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Greeting from "down under" ladies.
Between myself and some of my lovely CD friends I have met here on CDH, we try to abide to the rule that if "home alone" and dressed, the time to "Bail Out" is this.
Think about what time your "better arf" will be home, knock and hour off that and go back to male mode asap.
It's worked for me every time except once, when I completely misjudged the above and as we say down here was "sprung bad". She did not take her car that day and other times when she does, I've used the "garage door going up" noise to run like a frightened rabbit to my bedroom, pull up a blanket and say I'm "having a granpa nap".
My beloved "knows but does not want to know". So after I was caught,things got a "bit frosty" here for a while...Back to "normal" now and I sleep femme in my own room every night, up the other end of the house
Comments welcome
Caty.
@ryanpaul I think you are so brave Caty to even dress at home when your wife is in the same area. When my wife was alive, I’d only dress when I knew she was well out of town and I was totally on my own. There was always the thought that she could come back unexpectedly and I just didn’t want to have to either face her or try to hide everything either. I actually used to purge after every dressing session, but fortunately we were rarely apart, so I didn’t lose too many outfits or spend too much money. But there was this one pair of heels that I really miss.
@jennconn I sympathize: I still wish I'd kept the long line bra and all in one I got back in 2000. Viva Rago!
But there was this one pair of heels that I really miss.
And therein lies the main problem with purging.
@jennconn Hi Jenn, due to my creaky old back I keep on banging on about, I have not been not able to do my overnight charity volunteer trips, (to get my full Caty on) since early 2024.
So sleeping femme at night and grabbing chances to dress whilst at home has been my only "outlet". (Tho I do have a small comfortable rented storage unit to do so, but that's "desperation time".)
Caty.
@jennconn Me again, I've only really properly!! purged once. That was when I was between relationships circa 2000. My then new and still loving SO had just come into my life, I was like a drug, (Drag???) addict in remission. I neither needed or wanted to dress.
But of course after a few years "it all came back"
CAty.
Been using that "minus hour" rule myself! Plus, gives me time to wrap things up and get them back to their storage spots, as well as settle down a little from the emotional rush.
@felicianrb Could never do that hour thing. Time was so rare for me to dress I took every minute and I suppose I enjoyed the risk as well.
Oh, I get that perspective too! For me, having that time is such a powerful wave of emotion that I do need the cooling down time. Family would probably think I was on drugs or something! 😉
@ryanpaul If you use good mapping apps, you should be able to pair your phones, so that you can actually see where she is.
You can justify it for other reasons (finding her in a large mall, for example), but you know the real reason.
Considered that, but then I have to be willing to reciprocate, and sometimes I need to get away for shopping! 😉
@felicianrb Do you have more than one device, tablet or phone? Leave one at home.
@harriette Ah yes Harriette, but the downside on this one is there are times when I dont want her to know where I'm located. EG meeting other CD friends/contacts
EG Check out my articles/s here on CDH about bra fittings and dinners out. The latter with folks with whom my beloved "would not approve".
Besides for normal phone and text this old girl is quite happy with an old flip phone.
Caty.
@harriette Oh technology. Where were you when I was stealing those moments. Oh, that's right, you had yet to be invented.
@ryanpaul Can't say how many times I did the "She's Home" Boogie. Waiting till the last minute, seeing the car pull up and scrambling to the bedroom. My wig and dress coming off as I go, heels flying off, underwear slipped off without unfastening anything. Stuffed into the secret box and then tucked in the closet. Off to the bathroom to dress and pretend it was all just natural.
I am sooo happy those days are over.
Oh Dear Caty. May I kindly say, what a sad story, I am so glad you were able to hide under the blankets when the time came to do so, And you have a safe haven sleeping in another room as well.
I do sincerely wish you well in being the person who you wish to be and I do prey that going forward you will find peace within yourself and together with your partner
May God Bless you both and your days get brighter at every turn
Gwen (Aus)
@gwen495 Thank you Gwenny. The other room thing is mainly cos we are both lousy sleepers. Sleeping femme is a "side benefit", but of course a very.. welcome one.
Caty.
I'm divorced so I don't need a rule like that. But the first time I had a makeover, all my kids were away and my ex was working the graveyard shift. I knew her schedule. Get up at 10:00 PM, take 5-10 minutes getting dressed and using "the facilities," then come into the kitchen to grab her lunch (mid-shift meal?) and an ice coffee, then head out the door by 10:15. So I was able to come home en femme (she didn't know I was out that day, sleeping during the afternoon).
By this time I was also sleeping in the other half of the house. So as I heard her start to stirr (or perhaps it was because of the clock), I went into my room and pretended to be asleep for the few minutes she was up and about before leaving, so I was able to stay en femme for another hour or two.
During my first marriage I often dressed at home. And my minimum was at least an hour. I had a number of close calls when she came home unexpectedly. Several time in full Natalie. Once there was no time to change, luckily she on came in the house briefly and left. She too aware I dressed but wanted no part of it.
my wife now works just a half mile from home so dressing at home is few and far between on workdays and on the weekend I have to be 100% positive she won’t return early. It does make dressing difficult, but when I get the opportunity it’s so sweet.
Natalie 💋💋
Ever since Leonara had the “deer in the headlights moment” when the wife met Leonara for the first time, the talk had a surprising compromise: please don’t dress when I am home; as I also refer to, don’t ask don’t tell, and sleeping in separate rooms… since we are both retired, Kathy meets with her friends 2x a week at our community’s clubhouse… to fulfill compromise #1… affords me a 3 hour window to emulate my feminine alter ego…and like Caty I sleep enfemme in my own room…
BTW ever since Leonara’s unexpected meeting with Kathy five years ago, today (04/24) is our 54th anniversary… 💁♀️
@leonara Happy anniversary dear friend Leonara. My SO and I have 25 coming up in about 8 weeks . CAnt count the previous 28, cos we divorced....
My wife knows I dress but it's a don’t ask don’t tell policy. She has a feeling that when I’m home alone and she’s gone out beyond just going work that I’m dressing. She’s fairly diligent in texting me when she’s on her way home. It’s both out of courtesy and she also doesn’t want to be surprised or surprise me. It works for the most part.
I also use the “find my phone” app most of the time. We don’t care where each other is but use it sometimes to estimate arrivals. It’s all good. One feature is the estimated time for her to drive home. I then set a timer that allows undressing time. As it gets closer to the timer going off, I check and either cancel and undress it or reset it.
One time though when I was dressed, I heard a noise outside and the window and saw her car parked at the curb. I freaked out and peeled everything off in one frantic move and dumped it all in the closet. I didn’t care if I damaged the clothes. I was more afraid of damaging our relationship. After I threw some shorts on, I peaked outside again since I did not hear her come in the house. It was only then I realized that she took the other car to work that day and was still in the office. My heart was racing and I lost the feeling to dress again.
I'm usually the 'taxi service' for my SO, so I have a safe bounded time window to dress. Otherwise I have a cut-off rule of 45 minutes before she is due back.
This is a topic coming up on a regular basis since I’ve joined CDH. Never been a big fan of “DADT” ever since it was invented. I realize the need for it though. I would never have married anyone I thought would be intolerant of such a little thing as crossdressing. Especially when the other half is doing it every day with most of our male apparel and zero repercussions just because society is okay with it. Crossdressing is not wrong, it’s just different.
It occurs to me that if my hobby were taxidermy would it also be a DADT situation? My wife has no interest in hunting, killing or stuffing animals either. Unless one’s version of our pursuit falls farther up the spectrum into wanting to take it beyond clothes, DADT seems like a bad attitude to me. And either way, another conversation will be needed at some point.
My wife is my everything to me. If I can’t confide in her, who can I trust? It’s nothing personal - but if I can trust people here on CDH to tell my secret to, most of whom I will never meet, then I can certainly trust my best friend in life with it. Or I better be able to IMHO.
The other thing that gets my dander up would be the idea of rushing around the house to cover it all up within a specific time frame. 1: I don’t have time for that. And 2: What am I, a teenager again, sneaking cigarettes?
If I were to somehow have gotten into a DADT situation with my crossdressing - my number one goal in life would be to fix it right. No halfway measures like DADT.
GP
@gracepal "Each to their own" Grace. DADT works around here cos that's the way its worked out over the years."She knows but does not want to know"
We've both been on the "Divorce Merri go round" and have had enough stress in our previous marriages. So DADT works this time around, to avoid the above.
Caty.
That is a wise rule to put into practice. I have also noticed that it seems to take no time at all to drag out a bunch of things but that it takes forever to put it all away.
I also deal with ADHD and as such it is easy for me to forget something. To deal with this I made an inventory list that I laminated of all my things and when I take something out I mark it "out" and then mark it "in" when done. It has saved me from accidentally leaving something out by mistake. It only takes one item to unravel your secret!
Hi Darcy,
Thanks for the post
In an ironical twist, I could do something you have done. Right now I'm "missing a black underwire bra and a black bralette that should not have "left my room".
But somehow they have. Or somehow I'm moved them and dont remember where.
Caty.
