balance

Hi Linda. My desire also fluctuates. Mostly I feel good enough dressed manly. At times I only want to perfum myself and dress the soul of a woman without needing to go further. In others the desire of decorate me with beautiful femenine clothes is imperious and tempts me recklessly. The reason is not always imposed over emotion.

I read your thoughts and pondered if this is the difference in a crossdresser and transgendered (always wondered from my perspective)?  If I had my way I would wake every day and be Carolyne. I don’t know if I had that opportunity if I would choose surgery or just live as a woman with extra parts but I would definitely choose to live as a woman. Alas that will never be at this stage in life but I choose every day to either underdress or wear something feminine. I do feel like the bigger part of me was meant to be a female and rarely ever would choose to go completely in boy clothes IF the choice were mine. Thats what makes us all special and unique.

Cheers

C

Hi Linda,

Yes this journey can certainly Ebb and Flow. For the last several months I have had Practically no desire. Or very little. Now the feelings are practically over whelming me. But I find when this happens I take another small step forward.

I go thru the same fluctuations, sometimes no thought of dressing other times it is overwhelming. I don’t think we’ll ever figure that part out. The only thing I think I figured out is that it is part of me that is  not going away (nor do I want it to go away).

I dressed a lot in my late teens and through college. After college I stopped. I'm not sure why. I think it may have just been, I did it, I loved it and now I'm doing other things. Getting married, buying a house, having kids, building a career, building a bigger house. It was great times and the best years of my life.

Kids grew up and went out on their own. Wife said it's like when we were starting out. She was watching a show about drag queens and mentioned how I used to do that. She thought I should do it again. I kept a few clothing items I really liked. I put them on. It was clear I needed new things. We went out and bought some things. I really liked it when I put them on. We picked up a few more things. I began wearing them everyday.

I discovered Femme Fever and hooked up with them. Now I'm dressing everyday and getting out as often as I can. It had been 22 years since I stopped dressing after college and began again.

I don't know why I didn't think about or do it for so long. It must have been dormant in me though. Maybe for some those dormant periods are just shorter.