Aging mother with Dementia

Judy, my heart goes out to you. Around your age i had to deal with my mother who was demented.  I had her moved into a care home where i live.  She had no idea about my cd side.  Perhaps you should put your crossdressing on hold until your mum passes on.  Difficult i know.  But for me it was family first.  Bronwyn

Hello there Brownyn,
Thanks for all your support, yes indeed it does get harder as time goes by with each day,
she takes more naps and eat less and drinks more. At what point did you decide to put her into
a nursing home? The financial matters is what worries me more.

Hi Judy. Honey, I am right there beside you. My mother is 95 and now batty. She has collected stuff all her life.....will not throw anything out, clings to the idea she went to business school along with Noah and can manage quite fine. Goes bananas when us kids go over and try to help her and blames us for throwing things out she cannot find, because they are 30 yrs old and were disposed of long ago. Has every single newspaper from the 30's up to today. Keeps send away from Publishers clearing House crap....and on and on. Us 3 offspring are besides ourselves with her. Forgets to pay bills, will not let us do it for here..collection agents calling...can't/won't listen to phone and won't wear her hearing aid. OY VEY!!!  In Canada....it is next to impossible to get people committed....violates charter of rights.  What can we do???? They looked after us when we were born so we owe them, right.  These are the days I wish I had been killed in Vietnam. Mother makes my head hurt, even though I moved 500 miles away.

I pray for you Judy.......Lord give her strength and mental fortitude to deal with her aging folks.

God Bless you Judy.....I will keep praying for you.

Lady Veronica

Hello there Lady Veronica, thanks for all your prayers and your adivce, I will take that to heart. She took out a Bank of America Home Equity Line of Credit and it is up to $90,000, and our taxes are $13,000 per year. So I started up a Go Fund Me page to raise funds to pay off the BOA Home Equity Line of Credit and the taxes for the next ten years. Wish me luck and pray for me so I don't go broke and end up homeless on the streets.
Love,
Judy

Hi Judy, my mum was living at home and was seen every day by carer's.  When it became obvious she could not look after herself from day to day she was flown upto where i live.  Here we have an age care place so she stayed there. I saw her every day and it took 18 months for her to stop living.  Its a difficult time for all but when it comes to family....must be done.   Bronwyn

I wish I had some good advice to offer you Judy but I don't really. Although the local seniors outreach centre might have some suggestions on what path to follow if she really is no longer competent to handle her own affairs. Certainly from what you described of her financial situation that might be the case but then you would have to go forward and that will be awkward.

You are not alone with this problem and community services or what ever it is called locally might also have some places to go for ideas and support.  You might not be able to get the time and space to dress and enjoy yourself but you can always hang out here with people who do understand some part of your life. Good luck to you.

Roberta

Today she had a mini stroke, holy cow

Things are not getting any easier for you are they Judy? Even a small stroke or a TIA can cause changes in behaviour that rarely make things better. However perhaps this will be an opportunity to have a serious talk to her Dr. about the situation and find out about seniors support or community services for your Mom.
Good luck we are thinking about you Judy.

The latest update is she has stablized and she now takking some new medications and she seems better and more relaxed but now she has Sundwoner Syndrome and forgets all about the past three years that I have been with her back in NJ. But now we have to move out of neccsessity for we owe a lot ot BOA and need to get out of debt. So I will driving across the country later during the summer months to get to Colorado where my brother has a place out in the country.
So wish us well.

I hope this works well for both of you Judy.  Will you stay in Colorado also?

Well the latest is she went into the Bridge in Downtown Farmington, Medicaid was denied to her. Now I am all alone here with me, myself and I. Trying to figure my last chapter in my life. Still looking to retire to Oregon. But finding housing is the biggest hurdle. If anyone has any suggestions, please keep abreast of them.

Thanks Bronwyn for your wishes and support and understanding

Hi Judy, I took care of both my parents, Dad had alzheimer's and Mom had dementia. I understand what you're going through, it's mentally and physically exhausting. They were in a nursing home and I lost count as to how many times I was called to hospitals in the middle of the night or had to go to the home to settle a conflict, Mom got violent near the end. Your plan to get close to your brother for extra support is a good one, it makes it easier if someones got your back. You take care and my thoughts are with you.

Love Heather.

Judy, I don't the answers for you, but I went through caring for my Father as he went through dementia.  It was a long, depressingly slow, decline for a man who was once incredibly smart. So I understand the situation, if that helps you at all. I just passed the 10th anniversary of his passing, and I cannot believe that it has been that long.

The financial difficulties makes your situation a somewhat more difficult, as care costs a certain amount of money. It also depends where you are, and as in some places there are public health care services that will provide varying levels of care for those in need, if the finances are not available for private care.

In my experience, it seems to fall to one of the person's children to do 90% of the work as the parent ages. Everyone seems to really good reasons, we're all busy, with work, and all the other things that come upon us, but those that gave us life in the first place deserve to have the once gave us, returned to them. I hope that you can find your way through this, and that perhaps your brother can chip in, at least from time to time, so that you can get refreshed.

I'm rather sorry that I cannot be much help to you, but you have my prayers.

Amy