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I peruse the forums often here and love reading the comments but I've noticed a trend that I am one of the only girls that prefers men. I've been dressing up since 16 and initially did it for self arousal and guys' attention. Now I still do it for attention but also for my own psyche. But I just love it when a man treats me like a proper lady.
If you are all mostly indeed straight, how do your genetic female counterparts react to you dressing like them?
@valevanan
Hi, Valerie.
Firstly, I don't dress like my wife, she never wears dresses, skirts or heels. Often, we'll be sitting on the couch, chatting or even just watching television and she'll be in her usual jeans or leggings and a top. I'll be fully dressed, including heels and makeup!
She helps me with advice and constructive criticism and the other day, she pinned up the bottom of a dress that I want shortened to knee length, then took it down to the alterations place in town. She's been great as I practise makeup, I only recently began using it. I apply it, look in the mirror and think it's ok. She'll tell me to wipe some off and blend what's left. I look in the mirror again and see the difference, I'm too heavy handed with it.
It's long been a common fallacy that, if a man likes to wear female clothing, he must be gay. Most of the girls I know here are much like me, we have a healthy acceptance of our feminine sides. Many more don't have the luxury of an accepting wife or SO, and have to keep it secret like I did for years. Now that's not as healthy as enjoying the freedom to dress as we please in our own home.
I often say to new members that this is a safe and diverse community, everyone is accepted for what they are and I know there's a few who can only express their female sides here.
Keep on enjoying being you 😊.
Allie x
@valevanan I can't answer for anyone but myself. I cross dress because it feels good to me. At 77 years old, I'm not looking for anyone to be particularly attracted to me as a result of how I dress. I do this for myself. How I relate to people, whether I'm in drab of in drag is matter of two personalities likes and dislikes.
Whether I am straight or gay or somewhere in between is not relevant.
Tia
@valevanan Welcome to CDH, Valerie!
The crossdressing community seems to be a welcoming broad tent.
As for my wife, she doesn't approve of my dressing, but she hasn't forbidden me from doing it, either.
@valevanan I'm a Bi female. I don't have a defined male sexuality anymore since I have been able to unsuppress my femininity.
@lauren114 interesting way to look at it Lauren. I consider myself to be a bi crossdresser, never thought whether bi male or female. As you say my bi identity became stronger after I stopped suppressing my femininity.
XOXO
Suzanne
@valevanan Yes, to those who don’t know us, we are all perceived as gay. Of course , we are a diverse group of lifestyles. I’m am a straight male, but on becoming Lorraine, I sometimes find myself attracted to other crossdressers in a lesbian way. Since they are biologically male, does that make me gay? Without the “ wild card” of crossdressing, would NEVER have such feelings. To me this is the great mystery of the “ fog”, anyone else feel that way?
@missylinda Yes agreed. And it is a bit of a fog. I'm not gay either but I wonder what my reaction would be if a man approached me when I'm dressed as Fatima.
@missylinda So I’ve read if a man is attracted to a crossdresser which is presenting as a female that it isn’t considered gay. I do hear what your saying about being attracted to another crossdresser which to be perfectly honest I have had thoughts of this while dressed but also like you a “ man” does nothing for me at all.
@cdashley yes, it’s as if we are two separate people. But I feel I’m one person, thus my quandary.
@missylinda I'm Bi so my situation is somewhat different. As I see it, I'm attracted to people regardless of their gender. To me, the terms lesbian and gay are essentially meaningless. I just see myself as a sexual person. I go beyond blurred lines to a place where there are no lines.
@lauren114 In my perfect world , it would not even need discussion, let alone judgement. The world is a better place when we think outside the box
@missylinda I can understand you being attracted to other crossdressers, after all a sexy lady is a sexy lady no matter what may be under her dress or skirt/top.
XOXO
Suzanne
@missylinda I'm identifying with your argument totally.
I 'm straight, I love so much the women and I don't feel anything as attraction for men but, I am conscious that a few times I have felt what I call attraction by other crossdressers, maybe it just curiosity since I don't know any crossdresser in person. I would say, in my "en Femme mode" I feel like I'm lesbian, attracted by women, someone in other post used the term bi curious, I believe that this is the most aprox term about what I feel.
One of my fantasies would be engage me with my wife fully dressed as a woman.
In the end ,this is , like you said, a great mistery of the "fog".
@missylinda fun fact, most crossdressers are straight men. And the vast majority of men have at least tried on a pair of women's panties at least once. It's knowing trivial little bits like this that I always find helpful to know, especially if I'm having any weirdness issues.
When I was younger, I tried to catch on with others, it just didn't go anywhere. It was a good learning experience though and I met some cool people. I was more hellbent on finding a good woman who wouldn't just accept me for who and what I was, but someone who also encourage it and even derive pleasure from it themselves. Yeah, I was reaching. I was very conflicted back then. Too many distractions. But all along the way in my life, I've known girls who really did enjoy feminizing their man. Sadly at that time, I was way too insecure and afraid of what might happen if they knew how much I wanted it! Or maybe it wasn't them I was afraid of at all.
Time has completely realigned my perceptions. Where I was more uncertain back then about how far I might ever be willing to take things, now I KNOW! I'm still only attracted to women, however, there's room for conversation over more. A LOT more! I'm kinda obsessing over that "more" part actually but I digress.
@amandasdream I have had the same woman in my life for 55 years. I love her more than life itself. But she is barely tolerant only. Thus I never had an opportunity to have a woman who wanted to feminize me. That great mystery I have missed.
@missylinda I think that you nailed it! I so feel that way and actually am starting to anticipate "that first encounter". I often think it would be so cool to hang out in some town where crossdressing and all rainbow people, were not ridiculed and could be comfortable at a beach, coffee shop...or motel
@dianaurge thank you. I will always remain faithful to my wife, so chances are slim I will have that “ first encounter”.
@missylinda l feel the same about my wife, l love her infinitely and she is fine with me crossdressing and she has told me so. I am hers and hers alone.
@dianaurge Yes, I know Provincetown very well. In fact, I was just there today. It is well worth the visit. No one notices a well dressed older woman which is what I was today. You can go in and out of funky shops and galleries, talk to folks and just feel totally accepted.
Robyn
@robyn1408 Thank you, Robyn, it is on my list for sure now, I would think, next spring. Would like to have tea or coffee with you then. 
@dianaurge Hi Diana, would love to meet for coffee at any time. I just added some pics from my Provincetown afternoon/evening in my private gallery, last three pics.
@valevanan From studies that I’ve seen (and I can’t say how rigorous they were), the majority of crossdressers do appear to be heterosexual. As a matter of fact, the Tri-Ess clubs were for heterosexual crossdressers and I believe included wives. However, in current times I think there are very few chapters left.
@valevanan
One thing I've learned on this wild ride is that lines blur. A lot. What I once accepted as elemental can no longer be defined. Does it matter that rigid social definitions no longer apply? I think not. I'm just being me. That's refreshing.
One of the fundamental things about being trans or a CD is rediscovery.
I can be attracted to someone regardless of their gender at birth or their gender expression. Freeing myself from binary constraints let me focus on the connection I feel with someone. If I close my eyes and clear my mind, do I feel a warmth that makes me want to get closer? Nothing surprises me anymore.
You can slap whatever label you want on that. I've already moved on.
/LK
@lizk that is a very interesting point of view. Things are becoming blurred in society today and how one identifires isn't really anyones business. Thank you for expressing this.
XOXO
Suzanne
@valevanan You're not alone Valerie! I happen to be bi and have a great boyfriend. I started wearing romantic lingerie to bed when I was 16. I considered myself straight in my teens but by the time I turned 20 I *really* wanted to be with a guy rather than a girl. I think wearing romantic lingerie to bed was what really turned on my femininity and leaned me towards wanting a guy. My bf is everything that I dreamed a boyfriend would be and our relationship is incredible.
@valevanan
I have my own style and it is not like my wife's, I dress far more femininely than she. I have told her (jokingly) that she must be a lesbian when Becca is around.
@valevanan to be honest with you I am a straight man, but when I’m dressed as a woman, the lines have definitely got a little blurry, not gonna go into detail, but when dressed as a woman, I totally act like a woman, and that means have a cuddle up to men only I know the answer lol
@jasminejeffries75 yes I'm totally with you !! It turns me on when I dress and go to a club and get hit on. Oh do I get girly 👧 I can satisfy a man in a heartbeat, but when I dress in drab, it's just well, drab.
@valevanan Valerie, I believe I read that the percentage of gay vs straight is about the same in the crossdressing as the general population. As for me I am pleased to present as female and be accepted as such. The thought of a relationship with a man is disgusting to me. BUT the thought of a man seeing me as a woman and treating me like his a special girl is something I might consider.
Cassie
@valevanan I have been crossdressing for "as long as I can remember", I'm retired now, and might be considered in a "unique" place, as I keep this all a secret, only me and the dog know; that being said, I want to say I'm 99% straight, and 1%, "bi-curious", if this makes sense. Prior to getting married and starting a family, I enjoyed dressing up and considered myself "passable enough" to have ventured out to safe places...downtown/shopping malls, etc....and just blending in with the masses, I loved to show off and "be seen". My biggest thrill ever, was being asked..."Miss, would you like a ride to Nordstroms" during a Xmas shopping trip as I walked from my car thru the parking lot and a shoppers-shuttle driver offered me a ride...!!! Then came marriage and a family, but, prior to Covid, while the wife was at the office and the kids off to school during the days, I enjoyed the mid-day privacy of dressing up, and eventually turned to the internet to broadcast live on Chaturbate.com and make friends of all orientations "online" who shared similar interest. It is awesome, to share my inner secret with complete strangers who did not judge, and only offered their constructive criticism, with compliments and tips on how to look even more feminine. Now, currently post-Covid, my wife works from home and all my privacy has been lost, I can only participate in what I must admit, gives me the MOST pleasure of all, at this time in my life, and cross dress when I only have complete privacy, at home, alone. Tomorrow, Labor Day weekend/Sunday, will be my first time in months and I am so much looking forward to it. It's been a challenge, some might even say pure "torture", but all I can say is I'm happy to have this opportunity and will take full advantage, as the family will be away from mid-morning until late night....just me, and the dog, of course...Tiny's back in town, boys and girls...so why don't you come up and see me sometime"...hehehe...!!!
@valevanan I’ve been dressing in one shape or form since I was 10’ish. Straight as an arrow my whole life. Been through two marriages (on my second of 22 years) and both knew. My first wife fully supported my dressing. My current wife fully supports it, her only exception is she does not like it when I wear bras and breast forms. She has never fully explained why. It has only been recently that I have had fantasies about being being with a male sexually. I’m in no way attracted to guys, it’s more of the “want to feel what she feels” when it comes to sex. I will say however, a feminine cross dresser will catch my attention from time to time.
@valevanan Hi Valerie. I struggled to be straight all my life. During 2024 finally became open-minded about my orientation. Have cross-dressed for years, but it was not me. something wasn't right, and all those years I was afraid to consider, "Ok, try to think of yourself as a trans woman." But once I got past that barrier, I'm happy. I'm fully dressed 24/7 at home, and only don male clothes to go out. So now I'm considering, should I move from here and relocate to an area where I can dress as the real me all the time. And my attraction is more towards men than women.
@valevanan Don was a bisexual male and DeeAnn is a non-binary bisexual transgender female.
@valevanan Hi, when dressed I want men to be attracted to me. There is nothing better than chatting and flirting with men or being whirled around the dance floor in the arms of a strong cute guy.
gloria
hey valevanan
i am bisexual and i do it caz it makes me feel goodand sometimes i wish i was born a girl and my girlfriend fully supports me as long as i am happy and being myself she loves when i dress she does my make up and loves to pick outfits out for me and somtimes we go girly shopping. she loves having a girlfriend and wants to take me on a holiday as just charlotte which would be scary but with support it should be fun.
@valevanan yes l am straight, my wife attitude is if it makes me happy she is happy. I dress as a lady once a week. My wife does my nails in polish. She also is teaching me make-up. When l am putting on my make-up she watches and helps when l need it. She helps me choose what to wear. She buys me jewellery and also bought me my jewellery box and make up, beauty case etc. We buy feminine clothes together as well. So my wife is fine with my dressing up as a lady as she knows its a hobby that makes me happy.
@valevanan I can only speak for myself. Straight/gay/bi have always been nothing more than labels, none of which I ever really thought about.
Visually, I find the feminine form far more attractive. But my own attractions have been based on an individual level. By that I mean where I may see a beautiful woman from a distance and be attracted per my preference. I have been attracted to individuals, male and female, based on personal and emotional attraction. If a person interests me, I never really consider gender. If that makes sense.
@valevanan Firstly I'd note that how one chooses to present themselves and to what type of person one is attracted are mutually exclusive. Lesbians present themselves as women every day and yet are attracted to other women. So the idea that how you look should determine to whom you're attracted has no bearing.
Secondly, as Allie noted, unless you're speaking in broad, sweeping terms that all women dress similarly, I do not really dress like my girlfriend of 10 years. How does she feel about me dressing as I do (when I do)? I'm quite sure she's thrilled that I'm comfortable expressing myself that way.
Lastly, sexual attraction is a pretty wide spectrum and I believe 'straight' is ambiguously defined. I would say that my experience has taught me that I am definitely attracted to femininity, so make of that what you will. 🙂
So the idea that how you look should determine to whom you're attracted has no bearing.
Concise and to the point. Some people accept this, too many do not.
@melodeescarlet - yep. Just we might only be attracted to certain women, or certain 'types' of women - rather than all women - we might also be attracted only to certain men, or certain 'types' of men. The binary goes out of the window - as does the bi.
Hi Valerie,
I'm Bi myself I have been since my 20s back in the 1970s , I didn't find out till then that i swung both ways, before that i had no interest in men,
Before i got married i went on date's with a few women i even had a girlfriend for a few months but that didn't last maybe something was missing from my life, I'm not sure if i can explain it things just happen on the path of life you can't explain,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
Hi 🙂
I think I understand the question. You're kinda curious about our community. I would say it's very broad. My guess is most of the girls here, like me, are somewhere on their journey, figuring things out and, mostly, just enjoying the journey.
When I am dressed, I prefer men. But when I'm not dressed, I generally look at women for their style to see what works and how I might apply it to me. I'm an older girl, so maybe that makes a difference. I don't know. Hope I answered your question!
Melissa
Hi Melissa; Another Melissa here and just my opinion...I LOVE your response to "just enjoy the journey". I'm like you, when I am dressed, I prefer men...it takes a real man to make me feel like a real woman!
Hugs
- @melissat1812 honestly that's how it started for me, my attraction to men started when I was dressed as a woman. It's gotten to the point where I am dressing up 3-4 times a week and rarely think about women sexually anymore. My boyfriend is very open and supportive luckily and loves showing me off to his friends.
I have a huge attraction to women - their shape, their look, their sexiness and no attraction to men although I do wonder about performing a sex act on a man when I am dressed as the ultimate act of being a woman - is that weird?
@randia I understand you , I get the same feelings , no it's not weird , just curious .
I do not worry about other peoples sexual preference, one pair of stilettos does not fit everyone
Maybe I am selfish but I dress just for myself. I don't try to impress anybody. I believe in individual freedom. For me, attraction to someone is something that comes from within me and over which I have little control. However, all my romantic relationships, regardless of duration, have been with women. Tomorrow? I don't know. Everything flows.
The few times I've tried to share my secret with a woman have ended in failure, but I think if one of them found out, she'd ask to borrow my clothes because I have better outfits.
Gisela
As others have said this is a community with a broad range of interests. Some dress all the time, others when they can, some prefer dresses, skirts with tops while others wear jeans and slacks. Some go out in public and others dress in the privacy of their homes. As such there is also a wide range of sexuality. I consider myself to be bi, a revelation that came about after I came out as a crossdresser. Personally both my dressing and sexuality are something I kept hidden from myself for a long time as I dabbled in both when young but locked it away until a few years ago. We are each our own person and as such have our likes and dislikes which makes it nice to be able to share our journey's and learn from each other. If only the rest of the world could be as accepting as we are of each other what a wonderful place it would be.
XOXO
Suzanne
Thus far in my life, I've been AMAB, and hetero. Even while living and presenting as Fiona, both those things have still been true. My current thinking is that I'd probably do best with a bi-sexual lady as a partner, who might be attracted to both sides of me. But while the question of exactly what I'm attracted to might always have been valid, having now changed my own default presentation, it suddenly becomes much more relevant.
I know that I don't have any male dysphoria, but much prefer myself as a woman. So rather than purely genetic women, who are all that I have known in my previous relationships, might I actually be attracted to femininity itself? By whomever it's being expressed, or just the cis women? And what about AFAB men during or following FTM transition?
Lots of questions, but no answers - yet. And if I want to know those answers, I'm only going to find them by accepting that everything may be subject to change, no matter how fundamental to me that I thought it was. After all, I never even dreamed that I'd end up as Fiona, yet here I am 🙂
When my wife discovered Jackie, her first concern was whether I was gay. It took a lot of explaining how I enjoyed presenting myself as a woman without being gay. I have absolutely no feminine qualities or characteristics when I am in male mode. It is as if a switch is turned on the moment I am fully dressed. I sit differently, walk differently and my movements are more subtle and feminine.
When my wife finally agreed to go out with me, she once again was concerned that I enjoyed men treating me like a woman and making compliments to me. I had to explain to her that one of the reasons I enjoy presenting as a female is to emulate genetic women. A man, especially a straight man, complimenting me was the ultimate compliment. I pointed out that when she enjoyed a woman complimenting her on her purse, shoes, outfit or hair, it didn't mean she was a lesbian. Eventually, she got over that fear.
Her next emotion was jealousy, since we would go to mainly trans-friendly places, and I was obviously more likely to get compliments. I worked very hard to make that into something humorous. I pointed out how much gay men loved the circus aspect of drag queens, questioning whether it was actually a compliment. I have always strived to emulate genetic women in real life, so I am one of the few transvestites that are not amused by the circus aspect of drag queens.
My wife is extremely comfortable with me dressing because she is a part of it. Even when looking at or buying clothes, we will talk about what looks good on me and what looks good on her. Obviously, she has a much better shape than I do. However, like some others have commented, when I am Jackie, I do enjoy the attention of men, I do enjoy flirting with men, and I do fantasize about physical encounters, but fantasies are exactly that.
At this point in my life, I really think of myself as a lesbian. I love dressing, I love wife and I'm definitely attracted to women.
Very simply, I am attracted to femininity.
Like Fiona Black, I am, and have always been, attracted to femininity. I am an intersex person living as the woman I was born as, so my femininity comes naturally. However, I have never been attracted to men. If anything, I have always found them grossly unattractive and quite a turn off. I am firmly attracted to women and always have been! So if I need to fit into a category, I guess I am a lesbian.
When I'm in drab I am strictly a heterosexual but when I'm in dressed en femme I am strictly a lesbian, does that make sense.
Lacy
I consider myself straight, in as much as I have never been with anyone other than genetic female.
That said (deep breath), as others have said, I find beautiful feminine people attractive, whatever their gender. I am very happy in my relationship, but in other circumstances I have no doubt I would be a lot more... flexible.
@caroline2k I don't blame you one bit, I am the same way. At one time I was very iffy on the idea of ever being with anything other than a genetic woman.
But there's also been a very big part of me that's been crying for more. Sadly, I regressed badly. I always thought I'd just explore and see where things take me. While things got stagnant for quite a long time it did give me some clarity. I know I want what I denied myself for too long. And flexible might just be understating things.
And if the situation was ever right, I know I would jump at the chance to move well beyond the status of regular crossdresser.
