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Advice please for a clueless SO

25 Posts
18 Users
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Posts: 7
Significant Other
Topic starter
(@belladonna)
Active Member     Denver, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

ok ladies I could really use some help. I recently found out (by accident) that my boyfriend is in to crossdressing. I will admit that I was a bit taken of guard and we have had some problems lately. I didn't respond well. (At first). Please don't hate on me. I like to think that I'm a loving, accepting person. Anyway we have since had a discussion about it where I explained my behavior and apologized of course. I told him that I accepted him and wanted him to be his true self with me as I honestly believe he has never enjoyed that basic human right. I'm also bisexual so I think that we could have a great deal of fun with this new chapter of us. The only problem is since he has never shared this side of himself with anyone, he is very uncomfortable talking about it. He's far from actually dressing in front of me. I on the other hand am an adventurous soul. I fantasize about doing his makeup for an outing and sex with him as a woman. How do I get him to open up with me. I don't blame him after my first response but I really hope he gets comfortable enough with me to really have some fun and hopefully feel like he can be himself...finally.

Thanks in advance...much love

Bella

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24 Replies
Posts: 196
 Dana
Lady
(@sabrinacan)
Reputable Member     Long Beach, California, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Bella just give her some space it and she will come in time. Just be ready to communicate. Other than that just act normal.

You sound amazing he's lucky to have you in his life.

Dana❤️💋

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Posts: 7
Significant Other
Topic starter
(@belladonna)
Active Member     Denver, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thank you for your kind words. I didn't act amazing at first. I will admit I got caught off guard but I love this person very much. I'm actually kind of excited for us now. I think this can be alot of fun. Hell we'll never get bored. 😉🥰

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Posts: 7
Significant Other
Topic starter
(@belladonna)
Active Member     Denver, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Honestly no. I guess we're both a little nervous. It's new territory.

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Posts: 1781
Lady
(@ohlivialivin)
Noble Member     Norfolk, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

Hello Bella

Welcome and kudos for caring enough to reach out. It can be a pretty scary thing to be discovered, they were likely taken aback as well. Some time and patience on both sides to adjust with repeated gentle confirmation of acceptance will hpefully raise the level of security felt. It can and should be fun.

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Posts: 1261
(@bianca)
Noble Member     GB
Joined: 8 years ago

Welcome Bella

You sound like a fabulous woman not inhibited by societal preconceptions about gender identity. Give him time. Let him know you would like him to be more open with you, even excited about the prospect of having fun together, but in his own time.

It can be such a huge obstacle for us to open up to others, fear of ridicule, fear of being seen as ‘less’ of a man, fear of losing you.

I hope he can open up, realise how lucky he is to have you, and both of you can have a great time experiencing this wonderful world of exploring our feminine side.

love

B

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Posts: 1700
Hostess
(@pattygurlcd)
Noble Member     Louisville, Kentucky, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Bella,

These ladies as usual have given you some excellent advice.

I would like to add one more thing.

You said you discovered his c/d tendency by accident.

He may not be ready to let go of his secret.

I never told anyone until I had been married for twenty three years.

So he may not want to share, especially if he is not as adventurous as you.

So pushing him may not be a good Idea.

You just have to talk some and let it happen if he is wiling to talk.

Patty

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Posts: 2258
Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

My wife met Patty a couple of weeks after we met. She surprised me showing up at my place. When she noticed women's clothes lying about she was not happy. I explained to her they were mine. I liked to wear them and sometimes even wore them out for fun and to parties. She didn't seem to believe me and asked me to show her.

I went in the bedroom and put on one of my favorite and sexiest outfits.I got myself all made up. When I stepped out of the bedroom she was shocked. She could not belivee how pretty and sexy I was. We became girlfriends and did girly things together.

She also admitted to me some time ago that she believes she has bi tendencies. She has always been attracted to pretty and sexy women, including drag queens, crossdressers, and trans girls. Not so much sexually, but just appreciating their artistry and how they can often transform from ordinary looking guys to drop dead, gorgeous, sexy women.

With me having that need and desire to dress and be fem and her having those tendencies, we have had some amazing girl/girl experiences as girlfriends and lovers.

Encourage your boyfriend to dress for you. Ask him if he would like to go shopping to get some clothes. Tell him you have been thinking of him as a woman, and you think you both can have fun with it.

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Posts: 2
Lady
(@tvkari)
New Member     Joliet, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Bella,

Give him some time to process everything.

After years of going to great lengths to hide the fact that he is a cross dresser, it is difficult to change course, even though being accepted is the thing we want.

In my case, after spending close to 30 years of hiding my crossdressing from my first wife that knew but was not accepting to a totally accepting second wife took a lot of adjustment.  I guess you could say that I was a bit gun shy at first, afraid to push my second wife to hard and wondering where the line was that I shouldn't cross to mess everything up.

He is lucky to have someone in his life like you.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hi Bella,

First may I say you are every CD's dream partner. Well maybe not all 🙂 but certainly mine.

I would suggest subtle encouragements such as; you can wear panties to bed if you like, can I try this lipstick on you it will wipe off if you don't like it, I would like to see you in a night gown sometime, and well you get the idea.

As one of the girls mentioned earlier, baby steps.

Lastly don't hesitate to show your approval for his efforts and she will blossom.

Hugs Mina

 

 

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Posts: 7
Significant Other
Topic starter
(@belladonna)
Active Member     Denver, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Awww thank you!

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Posts: 10
Lady
(@pumpsareus)
Active Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

The World needs a lot more loving people like you god bless and thank you for your support

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Posts: 7
Significant Other
Topic starter
(@belladonna)
Active Member     Denver, Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

❤️❤️

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Posts: 446
Lady
(@bren58)
Honorable Member     Apache Junction, Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Bella,

You have got a lot of great responses here so I will only say, First, allow him to come out to you in his own time, as he feels comfortable to do so. Second, show him that you accept his x-dressing by maybe buying him something to wear. Third, Communication!! This is very important! Tell him how you feel, your fantasies letting him know it turns you on. And last, Love, Love, Love!! Show your guy that your still in Love with him no matter what and even thou he enjoys dressing in womans clothing, he is still your man!!

Good Luck!! Hugs, Breanna

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Posts: 1559
Lady
(@paulaf)
Noble Member     Pampa, Tx, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Bella, if I could make a small suggestion.  Buy him 3 or 4 pairs of sexy panties and just put them in his undie drawer.  Don't tell him about it and just let him find them.  It would show that you silently support him and are not trying to push, I think.  Take baby steps with him/her.  If you know her femme name, slip a couple of times and say that instead of the guy name.

Just a couple of ideas.

PaulaF

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