An introextrovert maybe

Olivia I hear you, i often wonder why I’m so nervous to step out in public dressed en femme ( which I will do soon for the first time) , I think to myself, just do it ! Who cares what others think, go out and show off your hard work and flaunt it! Show them who  you are and don’t look back..... but then my fear creeps back in.. it’s a dualistic thing I guess... and which ever side I “feed” is the side that will win the day...

💖❤️

Hi Olivia,

A nice challenge to describe oneself!.

If it was this forum I'd pass an opinion.

If it was a party, I'd leave everyone to it. I'd be be in the kitchen near the drink, or outside having a smoke.

Marti x

{sorry, the end of an evening, maybe a bit too cryptic}

Hi Olivia, I'm like Samantha; it depends on my mood.  I also probably slightly lean towards being an introvert BUT I can extrovert with the best of them when the mood fancies (and NO, I don't have to be drunk - actually I don't drink much alcohol anymore since my heart attack five years ago - just the occasional wine or beer and never more than one).  I remember my en femme coming out luncheon (that's another story) - I was way over the top extroverted at that event.  I had to be in order to survive.  And when in extrovert mode, being super confident is the key.  Hey, I can pull this off, nobody get in my way.  But I do enjoy my alone time.  I fondly remember the week of housesitting I did for my son watching his dog and cat while he and his family were on vacation.  I spent pretty much the whole time en femme, even walking the dog on a very public trail.  The alone time was wonderful.  And I never turned the TV on for the whole week.  I remember wearing a flirty skater dress and playing frisbee with the dog.  I wonder what the neighbors thought???  thanks for the cool topic Olivia.  Stay healthy, stay safe, All the Best, Hugs, Krista.

Krista

I did the same at my daughters house recently for two weeks. I dress freely at home anyway but somehow its just not the same.

I too can be an outslandish extrovert in the company of a chosen few(with or without alcohol) but enjoy spending time alone or in smaller groups, and toned down mostly.

Olivia,

By nature my makeup is that I am an extrovert and very outgoing, but because I live in the "Bible Belt" of the US I must tone down my CD'ing, But since my SO walked out on me the day after Christmas I'm opening up more so to say. I belive I have told three more people that I am a CD, including one of my Dr's and I will be letting my other Dr (s) know about my CD'ing soon.

Kathleen

Hi honey, as a male I found that I was always a introvert with a submissive personality I could fake confidence to a good level though, I learned this first via cycling then passing that feeling to my job.

.I found when I'm en femme I'm much more of an ambivert. I'm naturally less of a push over. Apparently it's actually made me easier to be around.

Sorry to hear about your SO Kathleen, but from what you said, now you get to be an extra extrovert.

Olivia;

Interesting question, and the answer I think is rather complicated. Like just about everyone else I started out very closeted, and stayed that way for many years. However I have come out of my closet a great deal in the last few years so now I go out and about completely en femme, and am comfortable doing it.

Mostly I like to pass, and usually do, and there has been considerable discussion here about the merits of that as well. A big thing is if I do get "made", it doesn't bother me, I am what I am, and that's it. For me passing is simply more than blending in with all of the other women out there, I feel a deep need to do my best to look the part too. When I do look the part I really feel it too, and that gives me a deep seated satisfaction that now I am whole. Perhaps I am leaning on the TG door a bit more instead of the CD door. I really have no idea right now.

The circle of those in the know is slowly widening, but my close family doesn't, as my wife wants to keep it secret. To which I do abide by her wishes.

Personality wise I always used to be considered the shy kid, and someone once used the line to describe me as "taking two steps back for every step forward", but somehow my kids see me as some kind of a social butterfly! I am certainly not ashamed of being a crossdresser, and in a weird and strange way I find I commit that sin called pride about it. But with a small "p" as I'm not someone you would likely find picketing City Hall one day to advocate for trans rights or something.

However, this is my flip side, and it would be a biggie. A group which I have been a member of for over 30 years always has a Christmas party in conjunction with their AGM, and last year it was supposed to be 20's themed. I had bought a flapper dress and some accessories for another party which was supposed to happen last year too, only that one was for fellow CD's. So I had this wild and crazy idea to attend everything as just old male me, and then instead of a 20's suit and spats, say, I'd put my 20's dress and outfit on.

Which really might blow things open! I'm sure my wife would be against that, and it was what you might describe as shouting it out! I'm sure I would have been too chicken to actually do it, but I do have that crazy fantasy!

Amy

Hi Olivia,

Yes I don't want to stand out as a CDer however I tend to dress in a way to draw attention

Crazy I know.lol😁

Always love hearing from you.

Huggs Patty

I never kept pigeons, so pigeon holes are not familiar territory to me...

I'll draw on my acting and musical backgrounds, and apply them to my work in IT, drawing a direct metaphor for my CDing:

Music first: I started as a bass player in bands. I already had grade 8 piano and singing, and was a bit fed up with the whole mechanical, formulaic processes of "Classical" music, where the dots on the page are your script (analogous to a play).

I craved rock music's unpredictable spontaneity carved into simple frameworks of basic, open and powerful chords.

However, I couldn't play guitar and didn't want to go back to being a beginner again - I have some strange "need" to be a fully formed expert - it's not a conscious thing, but a vital aspect of my job... I digress.

So I bought a bass, and quickly found that my inate sense of pitch means I can pick out those root notes quickly, my knowledge of theory meant I could play around with inversions, scales, arpeggios, modes and all kinds of technical stuff - literally playing, like a game.

I didn't want to be "spotted", I wanted to impress myself and become proud of myself, because that was the very thing I was not. I hated myself in my teens - I can't even begin... how could I want to be a perverted cross dresser??? It made everything I did seem useless and pointless. I felt like I was rubbish at everything.

But bass... now bass I began to impress myself with.

I spent ages crafting a sonorous tone, listening to my band mates, leaving space for their skills on their instruments, and grabbing little moments during which I felt like I shone - and I felt good about myself for an hour or so of gigging.

It was only gigging that brought this on - the audience feeling like a blank canvas that I had to tastefully paint, re-interpreting the songs for the different audiences.

All for the moment - afterwards I felt hollow and empty. Really, only happy when performing to an audience - that is all that matters, and it's the feeling that matters, whether it's a dingy pub, a top London club or a festival.

So it is with work.

I am happiest when a companies IT systems are in tatters, and all eyes from the business and my own company are on me, as I improvise, sifting through the logs, checking components, finding issues, but focussed only on what the root cause is - it's the feeling of being a rock star. The only one that matters in that current moment.

Afterwards, I write the detailed report, which is awesome - full-on detecting - it doesn't get any better. This is exactly what is wrong with the system.

Then the bill is presented to the customer, and I have done my bit, so on to the next one.

The Service Delivery Manager gets the thanks and glory for getting the right guy on the job - but I don't want the glory. I just had the moment.

And so with CDing.

All the prep - the clothes, the makeup, all building up to the time to go out into the world and make the most of every moment.

How many people can I talk to, how many can I make laugh, or feel that delicious feeling of a developing friendship - these are more moments.

I don't want anything back for them - they are their own rewards. But I do crave quantity and quality, and "ride the faders" to get the balance right. These special moments live as memories.

This is the biggest difference between CDing and my other hobbies.

A gig or a play lives on as just a memory that I did those performances. The details are list to the over all feeling.

With CDing, the overall feeling is taken as read. It's the quantity and quality of special moments with people that live on - all the little details.

To go out and talk to a lot of people must make me extroverted - but my go-to has previously been introverted. As Laura, if I feel like talking to someone, I just do.

Just like I always wanted to.

Love Laura

Crazy might be a good thing Patty, it helps you fit in here just fine lol.

I don't even have to try and stand out, I just do....at times.

Liv