Child question

Well  Paula, reading this I take it your wife knows. Obviously there comes a time when all children  notice things as they grow. Obviously your nails are a topic between your daughter and her friend. There is no right time to tell her, but I would advise maybe both parents have that talk with her together. No one can predict the out come of how they are going to take it, and indeed if they will keep it a secret from friends. But if she knows that both parents are fine with it, embrace and love each other, then that a great starting point. Good luck Amanda xx

I don't claim to be an expert, but in trying to decide if and when to tell my kids I did some research and found this academic paper:

https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/5164398.pdf

The short version is: tell them while they are young and accepting. Adolescence is hard, and if they 'discover' on their own it makes it harder. I communicated with the author and she advised that if you're telling your kids out of love and not fear, you should be fine.

Full disclosure, I haven't told mine yet, but am planning to soonish.

Hi Paula My wife and I care for our three teen age grandchildren. All boys. I am of the belief that what happened to me happened before my birth. One of the reasons I stopped any further transition is because of them. My clothing is very much androgynous I try to keep it that way. I do not wear any make up when they are around. They do see me do all the shopping, most of the cooking, Some times they will make comments on my feminine hand gestures but to my delight they are all boys in every way . I do not want them to deal with what  a lot of us had to deal with our whole lives. I make no comment on their choice of clothes. I just let them choose what makes them feel good about them selves. I do expose them to alternative life styles when we take holidays. They are just doing fine. We just came back from a wonderful place i just love to visit. Its a very LGBTQ friendly little town and we we all sitting outside having lunch and a very cute couple walked by our table. One of them was obviously a male and the other looked like was very cute girl dressed in a pretty out fit. One of the boys mentioned he thought the girl looked like a lesbian. The older boy just said no that is a trans woman and the conversation just went on to some thing else. These children know and understand more than you think. The most important thing for us as parents is to show how much they are loved and they will be supported. They will choose what is best for them. Forcing them to be something they are not will not work out for them in the long run. I am proof of that for sure.

Luv Stephanie

Hi Paula, Ive got no children but have come out as trans to my little brother and adopted little brother and 2 nieces. Not of them have any issues and were all extremely none-chalant (i think i spelt it right), when me and my family told them. They're 14/11/11.

Love Trish

I only very recently came out to myself and my wife. At about the same time I told my daughter, who was 23 at the time. I have said before that I suspect that she had already guessed/suspected before I said anything. But she took it well.
You didn’t say how old you child is but I think either tell them when they are young or wait until they are grownup. But since you did say the topic has come up around your nails it sounds like the best time to at least start the conversation. Explain that what is happening isn’t going to change how you feel about them in any way!

Well my two cents,

Leslie 💕

Paula,

The fact that she brought up the long nails to you, kind of tells me that she is curious and wants to know more. I don't know her age, but kids are much more open minded about all things LGBTQ+ now than when I was growing up. And, if she wears a pride pin and has non-binary friends, yeah, I think I'd tell her.

I am not out to all of my kids yet, but did, after months of building up my courage, tell one of my teens a while back. The reaction somewhat surprised me. They simply replied, "Oh, so you're non-binary? Ok." It wasn't a big deal at all, not like it would have been to tell an adult who has had years of conditioned bias by society.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Birel

up date for everyone.  My Daughter is 21, and and engineering student.  She has been home due to Covid for over a year.  This has caused me to hid my dressing.  In the past when our daughter had a secret we did not want to get out, she would take the opportunity at family dinner to share  inappropriate things.  like finding adult toys in her moms dresser.

So I am worried that she will think she needs to tell everyone that I am a CD.

I am working up the courage to tell her.

Paula

Ah, yeah, if you don't have that level of trust, that's a little harder decision. I don't know if it would make any difference to have a heart to heart talk with her about how this is a private part of you and its really important to keep it private for now? I guess if you do tell her, you have to hope for the best, but be prepared for the possibility that she may spill the beans.

I know, this reply was really no help...

Birel

when I restarted my dressing a few years ago My only fear was my twin granddaughters finding out...well fears have away of finding you when you least expect it...one of the twins caught me in a Walmart...I would not have been surprised if they had disowned me...but just the opposite happened...when Ash caught me the first thing she did was snap a pic and send it to her sister...and then she said she would help me learn how to do makeup right...that was short lived offer, she couldn’t stop laughing...then they told all of their friends...their friends wanted to start hanging with them when they came to see me...it was a blast and then they moved away...btw, they were 18 when I was discovered...I am more than delighted that I got caught, it made so many things final for me...now I am a full time dresser in the process of completely rebranding my self and image

If she asks, then definitely. But ultimately that's a question for you alone to answer. When you're ready, you'll tell her.