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Hi Everyone,
As I've been spending more time as Michelle, I feel a greater need to come out to my mother and have her meet Michelle. Although she has no idea, she has been so instrumental in my journey to this point. From the time I was young I watched how she walked, moved, carried herself, dressed etc. I learned my earliest sense of style from her and even through I don't dress like her any more I still see the way she influenced me. Most importantly I've worn almost every piece of her clothing, so I feel like we have this strange bond. I want her to know the true me and help me be Michelle more fully.
... But I don't know if she would handle it well.
So I'm stuck 🙁
If this is really important to you then I’d say come out to her. She might react bad at first but will probably come around. After all family is family
Based on your replies, it seems like you don't depend on her for food or shelter. As others have mentioned, there is a chance that she knows about you wearing her clothes.
Just be aware that there is a risk that either she or other members of your family might cut you out of their lives. We all hope that family is there to support us unconditionally, but the evidence points differently, specially when strong "religious" or political influences are present.
Good luck!
Like Ellie I did come out to my mother, she was the first I told.
Like you I had dressed in her clothes and my sisters in secret. However my mum like dtheatre and was a dancer when she was younger so it was not rare to be dressed as a girl for fun events and even a bit of dressing in play.
There was that trepidation about telling her and times when courage drained at the point of talking about it. Finally the deed was done and she accepted it with the words'It doesn't do any one any harm'. She was a good supporter and was the first person I went out dressed with and it went onto me coming out more.
Of course, as others have said, you know her best and I also wonder if she knew but remained quiet. Surprisingly my mother said that she never knew I dressed in secret, no matter how many times asked over the years.
It will only gnaw at you if you don't say something so I wish you well and let us know the outcome.
You have gotten some very good advice from some very knowledgeable and experienced trans ladies above but ultimately it's you who has to weigh all the options and make the decision. Just realize that it goes well most times when telling our mothers but it's not 100%. There have been a few occasions where it hasn't gone well and you have to be ready to deal with that if it happens with your mother. If you and your mother have a close, loving relationship, then you will probably be fine. And, if you two are close and loving, then one way to proceed may be you choosing the path that's best for her. You know her best.
If you're not 100% sure what to do then just wait. At some point in the future you'll decide exactly how to proceed. Being confident about it yourself will help your mom see how strongly you feel about presenting as a woman.
I wish you well whatever you decide.
Michelle I have a couple questions. As CITC noted above, are you living with her or dependent upon her? And firstly - ask yourself will both your and her relationship with each other be improved by you announcing this? After all, it should be win/win. If not, I probably wouldn’t.
However if you do proceed why not explore a conversation of - “Mom, have you noticed anything unusual around here with you and me?” For all you know the answer might be - “Like you borrowing my clothes without asking?” Then it’s smooth sailing Mishy 🥰
I never told my mother, and don't regret it either. There was never a need for her to know, and in her last few years she started having memory issues.
I think she would have been accepting. The problem is she would have at least told a brother who still lived with her, and possibly others. Then it would have gotten around to my other siblings.
So one thing you have to think about is, will she keep the secret or spread it around? This can be a concern if you are a part-time crossdresser and not trying to go full time.
I wish I had the opportunity to tell my mom, as we were very close. It does depend on your relationship with her and how you think she might react. If she is very religious and she lets you know her feelings about the LGBTQ community then that might help. Maybe a conversation about crossdressing or genders in general and work your way into the conversation. I told my wife that I liked to wear women’s silky underwear and pantyhose, then progressed from there. My mom passed away over 20 years ago but I believe she would have accepted me. I wish I had someone close like that who I could dress with and get makeup help with. Anyhow, best of luck and let us know how it goes if you decide to tell her. After all, it’s only clothing, right? Hugs, Traci