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Four funeral workers were seen walking aimlessly around a cemetery carrying a coffin for hours on end.
Perhaps they’d “lost the plot”
GRROOOOAAANNNN…
Caty.
You do know why they build a fence around cemeteries....
All those people dying to get in!
What was the first question Jimi Hendrix asked potential roadies?
Are you experienced?
Warning.....
It's not the cough that carries you off.....
It's the coffin they carry you off in!!!
Yikes, Grace 😂😂
A car load of politicians had a bad crash in a farmers field. When the emergency services arrived there was a mangled car but no casualties. They saw a lone farmer with a shovel in his hands. 'Where are all the casualties' he was asked. 'I buried them' he replied. Stunned the worker asked 'But how did you know they were dead?' - 'Well they looked dead to me although some kept saying they were alive. But you can't believe a word a politician says can you'...........
It's not the wind you blow with ease.
It's the accidents that follow after.
Doctor gave a man 6 months to live.
Couldn't pay his bill.
Gave him another 6 months!
I got in a lift the other day and someone had mixed up all the buttons...it was just wrong on so many levels.
I was living on a houseboat when I fell in love with the girl next door. Sadly, after a while we drifted apart.
Keep 'em coming
Caty.
The boss and his assistant were out playing golf and they came across two women playing slowly ahead. The boss said that he would go down and ask them if they could play through.
The boss walked halfway down the fare way turned around and walked back say to his assistant "I cannot go down as one of the women is my wife and the other is my mistress".
So the assistant said he would go. He too walked half way down, turned around and come back saying the boss "small world is in it."
Hi....
"A letter from Mum"
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.
You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put my underwear in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 people under him..... He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.
Your brother Tom is still in the army and is doing very well. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!
Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.!!!!!
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy and cost a fortune to send in the mail with all those metal buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum
P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
Smiles, grace 😂😂😂
- I don't approve of political jokes, Angela, because
- too many of them get elected.
Marti xxx
Two cannibals are eating a clown. "Hey," one says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Boom boom
One for the science geeks - An atom walks into a bar looking miserable. "What's the matter?" asks the barman. "I've lost an electron." replies the atom. "Are you sure?" sez the barman. "Yeah," replies the atom. "I'm positive."
rofl
Connie
xxx
I can tell this one as a former Dubliner with a memory for how things were in the 1980s. Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to blow up a bus in London? He burnt his lips on the exhaust. 🤕
The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery. So far 374 bodies have been found. Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig. 🤣
My friend was just off down the pub, but he couldn't find his front door key....so he took the front door to the pub with him.
At the pub, the barman says...why have you bought a door with you???
Well, I lost my key so I bought the door with me, so I can get back in when I go home.
Ah says the barman, that's clever!! but how will you get in if you lose the door???
no problem.... I left a window open....just in case!!!!
Time for my medication, grace xx
