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Time has moved on and so have I. It is over three months since my first trip out as Becca and today, I have been out and about yet again. Since that first time, I have been out shopping, to garden centres, to the theatre to see plays. I have walked in full view of the general public both on my own and with my wife and I have loved every minute of it; I have become comfortable with being Becca.
My wardrobe of feminine clothes has grown and indeed, Becca now has her own closet full of dresses, skirts, tops, a cupboard full of shoes and drawers of underwear. She has taken over my spare bedroom with makeup, nail polishes, perfumes, wigs and all the accoutrements that come with being an established cross-dresser. I have become adept at applying eyeliner, mascara and nail polish.
I have told my son and he is good with it. My wife looks forward to our next trip out and has come to see me as an occasional girlfriend with whom she can browse jewellery shops without a bored, impatient man trying to move her along. Life for a relatively new cross dresser has become second nature.
Today, on my return from the city, I was oh, so reluctant to give this body back to my male persona, to take out my hoop earrings and my breast forms, hang up my top and skirt, put my feminine trainers back in the closet and then put on my T shirt and shorts to take the dog out as a drab man; the only remnants of Becca being the nail polish and the girly socks I couldn't be bothered to change.
It was so tempting to grab the dog, dressed as I was, just go and damn the consequences. Fortunately, common sense took over and my secret in this rather repressed village remains intact, but one day I will be seen going back to the house from the car and it will all be out there for good or ill and Becca will be able to come out whenever she wants.
The point of this is to give encouragement to all those who wish to follow in my footsteps, to tell you that once you have made that first trip out -- where you are nervous as hell, waiting for judgement [that never comes] to rain down upon you -- the going does get easier and easier and then easier, to the point where you become your alter-ego, you answer to your feminine name without thinking, you feel like a woman. The more you believe you are a woman, the more confident you appear and the less others look at you quizzically. No more surreptitious glances at that dress you would love to wear, that top or jumper that would complement your wardrobe, no more feeling like some sort of male perv wandering the women's underwear aisle. No, now you can go where you want, touch what you want, look at what you want; the relief is palpable.
People don't really see you, they go about their business with their faces buried in their phones. If they look at you, are they looking at you because they think you are a transvestite or are they looking because they see a fashionable lady out and about? You don't know and more importantly, you don't care. What is important is that you are comfortable with who you are, what you look like and how you feel.
How many times have you dressed and started to open that door to the world, only to quietly close it again before sitting down with your disappointment? You need to make that one step, that tiny, tiny step into the light and perhaps like me, you will never want to go back into the darkness of isolation again. Be bold, be brazen, be the proud woman you feel inside and get out there!
Love
Becca
xx
All your words ring so true. Nobody notices or cares. My neighbors have seen various glimpses of JJ in various levels of dress. I was out walking the dogs wearing flipflops and had bright red toe and fingernails and had a lovely chat with a neighbor. No doubt my nextdoor neighbor has seen me in a bikini, and others may have seen me in full dress driving down the street. It has never been an issue.
For those nervois about going out, I highly recommend it. Start small and work up to it and you will be fine.
That's a good way of putting it Becca. Evert fear and apprehension vanishes to become that new normal. I hope your words inspire others.