masculine qualities. I read in swami Vivekananda’s biography that ”A perfect human being possesses a masculine outer shell and a feminine inner core”. Thus, psychologically speaking, every individual in the world falls somewhere in the non-binary gender spectrum. So everyone is psychologically transgender by nature 🙂. Both the masculine and feminine emotions are powerful and they give us unique kind of joy and fulfillment when experienced.
A CD/TG male person is the one who is psychologically more receptive to the joys that feminine qualities bring (Since birth). Thus, from early childhood on-wards, he slowly develops the desire to indulge in feminine activities. But the real world keeps discouraging and pounding that innocent boy whenever he tries to express these feminine desires. The boy eventually learns to deny his feelings to escape from the embarrassing and frightening scenarios that he would otherwise encounter. The boy grows to be a Man, with him his desire to express these feelings also grows. The longer these feelings are suppressed, the more painful it gets for him to contain them further. That's why, whenever he dresses in feminine clothing, a part of those suppressed feelings is released and he feels a deep sense of satisfaction within. The real reason for this happiness is the stopping of his "Self-denial". If the man stops his self-denial and accepts his feminine part, he may not feel such a rush after cross dressing after all!
Then why should we stop our self-denial, after all, this is what is protecting us from getting exposed in the society? A simple answer is: continuous self-denial = self-damage. When we deny a part of our self for long periods of time, we cause multitudes of negative effects on our personality. They, include, lack of self-respect, self-loathing, depression, anxiety, over indulging etc. etc. All these make us more vulnerable to various kinds of addictions ranging from porn addiction to drugs and alcohol abuse. If things remain this way for a long enough time, one can even develop suicidal tendencies.
So, my dear sisters, I urge us all to love our feminine self. After all, she is such a beautiful woman. She is a god’s gift to us, and by denying her we commit nothing but sin. Love her, and be proud to have her in your life, and more importantly understand her. I know it can be scary to accept her, what if accepting her too much blows my cover? Don't worry, have faith in your deeds, everything will come in your way at the right time. All she needs is that look of acceptance in the eyes of a few people (Your self-included). Can’t we give her that much?
With Love,
Kalyani
Have you totally accepted the feminine side of you now without any feelings of guilt or shame attached to your thrill of cross dressing?
How old were you on the very first day or night of your cross dressing and what type of feelings were you experiencing?
Do you feel pride in being a cross dresser now or are you still trying to hide it, suppress it, or simply trying to rid yourself of cross dressing from your life right now? And if you've gone through ridding yourself of cross dressing with a total purge of all of your feminine items, do you wish now you never purged in the first place?
Kalyani,
Loved loved loved this article, it describes my journey perfectly. Thank you for being brave and bold enough to publish it. For decades my masculine and feminine sides were in constant conflict, now they are finally at peace and love one another. Thank you dear sister for sharing your insight and wisdom.
Namaste,
Kendra
Kalyani,
Wow! A well-written article, more like a fantastic summary of what so many CDs go through in life.
I strongly identify with virtually everything you wrote, and yes, once we let our female self out to express herself, everything else falls into place so easily and quickly.
One particular thing you mentioned is alcoholism. I have not had an alcoholic beverage in 29 years, having gained sobriety through AA. I will always believe that my drinking was the expression of not being able to express my female self for so long! Once I went public and came out of the closet, the well-balanced result was nothing short of an amazing change in me, for the good.
Thank you again for this article.
Peggy Sue
Kalyani,
Wow! A well-written article, more like a fantastic summary of what so many CDs go through in life.
I strongly identify with virtually everything you wrote, and yes, once we let our female self out to express herself, everything else falls into place so easily and quickly.
One particular thing you mentioned is alcoholism. I have not had an alcoholic beverage in 29 years, having gained sobriety through AA. I will always believe that my drinking was the expression of not being able to express my female self for so long! Once I went public and came out of the closet, the well-balanced result was nothing short of an amazing change in me, for the good.
Thank you again for this article.
Peggy Sue
Wonderful words Kalyani , plenty resonates with me...the good & the bad , no shame or confusion now ( I'm 51) , my wife & I are proud of us/me . We're out regarding my gender fluidity / CD , for each of us & at Duffy times there's been tough days , those are far less often & the good days far outnumber the bad ones. We see each other through our bad days & enjoy our good ones ❤️
Wonderful words Kalyani , plenty resonates with me...the good & the bad , no shame or confusion now ( I'm 51) , my wife & I are proud of us/me . We're out regarding my gender fluidity / CD , for each of us & at Duffy times there's been tough days , those are far less often & the good days far outnumber the bad ones. We see each other through our bad days & enjoy our good ones ❤️
Kalyani,
This was well expressed and well written. I myself have been exploring my feminine side here at CDH and that amplified the feminine side greatly for me to gain further understanding of it.
Thank You,
Alice Black
Kalyani,
This was well expressed and well written. I myself have been exploring my feminine side here at CDH and that amplified the feminine side greatly for me to gain further understanding of it.
Thank You,
Alice Black
Thank you for a totally relatable and succinct article. Growing up in a large (8 children) predominantly hyper-masculine family in a small town pre-internet era I had little to no influences that would have guided me to exploring my feminine traits and crossdressing. The outwardly visible and outspoken external pressures from family and society would never had led me continue exploring CD but I persisted. I can only really attribute it to an inner discovery, self realization and yearning. I am still in the closet to everyone but my wife and even with her I am only peaking out.
Thank you for a totally relatable and succinct article. Growing up in a large (8 children) predominantly hyper-masculine family in a small town pre-internet era I had little to no influences that would have guided me to exploring my feminine traits and crossdressing. The outwardly visible and outspoken external pressures from family and society would never had led me continue exploring CD but I persisted. I can only really attribute it to an inner discovery, self realization and yearning. I am still in the closet to everyone but my wife and even with her I am only peaking out.
Have you totally accepted the feminine side of you now without any feelings of guilt or shame attached to your thrill of cross dressing?
Yes, totally, for at least the last 15-20 years and a "good lump" for decades before that. Tho happily outwardly male during the day time, Catherine is me and I am Catherine, (aka Caty). I underdress 24/7 and have my bra and forms on every night except the height of summer. (too hot!!).
Caty loves the feel of upscale lingerie on her bod and would not feel complete with out it on her.
Winter is a special time, cos that's when heavy duty tights and and a Cup bra van be added to her daytime "underdrab"
When I can do so, I love being full dressed and made up and to "venture forth" into the wide world. That of course has been shut down due to the "Bug"
How old were you on the very first day or night of your cross dressing and what type of feelings were you experiencing?
Very young no more than 10-12, Initially it was just the silky feel of my mother's lingerie,. It then morphed into the "erotic" sides of things and this has stayed with me for most of my life.
I have also strongly maintained that the "large slice" of me that is female has led to be being able to so easily relate to women and some of the closest friends I have ever made have been females. There is one lady in particular whom I have enjoyed a very close "brother/ sister" relationship for over 30 years!
Sadly she lives on the other side of the planet to me, but the times we had together in years gone by will always be a wonderful part of my life.
Caty Ryan
Have you totally accepted the feminine side of you now without any feelings of guilt or shame attached to your thrill of cross dressing?
Yes, totally, for at least the last 15-20 years and a "good lump" for decades before that. Tho happily outwardly male during the day time, Catherine is me and I am Catherine, (aka Caty). I underdress 24/7 and have my bra and forms on every night except the height of summer. (too hot!!).
Caty loves the feel of upscale lingerie on her bod and would not feel complete with out it on her.
Winter is a special time, cos that's when heavy duty tights and and a Cup bra van be added to her daytime "underdrab"
When I can do so, I love being full dressed and made up and to "venture forth" into the wide world. That of course has been shut down due to the "Bug"
How old were you on the very first day or night of your cross dressing and what type of feelings were you experiencing?
Very young no more than 10-12, Initially it was just the silky feel of my mother's lingerie,. It then morphed into the "erotic" sides of things and this has stayed with me for most of my life.
I have also strongly maintained that the "large slice" of me that is female has led to be being able to so easily relate to women and some of the closest friends I have ever made have been females. There is one lady in particular whom I have enjoyed a very close "brother/ sister" relationship for over 30 years!
Sadly she lives on the other side of the planet to me, but the times we had together in years gone by will always be a wonderful part of my life.
Caty Ryan
Wow, what a powerful message! Love the article, very true and to the point . I myself have finally accepted what I am . I'm still dealing with keeping it hidden, but I have come along way but still have a long way to go !! Thank you for the eye opener !!
Much love !
Pippi
Wow, what a powerful message! Love the article, very true and to the point . I myself have finally accepted what I am . I'm still dealing with keeping it hidden, but I have come along way but still have a long way to go !! Thank you for the eye opener !!
Much love !
Pippi
Kalyani;
Thank you for such well written article. That is very much what I went through as well, and yes one has to balance the conflicts to be a good person, no matter who they are. We are gifted, for some reason, with the need to express our feminine side much more than most. Which really should be a good thing, but isn't till we learn to accept this part of ourselves.
Amy
