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Due to a medical problem that is going to take months to sort out (long term drug test and NHS waiting lists) my heart just isn't in cross dressing at the moment and that is really disappointing.
I have a typical older male problem with a hugely enlarged prostate (no cancer) that has caused me two trips to A&E in five months for acute urinary retention -- not something I recommend -- and at the moment I have a catheter fitted and it is likely to remain there for at least another two months.
I do still dress at home, but not in a full-on way (no makeup, or wig) and my nails are still painted, my ears are still pierced and I wear a perfume every day plus female underwear (not bra though), however due to discomfort, my legs are no longer shaved. My wife suggested going out dressed to take my mind off everything but I just can't get over the fact that there are a few things that could go wrong -- leakage, use of the toilets, I'm sure there are others. The main reason though is that I just can't feel feminine when I am suffering from the most male of male problems, it preys on my mind, it is always there with a little voice saying,
"See, you really are a man and now you have to deal with it."
Hopefully, by the end of September, things will have changed due to the long-term drug I'm taking, but if that fails, it's down to surgery, which might not happen for another year -- unless I go private and use my savings to pay for it with no guarantee that the problem will have gone forever.
For now, I keep popping in here, reading about others doing what I want to do myself and just playing the long waiting game, although at my age, I don't want to wait too long.
If anyone has similar problems and wants advice or just a kindred spirit to talk to, then feel free to contact me. For now though, I shall live my CD life vicariously through your good selves.
Things could aways be worse, I suppose, just sometimes, it doesn't feel like it.
Love and hugs,
Becca
xx
@rebeccabaxter Hi! I'm sorry to read about your prostate problem I had the same and had green laser light treatment. I highly recommend it if you have a choice.
I hope you do not have to wait a year for surgery as it is a really annoying problem; always had to know where the toilets where and did not like to go to events where I was "trapped" in the middle of a row of seats.
The best of British luck! Best, Marlene.
@marleneroberts Having looked at the best laser treatment for a prostate the size of mine, it would appear that Holmium laser treatment is what I would have to have as greenlight laser is for smaller prostates. I can get it done at Taunton, some 90 miles away if I have it done privately, if I wait for the NHS, they will do it at Truro but not for at least a year. Unfortunately I have previous experience of having something that is not considered urgent being attended to under the NHS and that was when I had heart disease aged 43. In the February of that year I was doing paintballing and other strenuous stuff, by May of the same year, I couldn't run to the toilet without suffering chest pains. When I'd had the angiography (I paid for that -- £1000 -- to speed things up) to find out how bad the damage was, I was told by the clinician that a coronary artery was 99% blocked but he thought he could get a balloon in it. I asked him how long it would take to get done on the NHS and he said about four months. Considering how quickly it had come on, I couldn't see me making it to four months before open heart surgery became necessary. I asked him how much it would cost to do privately and he told me to contact his 'other' secretary in Harley Street. It was quite funny, looking back, she said "when do you want it done?". I of course said ASAP and she replied that he couldn't do it Monday (today was a Wednesday) because he was on holiday, would the following Monday do? Who was I to refuse?!
Just over a week later, I was on my back under an x-ray machine while the very same clinician who would have done the procedure on the NHS in four months time, carried out my angioplasty for the princely sum of £8500 (hospital took most of that, I think he got paid £1,200) -- that was in 1997!
In the end, it was money well spent because I am still asymptomatic 27 years later.
I believe I can get the holmium laser treatment for under ten grand all-in which busts a massive hole in what savings I have but hey, they call them life savings and what better use for life savings than to actually save my life.
I love the NHS and hope that our new government can get it back to where it was, not that it will help me in the short term.
Heigh ho, onward and upward.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Good luck! Best, Marlene. PS I was told my prostate was large; don't remember the size now.
@rebeccabaxter Sorry to hear about this. It must be both uncomfortable and very stressful for you. I really hope the drug works and that surgery isn't necessary.
Hugs,
Anna x
Things could aways be worse, I suppose, just sometimes, it doesn't feel like it.
No, Becca, it doesn't because we don't compare how we are now with next week, next month, next year. We compare how we are now with last week, last month, last whenever we felt better.
It is a mark of who you are, and to some extent, who we are, that you freely share this with us and I feel humbled and honoured in equal measure by your honesty and trust.
It sounds like you have equipped yourself with the facts and are making rational decisions about your next steps. That's all any of us can hope to do but it's not easy when faced with the immediate physical "discomfort" [a term used by medical professionals, clearly in no discomfort themselves, to describe a patient's excruciating agony], and also the emotional effects that accompany the condition.
I hope you get some comfort from the messages of support you've had so far and those to come. On a practical note, I hope the drugs kick in sooner than expected and you get some real relief!
Oh, and if you want or need to chat more, or just scream for a bit, feel free to PM me.
Hugs (but not too tightly)
Allie x
@alexina That's a very reassuring reply. In the defence of the doctors and the NHS, when I get to need help on a day-to-day basis they have been quite good, sometimes even the tyrannical receptionists have been helpful. I also cannot fault the district nurses, they have been like angels (so long as it's between 8am and 6pm). I've used NHS 111 a few times and they have been a lot better than I thought they would and managed to get my catheter flushed at 2am in the local hospital rather than having to go to the county hospital A&E and waiting for ten hours.
I feel I can share this here because of the way everyone is towards everyone else. We are all [probably] biological men with all that goes with that but who also have a penchant for being someone of the opposite sex. There is no pointing of fingers, no judgement and TBH, I feel rather wrapped in a blanket on here sometimes; it's a pleasant place to be and I thank each any everyone of you for that, and you should all thank yourselves for how you are and what you have, or will, become.
Becca
xxxx 
@rebeccabaxter Becca, I hope and pray, for whatever that’s worth to you, for a full and speedy recover. Please keep you chin up and as tough as it may be, please keep a positive attitude.
With love and hugs, Jill
@rebeccabaxter I feel for you, Becca. I have been dealing with a slightly larger prostate for decades and am aware of some of what you are dealing. Nothing like what you are facing.
I wonder why a porous stent-like device won't help with some prostate issues.
Just curious: why can't you shave your legs? Where is the pain coming from?
@harriette It's just bending over, squashes the pipe internally and isn't entirely comfortable. I could do it, but it is easier not to, bad enough just trying to wash my feet in the shower 🙂
@rebeccabaxter good luck with your treatment. Perhaps there will be a bright side in that testosterone antagonists are often prescribed as part of treatment for enlarged prostate. Some people even experience breast development !!!
Hang in there, Becca. When medical issues like this happen, it's not easy, but look to the positive ... and make the most of cdh. Wishing you all the best.
Emma xxx
I feel rather wrapped in a blanket on here sometimes; it's a pleasant place to be
What a wonderful expression and great thing to say about CDH. I am so glad for you that this place can give such support in a difficult period. I was really sad for you when I read your post; I do hope the medication brings speedy improvement and that everything works out well for you over the longer term. We are all here and thinking of you.
BIG HUGS, Rebecca xxx
@rebeccabaxter Becca im so very sorry your going thru this. I feel like its going to happen to me sooner or later as well as I was having some of the same issues I started taking a supplement for prostate and Its been helping alot and currently all is well but I expect that to change as I get older only in my 50s now. Its so muggy here even with 5 ac units going I could barely muster the enerty put my heels on. but im getting motivated a bit. will see but Im certainly not going to open the flood gates and let the River flow tonight, just not feeling it. 😉 I sincerely wish you a very speedy recovery. Cheers RC..
@rebeccabaxter Take care Becca. This born again Catholic will remember you in her prayers.
Hang in there, Becca - all things are temporary and we'll be here when you feel back in the swing of things. 🙂
Rebecca,Very sorry to hear of your medical problem.Hang in there,please be patient.You can be a sounding board or a counselor for everybody else on CDH and i KNOW you can do that.You can do that,I KNOW it.Meanwhile it gives you time for more makeup practice. Hugs Michelle Brown. PS,Not that you need it,but a makeup session is always fun.
Every cloud, eh? You are right though, it's not the end of the world yet, it just seems like it sometimes.
x
Becca, I'm so sorry to hear about this. It's such a shame that a uniquely male medical issue should curtail an enjoyable femme life. Hang in there lovely, sending you hugs, fingers firmly crossed that the drugs sort the issue effectively and in the least time, meanwhile we'll be thinking of you 🤗
Fiona xxx
Oh Becca, I'm so sorry to hear of your problems. Hang in there hun and know that all the girls here will be thinking of you xx.
How awful for you Becca and share the others thoughts for a good conclusion.
It always seems odd that the same consultants/surgeons are the ones that will do the same Ops in an NHS hospital. I often think that if you choose to go private that you pay halfas it will get you off the waiting list and cost less for both, or is that too simple?
Any ways Becca you stick around and let us know how you are progressing.
@ab123 You would think that wouldn't you, go halves, it's a win-win. It's worth asking though, good suggestion, I'll try that.
But it's like medical insurance. After I'd had my heart op years ago, I contacted BUPA to see about health insurance for other conditions but they said they wouldn't cover my heart. I said that it was the coronary arteries and the rest of the heart is fine. They said, no, we won't cover anything to do with your heart. I followed up with: well, since a quarter of all deaths are caused by heart disease and you aren't covering the heart then do I get my cover for three quarters of the price. The answer was unsurprisingly 'no'. BUPA is probably great if you are 18 years old, non-smoker, non-drinker, aren't gay, don't take part in dangerous sports, I'll bet cover is really cheap. But then it would be, the likelihood of that person getting ill in the next twenty years is almost negligible and by the time they are ill, the premiums will be so high, you might as well have saved them up and paid for anything yourself.
We used to have pet insurance for our dog and he needed long-term thyroid medicine. The insurance company paid up, less an excess, then put the premium and the excess up every year after that such that in the end, we were paying them to take our money and move it to the vet while taking a cut for themselves. Ever since, we have just saved a bit every month in a dog account and if we need it it's there, if we never do, we still have it -- and since that date, we have never needed it. Any small bills we've just paid for. Pet insurance is good for accidents but pretty useless for anything long-term.
@rebeccabaxter I understand everything you say. The companies are owned by large groups and profit is the game. I noted you said the hospital take a big cut - that is the company and saw that when I had a procedure done at my own cost last year. I doubt if you would get 50/50 but worth asking and perhaps your M.P. although the new boss on high says he has faith in, and will only use the N.H.S. but then he'd get preferential treatment anyway, unlike us minions. It would seem a plan to follow as more would go private and take the load off the NHS.
I have a neighbour who is in pain and now is disabled because of a hip, she's been waiting ages for a replacement. If she were to fall and break it she'd get one the next day as happened to my mum.
I would advise a healthy youngster to put money in a pot and save it for old age as opposed to insurance that will increase year on year.
I have been on the list for the GRC clinic for two years now and anticipate at least four more years of waiting. I understand I am not urgent but once it was a two year wait.
Maybe I'll get a good win on the lottery....
I wish you the speediest recovery, Rebecca.
Gisela
Becca -
Sorry to hear about your health issue. I hope the medication they are giving you offers some relief. I also have an enlarged prostate and take medication for it, which seems to help some. As a result I do need to wear pads due to urgency and leakage. It can be a pain but, as silly as it may sound, it adds to my feeling if femininity having to wear a pad. I try to look at the positive side which is this case is I am able to carry a purse so I have an extra pad with me just in case. It is more of a man bag that I carry now but did just get a black sling bag at the thrift store that will carry what I usually have in my pockets. Restroom access is also an important issue for me due to the urgency. Having had a catheter before I understand the discomfort. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
XOXO
Suzanne
