Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
I'm slightly concerned that by raising this issue I might be revealing some deep-seated neurosis or narcissism but here goes anyway. I was reviewing some photos recently to choose a few to send to a friend who now knows I'm CD so that she can get an idea of what I look like dressed. When looking through the photos I realised that in a lot of them I looked like the sort of women I would like to date. This got me wondering if this was an indication of autogynephilia or being sexually aroused by the thought of being a female or simply that it was natural part of cross-dressing to want to look "attractive" which of course means to look like the women we find attractive.
Have others noticed anything similar when looking at photos of themselves dressed?
Not looking at photos of me dressed (there aren't any) but looking in the mirror when I could dress. I've always thought it was a style issue, but who knows. I'm interested in what people have to say about this as well.
I've read Bailey's The Man Who Would Be Queen and found I fit his description of an autogynephile to a tee. It is a shame he was so horribly abused for his work, and I consider the accusations levied against him as being "transphobic" and other aspersions to be spurious and motivated by politics.
When I first saw this term I wondered if it was something Automobile related as men have a similar attraction to vehicles....
It's just another modern fangled term for something that has been about for years. Hey any man or woman looks at themselves and thinks 'God I am so gorgeous' for many reasons but is for personal reasons or just feeling good. So long as it is for that and no other reason what is unusual about feeling like that?
We all go phases of looking like or being someone else or a character we are in awe of. Kids want to be Angels or Superheroes. Teenagers style themselves to music or fashion and of course we have styles and fashion we like and so it goes. There are many women who would love to dress as the atypical secretary but would never dare to for the furore it would cause in this'enlightened' age'. Behind closed doors could be a different matter, a bit like us.
Ray Blanchard, if it is he who is accredited with the term, is one of a long list of people making capital from a self proclaimed theory which is latched onto.
It's just human nature and perfectly normal Veronica.
Absolutely, as Fiona I love seeing myself looking attractive to my male self in the mirror - a lot of that is the shaping of course. I also love feeling happy with the look I've created, the outfit, the makeup, but also the way my hair falls round my face, my smooth legs and so on. Validation in the mirror has been in pretty short supply in my life before CD (not that I've actively disliked my drab reflection, I've just never been anything special) and getting it simultaneously from both aspects of my personality is very powerful indeed. I never knew that I could even feel that good about myself, is it any wonder I keep coming back for more?
When I dress, I always try to look nice. When I look in the mirror, I see someone I find attractive and someone who looks like a woman I would like to date. It makes me feel good about myself.
This is an interesting topic — and I learned a new word today, though I doubt that I’ll expend too much mental or emotional energy trying to understand it fully. (Too old?)
But the underlying question of what do we see (or want to see) when we look in the mirror is intriguing. I suspect that, for many of us, once we get beyond the novelty and initial thrill of dressing, we’d like to see as attractive a female presentation as we can given our circumstances, whether we can fully dress or not. And it doesn’t surprise me that our conception of attractiveness flows from people we would be attracted to.
To my untrained mind — from a psychology perspective — I don’t see this as neurosis or narcissism. I see it as a natural, human desire to look good or (from perhaps a more feminine point of view) to be pretty.
And, now that I’ve thought a bit about it, I choose to embrace it.
Interesting set of responses, I googled the term and got
a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female
I think there is a big difference between wanting to look attractive, don't we all in what ever mode? And being sexually aroused by yourself.
I know for some it is entirely a fetish, a sexual thing, but for me and many others it is a strong desire to express a feminine side, to identify as a woman. Do cis-women ever get aroused whilst wearing female clothes? Of course they do but that doesn't make them autogynephiles, the "auto" part means "self", there is a difference.
To an extent the theory resonates with me. When I dress, I want to be as attractive as possible. Not to please other people but rather to meet my own definition of attractive. I'm always thinking about what I can do to improve my feminine appearance so I'm happy with what I see in the mirror. On the other hand, I don't believe that this invalidates my authentic self in any way.
The last time, (May last year) I had a professional makeover and went out to dinner, see,
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/a-cd-daily-double-bra-fitting-and-dinner-out-part-2/
Before my lovely Make Up artist and I went out the door, I looked in the mirror of the hotel room and said, "I'd take HER out to dinner!"
Also back in my old days of a broken and loveless marriage, I "made love" to Caty in hotel rooms on countless occasions when travelling for work!
But luckily now over 20 years later I have a loving and caring SO and I do not have to concer nyself about the above anymore. (But she does not want anything to do with Caty, so we are a strict DADT)
Happy dresing
Caty.
Years ago, I read Blanchard and his terms, and I thought, well, okay, for the very limited time I do have available to dress, I want to do it as best as possible, be as 'pretty' as possible, as dressy as possible, you know, like I'd like to...be with myself..........NO! because when I was able to dress for longer periods, as in DAYS, I really really really (did I say 'really'?) liked changing of clothes, wearing casual stuff, slacks, jeans, tops, blouses, as I sorted out and did the laundry, hung some out to dry, folded or ironed shirts, and put them all away. dusting and straightening up. Got up each morning thinking about what I wanted to wear and what I needed to do. Dishes, straightening up, etc. etc. etc. besides having time to actually experiment with make-up, with different styles, color combinations. And maybe in the evening, I'd get a little dressier, imagine going out, dinner, parties, get togethers, things I couldn't do, but wanted badly to do
THOSE were the times I cherished the most, because I was not just trying to 'costume' up but being as much as I could be, the person I knew I was. Not that those are strictly defining characteristics, but the most 'obvious' was out of my physical abilities to replicate, but I could dream about them too, And fortunately, over time I had (okay, fathered, but that's pretty close) three children, whom I helped - feed, change diapers, give baths, and dressed, and played with...and absolutely loved, and walked one colicky baby hours over nights, and sometimes wishing I could have been just a little closer to that reality I had always dreamed about.
And at times, I harbored the thought that maybe Blanchard was just a little too over the top, as in I wondered what his 'hidden' life was like, as in the phrase 'methinks thou doest protest too much' But that's me.
ChloëC