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A dream I just woke up from has me in such a weird mood. In real life, my wife is the only one who knows I CD. She knows but has never seen me en femme before. In the dream I was on a family vacation with my parents etc. I came out as a CD with the support of my wife to my parents. Mom took it well, but dad disappeared… As in dreams, I magically had all of my girls clothes with me. Mom and my wife made a makeover appointment for me at a salon and just before the appointment got really underway, I awoke.
The part that made me sad, aside from not seeing the final makeover, is that I can’t imagine doing it. A big part of my internal struggle is fear and shame. I’ve made huge strides there, but my mom and dad feel like bosses in a movie that I’ll never be able to defeat. Also, just having that spousal support to have my back would feel amazing. Sorry to bring the mood down, thanks for reading my dream diary.
@rebeccaoh Not bringing me down. Sounds like an experience to me. Does your wife not want to see you en femme or is it more you don’t?
@cdashley She’s in a weird spot to be honest. We’re really close to the point of her seeing full femme, but the last hurdle is one we don’t have a plan for. She’s afraid if she sees it, she won’t be able to see me the same way again as an intimate partner. I get that, but another caveat is she’s Bisexual lol! Like please just let me be your sexy husband and wife for the love of god haha!
@rebeccaoh always wanted to be someone's boyfriend / girlfriend. i could be the guy you want and the girlfriend to go shopping with. if we are the same size we could swap clothes and shoes. i'm sure she would look good if i dressed her in my clothes. i think i got pretty good taste and it would be nice to see some real boobs and ass in one of my outfits.
@rebeccaoh I get where she is coming from a 100% but I’ve read that in some couples intimacy has improved once the husband has come out.
@cdashley I think it would be a help for us. We have a happy intimate life, but there’s always been that awkward elephant in the room about CD’ing. I think it would be freeing and lead to us being even closer.
@cdashley Forgot to add, she’s seen me with a face of makeup in drab, no wig. Also, has seen me in panties for years and painted toes every day. It’s just the last bit of the full reveal.
@rebeccaoh I for one have had similar experiences. My wife does know and we have been talking through this.
you aren’t alone and the feelings you have are/were likely very common across the people here.
best to you in your journey!
@rebeccaoh after my wife passed away, I finally accepted my crossdressing. The dreams I used to have were of being dressed and so ashamed when I was with friends or family. Since I accepted myself, all of my dreams about crossdressing are now about pleasant experiences. Even when I’m out and dressed things are totally normal to everyone in my dreams. It’s strange how that happens, isn’t it?
@rebeccaoh nothing to be sorry for many here including myself do not have support from are SO not never came out to anyone I’m still a closet dresser that no one knows but my SO and sadly like I said she has no part in it. But going back to your dream why is it we always wake up when the good parts start getting good 😊 TC we all support ya here
@erinb So annoyed that the dream was interrupted for real lol. Was literally about to sit down in the chair of course.
@rebeccaoh hopefully another one will come along or maybe 🤔 it’s a dream that you should attempt the real chair 🪑 🤗🧐
@rebeccaoh mostly dreams are just random snippets of memory and imagination without meaning. However, dreams can be one way that the mind sorts through fears, apprehensions or just unresolved feelings. It’s not surprising for one of us to dream about being frustrated, exposed, embarrassed, or even accepted. Really it can be a reflection of whatever might be in the back of your mind.
@rebeccaoh Hi Rebecca. Likewise, my wife is the only person who knows both of me. Well, I had a dream, myself, last night-- one of the rare occasions when I'm either crossdressed-- or a WOMAN-- in a dream. It started out as a visit to the dermatologist. For some reason, I was dressed as a woman, but it seemed like I didn't realize it & then, I did. I think my wife was with me. The doctor did a full body exam &, then, had me go to another area which turned out to be a pool. I was laying on a chaise lounge, still dressed, but with a towel or blanket totally covering me from the neck down. Another woman got up, walked over to me, shook my hand & said something like, "I'm a woman. Thank you for being a woman, too." Then, my oldest daughter showed up, having just exited the pool. She walked over to me & acted like my being dressed was perfectly normal. That's all I remember. What does it mean? I have no idea.
Hi Rebecca!
You haven't brought my mood down. There is no need to apologize. We share what we need to share and we all realize that the difficult things aren't happy and peppy. It's important for everyone here to know that sharing these kinds of topics are just as important as sharing the success stories. For some, much more important I would imagine. It's how we all grow.
I fully sympathize with your feelings. I am deeply in the closet. I have had a few dreams where my CDing was either discovered or I flagrantly exposed my hobby to family members. The worst dreams were being caught dressing by my construction coworkers. Those dreams always felt so real and were so scary. Waking from them was always a relief.
Keep sharing
Hugs,
Autumn
@augustvaliant so your a construction worker? i replied to a cd on here about her brothers would never be a cd. i said that was stereotyping. so your a construction worker and you don't think any of your coworkers could be cds too? we have people that were in the service, probably firemen, police and government officials, etc. that are probably cds. it don't matter what you do for a living, what color you are, if your married or single. cds come from all walks of life. "Dirty Jobs" had 2 shows where construction workers were wearing fem things. one was a guy who own a concrete company. he took his shoe off to remove a rock. he had painted toes. (cool i thought). another guy was a construction worker and you could see his thong underwear when he bent over. i know a lot of you underdress but sometime things aren't as hidden as you think.
Rachel I never said it was impossible for any of my coworkers to be CD because they work construction. The fact that I was a CD who worked construction proves I couldn't possibly think that.
@augustvaliant i wasn't talking about you. i was just remembering what another cd said. and the next day a construction worker says she's a cd. i just knew the other was wrong about her brothers. anyone can be a cd and you would never know. just like you, your coworkers could be cds too. i'm sure their probably not going to tell anyone they don't want them to know.
enjoy your journey. lots of goodtimes to come. just think positive.
about the dream. i can relate to that. your parents are important people. you don't want to let them down. they like to think they raised you right. they have old school ways and usually don't change with the times. my parents don't know i dress. maybe someday my luck will run out. don't know how it would go if they found out. might be ok. but who knows. my father always says i was supposed to be a girl when i was born. don't know if that would work today because he has 2 daughters now.
@prettytoes Yeah, I’m a classic people pleaser, the idea of letting my parents down is always awful. I’ve kind of gotten better about it and am willing to sometimes stand up for myself with them these days. In the end, I always am balancing coming out with what it actually would give me. If I told them and say damn the consequences id feel freedom and relief, but I think I would also never be able to recover that relationship with my dad. And for what? I don’t want to involve him in any way in my dressing or anything so it feels like there is no value in it for me. Especially now that I’m older and no longer respect his views on gender expression.
fear, guilt and shame are some of our worst enemies in the cross dressing world. Not having a supportive partner does not help either. Add in societies views on what we...it not surprising we are sometimes a hot mess inside our head!
I think we can all feel for you Rebecca. Dreams allow you to live the life you wish for and is the only place to go through scenarios that you want allowing you to live them, so in some respects are as joyous as they are sad.
I am fortunate to have support and friends who have allowed me to make the dreams come true. However there is another side where my dreams are of the past where I would dream of things that could have been done to accelerate my coming out which can cause sadness as looking back there were things I could have done.
Dreams can also be aspirations, something to strive for and could give you the strength to go for it.
Dreams can come true.
@ab123 I definitely came away sad initially but am still hopeful for the future. I would put my wifes support in quotations compared to many of the ladies here. It’s definitely not a full DADT, there are places where we crossover into full acceptance. The divide we have right now is that there’s no erasing a memory once you have it. She’s supportive of me dressing and being happy with it, but is scared to see me full femme and never see me the same way again. The frustrating part of this for me is that in my brain, if she never sees that part of me, could she even say she truly loves ME. She loves and is attracted to the man side, and even my feminine habits these days, but these parts of me are intertwined. I just know if she was to try it she’d be so relieved you know? Rip the bandaid off, then realize it never hurt in the first place. It that’s part of her journey I think, I have to respect her fears and comfort, otherwise I’d be a hypocrite for all the patience she’s given.
Give things time as she is going through a process too, we can't see in her brain either. Talking and sharing is a theme that comes through other posts and from that reassurance can come.
Hold on to your dreams.
A big part of my internal struggle is fear and shame. I’ve made huge strides there, but my mom and dad feel like bosses in a movie that I’ll never be able to defeat. Also, just having that spousal support to have my back would feel amazing.
I think there are quite a few of us right there with you. We're all on that journey and some have an easier road and some have a rocky one. It's nice we have a community where we can discuss these issues. Hang in there.
