Born to CD

Most of us started CDing as a result being around  girl's or women's clothes or their other things at an early age.  The second group of men or boys had the same experiences we did, but didn't wind up being CDers.  Why the difference?  I share a cut-and-paste from my auto-bio which delves into a certain personality trait of mine, which I believe allowed me to become a crossdresser as a result of certain early-life experiences.

So here goes:

These next two pages will paint a picture of an important personality trait of mine, namely that of being a challenger of social conventions.  By social conventions, I mean such things as: blue for boys and pink for girls, boys play with toy trucks and girls play with dolls, boys wear pants and girls wear dresses, and other stuff like that.

When I was a young boy I never went through that pre-puberty stage when little boys were for one reason or another repulsed by girls or girls things.  When other young boys were going through that stage, they seemed rather sullen or unhappy, and about as enthusiastic about being with girls or using girls things as they would be about a trip to the dentist.  I however, during that same time, was usually happy-go-lucky.  So did I try to talk the other little boys into liking the girls or using any of the girl’s things?  Of course not, I wanted the girls all to myself.  I wasn’t born yesterday.  So I would say that although I “missed out” on that certain other stage of life, I had an additional dimension to my life that all the other pre-puberty boys didn’t have.  By that I mean that as far back as I can recall, I was always attracted to girls.  I always loved them and always wanted to be close to them.  I recall when I was a little boy always trying to work myself into situations where I could be close to and therefore able to hug and/or kiss the girls.  I don’t recall anything ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’ about my feelings, I simply thought that the girls were so soft and smooth and pretty and were so friendly and smelled so wonderful and I totally loved being with them.  My attraction to them became my pre-occupation in life, bordering on an addiction.  My grade school teachers tried to segregate me from the girls, claiming that I was a disruptive influence on the class by my displays of affection toward certain girls.  I always outsmarted the teachers by continually coming up with new ways to get with the girls.  I remember my 2^nd  grade teacher trying to get my parents to a take me to see a “special doctor” to fix my so-called “problem”.  I don’t recall ever being taken to any ‘special doctor’ though.

Just because I was nuts about girls didn’t mean that I was turned off by ‘guy’ things like sports, trucks, toy guns, trains or any of the other things that little boys usually gravitated to back then.  To the contrary, I fully participated in that part of being a young boy.  At the same time however, I also played with the girls.  The girls and I played with dolls, jumped rope, stole an occasional kiss, bounced the little rubber ball while picking up the jacks (I forget what that game was called), played “hop scotch” on the sidewalks and did a few other ‘girl’ things too.  After all, why should girls have all the fun?

There were always a few young boys however who had a problem with me that way.  After I assured them that I wasn’t trying to make them do any of those things, they pretty much left me alone.   I told them I wasn’t going to be forced to choose between ‘rugged’ and ‘pretty’.  I wanted both, and I was going to have both, whether they liked it or not.  I told them that they said the things they said and acted the way that they did because they were ‘brain washed’ into believing certain things or actions were for girls only, whereas I didn’t believe that way.

The way I look at it, young boys (and some adult males too) sometimes become insecure about their sexual identity and therefore think that they need so-called “gender-specific” clothing or ‘things’ to prop-up or support their weak sexual identity.  I also think they don’t know how to relate with boys (or men) who don’t seem to need those ‘crutches’ or ‘security blankets’.  I believe the thinking of these little boys carries over into adulthood, resulting in an adult prejudice against adult males who are interested in things that society tries to get us to believe are associated strictly with girls or women.  Those adults justify their prejudice by talking themselves into believing there’s “something wrong” with anyone who isn’t like them.  That good old ‘diversity thing’ (or lack of it) pops up again!

However I never needed any of those props or supports, and still don’t.  I have always felt secure in my masculinity.  Because of that security, I was (and am) free to enjoy some of the so-called ‘female things’ without threatening my masculinity  Those previous statements dovetail with one of my long-held beliefs which states: “Don’t let people talk you into believing that you need to choose between two things, when the truth is you can have them both.  They only sling that kind of BS because they are jealous of you.”  That belief of course only applies to situations where ‘having both’ is not illegal or immoral.

The previous discussion establishes me as a challenger of  social conventions, rather than a defender of same.  Some however will try to label me as a ‘rebel’. I say that there can be no rebellion, hence no rebels, unless there is legitimate authority in place to rebel against.  By ‘legitimate authority’ I mean such as: Your employer if you’re on company time, your parents if you’re living at their home, your teachers if you’re on school property, the officer who pulls you over for doing 60 in a 50, your CO if you’re in the military, and so on.  My beef isn’t with ‘legitimate authority’, but rather with ersatz authority known as social conventions.  Although most people treat  ‘social conventions’ as legitimate authority in their lives, I do not.  I’ve chosen the ‘road less traveled’ and moreover I totally embrace that place.  If you the reader regard yourself as one loyal to  social conventions, then let’s not let our differences stand in the way of our friendship.