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Hello Girls,
It has been a while since I posted. I had a health event a while back - a seizure - and it not only impacted my work and family life, it impacted my feminine time. I am fine - all tests, MRI, CT, EEG, were negative. I am back healthy, happy and active. But I noticed that I crossdressed less as I recovered and that my desire to express my female self was less powerful.
But things have gone back to normal. As I write this post, I am fully made up and wearing a new blue dress, overpriced Wolford pantyhose, and black pumps. So I am back - with a strong desire to express my feminine self once again - but I cannot deny that while recovering, I was more focused on taking take of loved ones and taking care of my male work life and social life than I was of taking care of my feminine self.
As I look back on my life, I think I have always been more likely to dress feminine when happy and content - and less likely to indulge my female self when stressed or threatened in some way. So it makes me wonder - am I say 60% male and 40% female? Does that explain why in stressful situations I put my loved ones and male self first?
Once my life is in order, the desire to feminize comes back and it comes back strong - in fact it feels like it is trying to make up for lost time. It is so exciting to indulge in eyeliner, lipstick, perfume, and hosiery - so exciting to put on my breast forms and hip pads and wigs.
Anyway girls - I know some of us are all woman or majority woman - and if you are the desire to express your female self may be stronger under stress. If that is you, I love you for it. But I struggle to understand myself - and I wonder if I am multi-gender, and on balance a little more male than female.
Just trying to understand me - can any of you girls relate?
I feel there are male and female traits in every man, woman, and child. Societal gender stereotypes, peer pressure, parental expectations etc etc mould us into what society thinks is acceptable as we grow. This leads to repression of the female traits within us leading to untold psychological damage to many.
This site is a safe haven for those of us who have smashed this barrier which says we have to be what society sees as ‘normal’. Many of us have put our heads above the proverbial parapet, going out as we please in public. Perhaps the more we do this, the more society as a whole will accept that anything goes, if it makes someone feel good inside, why shouldn’t we wear what we want, look how we want, we are doing nobody any harm.
I feel society is changing for the better, more accepting. Perhaps many of the barriers around letting our femininity out to play( to wear make up, silk,satin,lace, to enjoy chic flicks, shave our legs if we want,etc ) are in our heads. The fear of ridicule, embarrassment, hurting those closest to us, is a big factor, but gradually the likes of us are making dressing as we want normal.
I hope in the future the term cross dresser will become redundant, letting everybody just be free to express themselves as they wish. Perhaps just a dream, but you’ve gotta have a dream, if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come come true. ( OK just plagiarised Rodgers /Hammerstein ).
love
Bianca
There is mounting evidence that gender is not binary.
Throughout history there have been examples of strong, masculine women and effeminate men, but role models have been the reverse, while the aforementioned types get sidelined, or turned into comedy characters.
Together with the evidence (I read a nice story about a Native American tribe who recognised both types), society is coming to realise that we are who we are, and gender is less of a defining factor - but it's a slow process.
I went to the opticians today, the receptionist was a 6 foot lad, with elaborately painted nails, makeup, and had a green ponytail.
His clothing was rather drab - sexless jeans and dark jumper.
He was a little embarrased when I said "Wow, I like your hair" - which I did, I was happy to see such feminine self-expression.
In short, I believe we all are multi-gender, just that the blend varies from person to person.
Love
Laura
hi kendra. first of all i'm glad you have made a full recovery, that's great news.
my answer to your question is based on myself, and not others as I cant really make a generalisation. in times of stress and worry like I currently have with issues at home, I simply prioritise. I love cross dressing more than most things but when something needs dealing with urgently, its man mode all the way for me as my wife just falls apart, even though I am not much better, I feel I have a duty to try to make the situation work and I can only do that in male mode. as femme, my outlook is young and relatively immature so things would never be accomplished!
you are absolutely spot on regarding, less stressful times=more cross dressing and stressful times =less cross dressing, it certainly sums me up perfectly. of course, it might go completely the opposite for some people as cross dressing can certainly reduce stress too.
it also depends what type of stress it is. in your case kendra, it was a health issue, which is extremely stressful at the best of times, others are money problems, losing a job, marriage difficulties etc. other types of stress such as daily living, i.e. a busy day at work or missing a 9.00am bus is just general stress, in these cases, I would more likely dress up in these cases as it would be a stress reliever at the end of the day, whereas the more severe types of stress I have previously mentioned are generally long term and difficult to come to a conclusion with quickly and continue cross dressing. just a thought girls xxx
fiona xxx
I recognize that I live female and male roles, if for no other reason than decades of male socialization. I've only recently accepted my girl and have begun to dress. I'm fortunate that I tend to stay very calm during periods when others around are stressed. I definitely look like my male side when such times occur, however, I am starting to see my behavior towards others exhibit more of my feminine nurturing side.
I do find that I dress when I'm feeling good about myself and my world. I feel even better once I do.
Hugs,
Miranda
Hi Kendra, first and foremost I am happy to hear you are healthy! I am still working on where I fall on the gender spectrum. I know I lean more feminine than masculine but do enjoy expressing myself as male mode as well which is most of the time. Though, in the past year, Michelle has gained a larger portion of that time. So thank you for asking this question and sharing your story and thoughts. You have given us more to ponder on and I for one am grateful.
Hugs,
Michelle
