Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

Autogynephilia

22 Posts
18 Users
97 Reactions
495 Views
Posts: 263
Lady
Topic starter
(@veroslondon)
Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I'm slightly concerned that by raising this issue I might be revealing some deep-seated neurosis or narcissism but here goes anyway. I was reviewing some photos recently to choose a few to send to a friend who now knows I'm CD so that she can get an idea of what I look like dressed. When looking through the photos I realised that in a lot of them I looked like the sort of women I would like to date. This got me wondering if this was an indication of autogynephilia or being sexually aroused by the thought of being a female or simply that it was natural part of cross-dressing to want to look "attractive" which of course means to look like the women we find attractive.

Have others noticed anything similar when looking at photos of themselves dressed?

Reply
21 Replies
11 Replies
Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1005

@veroslondon 

Hi Veronica,

I would say that this is quite common really.

I think it’s natural that we would want to look attractive, so it seems logical that it would be a look that we ourselves find attractive.

I dress when working at home, I’m in my early 60s, and so my style is what ladies would wear in an office environment in the 80s and 90s, which is different from today of course.

I found that a really attractive look, and so I go with that.

Depending on how long and how often you dress, there may at some point be more of a comfort aspect comes into play, but I personally don’t think what you describe is narcissistic at all.

It will be interesting to see what others say

Lucy 

 

 

Reply
Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3854

@veroslondon 

Fair warning.  Throwing the term 'autogynephilia' into a topic is likely to generate some vigorous responses.  The author, Ray Blanchard, has been widely criticized as a transphobic quack.  His theories are considered pseudoscience by many in the mental health profession.

To your question, I consider your experiences to be completely normal.  Lots of crossdressers experience this.  It doesn't mean there's an underlying mental condition.  

When I was younger I sometimes felt attracted to myself.  I also had a strong desire to live as a woman despite those feelings.  And I hated that I wanted that for myself.  That last part....that was the social conditioning that told me what I wanted was profoundly wrong.  Men should NEVER have those feelings.  So guess what?  I suffered in silence for decades.

My egg cracked in 2015.  Life got better.  Brina MacTavish just wrote a great article on acceptance.  Check it out.

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/i-got-a-letter/

/EA

Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@emilyalt Great article thanks for sharing.   Sums up alot of what I feel and have felt over the years. the main takeaway for me is that inner battle that is constant.  Not just in the forefront of my consciousness but also in my sub consciousness.  Im Angry that I have been programed to hate myself.  and I wonder who I would be today if at birth I was free of doubt each time I came to a fork in the road and took the path that I wanted to vs the one I  thought I had to . Thanks again Cheers RC

Reply
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@veroslondon Hi Veronica, labels can be triggering but when I learned about autogynephilia it resonated with me. It didn’t take me long to realize that when I saw my partners in lingerie I had a desire to wear it myself. On some level I desired my female self as a sexual partner. I’ve thought about this for a long time and come to accept it as part of who I am.

I’ve been a psychotherapist for many years and explored it with other girls and therapists. It’s just something some of us have to accept and move on. I’ve learned that all of us who deeply feel the calling of our feminine side have different experiences and we show up in many different ways. We are what we are. The great thing about our community is we unconditionally accept each other even if we have different ideas about how we show up as feminine. 

As for narcissism, I can tell you that Lea is much more narcissistic than my male side. Let’s face it, to be an attractive woman requires it. In my drab, a shower, shit, and a shave was enough for me to show up and my wardrobe reflected my lack of concern for myself.

I see Lea’s narcissism as balancing my own lack of narcissism although it’s not really the right word. Perhaps vanity is a less loaded word that suits Lea’s behaviour more than narcissism. Even though Lea is louder and more out going, fusses about her looks, sometimes obsessively, I in no way feel that Lea is narcissistic in the way that could be described as pathological or toxic. She’s just a girl who wants to look her best and put her best heel forward. Not much different than hundreds of millions of other girls out there. 

 

It’s ironic that as a young man i was dismissive of women’s vanity when they would spend hours getting ready when I thought they were beautiful as they were. Now I spend hours getting ready although admittedly I need to spend the time to look the way I want! Life has a way of teaching me lessons that make me laugh at the way I was back then. 

It’s a great question. I’m sure you’ll get lots of different responses from the girls. 

Reply
(@veroslondon)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 263

@leainvancouver Lea thanks. You've captured a lot of my own feelings in this thoughtful reply both about the nature of autogynephilia and narcissism. I now accept that an element of self-desire when I'm cross-dressing is part of the experience and don't try to fight it the way I did before. 

Veronica xx

Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@veroslondon  If i ask myself who Am i doing this for ? as  guy it was always to be attractive to girls.and now just my wife. but as River its to be attractive for myself.  When I spend hours and succeed to actually look plausibly female.  Yes it does something very different for me than I would expect a woman  getting gussied up for a night out. especially when I was younger,,  now a days though its alot harder to find myself attractive but when I get something just right.....Magic.. and well those moments are what keeps  River alive.

 As for the autogynephilia thing . I really hate labels as well.  Just by making a medical term for something. does it make a actual  medical condition.?  BTW seriously  when  something new gets named  is there a committee or something that votes on these things.  Anything different from .. man like woman.. woman like man  ugga booga. "thats my best caveperson impression lol" .  Society really needs to evolve.  Cheers RC

Reply
(@veroslondon)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 263

@river Hi River

I now accept that my main aim when dressing is to be attractive to myself. Of course, if I'm going out then I may modify my look to make sure that I am "appropriate" but looking attractive to myself is my main goal.

Reply
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Posts: 1062

@veroslondon Whether Male or Female, young or old. Doesn't everyone try to look the image that they have of themselves.

Reply
Baroness
(@river)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     New Hampshire, United States of America
Posts: 827

@veroslondon  just started altering my wardrobe somewhat to more conservative To see if I ever went out how would that look. To my surprise although the look is not as outwardly sexy as my usual.  I feel like im more passable and that in a way was more exciting to me. maybe just something new i dunno. but I found the attraction to be stronger when My goal was more reasonable and I reached it.

Reply
Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@veroslondon From the very first time I slipped into stockings and pantyhose at age 4, I wanted to look like pretty women. I wanted to show my legs in my pantyhose and heels in a short dress like the pretty women did. I wanted to experience wearing a bra like the pretty women did. I wanted to wear the pretty dresses like the pretty women did.

I would look in magazines and department store catalogues, seeing all the pretty clothes the girls wore. I wanted to wear all those things and look like that. Then as I got older and saw the girls wearing their nylons, heels and short dresses with their pretty air flowing, I so wanted to look like them and feel like them. I would get home from school, slip into my special time girly clothes and think of them.

I wanted to wear what they were wearing, look like them and feel how they felt when out and showing off their sexy legs in pantyhose and heels in a short, tight dress with their firm, perfect shaped breasts and their pretty flowing hair.

'This idea to dress like them, look like them, go out and feel like them with the adoration and worship that always seem to be coming their way was something I wanted to experience. How did it feel to be them?

For my first times out at 17, I chose a simple but popular attire. Short shorts, platform wedge heels, pantyhose, and flowing sexy hair. When I saw Daisy Duke, I instantly knew that was the look I wanted. When I got all those things together, put them on and saw myself in a mirror, it was like I just saw the most amazing sexy girl. I was instantly smitten and very attracted to her. I felt such a rush of thrill, excitement and euphoria. I couldn't stop looking at her. I wanted to get close to her and touch and caress her sexy legs, feel her breasts and run my hands through and smell her pretty hair.

This was crazy. This fantasy girl that got me so excited was me. It was so crazy and strange. And that wasn't just the first and only time. Pretty much every time I dressed and saw myself, I felt like that. In fact that was pretty much how I would choose my outfits to go out in.

It was suggested to me at some group support meetings that I liked to dress like girls I wanted to be intimate with. Um, well yeah! Definitely.

 

 

Reply
Guest
(@Anonymous 91116)
Joined: 2 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 97

@veroslondon 

Dear Veronica,

Thank you for bringing up this topic! Its my first time coming across this term, I have much to read up on and learn!

I feel a natural part of cross dressing involves wanting to look attractive, the same way many genetic girls would want to look attractive as it is a form of self care and self love. Though maybe not necessarily appearing as a direct female version of ourselves aka gender bending.

I personally of course do feel attracted to myself as i am fully dressed, because I do unapologetically lo feel and look absolutely gorgeous 🙂 I openly admit i have kissed the mirror (several dozen times), because I do adore and celebrate this side of myself.

I feel we all should and i encouraged all my sisters to. As mama Ru preached "'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

With all my encouragement and support,
The Bluest Belladonna

Reply
Posts: 71
Lady
(@debbiedoes)
Trusted Member     Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Not looking at photos of me dressed (there aren't any) but looking in the mirror when I could dress. I've always thought it was a style issue, but who knows. I'm interested in what people have to say about this as well.

Reply
Posts: 108
(@charlottesometimes)
Estimable Member     Dayton, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I've read Bailey's The Man Who Would Be Queen and found I fit his description of an autogynephile to a tee.  It is a shame he was so horribly abused for his work, and I consider the accusations levied against him as being "transphobic" and other aspersions to be spurious and motivated by politics.  

Reply
Posts: 3436
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

When I first saw this term I wondered if it was something Automobile related as men have a similar attraction to vehicles....

It's just another modern fangled term for something that has been about for years. Hey any man or woman looks at themselves and thinks 'God I am so gorgeous' for many reasons but is for personal reasons or just feeling good. So long as it is for that and no other reason what is unusual about feeling like that?

We all go phases of looking like or being someone else or a character we are in awe of. Kids want to be Angels or Superheroes. Teenagers style themselves to music or fashion and of course we have styles and fashion we like and so it goes. There are many women who would love to dress as the atypical secretary but would never dare to for the furore it would cause in this'enlightened' age'. Behind closed doors could be a different matter, a bit like us.

Ray Blanchard, if it is he who is accredited with the term, is one of a long list of people making capital from a self proclaimed theory which is latched onto.

It's just human nature and perfectly normal Veronica.

 

 

 

Reply
Posts: 1458
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Absolutely, as Fiona I love seeing myself looking attractive to my male self in the mirror - a lot of that is the shaping of course.  I also love feeling happy with the look I've created, the outfit, the makeup, but also the way my hair falls round my face, my smooth legs and so on.  Validation in the mirror has been in pretty short supply in my life before CD (not that I've actively disliked my drab reflection, I've just never been anything special) and getting it simultaneously from both aspects of my personality is very powerful indeed.  I never knew that I could even feel that good about myself, is it any wonder I keep coming back for more?

Reply
Posts: 1796
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

When I dress, I always try to look nice. When I look in the mirror, I see someone I find attractive and someone who looks like a woman I would like to date. It makes me feel good about myself.

Reply
Posts: 55
Lady
(@sallyj)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

This is an interesting topic — and I learned a new word today, though I doubt that I’ll expend too much mental or emotional energy trying to understand it fully. (Too old?)

But the underlying question of what do we see (or want to see) when we look in the mirror is intriguing. I suspect that, for many of us, once we get beyond the novelty and initial thrill of dressing, we’d like to see as attractive a female presentation as we can given our circumstances, whether we can fully dress or not. And it doesn’t surprise me that our conception of attractiveness flows from people we would be attracted to. 

To my untrained mind — from a psychology perspective — I don’t see this as neurosis or narcissism. I see it as a natural, human desire to look good or (from perhaps a more feminine point of view) to be pretty.

And, now that I’ve thought a bit about it, I choose to embrace it.

Reply
Posts: 173
Lady
(@butteryeffect)
Reputable Member     Preston, Lancashire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Interesting set of responses, I googled the term and got

a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female

I think there is a big difference between wanting to look attractive, don't we all in what ever mode? And being sexually aroused by yourself.

I know for some it is entirely a fetish, a sexual thing, but for me and many others it is a strong desire to express a feminine side, to identify as a woman. Do cis-women ever get aroused whilst wearing female clothes? Of course they do but that doesn't make them autogynephiles, the "auto" part means "self", there is a difference.

 

Reply
Posts: 1205
(@lauren114)
Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

To an extent the theory resonates with me.  When I dress, I want to be as attractive as possible.  Not to please other people but rather to meet my own definition of attractive.  I'm always thinking about what I can do to improve my feminine appearance so I'm happy with what I see in the mirror.  On the other hand, I don't believe that this invalidates my authentic self in any way.

Reply
Posts: 2034
Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

The last time, (May last year) I had a professional makeover and went out to dinner, see,

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/a-cd-daily-double-bra-fitting-and-dinner-out-part-2/

Before my lovely Make Up artist and I went out the door, I looked in the mirror of the hotel room and said, "I'd take HER out to dinner!"

Also back in my old days of a broken and loveless marriage, I "made love" to Caty in hotel rooms on countless occasions when travelling for work!

But luckily now over 20 years later I have a loving and caring SO and I do not have to concer nyself about the above anymore. (But she does not want anything to do with Caty, so we are a strict DADT)

Happy dresing

 

Caty.

 

 

Reply
Posts: 864
Baroness
(@chloec)
Prominent Member     Lakeshore, Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Years ago, I read Blanchard and his terms, and I thought, well, okay, for the very limited time I do have available to dress, I want to do it as best as possible, be as 'pretty' as possible, as dressy as possible, you know, like I'd like to...be with myself..........NO! because when I was able to dress for longer periods, as in DAYS, I really really really (did I say 'really'?) liked changing of clothes, wearing casual stuff, slacks, jeans, tops, blouses, as I sorted out and did the laundry, hung some out to dry, folded or ironed shirts, and put them all away. dusting and straightening up. Got up each morning thinking about what I wanted to wear and what I needed to do. Dishes, straightening up, etc. etc. etc. besides having time to actually experiment with make-up, with different styles, color combinations. And maybe in the evening, I'd get a little dressier, imagine going out, dinner, parties, get togethers, things I couldn't do, but wanted badly to do

THOSE were the times I cherished the most, because I was not just trying to 'costume' up but being as much as I could be, the person I knew I was. Not that those are strictly defining characteristics, but the most 'obvious' was out of my physical abilities to replicate, but I could dream about them too, And fortunately, over time I had (okay, fathered, but that's pretty close) three children, whom I helped - feed, change diapers, give baths, and dressed, and played with...and absolutely loved, and walked one colicky baby hours over nights, and sometimes wishing I could have been just a little closer to that reality I had always dreamed about.  

And at times, I harbored the thought that maybe Blanchard was just a little too over the top, as in I wondered what his 'hidden' life was like, as in the phrase 'methinks thou doest protest too much' But that's me.

ChloëC

Reply

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!