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Good afternoon and Happy Sunday.(for me)
I have had the wonderful experience of walking along the sidewalk, letting the sun shine on my face, and feeling the gentle breeze brushing my dress across my freshly shaved legs. I haven’t been as many places as I would like to go. Bree was hidden deep in the closet for over 40 years. I found CDH then after 2 years of working up the courage I introduced Bree to my wife. I had never been in a store or out in public before 2020. I had been out in a desserted county park and I had been out at night usually just in my vehicle. These felt safe. Since letting my wife know about Bree I have been many different places with a”just do it” attitude. I guess I have been lucky and have not had any bad experiences. I’m looking for some insight from you girls.
How do you find your safe and accepting places to be your true feminine selves?
@midwesterngirl Ladies of Wisconsin & greater Chicago, I, too would like to know what places have you found - personally? Seems like I've found the internet lists not a few establishments that are no longer in business, and then, I guess, the new places haven't set up a web page. For me, I'm a long ways away from looking pretty enough to go out dressed, but I still want to have fellowship and sharing with women like me.
@danikiss22
Thanks Dani
Ive only used my knowledge of southern Wisconsin. I’ll bet there are plenty of safe places in Madison and Milwaukee. I would mostly use google to find their contact information then contact them directly to make sure they are still operating.
Huggs
Bree
@midwesterngirl I chose going wherever I want (that is already safe), however, to begin with, I only dress androgynously or stealthily, so it's not as if I am pushing a lot of danger buttons. Plus my martial arts training probably still gives me a bit more confidence.
@midwesterngirl I can highly recommend finding a good dojo. Aside from the technical and physical aspects of training for 13 years (I enjoy learning), they should also teach you how not to walk into trouble and your confidence will grow, too.
It's best to know how to disengage and safely walk away from a buzz-saw before you get into trouble.
I think most of us start out at night. DWD. Driving While Dressed. Then maybe a gas stop. A ride to a park.
As we expand our circle we test ourselves and try other things as we gain confidence. The irony is we probably cross paths with others like us a never meet or even know who's out there!
My of us are afraid of being outed or to closeted to ever venture out.
Here is at least a place to pause and relax in the Pink Fog.
I voted for the CDH recommendations. These places like night spots are often only in the larger cities. But the businesses can be quite close by.
Fran 🥰
I might add. Do a recon in drab to check out places to go and ease of entry/exit.
A heads up approach takes some of the apprehension out of going out.
But, we now know what women go through just being a woman!
Safe adventures girls!
Fran 🥰
@gafran I’ve lived in southern Wisconsin all my life so, I know many places Bree will NOT be going around here. My wife and I went to St. Louis for a GNO and a baseball game. We had no idea which areas were safe so we did google and asked the hotel clerk. I loved it and didn’t have any issues.
Huggs
Bree
@midwesterngirl I am at a point now where I feel comfortable going out as my authentic self. This includes going to the places I need to visit as I live my everyday life. Still I do have some limits. I tend to avoid overtly "male" spaces where I could potentially experience issues. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't want to be in these places anyway!
Since I am constrained from dressing and stepping out locally, I dry to dress and engage in numerous social opportunities when travelling for business or personal reasons. Given that I probably have little knowledge of the LBGTQ scene in those towns, I try to seeking out CDH members and invite them to join me.
Mary Priscilla
Hello Bree,
I pretty much go to all public places, anywhere from shopping, church public transportation, but I do a good planning before I leave the house, safety is a priority for me, I would never go to a place where my safety would be compromised, especially dressed.
Overall, I have been pretty blessed so far I haven’t had any issues.
@carlafirst11 that’s Wonderful Carla. It seems like everyone has had some sort of uncomfortable experience. I haven’t had any bad experiences just a couple odd looks. I’ve heard some terrible stories though. It’s always good to think safety
Huggs
Bree
@midwesterngirl Bree, I did not vote, because I have never ventured out into the big wide world. But the suggestions for finding safe places are super educational for me…I hope all you girls keep making suggestions…they are really helpful.
Bree, thanks for starting this conversation. Hugs Christine
@christineth Your Welcome Dear. I know I am learning also. these girls here on CDH are fantastic.
I hope you make it out someday. It is very afirming.
Huggs
Bree
So happy to read of your wifes acceptance and you are venturing out. You are selecting good places to build your confidence which is important for you so would suggest you build up until you are ready for the busier places.
Contrary to what some many think busier places are better as people are preoccupied with what they are doing. You can walk around and build further confidence to start to dwell around shops.
If you have made that decision to go out then shops and gas stations with self checkouts are good it will be wherever you feel good to go. Just think poise and looking look like any other woman and 'own it'
Thanks Angela
I have been in some busier places. I say I’m lucky(to have the wife I do for sure), but that except for a few strange looks I have not been confronted or outed by any one. I’ve heard some terrible stories of humanities unaccepting and closed minded nature. Thanks for the reply
Huggs
Bree
Only you can know that for certain since you know your local area. I think the biggest threats to any cross-dresser are hostile men or youths and you should avoid places where these groups hang out—playgrounds (bad idea for cross-dressers at any time), pubs and bars, dark streets. The places to avoid are many and varied but they are outnumbered by the places you CAN go: shops, cafes, malls, theatres, cinemas, et al.
If you want to go where you can meet like-minded people, then gay bars, or known LGBT-friendly places—these can be found using the internet and social media (but always be careful of that particular route).
Be with someone else if you can. You mention your wife, does she come with you? Having a GG around is always a good thing.
The main thing is though, be safe but enjoy yourself. You are breaking no laws (depending on the country in which you live) and have every right to wear what you damn-well please. I've seen real women wearing things I wouldn't be seen dead in and some men wear the grossest of clothes which should be against the law all by themselves.
Keep getting out and having fun.
Becca
I picked 'go where I want,' but with the caveat that I'm not reckless. I don't go anywhere in girl mode that i wouldn't in guy mode.
But malls, restaurants, stores, bars, clubs... yeah, I don't really vet them individually for "CD safety", as it were.
@melodeescarlet So, for instance, where can I safely go, say, in south jersey, where I can femme without being beat up?
@dianaurge Sorry, I'm not very familiar with the SJ area. Maybe look for an existing (relatively new-ish) post on it, or start your own to ask locals?
I would say that as long as you stick to populated places, the number of cells phones alone make getting assaulted pretty unlikely, but definitely do your due diligence.
thanks for the reply Melodie. I did add that extra portion of the poll answer to make sure any picks for that answer would require some thought. I have gone places in guy mode that I would never dream of going en femme.(especially back in my drinking days). You should be able to go wherever you feel like..It’s our society that falls short of my wishes for a safe accepting world.
huggs
Bree
@melodeescarlet I'm with melodee. Ill go anywhere I would in guy mode. If it looks fun, and sounds fun, I'm there. I mean what's the worst that will happen...I put a heel up someone's a** lol.
or, someplace within an hour or two, I want to come out and hang out so bad
Thanks Becca
I don’t go out in my home town. It is small and doesn’t offer much. I head to a few close larger cities to shop and such. Someday, I want to go out with some like minded individuals but for now It’s just me and occasionally my wife
thanks for reading
huggs
Bree
Sadly the poll is missing the option which completes the set - I haven't been out in public and am not ready to yet, so I chose other xx.
@chrisfp99 that is also the reason l chose other as l am in the closet, my wife is very supportive, however living in regional area and not able to go to a bigger town , however my wife and l do have plans for a few outings, picnics etc in the summer time
@candycross Jane, you're very lucky to have a supportive wife. Make sure you show your gratitude hun xx.
@chrisfp99 yes my wife is a 1 in a million and l feel very privileged that she accepts me the way l am
I hope you can build the confidence to go out the next time you go for a session. Most studios have such an option, but even just going for a walk if wonderful. I have enjoyed going to London's theater distict at least partially en femme, which is actually harder since one stands out more partially en femme then when fully dressed. Still, it was not an issue and quick fun riding the tube and walking around Picadilly.
@jjandme JJ, BWBG offers an opportunity to go for a walk and a coffee en femme, and even take some pics with Tower Bridge in the background. On my last visit Cindy's partner was preparing to take a client to a nightclub (I should stress they offer a private one to one service. I didn't come across other clients). I suspect I'm a bit old for that. Maybe a nice curry. But next year I should really give some thought into introducing Chrissie to the big bad world. Scary stuff xx.
@chrisfp99 That is interesting Chrissie, from just looking at your beautiful presentation after your makeover, I assumed that you had been out in public more---to me you looked more than good enough to pass rather easily. I am facing a similar difficulty in not being able to go out in the public at this time---maybe for different reasons than yours. I think I will start with getting it together enough to post some pics and then to perhaps take short walks or drives in the evening while dressed. I am a little frightened---but so many girls here have told me that no one really notices much or pays much attention to you when out and that after the first time it gets easier and easier--- they are building up my courage---Hugs, Maureen
@maureen76 Maureen, I wish you all the best with your quest to get out in public. It really is scary if you've not done it before isn't it hun? I have never been close to being out. If I was to consider it at my next makeover I imagine I'd need to look at a more casual outfit rather than the more girly look I favour. Maybe some women's jeans, a nice lacy top and perhaps some kitten heels. Not a look I've ever considered but it would be good to push my boundaries. Bear in mind though that I'm 6' 00" and 190 lbs (there's no size perspective in Cindy's studio, presumably deliberately so).
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 That is a good idea about the less girly look to blend in more. I wouldn't worry about the 6 foot and weight so much (you can wear some pretty flats), there are big women also and it's not as if you are 6'2'' or something like that. As for me, I'm close to 6 feet myself and was out fully dressed and at events about 5 times in my 40's. But I have been pretty much a home dresser since --- I lost confidence and gained weight to replace it---LOL---but I am working on getting out there again ---I will take your good advice and dress more casually to blend in during my first new ventures ---- I also wish you the best when casual Chrissy takes on the outside world -----Hugs Muareen
@maureen76 thank you hun. If you've done it before I'm sure you can do it again xx.
@chrisfp99 size 14/16?, is pretty good hun, you can wear jeans any time, go for a skirt or dress, be more fun on a make over hun
@leslienix Leslie, I wear a UK size 18 dress. And for me this whole crossdressing lark is about elegant dresses. But I think they would be a bit over the top for my first time en femme in public. I'd be looking to blend in as much as possible.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 thats still ok hun, 99% of tranny's do not "pass", I do not blend in.
@chrisfp99 Chrissie, looking like you do, you will have no problems going out - you are such a beautiful woman with a great sense of style. I too am procrastinating about going out. I am certainly building the courage to go out driving….very soon. Hugs Christine
@christineth Christine, you're very sweet honey. I'd certainly want to tone down my look for an en femme debut! I wish you luck getting out and about. A nice drive sounds like a good starting point. Let us know how you get on.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Thanks Chrissie
I am sorry you haven’t gotten that far in the journey. I hope you do someday. I think I can modify the poll. You bring up a good point. Thank you
huggs
Bree
@midwesterngirl Bree, I haven't been out at home for years 😂. I have some catching up to do xx.
I really wanted to add that answer to the poll but I don’t know how to do it. I hope the other girls that haven’t been out will see your reply and follow your lead. I’ll bet Chrissie is still there. Bree is constantly with me no matter how I’m dressed..
Huggs
Bree
@midwesterngirl oh Bree, I can assure you Chrissie is always there desperately trying to get out 😂 xx.
Hi girls,
I have to admit that I am very fortunate in that I've always been able to "pass" easily. It could be because I am intersex and blessed with some naturally occuring feminine physical features. So I have always gone wherever I felt like or needed to go. I would point out that I have always avoided areas in my city that attract troublesome individuals. I also don't go out at night by myself unless it's to a well attended event. I will also tell you that in my purse I carry a bear spray, just in case, as I have attracted unwanted attention in the past.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
So, you go to places you know? I guess if I didn't know where the place was I would find out if it was in an unsavory area when I got the directions to the place. How do you find out about well attended events?
@midwesterngirl Hi Bree,
Local concerts and other publically attended events are happening in my city all the time, just check your local media for events. Most of them are not in unsavory areas. In well attended events just dress to blend in and nobody will even notice you.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
You could try boys town in Chicago or check out transformation by rori
They host a get-together once a month in Arlington heights
@hueych53ch46 Thanks Jen..I do want to get to Roris some day. I've heard great things about her
Huggs
Bree
I don't worry with it other than to make sure it's safe for a woman alone. If I want to go or need to go, I just do it.
@midwesterngirl when I’m not certain of the area, like when traveling. I usually rely on front desk people at the hotel or the wait staff at a restaurant.
I have found over the years that the higher the society, the safer the environment. As strange as it is, I am not amused by the over the top, circus atmosphere of drag queens. However, if there are drag queens involved, it is almost certainly safe for me. For that reason, I do go to drag bingo, drag brunch and even an occasional drag show. I prefer traveling drag shows over bar and club shows, so I get to go to a theater or auditorium. Honestly, almost any theater show is a safe environment, in my opinion even with my style of dress. I do not dress to blend, and I am not really passable at 6'4" with heels LOL.
I have gone to movie theaters, Broadway style shows, plays, restaurants, casinos and many art-based events. I get looks but no confrontations. I find that the more upscale locations tend to have more sophisticated patrons. Eclectic restaurants also tend to be more receptive than a more casual eatery like Denny's, although I have been to both Denny's and IHOP en femme with no issues. Most casinos, whether on a reservation or in Las Vegas, do not want to be affiliated with any type of trans-crime, so I feel very safe there. I do choose to valet park or Uber, to avoid any dark parking garages or lots.
When I travel to other cities, I use gaycities to scope out trans-friendly places. But as others have already noted, I use google to verify they are still safe and open. Facebook also works very well to do this, since many businesses do not update their website as often as they do Facebook.
Hi Bree,
I usually keep my excursions to areas that I know are relatively safe: local places such as shopping centers, museums, libraries, and public events like art shows etc. I have found that by just "blending" in, I do not get scrutinized as much.
I have received some very nice compliments while out, the majority of those have come from women, but I have also experienced some negativity on several occasions. I have learned to brush the cynicism off and to keep moving and not engage. Sticks and stones love.
I grew up in NYC and "situational awareness" was drilled into my psyche by my parents. I also have been a student of a martial art for a long while, but that does not mean I get complacent. Just always be aware of what is going on around you and you will be fine.
You are blessed to have your wife go out with you on occasion. It's usually more fun with two and, there is safety in numbers!!
My ex would have been one of the ones hurling negativity at me, but; "Que sera, sera" on that. 
.
Have a great day Bree!
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenngirl76 very thoughtful response. Thanks Hun. I still wanna go out to a club though...gonna go with friends for sure.
Huggs
Bree
I agree with Roberta. I go where I want, but am situationally aware. I do not go where any smart woman would not go alone. It is just common sense.
I can see not going out in your home town if it is small and everybody knows everybody, but I really don't think it is a problem in any moderately large town. By the time one puts on a wig, make up and a dress, +/- sunglasses, no one will recognize you. I go out in the city I live in and never had an issue, but mostly I go to a city about 30 miles away just because there are more things to do and events to attend.
@jjandme very true..my home town is about10,000 people. My wife is more concerned about Bree walking around locally. I like a town with around 50,000 ...many more stores and venues comparatively.
Hugs
Bree
@midwesterngirl Try going to your destination first in drab mode. Check out the parking, access to stores, what stores you would go into, etc. Make sure you have a feel for all of the surroundings. Even if you are just walking at an outdoor shopping mall, ensure your route and the shops you want to visit. Also, I find it helpful to arrive just as the stores are opening, it’s less crowded and one can receive more one on one help from staff. Avoid food courts where people tend to “people watch”. They tend to bring stares and finger pointing.
Avoid food courts where people tend to “people watch”. They tend to bring stares and finger pointing.
I'm quite the opposite, I love going to places like that, getting a coffee and perhaps a sandwich, then sit there watching other people.
@rebeccabaxter I have to admit I do some people watching myself. And then I gotta people watch to see if someone is people watching…It a vicious cycle..lol
@chanel That is a good idea. I have done that a couple times. I hadn’t thought about the food court/people watching combo. I have eaten at the food court in the mall that I shop. Guess I was too busy feeding my face to notice if anyone knew I was there.lol
Huggs
Bree
