Aversion therapy, back in the "old days" Did you have any?

Hey, Caty, I wonder if you watched the Aussie television series "A Place to Call Home". In that show, one of the gay characters, James Bligh, undergoes brutal "aversion therapy". It was hard for me to watch. A lot worse than taking cold showers, believe me!!

Well, as bad as it was, the drugs, the electroshock, it didn't "cure" him, either. He remained who he was.

I, we, are CDs and will probably always be so. We don't NEED any cold showers, drugs, or high-voltage torture, since there's really nothing about us that requires a "cure". As I've always said, "I'm not addicted to crossdressing -- I can quit anytime I want. I just don't want to!"

Luckily I didn't have any of those experiences when my Mom found out I was wearing her panties. I grew up in the late 50's when it was frowned upon. We talked about it and she told me to not wear her things. She then bought me my own nylon panties and training bras but told me to not wear them anywhere but home. So I was fortunate to not be ridiculed and got to wear some girly things.

Sandy

This one hits close to home.

What happened was the catalyst for my divorce.  Be forewarned - this is a long post.

In July of 2003, my ex-wife came home early from a conference and discovered me fully dressed.  Club ready mini-dress, stilettos, wig, makeup, jewelry.  Curves in all the right places.  I looked good.  She reacted badly.

I wasn't expecting her calculated response.  I became a fix-it project.  The fixing amounted to conversion therapy.

A few days later, she calmly explained what was going to happen.  There would be no discussion.  Zero tolerance for my dressing.  I would comply with her plan or she would divorce me.  At the time I was still in denial about my gender identity.  I agreed to do whatever it took to save our marriage.

First, there was a "supervised" purge.  She wanted to see all my things and where I hid them.  I wanted to donate them.  She told me to throw them in the trash...."where they belong".  She also wanted to see the things of hers that I'd worn.  Those got tossed and I had to buy replacements.

She scheduled some sessions with a therapist who claimed he could "cure" crossdressing.  We attended the first 2 sessions together.  It was degrading.  She told me to continue the sessions until I was "cured".  If the therapist felt I was "unreachable", our marriage would end.  Funny thing is I actually thought it was working.  I didn't want to dress for years after the divorce.

My ex insisted I check-in whenever I wasn't at work or with her.  She kept track of my time and movement.  She also insisted on approving my purchases and wanted to see monthly statements for all my accounts.  My paychecks were already going into our joint account so she had full visibility of my income.

Then there was the demand that I immerse myself in Christianity.  She had already done so.  Bible study 1-2 nights a week.  Sunday church services every week.  Lunch and dinner with the parishioners every week.  The pastor and most of the regulars knew why I was there.  They would tell me that I was on the right path.

It was the demand I couldn't cope with.

I lost my faith spectacularly when I was 11.  My ex knew why.

When I was an altar boy, I witnessed a priest do unspeakable things to other altar boys.  Multiple times.  I knew my turn would come so I bailed.  I never willingly set foot in a house of worship after that.

I white-knuckled the immersion for about 2 years.  It was awful.  I resented my ex.  We argued often.  I suspected she set me up to fail.  I started drinking heavily and eventually stopped caring.  We divorced in April 2006.

As far as divorces go, I came out relatively unscathed.  No kids.  Split the assets.  No support on either side.

I've decided marriage isn't right for me.  YMMV.

A bunch of years later....when the "cure" wore off....dysphoria hit hard.  This time I gave in to the pink cloud.  I've been riding it ever since.  I've gone places I never could've imagined.  The ride is far from over.

Conversion therapy doesn't work.

If you made it this far thanks for reading.

Hugs, Emily

"If you made it this far thanks for reading."

No Emily, thank *you* for posting. That was a very moving post. And hopefully it's all just history now.

Marti xx

Wow Emily, I thought I "had it bad"... But nothing of the scale you had... I was lucky with a career in manufacturing/ exporting and was senior enough in the company to be able to store all of Caty's stuff in a "backroom wardrobe" out in the factory. I then used to take all I needed  to be Caty on interstate and overseas work trips. Caty also had numerous "quick changes" after everyone else had gone home.

The only time I got into strife at home was when, (long story), I left a bra where I should not have and also when I came home from an o/s trip completely shaven. (The "Home Secretary" said she would move for my "expulsion" if I did it again).

We separated and divorced in early 2000 and now I am in a wonderful 20 plus years relationship, but with someone who "knows about Caty, but does not want to know".

So its kept from her as much as possible.. Reference to my photos and articles on this site will confirm that these days I have enough Caty time to keep me content.

Hopefully by now you too are in a good place.

Caty.

It wasn't me but my first boyfriend, we were 14 and his father was very strict and used corporal punishment for everything and anything, in todays world he would be thrown in jail. He found out Jim was gay and I was his lover and beat him senseless, Jim was in hospital for a few days, cracked ribs, busted face. His dad was 6'2" and a big man, Jim was 5'7" and maybe 120-130 lbs. not a very fair fight. He did this to him twice more and also publicly humiliated him, outed him at a family gathering. Jim's mother finally through him out and Jim stayed at my house for a couple of weeks while things got sorted out. He ended up his uncle sent him money and he went out west to live with him. We wrote back and forth for a bit but the letters coming and going got further apart, eventually we lost contact. I still have fond memories of Jim as he was my first boyfriend and lover. Maybe one of these days we'll meet again by chance.

Take care my love, Heather.

Way to go Caty, now you made me cry. lol

Hi Marti - yes, that's all history now.  I'll never let it happen again.  Things are far from perfect with my GF, but she tolerates who I am and isn't a control freak.

Thanks Caty.  Yes, I'm in a much better place.  I can assure you that kind of treatment will never happen again.

My current situation is vastly better.  Being on CDH has connected me with a bunch of wonderful girls.  I socialize whenever I can.  My wardrobe has exploded in size!  I have a good idea of where my journey will take me and I'm excited for the future.

But there are challenges.  My GF is tolerant.  We have a don't ask don't tell arrangement.  Being myself at home is difficult.  I don't see that changing.  I plan to move on but will try to remain friends.

I've come to a point where I'm not willing to sacrifice my long-term happiness for someone else's expectations.  Life is too short.

For anyone that's in conversion therapy or being pushed into it....get out now!