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Well, since the general forum is supposed to be for support, I'm going ahead and asking for some. I've had a great time with some things lately, what with a nice cd trip to the beach and all. And I'm sitting, or laying, out on my back deck enjoying some sun now with a nice bikini bottom in cheetah print (no top, thanks) with a ice cold glass of sweet tea.
But I've had some significant issues under the surface and I can't punt to one single thing that is sparking it all. It just seems to be a combination of several things at once all coming together maybe.
I had been trying to grow out my hair to maybe do a pixie cut, but it turned out that that was the point it all started to fall out faster than ever, so now I'm in the cue ball club. I'd rather look like Telly Savalas than have a donut of thin hair. So Bridgette will always wear wigs.
Most of you know that my wife is generally very supportive, but there have been times when I've gotten bitten for being "too trans" for her taste at that time, and she didn't choose to be smoothe, more like a wood rasp. It hurt, and I would have to pull back and do all boy stuff and dress for a couple days.
My work schedule is killer just now, with a rotating shift cycle that goes from days to swings to mid shift with 7 days of each. I used to do that all the time, but haven't for years now, and I'm 53. It seems to be a lot harder than it used to be. Hourly that doesn't last a lot longer.
Last night, what with everything coming to a head at once and different work issues going to crap at the same time I almost lost it in the control room at work. I think I was about two minutes from a break down. Thankfully I rallied and kept it in one sock, but it was a close thing.
I've got an appointment to talk with my pastor tomorrow evening, and I'm thinking I'm going to come out to him as trans as I know he'll be cool with that, and I imagine it is at least a part of my stress load. My wife says she's OK with me telling him, thank goodness.
She doesn't want me to tell anyone, which is challenging. It's not like I want to tell lots of folks, but I need to tell some people, and it's hurtful to think she doesn't want me to tell anyone because maybe she's ashamed. I don't know.
I'm also going to start seeing a counselor, I think, and talk to me gp about some depression issues and massive get some help.
Well there it is, and no funny business.
A sad little Bridgette
Bridgette...my darling..
Gosh, I so WISH I could give you the biggest hugg!!!!!
Tell your pastor....it's in full confidence and you sound like you SO need to talk....
Shock!!!!! I wear wigs...yes glamour queen grace wears them!!!..and they are fab, please enjoy them....so many different Bridgettes....in one body!!!!
I love you xxxxx
Yeah, I dint so much mind the hair, but that along with everything else... and I had hoped I could just do a short androgynous cut, but that's OK.
Good news bad news, I did get an appointment with the gp tomorrow, unfortunately it's in the middle of my sleep time, but I'll tough it out and go anyways. I think it's more important to do that than to get the full 8 hours of sleep. Maybe I can leave early from tonight's shift and get to bed early, who knows? Only 2 more nights of mid shift!
Bridgette
Big hugs Bridget!
Thanks for sharing this with us.
May your GP appointment and your meeting with your pastor go well.
Love and big hugs from Stephanie and Polly 💖
It seems you are really getting stressed out bordering on a breakdown. You have highlighted areas that are leading to the issues you have. Are there others?
I can openly say I had a breakdown, all the signs were there but I didn't do anything about it. Work was a factor as, like you, I did a strange shift pattern over seven days and the pressure was immense. I had other issues too.
I had counselling and did most of the talking. Have you heard the expression 'Life is like a treadmill'? Well I came to the conclusion it is a myriad of treadmills. Work. Relationship, family, Financial, personal and so on. Each of these run every day. The gradient may go up on one or two to make things harder but could go down. There is a norm that we can deal with. Imagine one starts to rise and it keeps going. Another rises and so on. You are fighting to keep going and if you do nothing you fall off. Like I did.
You seem to have two treadmills that are getting out of control and could be more that are a bit high. You say you nearly lost it at work. Is there a way that you can talk to them about your stress? You have made the right move to talk to your pastor to deal with your TG issues. Another is your partner and her acceptance is there need for mediation?
The way I dealt with my issues was to take each one of the treadmills and look at ways of reducing the incline. Then look at yourself and realise your limits and expectations.
My doctor led the way and my employers were great too. I managed to reduce the other treadmills and I am on an even keel - without medication and support from friends and family.
I hope you find a solution and know you can message anytime if you want any comfort or advice.
Thanks, Lisa. I've got an appointment with my gp tomorrow now too, so hopefully that will be good too. Unless it isn't, in which case I'll be looking for a new gp, lol.
Bridgette
Bridgette I hope things get better for you soon. Hang in there girl.
Hugs, Liara
That's good advice, and the treadmill analogy is a fresh perspective for me. I'll try looking at it that way. Have to see what my gp says tomorrow. I don't believe there's much that my job can do just yet, but this schedule is only supposed to last a few more weeks.
Bridgette
It's not just you...I think all of us are maxing out on stress! I work 24 on and 48 off but we go all 24 lately and dealing with cv-19 and short staff! I noticed the other day I answered door with just panties and bra on..I had been asleep on couch..it was termite control guy..normally I would cover up!
My wife and I haven't really took a few days and escape to wherever!
My only advice is to do things you enjoy the best..buy some hot lingerie and get the wife and go to a motel in rural area...leave TV off...talk and have fun!
Hi Bridgette,
Hope the meeting with your pastor goes very well. Stress can be a killer so opening up to someone can allow you to let off steam.
With respect to the hair loss when you visit your gp why not ask about the hair loss. He/she might have some suggestions on a course of action to pursue.
As others have said “Hang in There!”
Alice
Hi Bridgette,
I think you have reached that point where Bridgette needs to be out. Maybe this is the feeling your wife has noticed and may have reservations and fear about this she is trying to comes to terms with. Definitely speaking to your doctor is sensible, and I believe both of you to a trained counsellor. Work pressure and need to talk about you dressing are obviously increasing your frustration. You know and sense that cross road, but often it's frightening and bewildering but not only to you, but your SO as well, the bite back may reflect this.
Good luck lol Amanda xx
Bridgette can feel for you about those swing shifts remember having to do those awhile back but then hearing about this job down on the docks of employer had to put into it. So did and made supervisor for it. Hang in there girl. Know all the girls here have your back. thick or thin. May you GP appointment go good as well as your pastor meet.
Hugs
Donna
Hi Bridgette I’m glad in that you feel secure enough with us to share your problems. Just saying it can be a help. This community is fantastic in the way we all support each other. I hope you find the help your reaching out for. I find wearing a bra at work, hidden of course, to be a great help for me. Big hugs Katie
We did that a couple weeks ago, took off for the beach and spent two days there, dressed as Bridgette. It was magical. We're thinking of another trip somewhere, but nothing definite.
Bridgette
As to the hair, my him side is likely to just make like Telly Savalas or Vin Diesel. Wigs work for my her side well enough, I just wanted to try it with my own hair before it was too late... but it already is. Oh well.
Bridgette
