Am I transgender?

Bianca,

Go as you, and see how you're treated. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Lee Ann

Ah yes, a falling out with the boss lady in a local CD/Trans group.  All so familiar, over the years, and IMHO, probably part of our growing process.

My wife and I were on the administrative board of the local CD group.  In recent years, the character of the group seriously changed, as did the "leadership."  We both resigned and moved on.  We outgrew the group, particularly when it ceased to function any longer as a support group.

My goals?  Pretty well have remained constant.  Have fun being a girl and offer support to other girls.

Transgender seems to have become an umbrella term. I encourage all to look up the terms Transgender, Transsexual, Transvestite and Crossdresser. There are differences between all four.

Love and Peace,

Amber

I voted yes, but at other times would have voted no. The male/female sides ebb and flow so there’s no simple label or box for me to point to.

Acknowledging that both parts even existed has been such a relatively recent experience I expect my opinions to change as I learn and grow.

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For me, after defending the person for some time, she finally turned on me and revealed her true colors. When I joined the board in January of 2017, there were 2 At Large members, a Secretary and I served the Treasurer function. When I resigned at the end of March 2019, those 2 At Large members resigned and 2 others joined and resigned, The Secretary resigned and was replaced sequentially by 3 others and they all subsequently resigned. Over that 2 years and 3 months I was the ONLY constant, yet she called me Disloyal. There were several other issues, but this one was the most quickly explained. Also, this person who was by now in her mid-40’s did not understand how the corporate environment worked as that represented no more than 2 years of her work life. By the time that I joined the organization I had retired from a 43 year career as a mechanical engineer, had worked outside of the US for 6 years, held 2 patents, held a professional engineer’s license for 30+ years and had presented a paper before an international conference. My speculation is that there was considerable jealousy involved. Anyway, it was aggravation that I just didn’t need. I decided that I was too old to put up with that BS and resigned...

Seems odd... but after coming out to a lesbian couple I was on great terms with I was unceremoniously dumped... never to be spoken to again! Meeting on of them in a market the fear/trepidation in her eyes was completely baffling!

Why do they behave so... I thought we were all in the same boat so to speak?

So sorry to hear of your rejection by this couple Polly. That must have really hurt you. We are all in the same boat, just some people can’t see it. You would think your lesbian friends would understand the importance of acceptance as you as a person regardless of how you want to live your life. As long as we are doing others no harm we should all live and let live.

❤️Bianca

Am I transgender... I think not. I have a distinctly male body and musculature as well as male pattern baldness. Do I think like a female... I honestly don’t know how a female thinks apart from all the jokes about it.

However, I have, for many years, yearned to be a woman for a day, week, month, year... forever! When at last I was able to pull on a woman’s knickers... it was a moment of bliss I can’t ever imagine having again. So, I’m not transgender but I detest the time away from my boobs and lipstick. I’m saddened when I have to change back to ‘drab’. I wear my boobs in a bra to sleep in (I dream of future augmentation).

No being transgender for me... at least for the time being though I do wish I had started this journey ten years ago

xx Polly

I voted yes, I am, with more than much more than 50% confidence but significantly less than 100%.  If things had been different in an increasingly distant past, I would have at the least scheduled appointments with a gender friendly therapist and begun to share my desires (there since at least 4 or 5, and only growing over time) as well as explore my options.

But this all assumes that something close to what's available today would also have been reasonably available in the 60's...in reality it wasn't, and while some transgendered people might have had the access, wherewithal and desire to keep searching and eventually finding the resources necessary, too many of us didn't or couldn't.  So I looked at what options were available and made choices, from then until such a time when while the feelings and desires have never changed, what I believe the person I should be for the present and future have.

So I dress when I can, put down my feelings in writings, and dream. Regrets? Like Frank, a few, but not enough as time goes on to let, for me anyway, depression set in, which I believe it so easily could do.

When I was in high school, I dreamed about undergoing the surgery, living life as a woman. I fantasized of being in a scenario like the movie “The World, the Flesh, and the Devil,” wake up to find humanity gone but the buildings and everything else intact, living in department stores to dress like a woman, eating canned goods, etc., from supermarkets. Of course the loneliness would be crushing but let’s sweep that aside for the sake of the fantasy lol.
As time went on that became a more infrequent fantasy, preferring to imagine being a cisgender woman, having a husband and living a daily life in dresses, makeup, getting my hair done, no big deal at all. Oh to be born a female!

It was all around this time that I started to look at guys sexually as well as women. That became my main fantasy, at least of those that strayed from the crossdressing and heterosexual ones.  But it was as an adult I realized that I wanted to be in Leah the woman that I was attracted to. How jungian!

Present your most beautiful and comfortable you!!!

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Polly, I'm sorry to hear about your falling out with the lesbian couple. Acceptance/rejection within the LGBTQ+ community is exactly why I have been trying to find myself, and where, if anywhere, I fit in. That is odd that they would appear fearful of seeing you in the market. I mean, from my perspective, what difference does it make if we like to express our feminine side? We're still the same person.

Birel

Hello Bianca. I see you have tons of responses. It all depends on how you feel about yourself. If you are happier with feminine feelings go for it. I joined a mixed social group of men and women. I told the organizer I was transgender and would I be accepted. She responded by saying whatever you are most comfortable with is fine. At the time I chickened out and went in drab. Since then I threw caution to the wind and am feminine 90% of my time. So dear whatever YOU are most comfortable with.

Hi Janice

So happy for you, just being able to be yourself in mixed company. I have heard a lot of stories on this site about getting over that mental barrier and just going for it. And the stories of acceptance are so heartwarming. It is such a brave thing to do, to go against a lifetime of learned ‘masculinity’ being who we are supposed to be, and just being who we want to be. Realising we are doing nobody any harm.

Many also say don’t worry about labelling yourself which I agree with but... think sometimes coming into a new situation with strangers it may be helpful use a term to try to help others understand who you are rather than having to explain yourself. If I just went into new company dressed en femme people may feel uncomfortable, confused, not sure how to approach or address me. Whereas if I said I consider myself transgender it may help explain how I present myself and why I feel more comfortable dressing the way I dress.

I am so happy, almost overwhelmed with the number of votes and responses. It merely confirms the conflict in my head as to whether I should present myself as transgender is well founded. Almost 50/50 yes/no merely confirms my thoughts that the term transgender is so open to debate.

I did use the term to present my self to the group I was talking about, and received a warm welcome. It is only online via zoom. I was worried if I just appeared as Bianca then started talking in a mans voice the women would think, this is a man trying to get into our club by subterfuge, trying to deceive us. Instead, by explaining myself in advance and using the term transgender they were happy I was being totally upfront and honest from the start. It is a really interesting group of intelligent women. I learned so much, getting a glimpse of what life can be like from the other side of the gender divide.

I think it also gives me confidence to do it again. And the wonderful debates that happen on this site have helped me immensely in being able to learn, understand, debate with confidence different aspects of the term transgender in all its wonderful complexities.

❤️Bianca