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An Extraordinary Level of Acceptance?

16 Posts
14 Users
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Posts: 602
Baroness Annual
Topic starter
(@fembecky)
Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Following on from Allie’s Topic What can we do to counter the general misperception of crossdressing and crossdressers? and some of my thoughts about projecting the positive joys of crossdressing, I had a good opportunity to put it into practice this morning when I went for a full body wax. The lady doing the waxing had dealt with me before and was well aware of my CD activities, but I was able to tell her about the things I found very enjoyable about CD. I think it gave her a bit more insight, but in fact she was already very accepting.

It is what followed that really surprised me. The conversation moved onto other topics such as her desire to start a family, the process of coming off the pill (which she has been on since age 14) so she can start regular periods, her worries about the process, concerns about hormone levels, etc. The whole discussion seemed to me to be like two close genetic girls having an open and frank discussion about intimate issues in a way men never would. She later mentioned that the only other person she had discussed this with was her BFF; it struck me that she was similarly treating me as a BFF as well.

This was all taking place as she made a wonderful job of giving me a full wax, including a “bikini wax”.

Is this a case of an extraordinary level of acceptance, treating me as a woman despite the obvious fact I am not; or am I completely over interpreting this event? Either way I must say I felt I was being valued as a person and a close confidant.

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15 Replies
7 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5220

@fembecky 

Is this a case of an extraordinary level of acceptance, treating me as a woman despite the obvious fact I am not; or am I completely over interpreting this event? Either way I must say I felt I was being valued as a person and a close confidant.

I wouldn't over-analyse it, or wonder where it came from. The fact is that she was so comfortable in your presence that she felt able to talk about all of this.

It was a wonderful thing; treasure it 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2204

@fembecky 

What a lovely experience! It's obvious from your account, how much it means to you, and rightly so. I've had a few remedial massages from both men and women, depending on who's available and there's been a to and fro of open and honest chat. I think the quite intimate nature of waxing and massage lends itself to sharing personal stuff but that's not to detract in any way from the joy you feel when it happens.

It's not just listening, it's having empathy, people can feel it in others and it encourages them to open up more. I suspect you have it in abundance, Rebecca and, as your account shows, it is it's own reward.

Thanks for sharing this 😊.

Allie x

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@fembecky Maybe you are reading more into this than what is really there.  It might be she is starting to accept you into her womanhood club, but just at edge of the club. Not a full member but maybe an honorary member. If you continue to share your feminine side in this way others might accept you also.

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(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1461

@fembecky What a wonderful morning!  You must have been on cloud nine afterwards - being smooth as a peeled switch always feels good, but after such an intimate conversation, to be emotionally fulfilled as well, now that's a rare combination 🙂

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Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1620

Posted by: @finallyfiona

@fembecky What a wonderful morning!  You must have been on cloud nine afterwards - being smooth as a peeled switch always feels good, but after such an intimate conversation, to be emotionally fulfilled as well, now that's a rare combination 🙂

I can in no way improve on this!

Lara

 

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1209

@fembecky That is a wonderful, validating experience.   I would love to have some cis girlfriends with whom I could discuss female topics.   For me, it seems like it would be so beneficial in the process of unlearning male behavior and learning how to be a girl.  Generally, discussions with other transwomen are focused on our being trans.   This if fine but there are times when I would rather be completely immersed in being female.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@ellyd22 @alexina @loneleycd @finallyfiona @Lauren114 @harriette @sheryl321 @cdsue @d44 @justnikki @jjandme

Thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to respond to this topic, and for all your sensible, level headed advice to not over analyse what happened. As Ellie so succinctly put it:

Posted by: @ellyd22

It was a wonderful thing; treasure it 🙂

... and that is exactly what I will do. I hope I can look forward to many more occasions where I feel so accepted in the female world. Stealing a phrase used today by Lorraine (@missylinda) in another topic:

Posted by: @missylinda

🤪. My god,I love our life!

Hugs to all, Rebecca

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Posts: 4016
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

Acceptance? Maybe. Comfort level or bonding of some sort? Maybe.

People who listen well vs those who give standoffish vibes, can get much more intimate with strangers. I find strangers open up to me very easily because I actually listen to them. The same thing can happen with people that you know, too.

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Posts: 210
Guest
(@Anonymous 95305)
Estimable Member
Joined: 11 months ago

Harriette and Allie ate right, Rebecca, People love to be with people who SINCERELY listen. People will put their own obstacles in their way and perhaps what you did was not so much get her acceptance, but you helped her remove the “but he’s a crossdresser so I can’t open up” obstacle. You paved the way for many of us to be seen as people not as crossdressers!

Thank you,

Sheryl

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Posts: 2111
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Rebecca -

How nice that she felt comfortable enough with you to have such an intimate discussion. 

I wonder if she was comfortable in sharing this with you because you were comfortable with sharing your crossdressing with her. There has to be a certain amount of trust as well. As others have said waxing and massages are the most intimate thing one can do outside a relationship, which I think opens up a certain level of trust. Think about who you have shared about your crossdressing with and why you felt comfortable doing it. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 1797
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

She is treating you as women often do with each other. I have found that as long as you are polite, courteous and honest about your dressing most women will treat you as a "trans women", not quite an actual woman but not a male anymore. That doesn't necessarily mean they fully accept it but they usually treat you with some level of respect.

I find the thing that makes me feel the most feminine is dealing with GG women who treat you in a feminine manner. For me, it's a wonderful feeling.

 

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Posts: 485
(@justnikki)
Prominent Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

People talk to me for a living, so it's pretty common for strangers to open up to me in casual conversation. I think it's empathy as others have mentioned, but also that "unconditional positive regard" that is integral to my work. I can't exactly turn it off when I'm off the clock. Interestingly, it's most commonly women who open up to me whether I'm en femme or not. I get waxed every 4-5 weeks and my esthetician treats me like one of the girls and we've had some surprisingly intimate conversations, but I chalk that up to the intimate nature of the moment mostly. Women are generally warmer to me when I'm en femme, even the women who know both sides of me. That's a bit more mysterious to me...

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Through out history hairdressers and bartend3rs have been the unofficial psycologist to many. No doubt wax and nail techicians fit in there as well, and it often goes both ways.

My wax tech and I have had many coversations while I lay there wearing only panties. It is kind of hard to hide your crossdressing when wearing only Victoria's Secret panties. I have been through the break up with her old boyfriend, and her involvement with a new girlfriend, and I showed up for a recent appoi tment fully dressed. Her only comment was "wow, lookin' good."

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Posts: 139
Lady
(@sunnyday)
Estimable Member     Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

I wouldn't over interpret it. I generally get on better with women than men. The women I get on well with don't know I crossdress but do share lots of things with me. I think it's more to do with a style of conversation and you being willing to show vulnerability and share, rather than someone 'accepting' you as a a woman.

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@sunnyday 

Hey Alli, thanks for your words of wisdom. You are quite right, though I will savour moments such as the one in the waxing salon.

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