Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
what do you say when someone asks you what pronoun do you use?
i'm not totally passable. when asked this question i always reply (human). i don't care if you call me a guy, girl, cd, bitch, or what. if you call me something i don't like i'll let you know. i guess i haven't found that word yet. it probably depends if i like you or not.
@prettytoes I tend to use name instead so I always refer to Anna as Anna, my wife does too. My friends use she / her which I'm fine with.
@prettytoes
I'm trans. She/her/Miss/Mam please. I have a pretty low tolerance for chronic or deliberate misgendering. It's disrespectful.
/LK
@prettytoes Personally not into pronouns, we had a drive at work to add pronouns to email signatures, I refused. When I’m dressed my wife calls me Katie and I only dress in the house, for now.
@katiep - sounds like organisational bullying to me. Well done you for standing up for what you believe in.
@prettytoes Well that's one way to look at this question.
Since I dress androgynously, the question rarely ever comes up.
However, I have been asked for my e-mail address, phone number, or my name a few times for customer databases, and I will use my Harriette name, address and credit card to back up that idea, when appropriate.
@prettytoes I prefer she/her but I'm not hung up on it. I'd rather people call me Lauren.
@prettytoes
When enfem, Fran or other feminine identifiers. But not hung up on it.
Fran 🥰
@prettytoes She. I don't go through all the trouble to look this way to be called he/him. Also, my name is Cheryl, please use it.
@prettytoes - when talking about myself I always use 'I' and 'me'. When people are talking to me they tend to use either my name or say 'you'. If people are talking about me out of earshot then they can use whatever they like - although most people would probably recognise me and refer to me as a 'he'. If I was dressed then people might refer to me as 'she'. But what do I care really? Surely someone would only refer to me as he or she if I was out of earshot - otherwise they'd say my name or 'you'.
@prettytoes l usually use a name, l just think it's wrong to use she/he as to me it's a like like calling someone a thing or an it, that's just my opinion of course we can all look at the same thing and see something differently
@prettytoes I had breast augmentation to avoid being subjected to excessive doses of HRT and to not negatively affect my sexual sphere (I am a polyamorous and pansexual person) and . At work (I teach) since I had legal recognition of my femininity I am Miss or Lady, only some idiots continue to call me with the male pronoun or even by the name that by decree no longer exists in my documents.
XOXO from Italy 🇮🇹
Greta 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Pronouns are a touchy subject…I don’t use them. It doesn’t really make life easier I think. When I’m in girl mode , I’m all girly, when in male mode…all male but with deep shades of pink inside that most don’t know are there. Male mode is the protector and provider of my family. The two can’t cross in my current world, so I just don’t use pronouns
@joannajoy this is an interesting take. I have noticed in the past that when I was working I couldn't even consider being en femme. I run a business in a very male dominated field, so being fully dressed was never an option. But even being discretely under dressed while at work was a no-go for me.
I used to think that it was too hard to concentrate and be productive when I was dressed and that was the reason I wouldn't do it. But, as the sole provider for my family for almost 20 years I think I was also convinced I needed to be in male mode while fulfilling this role.
On the flip side, I contribute around the house and get way more housework done when I am Brieanne. It's interesting to me how easily I slip into traditional gender roles based on the mode that I am currently in.
@brieanne when I’m Jo and all girly, up until now anyways, I’m alone. I’m a tradesman in industry, where lots of guys are rude and crude. But if I’m working and wearing panties under my drab work jeans, it’s just enough to keep me calm and on the level, it’s like a sweet little kiss of femininity that only I know about. I like being in a pink fog all the time. It’s just that where I live and work ladies like us just are not yet that welcome . So we are us fully in private. And out and about we do what we can to still be us , but also blend in. It’s getting better, but we are not there yet. So I just choose not to use pronouns…they can keep on guessing…lol…jo
@joannajoy so what happens when your at work and have an accident? like ripping your pants and showing your thong undies or dropping something on your foot and they have to remove your sock. then they see your painted toes.
@prettytoes well Rachel…we wear coveralls over our clothing,and in 35 years have never torn my clothes thru my covies… I wear steel toed boots to protect my pretty toes. I don’t wear thongs , I don’t paint my toes. And to be frank my dear… if they see my panties in the ambulance,after an accident , I won’t much care. I’m going to wear what I want!! It’s my business not theirs 😂… hugs… jo
@joannajoy I feel that we are in similar situation, my small city would not deal well with knowing about Paula. I would say no one I am in daily contact with would know about the hot pink that is always trying to get out.
@paulapantyhose and maybe they are like you and hopes no one know their secret. someone has to lead, and the others will follow.
I am an intersex trans woman, my pronouns are she, her and hers.
Hi Rachel,
I don't like to use pronouns i prefer to use names, it doesn't matter if it's not the name you were given when you were born, it's the name you want to called now that matters, when I'm Enne Femme i liked to be called Roz, I think pronouns are to impersonal,
Hugs Roz X
I'm living full time as Fiona and I am going to continue to do so, so I like people to use she/her. I'll settle for they/them if anyone is uncomfortable with gendering me female. I really don't like he/him any more, nor being addressed by my male name.
Hi Fiona, if it's alright with you i would love just to call you Fiona, like i said I'd rather call people by their name, and Fiona is a nice name,
Hugs Roz X 
@rozalyne Absolutely hon! And thank you 🙂 Fiona is a name I always liked as well, which has a lot to do with why I chose it. Hugs xxx
If I'm dressed I'd like to be referred to as she, but it's not mandatory. If someone knows I'm male (and they probably will) and say Mr ..., I can't really object since that is my name. I could insist they call me Miss, Madam (my preference of the two) or Becca, but if they aren't doing it of their own volition, telling them how I want to be addressed is not going to endear them to me (unless they ask, that would be quite nice). I'm the same with non-binaries telling me what pronouns to use for they/them—if I think they are portraying as male then it is he/him, if female, it is she/her. If they are truly androgenous, I'll probably avoid the pronoun mess altogether and just use their name (which is probably the best option from the outset).
Becca
Miss Becca sounds like you are a school mistress, I'd best be on my best behaviour i don't want you to pull my pants down and tan my backside, lol,
Hugs Roz X 
@rebeccabaxter I got called "Miss" last time I was out and will be telling people for ages to come about it.
@annaredhead I would call you “Miss” Anna, since I’m smart enough to figure out that’s what you’re probably shooting for.🥰
The only time I was ever called “her” I was in drab🤣!!!
@gracepal It makes me sound younger than Ms or Mrs.
I've also chatted to the same guy when i was in male mode. If he recognised me then he hasn't let on.
@annaredhead Miss is definitely younger sounding. I had a customer at my salon who was a “Kim” and did the barest of minimums to try and present as Kim. And not only that -but was also mean and unfriendly on top of it! I hate it when I try and help a sister out but she won’t cooperate☺️
I don’t like the word ‘pronoun’ so no comment.😉
I'm he/him but there are times when She/her would be useful. Such times as when I'm with my wife and we're talking to someone, say in a shop she says "him", it's as good as her having a loudhailer and shouting "TRANNY!!!!!" through it.... It's not meant to be irksome, but to me it is. I cringe inside. When out and about as Cerys, I put a ,ot of effort into looking as female as I can. My public photos will show how hard this is, and how much effort I have to go through 🙂 Calling me "he" erases all this hard work in an instant. 🙂
A friend of mine makes pronoun badges. I asked him to make me one that says "who/what" 🙂
Cerys
Hi Cerys maybe you could ask your wife to just call you Cerys when you are out and about when you are dressed up, just tell her you get embarrassed when she says him when you are wearing a dress 👗,
Hugs Roz X
@rozalyne She doesn't want me to have a name. A select few of my friends know the name I would like, but are under strict instructions not to use it when I'm with my wife. This is also a loudhailer moment when she calls my name in a shop etc!!!!!
Cerys
I'm sorry to hear that Cerys, I don't know what to say about that, maybe your friends could whisper it to you when your wife is not listening, lol,
Hugs Roz X 
Whether call them by name , don't like pronouns myself
Allison
Touchy subject. I'm not a fan of bastardizing the English language in order to satisfy someone about whom I know nothing up front. Since I'm fully male the vast majority of the time, than standard pronouns are just fine with me for those times
I n this arena, I see know problem with using she/her for others and myself. Especially with those of us who have opted for transition. It's still a little confusing but I see no reason to spoil the fun by getting my.panties in a knot over it.
I do happen to think that "they/them" used to refer to and of just one person is just plain silly
The idea, I think, is to remove barriers,.not erect new ones.
Rayna
She Her Hers Please.
Barbra
I prefer to be called by my name, Mia. The pronouns of she/her are used in 3rd person any way.
(FYI, when I came out my wife change my name to Mia from Lisa)
I don't really get hung up on labels. But I will respect yours.
You can call me anything you want. Just don't call me late for dinner
@btwimrobin You beat me to it!: I was going to make the "dinner" comment! Best, Marlene
Call me Gisela.
As Gisela use she/her/hers.
I prefer Fiona and she, her when necessary.
