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Hiya girls! It seems I started an "difference of opinion" between 2 family members about the term gay, or bi... whatever.... 🙄
We are all familiar with that commonly asked question we receive - "are you gay?" And, as we were discussing being transgender and gender identification I decided to turn the question on them for once.
As I've said before, my family accepts me as a trans woman; identifying as the female gender, even with my male body. So I put two questions to them -
1. If I were to date or if I were to fall in love with a trans woman - someone who identifies as female, but with a male body - would that make me gay??
2. As a transgender myself, if I were to date - to fall in love - with a genetic straight male, would that make me hetero?
I never answered the questions myself, it was for them to think about, and I had two different answers to each question. One said it all depends on how the person identifies, the other argued that it is the physical body that determines it. That sounded awfully shallow and wrong to me, kinda like judging a book by its cover. I was always taught that it's what is inside a person that counts. Except when it touches on homophobia it seems.
It was an interesting and entertaining discussion, seeing them wrestle to separate physical/sexual attraction from gender/"soul" attraction, and trying to decide what constitutes "gay" among some of us I this community. Or.... I just wound up confusing them even more 😂😂
Stevie
Hi Stevie,
It's a good technique anyway, if you can set them such a question and get them to answer it without any more input from you. Who knows, the two of them are now in an internet dialogue with each other in a constructive way trying to thrash out an answer, which can't be a bad thing.
Marti xxx
From a hetero CD point of view, I agree with Samantha above, that it is complicated. Yet that also can be a bit of a political, and play it safe answer.
Within the strict CD framework, of hetero sexual men (or women) dressing as the opposite sex, (while admitting they are playing dress up) same sex attraction is 'gay.'
As a straight guy, who likes to play dress up, I can admit that some on this site scrub up ok. But that doesnt mean I'm sexually attracted to them.
Same when I'm out and about on a formal group function, I can say to my mates, you guys scrub up ok as well. I'm making a statement of fact..
Personally I find it repulsive, (its my personal emotions and reactions) to contemplate having sex with anyone with dangly bits between their legs. No matter how feminine that other person feels.
If thats what floats your boat, it is what is. I'm not going to judge and condemn you for it. (The one thing I am deadset against is clandestine flirting, sexting, hookups, behind a spouses back. That in my book is 100% wrong, and a total betrayal of your partner. And incredibly destructive.
The answer to both questions is :
As long as you are happy , who cares ?
Our society want's to label everything. Now that they are accustomed somewhat
with Transgenderism and Crossdressing , they are able to label that too.
What a sigh of relief !
Now that you asked them those questions they are in disarray once again !
So it will never be good enough , they will always wan't to label us...
Just be true to yourself , that's what really counts !
Love Sylvia
As Sylvia mentioned about labels, why do we have to be forced into a box that others define often based on their fears?
I say that love is based on what is in the person's heart, not what is in their blue jeans.
The world is still in the dark ages when it comes to defining a person's gender, sex and choice of partner.
"That's complicated". And here I thought I was the diplomat, lol. I use that phrase quite a bit actually.
"Since I dont view myself as a man". Exactly! That's the thing. But..... its complicated 😁.
Marti, I do like to get people to think about things as well as just asking about it. And then I can ask Them questions! I strive for enlightenment, but occasionally cause confusion, lol.
There's certainly lots of hetero cd's in the world Mary Jane. But, if you were to meet a gal and start to develop feelings for her, and then find out they were a trans woman with dangly bits between their legs, would you consider yourself gay for being emotionally attracted to them? Just saying it's not always about sex.
Hi Sylvia! You are right of course, as long as I'm happy I dont really care. I do like people to think about the words they use tho', and the meaning they ascribe to those words. Proper language helps minimize misunderstanding.
The problem is that we have a language/culture that's evolved with binary sex. Try to make it work for non-binary, trans, LBGT+whatever and things start to break. Add in personal subjective opinion and you've got a car crash.
Maybe there's a more forgiving language out we could mug for some better labels?
Connie
xxx
Lisa, I can see where you're coming from. I'm certainly not disrespecting gays - or lesbians - but I'm intrigued by your last statement. A trans woman and man would be a hetero relationship. Until sex rears its ugly head, so to speak. So "gay" is just a physical thing, not a gender or emotional thing? Can one be in an emotionally hetero relationship, but a physically homosexual one? Its.... complicated?
You are spot on Rasa. It should be what's in the heart too and not just a sex thing. Sadly we live in a world obsessed with image and physical things. Rarely will people scratch the surface to see what's inside.
Connie I find I do not use simple one word labels any more. They just dont say enough. I use multiple phrases to describe myself now. Takes longer, but works better. 🙂
I'm so tired of labels. Why do we need to categorize people based on sexuality anyway? In both cases you fell in love with someone. Why can't your families and friends just be happy that in this often cold and harsh world, you found someone to love?
What a wonderfully perfect attitude Elise. Just to be clear, it was simply a question I posed to them. I know my family would be thrilled for me to find love, regardless of the package it came in. 🙂
