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As the years go by

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21 Users
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Posts: 225
Guest
Topic starter
(@Anonymous 94505)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

As I get older I find the need to dress becomes more intense. I was once happy to dress alone and keep the closet door locked behind me. Now I want meet and socialise with others, have makeovers and chat.

Any thoughts on why?

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42 Replies
26 Replies
Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2178

@melaniejames Hi, Melanie, yeah, pretty much the same as me🙄. I recently waved goodbye to guilt and shame after a 7 year empty period following a major purge. Years ago my wife wanted to take me to a club but I was aghast! What! Go out looking like this, you'll have to come with me if I need to go to the loo....etc. etc. Now though, I think I'd go. It's partly my own self confidence and, certainly in my case, finding so many others like me here. This really is a very warm, supportive place,  I've been impressed with how caring everyone is. Anyhoo, who knows? You might see me, knuckles white as I grasp my wife's hand, enjoying a cocktail in one of the places down your way, for I can't see myself going anywhere local 😀 x

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@alexina I'll look for those knuckles.

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(@veroslondon)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 263

@melaniejames Hi Melanie

I've experienced this as well that the urge/obsession has intensified as we get older and I've noticed that a number others have reported the same progression in their cross-dressing desire. If you are one of those who are on the nature side in the nature vs nurture debate you will probably accept that it's probably part of the DNA of being a CD. However, if you tend towards the nurture end of the spectrum, you will want to look for some sociological explanation. As I've written in other posts, I think that genetics probably plays a bigger part but I don't have any direct evidence for that view.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@veroslondon I am in the nature camp. For me it just started from a very young age. Drawn to dressing.

As for why in later years I think you get to the stage of if not now when and you become less bothered of others views. Once you push it you want more.

Just an opinion but could be wrong.

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Duchess Annual
(@janetw)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     Caterham, Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 297

@melaniejames Hi Melanie. I certainly feel the same way and have taken the first steps to venturing out and socialising with others as Janet although I have not done so in my immediate neighbourhood as I fear I would not get a good reception.

Since my wife passed away and I retired I been able to all the considerable amount of time I have at home as Janet and wanting to go out  is a natural next step. My family nearly all overseas and I would like to do that eventually. I am not however prepared to lose family and friends over this so at present I lead to two very separate existences, one as Janet and the other as my male self.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@janetw this does seem to be the prevailing view as we grow in years. Hopefully you'll find away express yourself out.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 601

@janetw 

Hi Melanie and Janet,

For me it was something that has been with me all my life, but I managed to keep it under cover and was able to enjoy being out and about during my working years when I was away travelling on business. But I think 2 factors (at least) have helped Rebecca to get out and about very much more in recent times:

(1) Gradual recent acceptance by my wife (I described that in the Article "The New Normal")

(2) Growing realisation that nobody out there in public really has a problem with it these days, so there is no reason to do anything other than treat it as a quite normal way of dressing. Just this morning (out as Rebecca with my wife) I have had lovely chats relating to this with male and female staff in a couple of clothes shops and also in the Bobbi Brown store (where the young sales assistant sat me down and demonstrated a couple of their products on my face 😀 ). I don't pretend to pass as female, but it is not an issue.

None of my family know about my CD activities, but I don't believe they are likely to find out and, even if they did (or I told them), I would hope for acceptance.

I hope this gives you a bit of encouragement, allays some of your fears, and gives you the courage to try getting out (though, like me, it's best to keep to safe public areas).

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Duchess Annual
(@janetw)
Joined: 4 years ago

Reputable Member     Caterham, Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 297

@fembecky Thank you very much Rebecca, I am taking it slowly having transformed at a friends place and gone out and started socialising at home with friends as Janet. Thank you for the encouragement and I hope to continue to take small but meaningful steps.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@fembecky I do think that many of us worry to much about what other strangers will think. Family and friends are different. If you do dress in safe areas then all should fine. Also helps if your in company. Thanks for the reply.

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(@mocha)
Joined: 3 years ago

Honorable Member     Brindisi- BDS, Apulia / Puglia, Italy
Posts: 641

@melaniejames 

Desire, previously hidden from others, is increasingly gaining ground as your "social detractors" (ignorant or highly bigoted people) are becoming further and further away from you and your world locked in the closet.

Now you are freer to talk about it, freer to meet other people who share this passion of yours and/or accept it without prejudice.

Feel free to feel good about yourself then what does it matter about the judgment of others?!?

I think so

XOXO from Italy

Greta🏳️‍⚧️❤️

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3998

@melaniejames My guess is that the desire to go out in public is based on the acceptance of who you are. You want the recognition that comes with acceptance of others. You are saying , "This is me and who I am".

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@harriette There is much truth in that. I personally now want to meet others and be seen. Enjoy the company. I know who I am and want friends who accept this.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@melaniejames Perhaps we become more brave.  The inhibitions we felt no longer intimidate us.  In my journey, the feelings - the need - to appear as a woman grows more intense.  I'm ready to accept that I am transgender, and not only a crossdresser.  My next step is to evaluate what can be done with my facial appearance, and if, with a reasonable amount of makeup, I can pass as a woman.  I expect developing this skill will take a long time, but if it works, I will consider living as a woman full-time, including top surgery.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@gina2923 More courage and less inhibited I can go with that. Good luck on your journey.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2150

@melaniejames Ah, yes, If I could go back 30 or 40 years , when body parts were not sagging and drooping, it would be great.  But as now and the fact I am out for all the important people, I can be Cassie almost all the time.

Cassie

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@melaniejames you certainly hit the hot bottom for us, look at all the responses.  I will sum up what others are are saying about the “ seniors”  phenomenon of dressing.  1.  We never had the time before,  family, work, etc.  2.  We now have the funds available .  3.  We are secure in our relationships, especially our spouse.  4. We have an urgency as the clock is ticking.   Add to this the changing world of tolerance,  and I love this life!

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@missylinda the topic has caught some attention and your summary is spot on. Loving life myself.

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@missylinda You've made a good start. I can add a few more. You have learned to accept yourself. You have discovered most people around you aren't paying close attention. You aren't as worried about what others think. You have seen or heard about others going out from social media or CDH and they have told you their world didn't end.

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Lady
(@jeried)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     SE Missouri, Missouri, United States of America
Posts: 54

@melaniejames I actually can’t wait to go out. My wife and I have already talked about places we’d go. 
As far as age goes. I’ll be 55 in April and I just decided a month or so ago, that I’m going to live my life however I want. If that means dressing up 👗👠💄 and going out on the town then I will. Luckily my wife wants to come along but if she hadn’t I’d have went anyway. 
tootles

Jeri

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Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 627

@melaniejames My wife was the one who helped me to understand that I’m a cross dresser and her acceptance allowed me to accept that this is part of me that won’t ever go away. Initially, I only wanted to wear panties and bras. My wife asked me if I wanted to go out in public dressed as a woman. I said “No, not at all” and that was how I honestly felt.

But after reading so many inspiring stories from the women on here about going in public dressed and having such wonderful experiences, I suddenly found that I too wanted to dress completely as a woman and go outside. After discussing this with my amazing wife, she asked me why I want to be seen dressed as a woman in public. It said that I don’t want to be seen, I just don’t want to hide in the house anymore. So I’ve ventured out in public three times and my experiences have all been wonderful!

A lot of my courage to go out comes from all the fantastic ladies on here. Thank you girls!❤️! Some comes from knowing that society is changing and accepting more lifestyles outside the “normal” parameters. And some comes from FINALLY accepting that I’m not some horrible monster and at the same time no longer giving a damn what strangers think!

However, my friends and family would not accept Jill at all, so I keep her hidden from them and that’s why I’ve only gone out three times. I’m hoping to get dressed in a new outfit I just bought and go out very soon!

Hugs to all my sisters! Jill

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Lady
(@lisa55)
Joined: 3 years ago

Prominent Member     Gloucester, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 555

@melaniejames Melanie,   I have so wanted to be a girl, female, since I can remember. But I’m not going thru all of that. In 2016 I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer so I had a big going away purge, didn’t want anything left behind to be found. As of 2021 I was cancer free and have made it this far. We both retired and move to our forever home in the middle of Nowhereville. So shopping was Amazon. As we all know this feeling never goes away. Something in our body and mind tells us this is right. So I start buying my panties and stocking again. My wife is big, not fat, just at 5’10” vs my 6’2” I can wear lots of her stuff. But this time I said no and started to buy my own. Just a few tops and a skirt. Then shoes, then…. You get it. 
well I have always been a bit depressed about having to present myself as male, when deep down inside I knew what I wanted. As the years have gone by, since cancer, my internal woman in me has grown stronger and stronger. As it has my depression became deeper (no, nothing dangerous). i wanted to be me, the real me. I think it has to do with the drop of testosterone and the bodies need for, maybe, estrogen. Which I wouldn’t mind having more of! I got to the point of not guilt, but one of I just needed to let the cat out of the bag. I couldn’t take it any longer! I didn’t know that once I revealed Lisa to my wife, my life was much happier and healthier. She accepts Lisa, which I couldn’t believe! Now I dress 24/7, no depression and much more aware of her needs as well. My inner woman is now out. Yes, I still want to take my womanhood further, but I okay for now. 
we all know this urge we feel comes in different levels for all, and in some cases, at different times in our lives. But I agree that as we get older the feeling gets stronger.
When I first joined CDH I ran a poll. I want to know the average age of our group. Those of us in our 60’s and 70’s were more the 70% of the group. Than 50’s with a predictable straight drop rate to year 20’s. 
so it either showed more of use were willing to be more vocal about ourselves the older we got, or more of us were being effected by our internal needs. Well that’s my take on it, we all have are own theories. Who really knows? 

Thanks for hearing me out. 

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@melaniejames 

This is something which has been on my mind quite a lot lately. I do believe the urge to crossdress is a part of who we are, a facet of our personality we need to express. The CD gene concept works well for me.

I also believe that crossdressing is very much a process, a line along which we progress, identifying challenges (for want of a better word) and dealing with them. Advancing age has a lot to do with it, I think. Dressing makes me feel much younger than my 63 years. And certainly prettier!

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@jacquelinelarkspur totally agree and put much better than I could. It's always been there and as we get past each hurdle we are looking to beat the next..Certainly makes you feel younger and happier. Pretty.... course we are.

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@melaniejames 

Hurdle! Excellent metaphor!

And we are beautiful.

Melanie, every time I see your profile pic, it reminds me of Holly Willoughby. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@jacquelinelarkspur Jacqueline that is so nice and special of you to say. Thank you. X.

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5197

@melaniejames No ... but I feel exactly the same way 🙂

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Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Because humans are social creatures. Strength in numbers. Peer acceptance. You know, people stuff.

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1 Reply
Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@2bmadeline Agreed but I was thinking more about the loss of the inhibitions.

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Posts: 2100
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Melanie -

I understand what you are saying.

Dressing was an intermittent thing for me throughout my life, always in private and with long spans of time between opportunities to dress. In the last few years, after coming out to my wife, my dressing has increased in frequency and what I do. It used to be just lingerie, now it is fully dressing including make up, wig, shoes, etc.. Back in October I got my ears pierced at my wife's suggestion which was a huge step. I also would love to go out dressed and meet others but due to 1- an agreement with my wife to keep it in the house, 2 - facial hair I can't get rid of. Only time will tell how things go for the future. Being here does help as an outlet for being able to share this part of my life with those who understand. I would say that I am dress in some way 95% of the time I am here.

XOXO
Suzanne

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5 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3998

@cdsue I don't know what to do about my moustache and dressing. I am not permanent wedded to it, but I have had it since I was 18 and only shaved it off on a whim back in the 2000s. My wife didn't like that and it gives my balding head some balance of my face.

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2178

@harriette Snap, Harriette, I have had a beard since I could grow it, shaved it off once, 5 year old daughter burst into tears and everyone I know urged me to grow it back! I keep it short and groomed now but I always thought it looks silly. Now, I can look in the mirror, see ME wearing the clothes I love and truly think,"wow, amazing!" In any event,as many have said, anything goes nowaday, think Conchita Wurst of Eurovision fame, she looks good. To quote the title of one of my favourite Hawkwind songs,Be Yourself xx

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Hostess
(@cdsue)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 2100

@harriette understand your dilemma - I've had my goatee since retiring from the Army in 1994 (hard to believe it's been 30 years) - my wife only knows me with it so I think that's part of it and though she hasn't said anything I think she is also afraid that if I shave it off I'll want to go out dressed - I'm good as things are - if I really want to go out I can always wear a mask as they're making a comeback

XOXO
Suzanne

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Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@harriette You may have trouble going out in public if you have facial hair. But my friend did have an idea. You can do makeup around the eyes, then hide your facial hair behind a feminine fan-fold fan and take pictures that way (making eyes with the camera). This can give you a feminine appearance without having to shave.

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3998

@alison-anderson Now there's a thought. Thanks, Alison.

At the moment, and for at least the foreseeable future, I use a COVID mask when I am outside, but I still have to deal with my family. I sort of still like my moustache, too.

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Posts: 3418
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

There are so many of us that feel as you do Melanie and why is it as you get older? There are many explanations and one that may have resonance is this:-

We may have had these feelings from childhood but such was the social abhorrence we had to keep it to ourselves. As hormones kick in then the maleness prevails although those thoughts are still there, the odd opportunity arises but are put into the background. Life takes over with responsibilities to a wife, family and being the provider, that is your focus. It seems that once the phase of being the male subsides the body readjusts those thoughts become actions as there is more time on the hands, the pressures of life are under control, the hormonal rush is reducing allowing those feminine feelings to come out. Where it goes from there is down to the individual and circumstances but it is the epiphany that it is real and has to be satisfied.

A simplistic view with no scientific analysis but is my take on it.

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Posts: 1199
(@lauren114)
Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I feel exactly the same way.  For me it is release of everything that I built up during many years of living a forced existence.  Now I want to experience everything I missed and the feeling is that I don't have all the time left that I would like to do it.  Carpe Diem!

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2 Replies
Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 225

@lauren114 If only society had been like it is now 35 years ago. The places to go, the acceptance, then things may have been different. Good luck in your future endeavours.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 601

@lauren114 Absolutely spot on. As we get older we don't have 'all the time in the world' left. The phrase that has been running through my mind since I first saw this Forum a couple of hours ago is "Life is not a dress rehearsal". This is our one and only life, so we need to live it as authentically as we can, starting now.

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Posts: 517
Duchess Annual
(@blondsherri)
Honorable Member     Missoula, Montana, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Melanie, I've never purged, I've never felt the guilt to do so. But very few people know that there is a Sherri living with me but as I'm getting older I too have more desire to live more outwardly as Sherri. I think myself, just the fact that being a CD is not the taboo that it was years ago, so acceptance seems more probable, being here with so many others like myself from all over the world also helps me with the feeling of just do it, it's OK and there's nothing wrong with it. Also the fact that I have so many outfits that I'd love to be seen in and not collect dust in the closet. What I think is stopping me personally, is that my wife is not 100% on board with my dressing, and what I want is that, to take her hand in mine and go out. At that point I could take whatever happens because she is standing by me and if we were to run into someone we know, well then there would be two of us to face that moment together. Until then I'll wait for my next away job were I will get the chance to do some shopping as Sherri and buy myself something more that I can wear when I finally break through the door at home, the urge is becoming just to strong, not to!

Sherri

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Posts: 225
Guest
Topic starter
(@Anonymous 94505)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

Hope the day comes soon Sherri x.

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Posts: 225
Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

As males age, our testosterone levels steadily drop.  By our senior years, we lose testosterone at an increased rate.

There is quite a bit of reading you can do on this topic.  However, the brief explanation is because of the testosterone loss, you are going to feel more feminine, and thus, you are going to have a stronger desire to crossdress.  You may notice your breasts have grown somewhat, and your legs have a significant decrease of hair. 

I have crossdressed since age five.  Yet, I noticed after age 60 that I began to think more like a female and wanted to dress more often.  For a while, I was keeping both my finger nails and toe nails painted all the time. 

 

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Posts: 2061
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Melanie,

I feel the same way as I've gotten older my desire to dress has gotten stronger, I think as you get older your testosterone levels go down so girls like us have more of a feminine side, if i could i would dress 24/7 and purge all my drab man clothes, 

Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗

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