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Hello Ladies,
Months ago I made a bad decision. I purged all of my lady possessions (clothes, makeup, jewelry, breast forms, wigs) and decided I was gonna leave that life behind me. I have been staying strong with no urges until recently. I started to have a few thoughts pop into my head but nothing crazy. Then today, it’s as if something popped and this part of my identity came rushing back to me. I’m so upset with myself for throwing hundreds and hundreds of dollars away and Im at a point where I can’t afford to buy it all back. Any advice from others who have purged and how you handled it when the desires came back would be appreciated. I an struggling so much with my identity, this feels so wrong but nothing feels more right to me and the mental gymnastics make it tough.
@candice27 Hi, Candice, been there, done that! I agree with Paula, thrift shops, ebay, Vinted or the USA equivalent. I stayed away for about 7 years but I'm so glad I've welcomed Allie 8 back into my life xx
@candice27 Hi Candice
Having read your post I looked back at your profile, and at your Wall.
There's a big gap between this post and the previous one, so if it's not too intrusive to ask ... what are your circumstances now? Knowing this will help the other girls and I to target our advice 🙂
You were living at home - closeted, though your stepmom once walked in on you - and you had had a nine-month relationship with a woman but were questioning your sexuality. You'd built up a collection of women's clothes, as well as breast forms and so on, and said that you were 'eager to embrace this'.
Then you purged everything, determined to 'leave that life behind you.'
Sorry if that all sounds a bit stalky ... I've just pieced it together from your previous communications. I may well have got some bits slightly wrong.
However, Candice ... this is a REALLY common thing, as is the whole matter of 'struggling with your identity'.
I should know ... I struggled with my identity for more years than I care to remember and didn't dare to admit to myself who I was. Now I know.
I'm transgender, or, if I was to be more strict with all of those bothersome labels, transfeminine. I identify as female, and I dress accordingly. Until recently I would never have said that out loud 🙂
You need to be aware though that whatever your gender identity crossdressing doesn't simply go away, no matter how many times you purge or tell yourself that THIS time you're definitely going to stop. It's hard-wired into us. Repress it and you'll only end up unhappy.
You've said that 'this feels so wrong but nothing feels more right'. If that's the case, then just go with it. It's part of who you are.
Hugs
Ellie x
@ellyd22 hi Ellie!
I am in between living situations. I moved in with some friends a little over a year ago and that was when i was able to start crossdressing more. My male roommate i did not dress in front of but I did with my female roommate a few times and felt euphoric and happier than ever in these moments. I went out in public briefly on my own once. I never gained the confidence to do too much more than that. I began to feel shame after a little bit of time. I am bisexual and am primarily into women romantically. I have felt quite lonely for some time now and figured no woman would want someone who crossdresses / deals with gender confusion. In my efforts to make myself more appealing to women, i felt that i needed to get rid of this part of me. But the truth is, if i could have it my way i would be a woman. Life would be a lot easier if i was just born a girl and didnt have to jump through hoops to look like one. I dont want to be seen as a man in womens clothing, i think i struggled with that a lot and that inspired the purge.
@candice27 Its such a roller coaster. My conscience mind thinks about it often but my subconscious represses the feminity. I barely even dream about it but when I do I immediately wake up .. its so frustrating. I have purged so many times I was thinking if I ever purged again I would bury it somewhere instead of throwing it out. I can see myself in the woods some foggy night a few months later with a lantern and a shovel digging it all up 😉 I purged my hair after 9 months as I felt ridiculous then immediately regretted it uggh. If I was dating again I thought I would use one of those match making services and.just put it all out there. 
I sincerely hope your living situation clears up and That you find that perfect person thats waiting for Candice very soon. Cheers RC
@candice27 Re: purges
Unless forced to get rid of everything, put the whole lot into boxes or storage. At least if your things won't/can't be found. If you change your mind, it's all still there.
Thrift stores for everything other than intimates.
I learned years ago, after multiple purges and the accompanying conviction that I had done the right thing and followed by the inevitable “damn, I sure would like to get dolled up and go shopping” to simply get a storage container and a lock, put all your wonderful items under lock and key, ready for when the overwhelming desire returns. As you know it will.
When I started cross dressing about 10 years ago I read “it’s part of who you are” as Ellie mentioned too. Article mentioned that there would be times you would lose the feminine feelings… if you have the “urge to purge” (sorry I couldn’t resist) place your feminine wardrobe in a trunk and out of sight jjust in case your feminine feelings come back. Both scenarios happened to me … I washed my clothes. Leonara was able to have her time again. Since I am not full time, I sometimes go through femme withdrawal: 1) when life’s obligations don’t give me the opportunity to dress but the feminine feelings are strong; and 2) when I’m under the weather, I don’t have the energy to go through a full transformation or my masculine alter ego is stronger. Rest assured that #2 will wane and feelings of femininity come back with a vengeance and Leonara comes back to life lol
Thank you for listening and I hope no one experiences these situations in balancing your alter egos
hugs Leonara 🌹
I have a large lockable construction storage box under the workbench. When the purge feelings come on I lock everything in the box. If it doesnt fit in the box it goes to the donation bin. Something that was expensive might go up on ebay to recoup some money.
If anyone asks about the box I tell them theres tools I dont use often stored in there, and that satisfies their curiosity.
We've all.have been through purges, so you're not alone in that regard. After most recent purge about 15 year ago, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss almost immediately.However, I thought it was behind me , but the urges never completly go away. I had ti convince myself that I looked ridiculous. But I've been back 7 or so years now probably for good. Anyway, as far as affordable clothes, shoes and accessories. Temu is extremely affordable. And as others have suggested thrift shops, Walmart, kohl's.
It still adds up though. Welcome back.
I highly recommend us.shein.com
For economical cosmetics, enough just to get you started again without having to spend much money, purchase cosmetics in The Dollar Store, Family Dollar Store, Dollar Tree, etc.
Purchase clothing, shoes, purses, jewelry at Goodwill or similar type thrift stores. Check their return policies or if their dressing rooms are open. Here in Atlanta, Goodwill dressing rooms never reopened since COVID-19, but they have a great return policy.
Ross-For-Less is another good place to shop for economical clothes, if they have them in your area.
