Am I a Crossdresser or Transgender?

I think to quote Nikki Just Nikki (sorry I don't know how to make this a link but she is a member here)

“I’m not a woman trapped in a man’s body, but a man and a woman that share this body”

Sums me up perfectly and from what little you have said sounds similar for you. If you wanted to use what might be called technical gender/sexuality language I am AMAB, Bi-gender, Femmesexual and monogamous  but even that is only vaguely helpful as we are all very complicated beings.

Take time (and most important have fun) discovering yourself.

Eve xx

It can take some introspection to try an figure things out. I would suggest that if there are times that you enjoy being your male self, then TG seems less likely. However, there are therapists out there who may be able to help you ask yourself the right questions.

I'd also note, that these are just labels (and even then, you've defined only two). The whole thing is a broad spectrum and you may find that your place on it isn't exactly one or the other of these, but some shade that's a mix of both. 🙂

If you have to ask, you probably aren't transgender. At least not currently. Take time to explore these feelings and thoughts, and find good counseling to help you organize your thoughts and see where it takes you.

I think gender identity is a spectrum, and we can be both a crossdresser and transgendered. I feel such a strong feminine side and the clothing is just a tool, but my feminine identity comes from inside. I also do not want to abandon my male identity. So both are an important part of who I am. When I am presenting as female I want to be as feminine as I can be. I do spend most of my time as a man, so my time as a women is very important to me. Best wishes Courtney.

I love dressing enfemme. But, I also like stratching my balls. And are quite attached to them. And it doesn't matter how I present, I'm not attracted to men, (even if trans)and the thought repulses me. (If that's your bent, that's cool. I'm not judging you. Just stating how I'm wired.) 

A much debated topic confused by the labels being announced on a regular basis. It seems to be understood or be diagnosed we have to conform to certain conditions to be considered transgender or 'other'.

Therapists tend to follow a script hence different girls being asked the same question. If you have lived a life in a male body and followed the male rules there are things you do, or have done as a male that you wouldn't really want to give up. Also if you have family considerations and social implications that will sway your answers. Here on the forum I have seen a reflection to the answers given that indicate an answer that could be yes to being full time. It's all the implications that will lead to a skewed answer. It appears to be a constant issue for the more mature in our community.

I have lived a long life in a male body but any opportunity to express the real me was taken. In that time I developed things I enjoyed as male so have things that I do that can't be given up as on occasion my presentation will change. The rest of the time I am in female mode, I knew when I was very young being female was what I wanted to be. In essence I have transformed from male to female life, am I transgendered, there is a vestige of the male life, am I a crossdresser. I got used to my body it functions in both modes so am not unhappy so does that preclude me being transgendered.

Had I have been born today perhaps the opportunity to be understood and accepted could have led to early interventions to become female where living as a male would not have happened so the dilemma we find ourselves in would never had happened. 

I am in agreement with everyone that talks about being transgender being a spectrum. I initially identified as a Crossdresser but as I got to understand myself I realized I was more transgender. Now that doesn’t mean I need to have to go for all the surgeries and my position on that spectrum may be fluid. What I’m trying to do is just taking it day by day experimenting a little and then seeing how I feel.  You don’t owe  a definition of yourself to anybody and maybe not even yourself. Cut yourself some slack just enjoy the ride, take notes and don’t worry about what will happen if you…..   Just take it day by day!  Lastly share the love and be kind as life can as life can be short.❤️

I share the view that transgenderism is a spectrum.  As I see it, this spectrum ranges from crossdressers on one end to full on transwomen at the other.   After many years of soul searching, self torture and finally, counseling, I came to the conclusion that I am a transwoman.  Exactly what this means to me remains to be seen.   Right now, I'm working to integrate more and more of my authentic female self into my everyday life.  I'm out in the world as Lauren multiple times per week and it's starting to feel like second nature to me.   Where I go medically, is open to question right now.   I have health conditions that might make HRT unwise but I do hope to start at least low doses of estrogen.  Depending on where this goes, I might consider surgeries but that's down the road a bit.   In a general sense, I'm very much a crossdresser but in my mindspace I am a transwoman.  In any case, I am fully enjoying my femineity right now!!

The concept behind the transgender spectrum was to establish an umbrella term encompassing all flavors of people who present as opposite to the gender they were assigned at birth. That includes someone who crossdresses maybe once a year on one end all the way to someone who is on hormones, had top/bottom surgeries, lives full time and is married to a male on the other end and every variation in between. So by today's definition, we are all on the spectrum somewhere, so we are all transgender.

My place on the spectrum = a non-transitioning crossdresser who lives full time as a woman.

I like it, Fiona.

Christine

Hi ladies,

My story has been told before in numerous posts here on CDH, but there have been some major updates.

I knew, when I was a very young child, that I was supposed to be a girl. That knowledge followed me throughout my life. Not only the knowledge, but also the way my body responded to puberty. I never grew an Adams Apple, my voice didn't deepen much, I always had a baby face, I developed hips, bumm, thighs, and B-cup boobs. The ultimate part that most boys grew, their male private parts, didn't grow at all. Recently I developed a condition very common to women and had to make a trip to the ER.  It was there that my life changed.

The lady doctor who came to talk with me had made a thorough look at my medical records and we had quite the conversation. She told me that I had contracted something relatively unique to women, a Urinary Tract Infection, most likely due to my unique anatomy. She told me things about my childhood, asked my lots of questions and wondered why doctors had never mentioned anything but just scratched their heads.

She said, "Lauren, you came here identifying as a transgender woman, I'm here to tell you that you are more than that. You are an intersex person, your chromosomes are XXY, your hormone levels are high in estrogen, and you have undeveloped male privates." She then placed her hand on my knee and said, "Lauren, you are a woman!"

What I had always felt was true, I am a woman. But I was forced by the culture, expectations and norms of the then current society to perform as a male.

I did get married to a girl who liked my gentle feminine nature, and we had two children. She died of Cancer in 2014. I met a very pretty and feminine girl and we became fast friends.  We married in 2016 and all was fine until, what I now know was gender dysphoria, revealed itself. Actually, it was 'the woman inside', who has always been there, announcing that it was her turn to live life. I announced that I was transgender to the world and life rapidly changed! My wife said we needed to separate and I needed to find my own place for awhile so she could think about things.

We've always talked each night, and are now seeing each other on a regular basis. Going shopping, out to eat, and going for walks. She told me that finding out I'm intersex allowed her to realize I was born this way and there is nothing wrong with me. She accepts me as a woman, loves our friendship and wants to remain married, refers to me by my feminine name and, when talking to friends, refers to me as she/her.

So, long story made short. I truly was a crossdresser, but the clothing I crossdressed in were the male clothes I was forced to wear. The feminine clothes were 'my clothes', what I was supposed to wear!  So, am I transgender? Technically yes, but being intersex creates its own place on that spectrum.

Hugs girls, big hugs,

Ms. Lauren M

I think maybe the question itself is the problem. Let me explain.

We are always conforming to other's expectations. "You are male. You should dress a certain way, wear your hair a certain way, behave a certain way." When we try to break from these expectations we are pushing back against the social norms.

But when you ask "Am I a crossdresser or transgender?" you are doing much the same. You are conforming to other's expectations. Here it is not about male versus female, but other's expectations about the labels.

Why do we have to use labels to put ourselves into little boxes? Labels should be starting points of a conversation, and not ending points that confine us. And not everyone has the same definition of the labels either.

We use labels (or categorize things) as a way of trying to make sense and simplify the world. Rather than having to memorize each tree we see, we categorize them as having a trunk, branches, and leaves. Then we see something slightly outside that categorization and either create a new category or expand the definition. A pine tree has needles instead of leaves. Is it still a tree? A bonzai tree isn't really a tree, it is just a plant cut to look like a tree. But we still call it a tree.

We can say something similar about being a crossdresser or a transgendered person. Each person has their own definition of what that means, based on their own experiences. (Am I crossdressing if I wear jeans or a pullover shirt from the women's section that doesn't look like necessarily feminine?) And we are not two-dimensional people, we live complex lives. We can live in multiple boxes all at the same time, even if they sometimes seem to contradict each other.

One thing I have heard is, if the answer to a question doesn't change anything, the question itself may not be relevant.

You have already answered that you don't hate your body or find extreme discomfort presenting as a male, and don't want to present full time as a woman. (As others have said, this may change over time.) That gives direction to your life right now. Confining yourself to one box or the other (or partially both) is restricting yourself. These are just names to tell others about yourself. But you can do that without the labels too.