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Today I had a lovely afternoon. After 5 years of suppressing my CD habit finally I did it again and it was a huge relief. I got rid of my beard and let myself to be Sophia. I had a discussion with my fully supporting wife and she gave me a couple of free hours (I mean with no kids or duties) to do it so.
My plan is to take further steps to gain much more confidence in CDing. First I still have to purchase a few items I wanted. The next step I'd like to take is get really comfortable with feminine movement and at least be OK with makeup. Afterwards I would like to step out to a less crowded location than maybe some social event and shopping.
What did you do ladies before you stepped out to a real public place?
@sophia91 well done to you! I've only stepped out twice, both times well away from home. Otherwise, I spend my Anna time in my house and well away from where the neighbours might spot me.
Hi Sophia,
First thing to say is that I totally agree with @rebeccabaxter - you already look amazingly feminine and you would have no trouble stepping out among other people and passing as feminine.
In my case it was a bit different. I could never pass in the same way as you will be able to, and most of the places I would go (always with my wife) people would already know me as my male self. So I adopted a different approach and started by wearing female trousers and shirt when out in town, then gradually progressed to more obviously feminine attire and footwear. In this way it was a gradual transition and everyone just accepted it. It also enabled me to gain confidence.
I hope you get the chance to go out very soon - you must be really looking forward to it.
Rebecca xxx
@sophia91 I have not been out in actual public but I can honestly say what I would probably do before going out.
- Not sleep the night before
- Second guess myself all day
- Obviously take alot of care to make sure I look Fab!!
- Have a martini or 2
- Then probably get half way across the driveway and panic and run back in and stay home..
I hope you skip most of that and have a wonderful day. Cheers RC
@sophia91 I would go for drives at night and quickly progressed to getting out and going for a walk. In and outs at the corner store and the drive thru for coffee.
@sophia91 I spent a fair amount of time getting the basics, that is a good quality wig, makeup and tutorials, and clothes, of course. I was still very nervous when I stepped out the door for my first real outing, but by that point, the need to be out in the world overwhelmed my apprehensions.
@sophia91 It took me a long time before I had the self confidence to step out into the real world. Looking back on it now, I was overly concerned with the potential reactions and wound up depriving myself of incredibly self fulfilling experiences for a long time. Based on my experience, I would start by working on my appearance until I felt comfortable. I have found that dressing to blend is very important. Observe what women wear in the spaces you would like to enter and style yourself in a corresponding way. Next, take baby steps out into the world. Start with short trips to do things like filling your car with gas, going to the ATM and other situations where personal interactions are not required but you could still be seen. Next go into spaces with more people but where personal interactions are more transient. Stores with self checkout are great. You can walk the store and be seen by people but not directly interact. You will find that people are so into their own thing that they don't even see you. You can also go to LGBTQIA+ places where you will find others like you and a high degree of acceptance.
Another thing that may be helpful is a support group. They can be places where you can bring your authentic identity out into the open in an accepting environment and learn from others. You may even be able to make friends that you can venture out into the world with. There is certainly safety and comfort in numbers. Finally, I would recommend counseling. I waited a long time to do this and have regretted it. I walked away from my sessions with the belief that expressing my femineity was neither shameful nor abnormal. This helped me immeasurably in getting to the point where now I can get out into the world multiple times a week and do my daily activities as my authentic self.
Good luck sister and I hope you achieve everything you hope for and much more!
Having done it a few times now, I think my advice is, if you feel fairly confident in your appearance, go out in a more crowded place like a shopping mall or some such. People tend to go about their business without taking too much notice of anyone else when shopping so you can kind of disappear while in full view.
Edit. I have just looked at the photographs on your profile and to be really honest, I think you can go anywhere you want and no one would think you anything but female. I wish I could look as feminine as that.
Becca
^^^ This, all of it.^^^
@sophia91 you're so passable already! Take yourself into town, mingle in the crowd, and just enjoy yourself honey. Don't even worry about your voice, just interact with people. When they see you're being open and honest and presenting the way you feel, you'll get so much positivity. Even if you only get treated like everybody else, that's still a good thing 🙂
Oh how absolutely lovely for you Sophia. I'm thrilled for you. The need to slip into something feminine never goes away does it? I had a 35 year hiatus and the urge is back stronger than ever. How great is it that your wife is on board? Agree with others here that your pics are lovely. I can't help with the going out thing as I'm nowhere near.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
You can pass anywhere you want to go. So welcome back and go out and be your true self wherever you want to.
Lacy
Hi Sophia,
I agree that based on your profile pic, you look really feminine. I don't know about "passing." The whole package in person can be miles away from a cute profile pic. When discussing passing, I have a high bar for myself - can I look like a cis gender woman to other cis gender women?
I thought I could pass because horny guys on dating websites kept telling me I could. Then a lesbian friend told me "no hun, you cannot pass. I hope you weren't thinking you could." While that stung a bit at first, I appreciated her honesty. I think I can pass with certain kinds of lighting (in a poorly lit bar or at night without a ton of bright lights). I have accepted that I can at least present myself as a part-time trans woman who knows how to do her makeup, hair, clothing and accessories in a way that flatters my natural features. In other words, I know how to make myself look really nice and even cute presenting as a woman. We can all do that regardless how naturally feminine we may look.
As for going out in public, Becca makes a great point. Where and when you go will shape your public outing. Shopping is super fun, but then you are probably going into super brightly lit stores where you might need to have direct face to face conversations with humans. There are other venues where you can control how close people get to you. Going for a walk in a park does not require any close interaction if you don't want that.
I also found going to LGBTQA+ (so many letters lol) venues is super affirming and safe. Even if you aren't gay, people at those types of venues get you in ways other people just don't in my experience. The downside is that someone may ask you for your number lol.
I would recommend asking yourself what level of human interaction are you comfortable with? Are you comfortable with someone figuring out your "secret?" Trans violence is real - how important is feeling safe? I also discovered this by experience as well, but how important is it for you to NOT run into someone you know? I think answering these questions can help in figuring out when and where to start venturing out into public to share your wonderful feminine self.
hugs and support
Deanna
I thought I could pass because horny guys on dating websites kept telling me I could. Then a lesbian friend told me "no hun, you cannot pass. I hope you weren't thinking you could." While that stung a bit at first, I appreciated her honesty. I think I can pass with certain kinds of lighting (in a poorly lit bar or at night without a ton of bright lights). I have accepted that I can at least present myself as a part-time trans woman who knows how to do her makeup, hair, clothing and accessories in a way that flatters my natural features. In other words, I know how to make myself look really nice and even cute presenting as a woman. We can all do that regardless how naturally feminine we may look.
I can't pass. At close quarters it is probably very easy to see, and more especially, hear, that I am a man and I'm ok with that. My aim in CD life is to try to make someone looking at me from a (close-ish) distance to think "Is that a bloke or not?" or even for me to be so blend-innable that no-one really notices and that'll do me, job done as far as it can be.
I have lost a lot of weight (nearly 40lbs) so have no belly anymore, partially for health but mostly so I can look more like the Becca I imagine and not like a fat bloke in drag.
