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I'd love to know how your SO feels about your crossdressing.
@kerrismith At the moment, it's a matter of her not knowing... though I suspect it's probably more likely to be a DADT situation... She must know - surely? There's been enough hints......
@hottestwitch Holly, my ex never found out about my crossdressing until we were married over 30 years and then only because she was snooping on my iPad and saw a photo of me. I don’t know how much me being a cd had to do with our divorce but I guess it doesn’t matter now.
@kerrismith Hiya Kerri: I'm half way sure she must know because I've left too many clues - unintentionally - and surely she can't have missed them all? (By the way - my 33rd Wedding Aniversary comes up next month!) I've also noticed that a few catalogues have been left open at the tights & stockings pages... I just don't dare to raise the subject while there is still a slight chance I can "keep the peace" as it were... Holly XXX
@hottestwitch I'm a DADT, a 'trial' of underessing with panties went terribly wrong. I think her fear is I will be "caught" and it will embarrass her. Well and she doesn't like it of course. Nonetheless, I survive. I didn't want her to look or comment anyway. Our marriage is OK but not great. But we're going on year 47 so it's too late to get out now. And not worth the trauma it would cause for the family. But I digress.
What I wanted to say is I can relate to what you're saying at least on some level. I agree with your statement 'I just don't dare to raise the subject while there is still a slight chance I can "keep the peace" as it were' - The peace is worth a lot. Especially when they know but don't want to know. Good luck girlfriend. 
@danirost You're truly lovely - thank you;. My problem is that I'm still wodering if I should have "the conversation" - I'm pretty sure she would be very supportive but it's that 1% chance and so... not likely to happen for a while... or ever? Love you! Holly XXX
Hi Holly. That's a problem with DADT. "She must know - surely"
If you're playing DADT by the book, you can't ever know for sure.
Emma xxx
@emmat To tell you the truth, I'm struggling with the whole idea at the moment - should I just bite the bullet and confess? Or just stay with the current situation where I'm in a constant state of panic about the possibility of being found out? I might have to write an article detailing my feelings and the continuous worry... Mind; at least my sisters here on CDH know the truth - and they've all been more than supportive... Love you all! Holly XXX
@hottestwitch Holly,
I came out to my wife a few years ago. I thought she would be supportive but she wasn’t. I told her I have a female side to me that I need to express. I showed her some pictures. I think she was stunned. She thought they were pictures of a secret girlfriend (which made me feel great that I can pass). I agreed to go to therapy. Of course the therapist was understanding.
So for the most part we don’t discuss it much. She holds it over my head. She did agree not to bring it up to other people. So I remain in the closet.
So I hope you have better luck with your spouse if you decide to come out to her. I am grateful for CDH and the special supportive friends that I made and who understand who I am.
@bridget K knows that I have a feminine side - purely because we both know that to be the truth about everyone - also all women have a masculine side, whether they want to admit it or not! (Pretty sure everyone here will know how that one goes!) I'm 99.9% sure K would be very, very supportive - but as you mention, that ain't guaranteed... I don't want to lose her - under any circumstances. I'm still considering what to do - 0.1% of a chance is't tht bad, surely?... Unless it happens to come true... Holly XXX
@hottestwitch if you were a skydiver and told your parachute was 99.9 percent certain to open would you jump?
@rhondalee hypothetical question. You wouldn't get me on a plane let alone jumping out of one!
@chrisfp99 Chrissie - aeroplanes are quite probably the best thing that the 20th century managed to produce - you are much more likely to get hurt by being struck by lightning than you are being in an aeroplane! And as for crossing the street... well, that is genuinely scary! And Rhonda; a very well put question! For me, the possible consequences feel about the same for either scenario; I think I'm going to pass and just hope nothing bad comes from me staying silent... Holly XXX
@bridget I hate that therapy (at least in my situation) is used to imply something is "wrong" with me. I told her once maybe you need therapy to understand me. That didn't go over well.
@figgy444 My issue was not with the therapist, he was understanding, but with my wife who is not understanding. I really thought she would accept my female side. It has been several years since I came out to her. I make no progress with her every time the topic comes up. So for now I have to keep my dressing private. Fortunately, I am able to get one day a month.
@bridget Mine wasn't either. I guess what I meant is my Wife looks at it as something that needs to be fixed with me and for me to always need a therapist so I am not broken.
@bridget hi Bridget. I hope everything works out. I too struggle withe the same issue. Jennifer
@jillleanne I do my shopping online with Amazon mostly. They also cater to the CD crowd. I just purchased breast forms today on Amazon. Also makeup, wigs etc are all available. And of course lingerie and clothing. Jennifer
@kerrismith Kerri - hi! None of the above as I am in the SDKAIWT category (She Doesn’t Know And I Won’t Tell). Wish I was in the number 4 category - we could have so much fun!
Chrissy, Years ago in the interest of not wanting to have secrets between us, I told my wife about Genivieve. This was ten years into our marriage. She hated Genivieve and everything about her. To her credit we stayed married although it became a more platonic relationship from that moment on. My main point here is this, my telling her hurt her and she did not deserve that. Had I told her before we married she would have had the opportunity not to enter in to the relationship. After that and until her untimely passing from cancer, I remained in the deep closet. Afterwards Genivieve came out and stayed out for a number of years. Even though I no longer dress, those experiences in the realm of womanhood remain vivid and ver pleasant to remember. My final advice, if you haven’t told your spouse, and you think she might not be supportive, do not tell her. You may be caught but that is only a chance. By telling her you may surely hurt her, that was a mistake I have wished I could have a do over on!
Genevieve - thank you for sharing your story with me. As I weigh this on the risk reward scale - I always come away with the same outcome: the risk of ruining our marriage and hurting my wife far outweigh the benefits of having come clean. And as you stated so clearly - we don’t get a do over once that rabbit is out of the hat. RE - getting caught - that risk will always be there, as will the consequences. Take good care - and thx again for taking the time to write of your experience.
ChrissyDee
@chrissydee Hey Chrissy, sounds like we are in similar places regarding coming out to our wives. I simply couldn't risk the consequences of the big reveal going badly, which I'm sure it would. So frustrating isn't it hun? Had a peek at your pics. Some gorgeous looks girl. But it prompts me to ask a question I've often pondered. If you are totally closetted, where on earth do you keep all those fabulous clothes? Personally I don't risk having anything at home.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
ha - excellent question Chrissie. They are all 100% off site (except on the occasion I will wear my wife’s). Makes the logistics super hard - especially as my wardrobe continues to grow. 4 years ago I did not own a stitch - then I bought my first wig and all hell broke loose. 11 wigs later, I have 4 boxes of clothes, 1 box of shoes, and a large collection of makeup and accessories. When a dressing opportunity arises (need at least a full day - I go and fetch what I think I’ll need. I often think I should rent a studio apartment and have a Chrissy pad - it would be a lot easier - and much more fun! 😉. Thx for your note and kind words pretty lady from across the pond. (Would I love to visit your makeover studio - gorgeous results!)
@chrissydee Ooh, a Chrissie pad! What a tantalising idea. I don't currently own any femme stuff. Last June my family went abroad for 10 days and I bought a couple of outfits, underwear, wig, shoes, makeup, jewellery, the works. Spent a wonderful week en femme. Then purged the lot. There are no suggestions the family will go away again and I really need some Chrissie time. I think I'm going to look at your approach. I agree you'd need a full day.
Thanks for the lovely comments about my makeover pics. Pure feminine ecstacy.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
just make sure you have sole access and the bills for your storage facility go straight to you (or you have other family stuff to store - even better).
@chrissydee well when I said I might try your approach I meant storing my girly things off site. Unfortunately the budget doesn't stretch to a Chrissie pad 😢 xx.
@chrisfp99 Neither does mine - but it sure would be a fun home away from home!
@karynriverschrissydee I believe the time to tell with acceptable risk is before getting married or firmly committed. But that isn't always possible. In my case I thought I had "outgrown my need to dress" and did not even know crossdressers existed so attributed it to an aspect of puberty that was in the past and unworthy of discussion. It was more than three years before I had an overwhelming urge to wear a bra and try on a pair of pantyhose. The progression from there was slow and always something I felt I could overcome. It was years before I learned I was not alone in the world and met others. By then there was no second-guessing.without great risk. Non-acceptance with detrimental results is less probable than acceptance but as the outcome is difficult to know and consequences are substantial it comes down to individual choice as to whether to take a risk.
And even if you say nothing you take a risk with even greater consequences if discovered.
@kerrismith she most definitely would not support that part of my life. I don’t think she would expect me to be the type of person that likes to cross dress. So I will forever keep this part of my life secret from her.
I'm currently single so I voted on my last SO. We were in a DADT. It worked for a few years until I realized I was trans and started transitioning. We're best friends now.
BTW Kerri - I added voting buttons to your poll so we can get some numbers. Hopefully the girls that already commented will come back and vote.
/LK
@emilyalt thanks Liz, I need all the help I can get. I admire your courage to transition. I wish I could do the same.
@kerrismith I voted #2 since my wife really doesn't like to see me dressed. She does however tolerate my wearing a nightgown to bed sometimes.
@kerrismith Hi Kerri, she Love's it! She is way into cos play so there is lots of ways to integrate it into our fun. My 1st open love began at 18...it was heaven. My current baby is such a sweetheart, I feel blessed as it would be hard to hide this part of moi!
@kerrismith Much appreciated comment Kerri, I've passed on this remark and wishing you the best! Kyr
I was a bit conflicted in my reply ... should it be 1 or 4?
I am cross dressed almost every day and we happily go out together all the time, so it seems rather more than "knows and doesn't care". On the other hand I don't think our behaviour when out and about quite fits the "best girlfriends" image.
Anyway, I ended up voting 4, but there may be an element of wishful thinking in that 😏 .
Like @juliarey, maybe I need a number 5.
@kerrismith Paul I waffled over the choices . Mine is aware, but does not encourage. She often sees me as I dress at home, but would prefer to be in another room. She never talks about it unless I start. Strangely , she allows me to wear nighties in bed, as she has retired before I do. Many spouses don’t just fit in a certain pigeonhole.
@kerrismith I voted 1 but it's really somewhere between 1 & 4. We don't go out together (as Sasha & Mrs B) but that's because I don't feel the need to go out as Sasha & it's way more than she doesn't care. As I type this I am as dressed up as ever & Mrs B is here not batting an eyelid. Lucky me!
@sashabennett it sounds like Mrs. B is totally cool with Sasha, and why not, she gets a husband and a best girlfriend too.
@kerrismith Well I picked one as 4 was a little over the top but we have been out together while I was dresses. She has been amazing about this side of me but yes we have had up and downs about it over the years since I came out. All and all I’m very lucky to have her on board as it’s made things so much better for me since coming out. She helped me a lot in the early days and now she appreciates my opinions on her outfits and makeup. The odd time she needs to wear pantyhose she will ask me for a pair, she has used my press on nails, perfume and a few pairs of my earrings.
Kerri,I couldn't answer this question. Even if the EX who still lives upstairs and I were married she goes back and forth between 1, 3 and4 on your poll. Sometimes she doesn't care, sometimes she is angry with my CD side, and sometimes she and I go out shopping together.
Cassie
@kerrismith My SO is tolerant, and I would say moving toward, sometimes reluctantly, acceptance of certain aspects of my CD'ing like my choice of underthings, and a few other clothing choices. In public I stay mostly androgynous. Since I came out to her almost 4 years ago, it has been a delicate dance and a process of sometimes a step forward and 2 steps back, LOTS of vulnerable conversations, some tears (and some laughter) and a ton of patience. While she does not want to see me dressed, she knows I dress in private. She even encouraged me to find this forum. Happy I did.
Hugs,
Evie
@kerrismith Back when I first got married my wife reluctantly participated. Then it was I cannot see my husband dressed like this. Then it was DADT. Now she does not want to know anything. She says anytime I try and discuss my crossdressing it just pushes her farther away. It is sad since she is supposed to be my best friend and I cannot discuss this with her.
@yaellyonssea I feel for you Yael. There have been a few couples here who have gone through the same thing. It's got to be rough.
@harriette Thank you for your kind response. Yes, it is rough. I do not understand how my wife can be so supportive of other transgender people but have no support for me.
@kerrismith I was not able to tick any of the options as it was complex.
I would say, in retrospect, that it was all of them - not in any chronological order, though.
Love,
Katherine
@kerrismith my SO knows hangs out with Jenny as long as it is at home hidden away from the world. I have tried to get her to go out with Jenny but she says she is not there yet. I think she is scared, embarrassed, ... I am not sure 🤨 but steps are step one at a time. And maybe one day she will go out with me dressed. 
@kerrismith My wife knows and does not care; it's only clothes she states. I am sitting here dressed in a bra with forms, earrings, panties/knickers, pretty decollete top, and ankle socks, nothing on my legs; no wig today as it is so darn hot. Wife is wandering about.
Wife say that I will always look like a man no matter how I try to be otherwise. That's fine by me as I dress only inside the house except for three public appearances at Halloween parties and two shops at way out of town malls. I enjoyed the parties but the malls were stressful
Best, Marlene.
@kerrismith It's impossible to select only one of the four options provided as in my case it was complex:
over the course of my 28 year marriage it was ALL of those, not necessarily concurrently (although sometimes there would be an overlap between two or three) nor in any chronological order.
Most of the time she was an encourager and accomplice, although we never quite became "best girlfriends" and late in the day I sensed in her some resentment.
Love,
Katherine
@kerrismith I voted #1 but that's perhaps a stretch. She does know and we have been out to group events together. But it's really more like she understands its part of me and tolerates it for that reason.
@jenna116 That's the reason I also voted that way. We've been (and are going) to Diva Las Vegas the last three years. We both really enjoy that week being fully enfemme. Otherwise, she lets me have one day a week to dress up. It's usually Friday. Wish we could go out here at home in our tiny town.
Oh, I have been wearing pantyhose pretty much 24/7 for at least the last four years. I do get to do that daily (and nightly!)
@kerrismith I am incredibly lucky. My wife and I go out very often as girlfriends. We go shopping, to movies and dinner together with me as Susan. We are able to share clothes. Everything but shoes. Recently we went on a 10 day vacation and I was Susan the entire time. It was so much fun!
@pepe wow that’s really lovely. My wife has been very supportive lately too. Once she found panties stockings bra and wig in a gym bag. Had to tell her they were mine. She was thinking they belonged to another woman at first. We’ve progressed from there to me being dressed femme for bed in nightgowns and sometimes pantyhose. I dress femme around the house now. She doesn’t seem to mind. The downside is that we are no longer intimate. She is not a lesbian she says.
I’ve had to come out to our married daughter as wife wanted that.
@jennap61 hi Jenna. We are very lucky to have supportive spouses. We are still intimate, however my wife also said that she is not a lesbian and if I went further with getting boobs she would not be interested in being intimate anymore.
@pepe That’s interesting. You will have to use breast forms then if you want boobs. I am taking HRT now and I’ve developed small B Cups. It’s taken some time but they are noticeable. Makes me feel very femme.
@jennap61 you are lucky. I would love to have a natural B cub. That’s a line my wife has drawn though. She’s ok with going out and about with Susan and her breast forms, but she says no to real boobs. I am jealous and it must be wonderful to have those B cups.
@kerrismith For me it’s a combination of DADT and resentment depending on the day. Most days it’s DADT but occasionally when we get into an argument the resentment comes out.
There were times she has seen me dressed in night gowns on a regular basis. At this time though we are back to DADT.
Hopefully it goes back to me being able to wear night gowns.
@kerrismith my situation has improved over time. I am wearing nightgowns to bed now and she likes them. She’s even commented positively on them. Some are longish and others are shorty. She bought me a very femme robe for Father’s Day. lol. I have a pantyhose fetish and I wear around the house and sometimes to bed. She seems okay with it all. I have more pairs than her. She found panties and pantyhose in my gym bag and I had to tell her they were mine. It seems to be working out. I’ve gone out dressed en femme to the corner store and to get gas. She knew about it and only said don’t let the neighbors see you.
@kerrismith my SO has come a long way in the past 5 years since I came out to her. Before it was don't ask don't tell thing. To ok In the house only, as long as she did not see. To she is ok with me dressing around her now when our kids are not home. She even buys me clothes, WE love to shop for clothes, most of the time she will find me in ladies department if we are out and get separated, she knows I love the clothes.
It has taken a lot of work and talking but we are now going hiking together as Jenny and her. She I slow to be ok with it I think she is embarrassed a little but loves me SO, she is losing up. And finding the world will not laugh at me and point at her! But we must always go at least 1hr or more away, just in case someone may see us that she knows.
I am working on getting her to go to lunch with Jenny...... soon I hope.
@kerrismith This one took a while to read all the lovely and sad stories. I put 1 but i dont know honestly I talk about it alot but she never really says anything one way or another. the other day I was really sharing and finally said maybe we can play together she said sure very excitingly but then the next day when I was looking to do so she seemed less interested. Im sure im part of the problem I have a sticking point of being her man and her only seeing me that way. But honestly I don't think that will matter we love each other and thats it Im confident of that. Soon im going to take her up on the play time after the holiday as we got too much to do so stay tuned for a new story in the forum somewhere.. But I want to say to all those that are having a tough time with it. Im so Sorry I can understand what a conflict it is and that she married a man and cant be expected to understand what we go through. leaving on a comical note I still spend everday doing my man jobs around the house like tonight I was under the kitchen sink replacing the faucett and realized I was showing a plumbers butt. now does she prefer that or would it be better with a skirt or something. hmm wait let me ask. she said as long as its my butt she dont care.. lol still does not tell me either way so im back at square one . darn it.. Thanks for the great topic have a great day. RC
@kerrismith hi kerri, my wife knows and she is fine with it, we have a very happy and close marriage, l have said to her she must think l am strange or weird and she has said no, she loves me the way l am. I am very lucky. Xx Jane
@candycross Yes Jane you are Avery lucky person to have a wife that accepts your femme alter ego.
@kerrismith I'm very lucky. My SO "loves" when I dress up and encourages. She buys me clothes/accessories and attends many events with me when us ladies meet up for an outing.
As she is a former magazine model, she is great interference for me when we go out. All eyes are on her and I can just relax in the background. Other women love talking with her.
@aflower April you are a lovely lady and are blessed with a beautiful and accepting wife. Thanks for gracing this website and please post more photos.
Kerri
@kerrismith My last girlfriend love playing dress up with me, and seeing me in cute/sexy clothing and lingerie. Even did beautiful eye makeup and lipstick for me, It was amazing!!! Things didn't work out though, for other reasons.
Current girlfriend likes my Katie and Laura satin panties... but no dressing in front of her. It was a shock when I told her what's in my dresser😔
@kerrismith Have gone from DADT to SO joking about my CD in a fun way. I was telling her about a neighbor, while i was setting on the deck who walked around my house to say high, She laughs and said were you appropriate dressed for company, lucky I was, the 2 day before I was wearing Denim mini skirt (love to feel the breeze blowing up my mini} tank top, makeup, and high heel sandals.
@kerrismith Hey Kerri! Great question, my wife and I are definatley in the DADT club. She knows about Samantha but we haven't had any conversations about my dressing for a few years. I have to be honest, the way I went about coming out isn't something I am proud of at all and still carry that "If I had a time machine.." guilt. Our close friends know about Samantha but the conversation or questions never come up.
Sending hugs,
Samantha x x x
@kerrismith We have had the talk with many questions about my sexuality which is still a question in my own mind. She knows as I wear colourful panties & comfy, pretty nighties every night. She has bought me very light lipstick which you can’t even tell it is there, looked at clothes online together, bought clothes in stores together, even lets me use some of her makeup. Having said that I don’t really think she is totally that accepting of my doing this. I feel extremely nervous when I come out of the bedroom in a dress or a skirt not being sure what her reaction will be. Probably a lot of my own insecurities but I don’t dress as often as I would like but in the winter or cooler months I will always wear tights or leggings around the house or under pants. It is very confusing being unsure how she really feels about it but I know she would be mortified as would I if anybody else knew about this.
Mine knows, doesn't care. I am pretty sure i have more womens clothing than she does!
@kerrismith 24 years and she'd get all wilded out or done up (don't know if that a word. I like to use it.) Now I'm pretty much solo. At home. Before her I'd date male or female. Flings really. I haven't been with a man in so long - my best years gone - I'm depressed about it. I'm sure I could. I have guys hit on me here and there but I don't consider myself gay & I HAVE to be dressed and in this sport I'm a Wide Receiver. Ok cancel the wide part although I've seen stars when things have gone beyond acceptable capacity. And I can't be the man .. I could CD lesbo out Sorry to stray from topic.Is there something wrong with me? Am I gay? Queer? There's definitely no broad brush. sorry if I got on the verge of pure vulgar bliss. There is one girl in here that wants to hear my experiences. Anyone here, if curious, want a good steamy read message me and send each encounter I write to everyone!!!Yay! I do want to share because for me reliving some or most is ummm hottt. My SO is driving me away and we don't get intimate anymore. I think she found a "real" man on the side. Boring......... XOXOXOXO STACEY I still have lots of love and true friendship to give. It's not all about sex. Some anyway. I'm the best friend anyone could have. I think I'm on the path to having some here.
@kerrismith I see a pattern with the women in these posts. Mine just didn't know how deep I was into everything and its not just a once a month or once a week thing. It might be two days one week and then a two week full of femme. I'm sorry I have been doing this since 4 years old pretty regularly. I used date chicks exclusively based on their height and shoe size before their looks. I remember sizing them uo. Lol. Fun times.
I voted for 1. She knows and doesn't care.
But the question for me should be "how my SO feels about me being transgender?"
@kerrismith my wife has known since we were dating. We had been together for about a year. She took it well and for the first 2 years of marriage we dressed together and had a lot of fun. I pushed the boundaries a bit and she pushed back. We also had 3 kids in a 5 year span. So my crossdressing took a back seat for awhile. I never stopped or purged but there was a major adjustment of me mainly dressing alone. In recent years with the kids getting older my urge to go out is coming back with a passion. She has been open to the idea if me taking some weekends for myself to crossdress.
@kerrismith My wife did support my crazy decision to allow me to follow my dreams to be a drag performer this was in the late 80s unfortunately I couldn’t dance well enough be a part of the show but all I wanted to do was dress like a woman no matter what so I did work at the bar as a waitress for two months it all worked out good because I was making money one day she called me and said she needed our checkbook so I drove to her work still in my uniform she was pissed she told me she couldn’t handle me anymore l dressed like a woman more than a man and she was going to file for divorce and I needed to move out immediately so I did and I might have been the happiest 14 months of my life but that’s another story.
Definitly a 1. While U can not say she actively supports or encourages my dressing she is perfectly fune and accecpting when I do. I have given her veto power anytime she wants to whild it, but she never has...and least in private. She will.tell me I.am to visible if I am.going out with my bra showing or too much projection.
I like that. my spouse will suggest I change certain clothes before we head out for the day sometimes and I value her opinion. As does she, mine. We constantly pick out outfits for each other which is fun. Being the same size, I am constantly being accused of wearing her tops but in reality, they are tops she gave me because she didn’t wear them. Next week we are booked for a pedicure together.
@jillleanne wow Jill you and your spouse are so compatible. To be living as two women together is a dream.
@kerrismith yeah it works out well but I don’t always express as female. Days doing chainsaw work, auto repairs, etc. are all done in drab mode and then some days I just need to be male. Fortunately I can switch at will and my spouse is totally accepting about how I express myself at any given moment. The weird days are the ones I wake up and half me looks male and the other half looks female. Then there are days I have no idea who I should present as and are kinda stuck in no man’s land. Dysphoria at its best. My spouse is great and will help me decide some days. Lucky to have her would be an understatement. She has her health issues also and we support each other no matter what. It just works.
@jillleanne Jill, you have a wonderful wife who supports you no matter who you are. I have those times when I have to be male but look forward to being feminine when I can.
@kerrismith Exactly. Hardest thing I find anymore is I will at times pause for a moment before stepping out, look down and think about which shoes I am to wear with my outfit, his or hers. It can be confusing figuring out who the heck I am at any given moment. lol
SO and I go to have our nails done, sitting side by side, and
We also go.for massages together, me in femme I'm so happy to be so free as Stephanie can be now. I feel pretty , such a blessing
Kerri, there definitely needs to be a 'she hasn't got the foggiest idea' option. I can't put into words how shocked my wife, family and wider circle of friends would be if they knew about Chrissie. Which is a shame really as, much as I love to share a bit of myself with you lovely ladies, it would be wonderful to also share with someone closer to home. Ain't happening.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 I have to agree with this statement. I don’t think I can ever tell my SO. She already struggles with feeling feminine and likes me as male to make her feel feminine. I worry if she found out she’d feel as if she’s competing to be feminine.
@jane2024 yes, I look better in a dress than my wife. She saw a pic of me dressed and hates me for it.
My.wife is much nicer looking in dresses than me,but she is so supportive of me in skirts,blouses, Maxies, too, that I FEEL as pretty as she looks, when we go out shopping @ the mall or for coffee with cis women friends. All her girlfriends accept me in femme and we chat and share stories like "girls do" I could not be happier when one of her
friends compliments me how I look or likes my"hair" today. I.am fully out and wish it for all you ladies here at CDH !
🥰
Chrissie, what would happen if you just said: Honey, I have a femme side and I’d like to introduce you to Chrissie? Maybe she would enjoy having a new girlfriend.
Instant divorce, no question. Not prepared to put my daughters and wider family through that.
Sort of #1, but she is supportive when I need her to be and visa versa.
We are like two women living in the same household, with two distinctly different fashion styles. However, there are times when I need her opinion on something, and there are times when she seeks out my opinion on something.
Moreover, if I am wearing something that looks really bad in her opinion, she will speak up, and I will do the same in her case. No guarantee we will agree, but we do listen to each other.
Wow Peggy, you are two women living in a household. How far have both of you come in your femininity and your SOs acceptance.
Certainly 2 and possibly also 3 for me. She doesn't want to hear about my experiences as Fiona, and she won't tolerate any aspect of me being Fiona around her. I suspect there will be resentment that Fiona may well take me away from her, we don't know about possibly permanently yet, but certainly more than she would wish for.
@finallyfiona my situation is exactly the same as yours, I so dream of building a balanced life with my wife. We had a past balance that I can’t get back. I hope social transition which she is ok with, will help me figure out my next steps for KayDee in the world. I pray her tolerance of a dual gender life will be acceptable to her for our marriage to continue.
@kaydee65 OMG it is so the same isn't it? I'm finding my limits this summer so I know what's going on with me. Then we can hopefully find a way forward together with Fiona in the mix, but no longer dominant.
@finallyfiona Do you think she might be concerned she didn’t sign on to live with a woman but rather a man and dislikes the idea? Many women see it as losing a husband. Others see it as you replacing her with this other woman whom you represent. Just food for thought hon.
hugs, Jillleanne
I suppose it's worth updating this reply. Here we are seven weeks later more or less, and I am no longer with my OH, but committed to social transition and living 24/7 from now on. It does actually start to feel like a big thing at times, but I'm so enjoying it, I think it's the best decision I've ever made, and it's just been by following my feelings 🙂
Fiona, that is alarming, having to chose between your SO and being Fiona. I wish there was a way for your SO to accept Fiona. Otherwise it may become a lonely time for you and I know what that feels like.
Kerri, I know a little of what you've been through and I can only offer you my love and support. Fiona, you know I wish you all the best with your current dilemma. Lots of love girls xx.
@kerrismith That's why I'm having such a tough time, currently. My wife is my whole world. If I have to make a choice between being me & maintaining my marriage, I'd have to choose the latter. As I've said, many times, I'd rather live the rest of my life as a frustrated man than as a lonely woman.
Dawn, love your comprehensive and honest profile. And your gorgeous taste in dresses. My wife knows nothing of Chrissie. If she found out it would be instant divorce. But you express the frustrations very profoundly. Your last sentence sums up where I am perfectly. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone hun.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
3 for me. It's getting rougher in my head every day
Rachelle
My wife knows and doesn't care, she doesn't actively participate normally, she will occasionally help me shop for clothing for Lacy and always will compliment me if she particularly likes my outfit and suggest an accessory to compliment what I'm wearing. I love her and am very lucky that she loves me.
Lacy
@rholtman96 that’s so awesome that your wife doesn’t care. it would be great if SO would be supportive. I could use help with makeup.
I think it will be my little secret for as long as possible….I can’t see anything else but heartache for my SO if she knew about my femme tendencies. Having to deal with that on top of everything else life throws at her wouldn’t be good in my view, I maybe wrong, but it’s not worth taking the chance.
On the other hand there are signs that my SO may not be massively surprised if anything did come to light, she’s always complimenting me on my smooth legs saying she wishes she had them! I’m very fair haired and the hairs I do get on my body are fine, I often shave my arms, legs and other areas🤭when I dress. We don’t have any kind of physical relationship so she must notice???
Who knows, it’s definitely a secret on my part.
joanna x
My significant other knew about it, and didn't care. It was a don't ask don't tell situation. Then her sister found out (via ex boyfriend) and she lost her mind. She ended our relationship after 8 years. I was in shock when it happened. I was told by her sister I was a disgusting excuse for a human being.
All of that happened Six Months ago this past Wednesday. I have to say, I am living my best life right now. If you were to see the smile on face, it says it all. I am happy and free.
*Edited to remove GIF*
@villainesscolleen Colleen, I am so happy for you. Some people are so close minded and won’t accept a little gender diversity even though it is not harming anyone. You are better off without that baggage. Life your truth and be happy girl.
I can so relate to some of your realities, my SO is DADT now these past 8 but prior to that she was accepting of my CD and we would alternate intimacy from me male or femme (if she felt up to it). I was a dominant male and submissive femme. She was always hetero and now tells me she felt I was grooming her to be a lesbian our whole relationship. I am in therapy now to figure it all out as she won’t tolerate transition to fulltime femme. This was not the retirement she planned and needs to put herself first after first 38 years putting my male self first and she was submissive to my wishes and needs at her self esteem expense. Her Love was absolute.
She needs to find her balanced self to be happy. We do love each other are are everything to each other except my needing more KayDee now, So we are at crossroads I fear, she is keeping options open for now. She may accept my social transition to CD/TG friends and pride activities on my own is my hope for now.
If you have seen my many posts on CDH, you will know that I can happily vote number 4, I realise I am a very lucky lady and it is such a shame not everyone can be so fortunate.
Becca
PS While not technically an answer to the actual question posed I can't help but think there's an important category missing: 5. She doesn't know.
The closest matching answer in my case is 1, but "doesn't care" doesn't really capture it. That phrase always means "apathetic" to me, and my wife actually likes Charlotte. She also cares if I take it "too far," and has, on occasion, complained my appearance was "too feminine."
Mixed feelings, anyone?!
Wow! Too feminine?! As a cross dresser I can't imagine a bigger compliment. My own SO has moaned (in a fun way) that she is envious because I am taller than her and can pull off better clothing.
x
@rebeccabaxter My wife is 5'2" and she likes to wear maxi dresses. Not the best way to show her nice looking legs off.
Not that I get much public dressing time, I prefer to show my legs.
@charlottesometimes Oh ya, mixed feelings, mostly because she says nothing either way. It got to the point that I only dress privately again. I'm sure I will venture out again with her, but I am back to baby steps.
