Your crossdressing and your religious beliefs

Hi Savanna, rather similar story, only one divorce, not cd related, but married now for a lot of years. For lots of other reasons, I've been slowly giving up my religious beliefs.  The more 'strict' religions appear to look down upon all the differing versions of cd/tg/etc. so for me it was a problem (among others) to remain committed, although there are a goodly number of tenets to which I still try to bring into my life, mostly acceptance of others.

Hugs, ChloëC

I carried much guilt and shame most of my life, thinking I was all alone, until I met a Tri-Ess support group in 2009 and discovered all my personal beliefs were ill-founded. I volunteered for an NPR Story Corps interview, during which I was asked challenging questions, such as how I reconciled my actions with my strong religious beliefs. Pondering this and other questions I came to realize that I am not my Creator, and my life is in tune with the two greatest commandments... love God and love your neighbor (the Golden Rule, a common theme in nearly all religions.) Preceding these commandments are instructions not to remove a splinter from your brother's eye before removing the plank from your own. In other words, learn to love yourself first, so you can love others because only by taking this course can we fulfill the commandment to love God. By not accepting who I was, denying what is divine within me, I was distorting the truth. Learning to accept who I am- a person beautifully and wonderfully made-not by my own hands- was a breakthrough in my thinking that changed my life.

I hear the Deuteronomy verse asserting that men should not wear women's clothes cited often, the only verse in the Bible seemingly speaking to the issue. There are many interpretations of this verse, but the one that strikes as most likely is that women's clothes did not differ from men's in that time. Both wore togas, likely without underwear. Most verses speaking to prohibitions revolved around health issues and this seems likely here also. A man and a woman have different fluids which can potentially transmit disease to the other, so it is pragmatic to avoid this. Regardless of the reasons, there is no prohibition in the New Testament, and many passages in both Testaments which contradict the notion that being transgender or crossdressing is wrong. Linda Herzer, a pastor, wrote a book on the subject, available on Kindle, which brings many stories surrounding this topic into plain view... "The Bible and the Transgender Experience" The Bible actually has a lot to say, and it is uniformly accepting, even elevating those who some might consider deviant, such as eunuchs, to places of honor.

Since addressing my own doubts I have gathered numerous resources to help those who struggle with this issue and/or the problems it creates in many marriages. If anyone has interest in receiving some of these resources, feel free to PM me.

There are several problems with using the bible to talk about crossdressing. For starters, it is all cultural. Men have been wearing dresses and skirts for a long time. Of course, we play "The Emperor's New Clothes," we call it something different, it's socially acceptable, and it no longer becomes a dress or a skirt. Just a few examples.

• When most men come out of the shower, they wrap the towel around their waist. Don't say anything, but they just made themselves a skirt.
• Men wear bathrobes. Isn't that a wrap dress?
• Men wear kilts.
• Men have worn caftans.
• Everyone on the Flintstones wore dresses.
• Scrooge wore a nightgown for a large part of the play.
• Greek and Roman chariot riders are often pictured wearing what we would call today miniskirts, as are ancient Egyptians.
• Ancient people (both men and women) often wore robes, or wore togas.

If I wear a pair of plain women's jeans, or a blue pullover top, or flat shoes that no one can see they came from the women's department, am I crossdressing? What if a woman wears a man's tee shirt? We often see in movies a woman coming out of the bedroom wearing a man's pajama top. Why is this acceptable, but if the man came out wearing the woman's pajamas or nightgown not acceptable? Why can I wear a Hawaiian flowered shirt, but not a women's flowered shirt?

If I buy my dresses from a store that makes dresses to fit the male body (straighter, longer torso), am I crossdressing?

Another problem with the religious argument is that there is context that was understood at the time that no longer exists. The meaning is deeper than the plain surface text.

Why do people pick on this one verse? There are plenty of other verses that most people don't follow.

Check out The Fox and the Phoenix podcast. I would recommend episode 5, "Debunking Deuteronomy 22:5", episode 145, "Reviewing the Source Material", and episode 147, and episode 149, "Best Made Travel Plans".

Hi Chloe! I’m sorry you are having such a hard time between your dressing and religious beliefs. I am a bender of the Episcopal Church, a very open and affirming denomination. I’m also socially transitioning to live my life completely as a woman. My transition is completely accepted by my church and the support that I’ve received from both our priest and the congregation never ceases to amaze me. Ragina is welcomed every Sunday with open, loving and affirming arms. Just in my diocese there are several openly gay and lesbian priests, and several diverse have Bishops that are as well. Everyone is welcome in the Episcopal Church, and I do mean everyone!!!!!! Before you throw in the towel on religion, do yourself a favor and check out a local Episcopal church. Talk to the priest there, explain your unique situation to him/her. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by what you find.

Gengis Khan is said to be the first to introduce pants to men... so they could ride horses better. There are many cultures where men wear attire often attributed to women in other places. Pantsuits, skirts, women's bags, etc. are popular in many countries for men. I've heard most pantyhose bought online are purchased by men. Many women items were routinely worn by men into the 20th century. I went to a themed event once, where all were supposed to wear attire attributable to someone in an elite position. I came as an 17th century English gentleman, wearing a jabeau, frilly blouse and sleeves, tights, buckled shoes... I doubt anyone took me to be a crossdresser. Men in the 19th century were often judged (positively) by the height of their heels, or their wigs. Many boys wore dresses. It is still common for a baby to be baptized in a dress. Young men were castrated in order to sing as "castratos."

Despite all such examples, I think crossdressers- those attracted to wear attire typically viewed as feminine in their culture- dress for different reasons, experiencing pleasures which others likely don't realize.

The Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) is also very welcoming. The church I attended even had a changing room for any who were reluctant to step into or out of the church en femme. I have never felt more accepted anywhere.

Hi Rhonda! I’m so happy that you are able to reconcile your dressing with your faith. It feels wonderful to know that we have been “fearfully and wonderfully made”just as we are.

A young trans woman I know did a very deep study into Deuteronomy 22:5 that you refer to. She went back into the Hebrew meaning of several key words and phrases there. Turns out that it has absolutely nothing to do with outer clothing, but the external things, such as military uniforms and equipment!!! Women at that time were absolutely forbidden to touch such things,as they were reserved only for men. God urges us to “study to show thyself approved” and to read, study and inwardly digest scripture.
I’ll stop preaching now. Sorry I got going there. I’m Episcopalian and our church is very open and affirming to all, regardless of who we are or how we present ourselves to the world. I’m also socially transitioning and the amount of support that I receive is incredible. Much love, Ragina.

Agreed!! I’ve been to a couple services there, and their minister always gives a benediction and blessing at the beginning of our Pride Festival every year. This year I’m serving as a lay delegate to our diocesan convention from my church and I will be attending as Ragina.

Hi Allison! I love your comments here. People often refer to Deuteronomy 22:5  as a “clobber verse” against transgender people and cross dressers. A young trans-woman friend recently did a deep study into that verse, going back into the Hebrew translation of words and phrases. Turns out it has nothing to do with outer clothing at all.

Hi Savannah! Love the name! If you’re uncertain about attending your church as Savannah, I would recommend you check out an Episcopal church in your area. When we say the Episcopal church welcomes you, we mean it! You are welcomed and affirmed just as you are, irregardless of how you choose to present. I am socially transitioning and attend my church as Ragina every Sunday. I am always met with hugs and compliments from my church family.

Hello all! I’ve been replying to others here, so I may as well put my own comment in. I was raised all my life as a religious person. I discovered crossdressing in my early teens, being caught by my mom in one of her bras. She decided that instead of freaking out about it, decided that I needed my own, and got me my first bra, along with panties and other girls clothes.
As I got older, I did all the things that a man should do, marry, make children, joined the military. I tried to shut the woman’s voice in my head up to no avail. I’d buy things, enjoy them and purge them. Finally I decided to come out to my then second wife and was received openly by her. She said it was about time.

Along the way, I discovered the Episcopal Church. I found that they accepted everyone, regardless. Now, after my dear wife’s passing, I am living openly as Ragina. I am accepted as a woman in my church and supported in my transition. I believe that the Creator has made me as I am for a reason, to teach others that we are all created by a loving Creator, in the Creators image, whatever that image may be. I am a perfect reflection of my Creator as no one has seen that Creator to know how the Creator appears.

I have been a Catholic all of my life. While I don't dress at home. I do when traveling and have never had a problem attending Sunday Mass. In fact, I feel more genuine when I am dressed at Mass

It took me a while to sort out my dressing. I ultimately realized the God knew who i was long before i did. He fully and completely loves each of us, as we are. I was only hiding my dressing from others.

If you worship a deity that would condemn you for being yourself, then you need a new deity. Fortunately, there are many to choose from.

I was raise Catholic and when I was about 12 years old I knew I was struggling with something I could not explain. I liked putting on my sisters and mothers clothes. That was well before the Internet so finding information was impossible back then. I turned up my priest at confession one day. It did not go well at all. He basically told me that if I kept up this practice I would suffer the pains of hell for eternity. That confused me even more and for years the guilt was I overwhelming. As I got older I had to turn my back on organized religion just to be able to live with myself. Today I am basically a non believer but still feel I am a good person with Christian morals. I know that may be a little confusing, but then so is being a lifetime crossdresser, lol.