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Breaking the Man Box Step 1: Ear Piercing

19 Posts
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Posts: 45
Lady
Topic starter
(@valorie-and-me)
Trusted Member     La Crosse, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Big news! Tomorrow, I'm doing it, getting both ears pierced. Though it will benefit V, in that she can't wait to wear dangly pairs and oversized hoops, it's also such a step for the man to take.

The feminine part of me has been there since I was about five. It started as curiosity. I remember my mom lent me her eye shadow kit so I could play cowboys and Indians. I don't remember exactly if I put the shadow on my lids like I had seen mom do many times or not. I do remember though that I thought about it and really wanted to feel pretty. And that desire to feel pretty just grew from there.

What so many people don't understand, is that for many of us, this is a lifelong thing. In my case, it's an identity that was already far more developed, like an adult woman talking to a little boy. She knew what she wanted then. She's tried to convince me for years that she's part of me. And I've pushed her away for years, effectively changing everything about me to fit into this rigid box. I can no longer worry so much about presenting as just masculine, because I'm not just masculine. There's still a very prominent male identity at the forefront of everything, but I don't really know who that man is anymore. Over those years of pushing V down, I've tailored him to fit a mold of learned behaviors. For example, one time my wife observed that apparently I was walking up the stairs like a girl. From that moment on I've made a concerted effort to walk up the stairs like a man: keep the feet apart; men keep their feet apart! Just so you know, she made this comment before knowing anything about the woman. There have been many incidents where just being me has been perceived as feminine. For someone just trying to be a man, it was disheartening, to say the least. Just being me and people saw the woman I've tried to deny.

Now, I don't think V is my majority. But, I think she's a very real part of me. Maybe half? And the more fun she is and the more boring I am, the more I long to be her permanently, because she's free to express herself, she's free to just be. I worry if I don't start letting the two merge some, she will become a pipe dream that I desire and eventually pursue. I want to come to a place where I like who I am as a man. I've created a box of vanilla masculinity, just trying to blend in with everyone else. And I've discovered that I'm the most boring person to myself because of it. Why can V only be the outgoing and adventurous one?

Even as I prepare to get my ears pierced, I'm trying to push down the hesitation coming from how it's so different from the image I've shown everyone else for so long. Tomorrow is the start of a new journey. Not embracing the woman entirely but no longer denying her either. I'll always be a different man from most. I'll never think the same way they do. And you know what, that's just fine. Something needs to change. Me becoming V permanently just isn't in the cards. I have to break this box I've created, in hopes that I can start to enjoy the man I am, instead of putting V on such a high pedestal. She can't just be fun while I'm just boring. There's a balance she can bring. Tomorrow is the start of something new, a man who is ready to break this stupid box open once and for all.

Thanks for listening ladies,

V

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18 Replies
Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Wonderful V , enjoy , having got my left tragus done several months ago ( my wife & I did it together ) it looks & provides a beautiful touch of daily feminity. We're both getting another piercing together within next few weeks , Tiff

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Posts: 295
Lady
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Good for you, V!  My piercing will be in early September and i cannot wait until i ‘ve healed enough for some dangly earring.  i ‘ve already ordered a set of the Celtic tree of life, that’s become my symbol more or less.  i used to have it on my prosthetic socket 

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Posts: 2144
(@cyberian2)
Noble Member     Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi Valorie........you have a good time, ear pierced. I did my own after buying a gun and stubs. one did won't take......such be ready to re-do. Doesn't hurt or blood.  there are Esty have some that are great.

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Posts: 1194
(@qtestephy)
Noble Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I had my ears pierced when i was much younger by one of my girlfriends at thr time. She did it with a large sewing needle it hurt . She  heated before and dipped it in hydrogen peroxide before she did it. I loved earings and still do. When i began my working career I had to hide my self again and had to allow holes to close. Clip ons came apart of my life. Now i see that men are wearing ear rings even with suits.  I think there is man earings. Its much easier . Man earings for day life and cute dangling ones night and weekends.  Luv Stephanie

 

 

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Posts: 88
Lady
(@sissy2)
Estimable Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

That's great V.  I had mine done about 8 weeks ago and it seemed like a long 5 weeks before I could start wearing other earrings.  Now it's fantastic.  Between studs and danglies it's great.  I have purchased men's earrings from Amazon for work times and others I have purchased in store for evenings and weekends.  It feels great to break the mold.  I had them done at a tattoo shop and they used a needle.  Good luck with yours V.

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Posts: 295
Lady
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

i am planning on using a local tattoo shop as well.  How was your experience and why did you make the choice?  Also i am thinking about other piercings in the future

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Posts: 299
Duchess
(@mollyg)
Reputable Member     Alberta, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

Valorie;

I'm so happy for you.   I did it earlier this year and it's a strange ride when people start looking at you differently, but all the reactions I've had have been good so far.

Be ready with the answers for the question: "Why?", but also consider the way you want to answer: "What other earrings do you have?" and then the plethora of "What are they?" and "Where did you get those?" when you start to change them....   It's been fun, I've found more women are happy to talk to me now.

Oh and watch out for towels!... When they get caught on the earring the first few times, it's a bit of a shock.

-Molly

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Posts: 88
Lady
(@sissy2)
Estimable Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 6 years ago

There are only two places that do them in the town I live in: tattoo shop and a place in the mall called Claire.  Claire's seem to specialize in young girls.  They even have piercing parties for the younger set.  So, I chose the tattoo place.  It was a great experience.  The person who did mine was pierced everywhere so I figured she knew what she was doing and she did.  Everything worked out fine.  Plus others I know recommended going to a tattoo place.

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Posts: 295
Lady
(@bobbie1951)
Reputable Member     Homosassa, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

i have heard from a couple of friends with multiple piercings that professional piercers are better trained than the folks at Claires and they were not complimentary about the gun which is difficult if not impossible to sterilize between uses.  i am thinking about getting my navel pierced later on

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Posts: 2144
(@cyberian2)
Noble Member     Elliot Lake, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 8 years ago

Hi girls!   Here is a bitbit of ye olde if  info in  pirate lore.

Pirates had a gold ring old one of ear lobe. It was lore.....the ring ear was the

funeral man took the ring see the dead pirate would be buried with!!

Twin a chip me him, me hippy chat!

Veronica G.

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Posts: 403
Lady
(@annepreuss)
Reputable Member     Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Valorie, I'm glad I came across your post because I feel that I am in the same quandary.  For years I have created and lived within this macho drab-male world that I live within and Anne is dying to break out of this.  For some time now, I have been thinking about what it would be like to get my ears pierced but my wife is so conservative and vanilla, I fear what she will think as well as others.  I know I would love the whole feminine aspect of pierced ears and the fantastic beautiful selection of earrings that are available (dangling, hoops, studs...all to die for).

I assume you went ahead with this and got yours pierced.   Was this a shock to those you are close to or did you discuss this in advance so they knew what to expect?   What was the reaction?  I'm trying to figure out how I would proceed with doing this.  If I just went ahead and did this without her knowing and expecting, I don't think my wife would accept it at all.  Full disclosure, she knows nothing of my dressing nor would find any aspect of it acceptable.   Anne

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Posts: 51
Lady
(@sissypam)
Trusted Member     Northern VA, Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Thanks for the post!

I got my left ear pierced as a teen but now in my mid fourties wasn't sure how two earrings would look. My wife didn't want me to do it but did ultimately give in and I got my right ear done.  It took a week or so but I got used to it and am so glad I did it. Clip-ons hurt my ears and / or fall off. It's also nice the be able to wear any earrings I want.

 

Pam

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Hi V thanks for sharing your story with us, it's something I've been thinking about for ages having my ears pierced, but I'm in the same boat as a lot of people on here that my wife doesn't know about my crossdressing life, maybe i could have one ear pierced first then get the other one done later on x it's such a big step to come out of the closet and face the consequences of my actions, maybe my wife would put up with my desire to dress as a woman or she won't and ask me to leave, well that's a story for another day x hugs Roz xxxxx

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

" Tomorrow is the start of a new journey. Not embracing the woman entirely but no longer denying her either. I’ll always be a different man from most. I’ll never think the same way they do. And you know what, that’s just fine. ..."

Valorie, I SO understand where you are coming from there. I've had mine done for 18 months now. The only real negative reaction I got was from my daughter, I guess it challenged her view of me?

For others apart from immediate family, I don't much care what they think, but I have had no hassles over them. The occasional disapproving look from older  women is about as far as it goes.

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